Losers
by Hack.Drawer
Summary: Law lives in his parents' basement; after the car accident that ruined his life, he is just trying to get through yet another day without having another panic attack. His family hates him, his gay neighbor next door uses him, his younger cousin is trouble - he just wants his girlfriend to come back. But then he's ordered to feed the unicorn...
1. Prologue

**A/N: **The Girlfriend will remain nameless – she's just an OC.

**Prologue**

* * *

At twenty one, Trafalgar Law had it all - the scholarship, the Girl of his dreams and a guarantee he was going to follow in his father's footsteps. An eager to learn scholar, he'd succeeded throughout his early school years and kept a detailed to-do list. He was immaculate and clean, and did his best to avoid the troubles his peers were often bit by. He was assertive and respectful; a young and quiet alpha male that made the girls look twice and respect at the same time. He wasn't rambunctious and wasn't aspired by the adventurous opportunities that often presented themselves in front of him; he just wasn't interested in that type of social scene.

Clean shaven, the tall man dressed well for his stereotype and presented himself with a clear ambition towards his goals. His little sister, Lamie, looked up to him with clear devotion, sure to follow in his footsteps. A day earlier, he'd just signed a lease to an apartment he was going to share with his girlfriend - he'd scored a lucky part time job that worked with his medical school hours, with his parents helping out with other payments...his path was righteous.

But that all changed on one, warm spring day.

He was humming along to the Lumineers', checking his reflection in the rear view mirror. His hair was cut short all around, neat and plain. He wore his collars prim and high, his shirts neatly tucked into his belted waistband. He wore a light jacket over that. The phone rang over the Bluetooth and he saw that it was his Girlfriend - he tapped the screen with a smile blazing over his face because he couldn't wait to begin their life together. He really did have it all, and he knew it.

He checked the rearview mirror again - with it being nice weather, everyone was driving with their windows down. There was a younger man to his right with his car blasting Logic and Law had trouble hearing her voice over the spitfire verses leaving that car's speakers.

"Hi," she said briskly. He imagined her walking with the same type of no nonsense, iPhone to her ear and one hand clutching her purse straps to her shoulder. She had the same ambitions at Law, and was just as well tuned to her goals – not interested in any other social scene but the ones that made sense. Both of them were a great team together. His mother loved her and his father often turned into a stuttering mess in her presence. Lamie adored her - they went to the same nail salon sometimes, Law waiting patiently for them in the uncomfortable chairs against the window; adoring them both.

"I'm on my way," Law said, wincing slightly under Logic's use of words and subjects. Glancing over with disapproval, Law noticed the man - _high school_, this kid was young enough to have an acne problem - lighting up a questionable cigarette. Sure enough, he held his breath and exhaled a mighty cloud at his own reflection in the rear view mirror. Then hastily smoothed licked fingertips at his severely cut hair style with the three lines curling away from his ear. Both of which had gauges that looked dangerous. Law could imagine the bill for the surgery to correct that when the guy got older. "I just had to make a quick stop at the hardware store."

"I called to let you know that I'll be done within another two hours. I have to finish up my labs, and I lost track of time, I need - _at least_ two more hours. Do you think you can come get me around five?"

Law was disappointed with the setback, but he shrugged. He figured he'd browse at the book store down the street while he waited for her. Maybe surprise her with Starbucks. "Sure, no problem. We can pick up dinner after."

"Okay, that sounds great! I gotta go! Love you!" she chirped before hanging up. Law barely had a chance to reply when the kid's music was interrupted by a loud ring of his own Bluetooth connection.

Law was relieved as that music ceased, the turn lane moving first at his left. _Worst intersection here in town_, he thought with annoyance, watching the line slowly move to the left. _The slowest lights I've ever known_…

"Hi baby!"

"Hi!" Law instantly replied, then he realized that his Girlfriend's voice wasn't coming from his car speakers. He checked the dash and saw that the Lumineers were still playing. Startled and embarrassed by his action, he glanced about to make sure he wasn't heard by anyone else with an open window. Then he realized the kid in the next car was talking excitedly to the woman over his Bluetooth speakers. Law was frozen because he'd _just_ talked to her. He had literally just hung up and she was talking to the miscreant next to him in the same type of voice she used to talk to him when she was upbeat.

Blinking, he glanced over, sure it was a mistake.

"I'm all done here, come pick me up! I'll meet you over by the stairs - just have me back here by five, my ride will be picking me up right after," she continued, still in that brisk voice of hers.

"Awesome! I'll be right over, sexy!" the kid next to Law said cheerily, examining his reflection again. The kid was too young to know what 'sexy' was, Law was sure of it. "We'll get us some Starbucks and hit Target to find you some cool new apartment things...I'll let you share them with your real man..."

"You're so _sweet_! But that's horrible, don't talk like that! We're just friends, we're not doing anything wrong..."

"You just called me 'baby'!"

"It feels more appropriate with you - I can't even call him by any nicknames, he's so frigid. He corrects me sometimes when I accidentally - anyway, just get here! No funny business, _we're just friends_."

"Yeah, if friends means finishing up where he leaves off, haha…I guess that's what friends do, we pick up the pieces," the kid laughed, fixing his hair once more. "I'll be your _friend_, baby!"

"I just want to have some fun before I can't, anymore. He never wants to do things that I want to do, I just…I'm _tired_ of going by the book. Anyway, no jokes about it. Just get here."

Laws heart was beating at a million miles per hour - face frozen with shock. His blood pumped with hard moving action, making it difficult to hear anything else. His face felt like it was an ice block and yet as hot as lava at the same time. Once the light turned green, the kid gassed forward and made an illegal change of lane in front of him, and multiple horns sounded out as Law continued to sit there.

He did not doubt that voice - it was _her_, he knew her voice well. There was no mistaking the intonation and hurried wisps of her breath as she spoke and walked at the same time. The thing was that this was happening - _this had happened_.

Horns sounded out again, and Law gassed forward. With his throat tight, he needed to see this. He needed to see for himself the scene that was to happen. So focused was he on the building blocks of learning the truth that he did not see the truck barreling through the intersection until it t-boned him.


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One**

* * *

Law watched Eustess Kidd fill his lawnmower with a special mixture of gas outside his garage, metal busting out his speakers. His younger neighbor was dressed in a tee with the sleeves cut off and some ripped jeans and black sneakers, yet had taken the time to tie a bandanna around his head like some 80's hair band prop. Occasionally, Kidd would straighten up to add his own air guitar riff to the verse squealing through the air, looking like a freak as he did so. His red hair was near mullet style, so he'd swing that around when he could. Law was both fascinated and repulsed at the same time just watching him from his front porch. It was an early Saturday, so the whole neighborhood was cutting their lawn at the same time. The air rumbled with the sound of multiple lawn mowers in motion, the smell of freshly cut grass thick and sweet in the air.

His father had reminded him all day yesterday that it was his turn to do it, and had woken Law up just minutes earlier to get his ass up and out there. Law was still in his pjs, his hair wild around his face and a thick ski sweater on over a stained tank. He was unshaven and his eye bags were horrendous. He smelled like hemp and sleep, and could taste last night's dinner left behind on his teeth. His bare toes were gripping the front steps. He yawned noisily, knocking over his energy drink as he leaned side to side to pop his back. It caught Kidd's attention, the redhead looking over with a start.

"_Trafalgar_! Well lookit here - _he lives_!" he cackled noisily, gesturing at Law with approval. He raised his surprisingly well endowed arms up in a Frankenstein gesture. "You look like something that just crawled out their parents' basement!"

He laughed snidely, amused at his own joke.

Law frowned at him, hugging his bony knees. It was too much effort to think of a catty retort so he flipped him off. Kidd returned it with both hands, followed by a loud suck-it gesture. Law rose from the step, looking at the lawnmower that his father had rolled out before waking him up. He'd then left it near the front gate, muttering about how filthy Law allowed himself to be as he'd left the basement. Law looked it over and reached down to yank the cord, the lawnmower roaring to life. He winced but noticed Kidd scrambling to cap the tank and start his. Looking over, Law watched the other man glare at him - revving the machine. Law looked at his, but couldn't imagine revving a lawnmower engine. Kidd was cutting grass with a determination that seemed pointless; glancing over every so often to see if Law was doing his yard. Law pushed the machine onto the lawn then realized he wasn't wearing shoes. He killed the gas, grabbed his energy drink and headed around the garage to the door located at the back of the house.

He headed down the basement stairs and scanned the large area for any sign of his shoes.

His life was a mess.

The car accident – a drunk driver fleeing the cops - had totaled the car. Law received only nicks and scratches, walking nearly unscathed from the scene; it was a miracle. But things collapsed from there. He developed a severe anxiety from it - cars filled him with utter dread and it wasn't the accident's fault; it was losing his Girlfriend to a _high schooler_. Who wanted to live her life outside the book they'd planned on creating together. She'd visited him at home later that day, wondering why he wasn't picking up the phone.

Then broke up with him when he had a panic attack during the drive to her house.

A lot of things happened since then. He lost his scholarship, he lost his ambition, he discovered that prescription pills didn't do anything to slow his anxiety but weed did; he lost his lease, fell into debt because of it, gained twenty pounds, and became less of the light of his family's eye and became that annoying eye lash trapped in the recesses they couldn't reach.

Moving back home had been difficult – his parents _tried_, and Lamie lost her patience. He slept during the day and was awake at night. Because of his breakup, he'd avoided public places to avoid running into her, and developed an anxiety because of that. He rarely left the house, but he could walk up the street to the fast food areas and order clumsily to feed the emptiness. He found it difficult to speak, but when he did, he just never had anything nice to say. It felt like everything he'd held in for the sake of propriety was pent up and overflowing, and needed this release.

But he still had feelings for her. _Damn_ those feelings, they lingered like a gas that wouldn't lift from his clothes no matter what he did.

The basement was once his mother's favorite place to retreat to – there was a television atop of the extra freezer, a brilliant combination of washer and dryer with organized shelves upon one wall and extra storage space for the things she needed for the household. Canned foods, reuseable grocery bags…the rest of the area was a twin sized bed his feet hung off of, loosely packed tubs of his things and a floor he rarely saw because it was covered with books, newspapers, clothes, fast food wrappers, cans and full ashtrays. The television was only showing static after the Friends marathon he was partaking in for the past twelve weeks. He watched each disk three to four times, always remembering at the end that he'd already seen it.

Yawning again, he lightly kicked aside some trash from the floor, wondering when he'd last worn his shoes. He set aside his can on top of a shelf and fell onto the messy bed, the mattress top gleaming up at him while the fitted dinosaur sheet – his when he was a kid – tangled with the zebra print throw blanket and last night's cookie demolition. There was even a full can of soda hiding in there. It banged against his nose as he laid there, scanning the floor with heavy lidded eyes.

He must've fell asleep because the basement door from the kitchen banged open and his dad's heavy footfalls caused him to jolt. Law looked at the clock nearby – he'd slept for at least two hours.

"Law," Larry said with a sigh, swiping a hand through his hair as he looked around the clutter with a sort of panicked expression. Law wiped drool from his mouth and sat up sluggishly – his back ached, so he reached back and rubbed it with a frown. "I asked you to do one thing this morning. What happened?"

Exhaling lightly, Law observed the same clutter from his line of vision. He shrugged. "I guess I didn't want to do it. Thinking about how I'd have to do the same thing next week was just tiresome – it's a pointless chore."

"It's a _chore_, and it's what adults do," Larry said firmly, looking at him. He winced. "Son…Lamie was looking for her cookies. You have anything to say about it?"

"Yeah. They weren't the diet cookies that she thought they were. I got rid of them for her."

"Law, _please_."

"Just tell her her school uniform has been a little too tight for her lately, and big brother stepped in for her."

Larry sighed noisily as Law rubbed at one eye. "Are you going to look for a job this week? Have you filled out those applications like I'd asked?"

"I'm not working at those places. I'm an old man. I'm overqualified, I'd be stealing from the hands of hard working teenagers, and I couldn't let that guilt settle in. They've got their own children to provide for, families to support."

"They're _jobs_, and they're accepting all persons from all walks of life, Law. That sounds like a flimsy excuse."

"I'd rather support them with my continued services, not work for them. It's demeaning for a man like me, pops. I'm a _man_."

Larry stared at him in silence, then asked, "What happened to you, Law? You used to be so…"

"Head trauma from the car accident. Knocked some sense into me. I've been living my life by the book and haven't had the chance to actually live."

Larry gestured at his room with an incredulous expression. "Do you call _this_ living? _How_ is this living?'

Law exhaled again, looking at everything with wide-eyed shock. "When did this happen? I was just here, were we burglarized? They didn't find my stash, did they…?"

Larry frowned at him as Law leaned over and looked underneath his bed. Law made a sound of victory as he pulled out a few magazines from the grocery store – of homey women smiling big over meals and clean kitchens. He gave a relieved smile, showing them off to his exasperated father.

"_Awesome_. My porn stash is still here. The covers are still wet - "

"This cannot continue, Law," Larry interrupted him, slicing a hand through the air. He snatched the magazines away, then held them with two fingers. "You cannot keep living like this. You are twenty four years old, that car accident happened years ago – you cannot keep yourself in this place, wasting your life away because something unfortunate happen! You need to get back on your feet and get back out there, son!"

"I can't." Law set aside the magazines, folding his hands atop of his lap. He gave Larry a pleading look. "Didn't you hear? There are _people_ out there."

"_Law_!"

"These are dangerous times, what with all the climate change and advancement of technology – if I remain here, I'm safe."

"Now you're just deliberately making me angry, hoping I'll leave you alone. Get out there, mow that lawn, and unload the dishwasher. Those are easy things to do."

"How do I unload my own mother?"

Larry glared at him, then whirled away, stomping back up the stairs. Law cringed at the sound of the slamming door. But he pulled at his ski sweater, feeling exhausted from the conversation. He reached underneath his bed once more, finding the tin box that was always within reach. It was supposed to hold Pokemon trading cards, but it hid something more valuable than that. He lit one, spying his shoes underneath some books. Getting up, he stuffed his feet into them, then clomped up the stairs to the back yard.

The sunlight made him wince, recoiling away from the bright sun with a hiss. The sounds of the neighborhood was incredibly carefree – children laughing from two yards away, someone's sound system at full blast with a blockbuster playing, a couple of lawn mowers moving, people swimming in a pool, dogs barking and cats meowing from windows. Birds fluttered from tree to tree, and the air was thick with spring blooming flowers and freshly cut grass.

He stumbled just standing there.

"Look at you! Isn't it a little too early for vampires to emerge from their coffins?"

Law scowled, working his jaw at the cheery voice coming from next door. Sure enough, his neighbor was perched up on his second floor deck, watering his potted flowers with a duck and sunflower watering can. He was dressed for his restaurant job, so every part of him was clean cut and sharp. Sanji was the second sun, and a dull thorn to his urethra.

"My dad made me do it," he muttered.

"Your dad makes you do a lot of things, huh?" Sanji returned with a sympathetic look.

"Enough, I have a migraine."

"Ugh, look at you – you're so sloppy it hurts. It's like you deliberately miss garbage day so those guys can toss you into the back of their truck. Self-preservation, eh?"

Law glared up at him, shielding his eyes to do it. Sanji leaned against the railing to grin down at him, cigarette caught in his own mouth. Law couldn't look at him anymore. Sanji hurt his ears and his eyes.

"When you're done mowing the lawn, I have a few tasks for you to complete. I'm assuming you used your allowance to buy last night's Taco Bell, right?"

"I'm not doing anything for you. I got my own family to take care of. Look at this place. I'll be busy for…months…" Law scanned the backyard – the gazebo with all his mother's treasured flowers in matching pots, the blooming fruit trees, the sturdy pines that stretched towards the sky. Birds meandered from limb to limb, soaring over full nests. A cat watched him from the other neighbor's yard, bushy tail flicking as hooded eyes turned lazy.

"Yes, you're carrying every member of your family on your slouchy shoulders. I saw Lamie leaving earlier with a boy – was that her boyfriend?"

Law looked annoyed, removing the joint from his mouth at the topic. His sister was old enough to have a boyfriend, but it was apparent she was ignoring all of her older brother's warnings.

Sanji lifted his visible eyebrow. "You didn't know? _Wow_. You both live in the same shitty house and everything. I bet you had no idea what happened to her cookies, did you?"

Law gave him a puzzled look. Larry wasn't the type of man that shouted, so how did Sanji know about that? "It's my own parents fault for failing their jobs. I'll be so unhappy if there's a baby in the house. I'm the only baby they should be feeding and napping."

"Kidd finished mowing the lawn," Sanji said, straightening away from the railing to resume watering his marigolds and day lilies. "He's now working on his motorcycle. Checking your house every few minutes to see where you're at. Apparently, you had a date you missed."

"This neighborhood is full of overachievers…I truly wish for a Purge…"

"My job requires me to work at least ten hours on my feet. Meanwhile, I've got those tasks. So if you want that anus burning tonight…" Sanji snapped his fingers twice, then walked back through the sliding glass door. Law rolled his eyes, then looked at his joint. He carefully put it out on the edge of a flowerbox, mashing the ashes into the wood.

"I'm not your slave," Law muttered bitterly, slipping what was left of his mood changer into his picket. "Ordering me around like I give a flying fuck. I've got my own shit to do around here. I'm over loaded as it is."

He meandered back to the lawnmower still sitting in front, waiting for him. He stared down at it with bitterness, then reached for the pull cord.

"Where'd you go, Trafalgar?" Kidd shouted from across the street. "Your mommy cook you breakfast, and you had to sleep it off?"

Law straightened up to glare at him. "I'm not shouting back at you," he said, causing Kidd to squint before cupping an ear in his direction. "Eat my dirty, unwashed ass, you ass."

"What was that?"

Law waved at him with fake cheer, Kidd looking puzzled. He reached out to turn down his music.

"I finished mowing in five point two seconds, today," Kidd then announced, wiping his hands on his ripped jeans. "And my yard's a little bigger than yours. So, what you got?"

"I can probably do a quarter in twice that," Law figured, overlooking the rock garden in the right corner and the smaller flower trees the picket fence was constructed around. The flower beds and immaculate grass rows promised him some precision trouble. He leaned against the lawnmower, exhaling shortly.

"Damn, you really let yourself go," Kidd continued, wincing. "Oh, you ever find out what happened with Lamie's cookies?"

Law glanced over at him with bewilderment, straightening up from the lawnmower. "How does everyone on this street know about her damn cookies?"

"I heard it from the mailman. Y'know? Bart?"

"Mailmen have names…?"

Kidd shook at a finger at him with warning. "Better watch that one. Lamie's getting pretty. I bet he's got piercings in places us men don't want to know about."

Law pictured his little sister – pigtails, round face, glutton for sugar. When was the last time he'd seen her? She was always in bed by the time he came back with his food. Maybe he should text her. Tag her in memes – _something_.

"Weren't you supposed to be a doctor?"

Law frowned at him once more, then looked down at the lawnmower. He reached for the pull cord and noticed he exhaled with a heavy grunt. In that stooped position, he patted his stomach then straightened once more with a wince.

Definitely not diet cookies.

He noticed his parents' cars in the driveway, along with Lamie's moped – the flowered helmet with butterflies on it. It was pink and custom painted, with a wire basket in front. As he was looking at that, a heavy duty truck pulled up to Sanji's driveway. Law froze, not hearing Kidd as he continued to speak.

From the driver's seat emerged a giant of a man. Wearing all black, with brilliant magenta hair cropped short around the skull. Sanji had funky looking brothers, but this one wasn't one of them. He was surely from a biker gang, wearing leather with an open vest that had some gang affiliation on the back. Probably hung out at biker bars and beat on old people for their social security debit cards and stole off with helpless women from bus stops. Law wasn't sure. He stared with apprehension because the man was so tall – all muscle and menacing, with eyes that seemed to look through everything with some type of x-ray vision.

He killed the engine to the truck, looking at Law with mild consideration. His eyes only narrowed at the sight of Law before he shut the door and disappeared around the hedges. Law listened to his heavy boots clomp up the front walkway, Sanji's doorbell ringing moments later.

"Don't come up to my door like you belong here! What the hell are you doing here, anyway? I don't need a damn ride, like I'd let some idiot drive me around like I'm helpless and stupid! I've got my own car, my own shit – stop coming around here like you belong here!" Law heard Sanji snap once the door opened, and Law tried not to make it obvious but he saw the younger man stride out of his house and stomp towards his own car – a Cadillac that should have been in the hands of an old man – ignoring the bigger one that looked after him with exasperation. But the truck blocked the Cadillac in, and Sanji couldn't go anywhere anyway.

Law tried not to get invested with his neighbors, but this one was mildly fascinating to him. Sanji cursed noisily, but made his way to the passenger side of the truck while the other man climbed into the driver's seat. He was still cursing up a storm once the doors closed, and the truck backed out of the driveway and drove on down the street with a rumble of its engine.

"Law!"

He turned at the sound of his name, given with such exasperation. His mother stood there on the front walkway, arms crossed tightly over her chest. She looked at him before gesturing at the lawnmower.

"Your father gave you a task to complete," Patty said with annoyance. "Is it that hard to mow the damn lawn?"

"I don't see any of you guys doing it," Law said in return. "So it must be."

"You are asked to do a few things around the house, and none of it is difficult to do! They're things children can complete, and you're not a child! Why do you expect to be treated like one?" Patty then winced, waving at the air around her face. "Have you been smoking weed in our house again?"

"No. Just the basement. I need it. For my anxiety."

"You don't _have_ anxiety!" Patty said with a vexed expression. "You don't even have a prescription for that stuff – there's no need for you to do that! Your father was right – what is _wrong_ with you?"

"Mowing the lawn is a dangerous task. What if I run over a rock and it ricochets off the house and kills me? What if I run over a family of bunnies? What if my foot gets caught in the rotor? It's not an easy task. There's plenty to think about."

Patty stared at him in silence, then shook her head. "I'm tired of this, Law. You're an adult. You're a capable adult, quite able to take care of yourself, and yet you don't. You choose to live like this! _Why_? I don't understand, _why_?"

"My eyes are open, mother. I no longer want to live by the book."

"What does that mean? Ugh, when was the last time you took a shower?"

"Tuesday. No, Thursday…"

"Did you take Lamie's cookies?"

"What is this obsession with her cookies? Were they made of gold?"

"Never mind, I see you did," Patty then said, gesturing at his face. "Why don't you go jogging? Take a long walk around the block a few times? Do _something_ – it'll make you feel better. Get some sunshine, drink some water – I bet you pee pure brown from all those disgusting energy drinks you've been ingesting. I'm surprised you're not shooting up with it."

"Patty, I'd _die_."

"_Don't call me that_ \- !" Patty's face reddened before her hands settled to her hips. "Just do the lawn. Take a shower. You can do that, can't you? Bart dropped off the mail, you have something in it. It's in the kitchen."

"Did you look at it first? What if it's a letter bomb?"

Patty rolled her eyes as she turned and walked back to the house, slamming the door shut behind her. Law exhaled low, glancing around to see if anyone had heard the confrontation. Kidd was busy grunting over his motorcycle, and there was a father teaching his kid how to ride a bike. There was another man busy constructing new flower boxes for a pretty wife, who waved at him cheerfully.

Law flipped her off, and she looked startled. Her husband turned to see why she looked upset, so Law flipped him off, too. Both of them looked at him as if they hadn't seen him before, wearing expressions that clearly wondered what he was doing in this neighborhood.

Sometimes, Law wondered what he was doing here, too.


	3. Chapter Two

**Naghi-****tan:**Same! I feel the same way - it's difficult to do the same things I used to bc crowds are too much for me. My whole attitude changes and it's so unpleasant D: but it's something to explore in this fic. It'll get insane soon. :P

**Mazout**: idk what muse contributed but this story is based on a dream I had over the weekend XD Law is absolutely an ass and I feel for his whole family. It'll be quite a trip to restore his confidence and personality but not without starting a few wildfires. There will be a bunch of losers in this fic but it'll depend on what/why they're losers. But it'll also have unicorns and, later, stranger things. :D I woke up before it ended so that's going to be interesting to figure out along the way.

**A/N**: this is a spur of the moment story - im just getting it started :D

**Chapter Two**

* * *

Lamie looked at her older brother with impatience. When the car accident happened and things started to fall apart with him, Law had been shell-shocked. He received no substantial injuries from the accident, but the resulting actions after had been a rough tumble down a steep hill. At first, Lamie was very supportive – she checked in with him every day, was there when he expressed his shock and anger over rising debts, and cooked and cleaned for him when he struggled to get it together. She was miserable when he experienced his first panic attack in the car he was driving and nearly wrecked that vehicle; she hurt when he ventured out into the grocery store he'd always visited and nearly had a breakdown the moment he stepped into the produce section. It had seemed so damn _sad_ that her older brother had collapsed like this.

Then he moved back home, and turned into a slug. He slept all day, ate all the snacks, and talked dismissively to everyone. He insulted and degraded them with sarcasm and biting words – he let himself go. He smelled like the swamp. Too scared to go outside, too caught up in his next hit, causing trouble with the neighbors – Lamie thought his brain broke because the Girlfriend left him for a younger man that was so completely opposite of Law that it was cruel of the Girlfriend for even existing in the first place.

She was upset about that – she thought things were absolutely great between them. She and the Girlfriend got along so well; they got their nails done, went shopping, giggled about Law's accomplishments. But to find out she was _cheating_ on Lamie's older brother with a boy Lamie knew from school – it was awful. Lamie never felt so inclined to violence, before. She didn't understand and the Girlfriend pretended Lamie didn't exist when Lamie reached out to her. The boy broke up with the Girlfriend shortly after and was in different relationships with various freshmen, now.

But her brother changed. His personality so foul that Lamie couldn't find her sympathy, anymore.

It wasn't like Law was actively seeking sympathy or anything of that matter – it just seemed like he hated everyone and everything from the very beginning, and the car accident just happened to release that personality out from its confines.

So when she caught him in the kitchen eating the cookies Patty had bought to replace the ones Law had already ate, Lamie's temper snapped.

"You are _fat_!" she growled, snatching what was left of the package from her brother's hands. He smelled like freshly cut grass and weed – she absolutely hated that drug. It was legal in their state, and all the potheads in the area were celebrating. Law claimed it helped with his anxiety – Lamie thought that he was just lazy and _weak_. "Stop eating my stuff, Law!"

"Little sister," Law replied, looking at her patiently with cookie crumbles in his bushy chin pubes and faint mustache, "Patty and Larry have never wanted to bring it up to you, but you are looking thick in the middle. I'm doing all I can to prevent your ass from getting any bigger than it is."

"Stop talking like that!"

"It's a woman's world, it's their time to shine. But they get careless over themselves, preaching about how important it is to value themselves and their bodies, no matter their sizes. But it's gross opening up social media now, and seeing big women allowing themselves to spill out clothes that would fit two. I'm just helping you out."

Lamie reddened, shaking the package at him. "You are just angry, and you're taking it out on the wrong people! You shouldn't hate everyone so much – you just need to hate _her_!"

"I don't, actually," Law said, wiping his facial hair of crumbs. "I'm actually quite proud of her. She's set to graduate this year as a pediatrician, and I feel nothing but support for her. She's _perfect_ – she's in shape, she takes care of herself, she pays attention to detail. But you…you and Patty – " He clicked his tongue with pity.

"_Mom_!"

"You should both walk on the treadmill together. Your lower bellies are showing."

"Stop being so mean!" Lamie tossed the package onto the counter, self-consciously crossing her arms over her middle. "I don't know what your problem is, but calling mom that – "

"But it's her real name. Why should she be known as a _mother_ and not as a successful person who accomplished her own grandeur of achievement? It makes no sense. She's not just a mother – but a successful woman."

"You don't make any sense! And you say such hateful things to us – you used to be so nice - !"

"When I was a pussy, people walked all over me. I won't allow that to happen again."

"So you're taking it all out on us?"

"Well, I can't actually go out and do it to others…it'd be a crime."

"Our neighbors were talking about you – "

"I don't care about Kidd or Sanji that much."

"Not them! But Mr and Mrs Welsh – you were rude to them. They were going to call the cops on some random, homeless guy standing in our yard but they checked in with mom first. Why do you want to do that to us, to yourself? It doesn't make any sense!"

"They're both pussies. Calling the cops on a simple gesture. Imagine if I pulled a gun on them."

Lamie's hands went to her hair with frustration, growling.

"Lamie," Law said patiently, crossing his arms over his chest lightly while bracing back against the counter. "When you're my age, do you think you'll be happy? You spent most of your young life pursuing A's, thinking you'll follow in mom's footsteps. But people don't want to be doctors, anymore. They lose eighty percent of chances they should have taken to actually live a life and regret it later. Overdosing on their own prescriptions to shut out the pain of overwhelming patients and their self-examination diagnoses. Let go of that aspiration, look into something else."

"Is that what happened to you?"

"No. I notice you don't listen to half the truths I spew, but this is definitely something you should look into."

"I don't want to be like you, Law," Lamie returned, giving him an exasperated look. "You're _gross_. Looking at you hurts me."

"By the way…Sanji said you went on a date, today."

"Ugh, I _didn't_! That was my friend from school! He's _gay_, he wanted to go shopping for his boyfriend later."

"Right. That's what kids are doing, nowadays. Being gay for the 'gram."

"Sanji's gay himself!"

"_Shh_, we don't use that word around him. He's still in the glass closet."

Lamie rolled her eyes with irritation.

"I think he and Kidd are having an affair," Law then mumbled thoughtfully.

"They are _not_! Neither of them like each other!"

"Because they are gays fighting for territory rights. Luckily, I'm unaffected."

"God, you're so _stupid_…I miss my old brother. The one that wasn't such an asshole."

"Did he live here, too? Were we introduced?"

"Ugh, MOM!" Lamie shouted, turning and stomping off. "Kick this stupid homeless guy out of the kitchen, please!"

Law snatched the package of cookies from the counter, and stuffed most of them into his mouth. When it sounded like Patty was distracting Lamie from the kitchen with a show on television, Law continued rifling through the pantry. Searching for something sugary, something satisfying. The letter he'd left open on the table told him that he was behind on his payments, and he'd politely let Patty know that she and Larry were slacking on it. This erupted into Patty shouting at him to get a job to help pay the debts himself, but Law refused to consider getting a job.

That meant going outside. Facing people. People who were overwhelming with their happiness and perfect lives, who would look at him and judge him for the failure he was. People who would ask, "What happened?", or "…over a break-up? But you didn't die…"

Breakdowns weren't that simple. Law was still trying to get a clue on how his occurred so violently. He had it all before – how did it all come crashing down around him simply from being t-boned?

He heard the approach of Patty's footsteps and hastily grabbed some canned peaches from the top shelf before stealthily stealing off into the garage. He headed over to Sanji's for a can opener. Sanji had moved in with an older man that had lived here for centuries before he passed on due to a heart attack – somehow, Sanji acquired all of his riches, house, and cars. Law suspected he was some sort of child slave that had to do all sorts of dirty things to get all the old man's riches, but Sanji came from a richer family than that. He knew because Patty often talked about it with a sense of disbelief, looking at Lamie with consideration before Lamie shot down that possibility with claiming she'd seen Sanji kiss a guy once, late at night when nobody was up. That led to another train of accusation that caused Patty to drop the subject anyway.

But Sanji did all the right things – he went to culinary college, fought his way to the top of the restaurant his old man left behind and kept up the appearance of having it all together.

He often left cash for Law in one of the cookie jars on the counter after doling out his chores for Law to accomplish, and Law entered the house through the side garage door and entered the house from the laundry room. Everything was so immaculate – it was obvious Sanji didn't live here. He was a workaholic, living long hours at the restaurant and disappearing sometimes with that scary biker guy. It never occurred to Law that perhaps this scary dude was Sanji's boyfriend, or whatever – the man was much older than them and appeared more like a butler or manservant. Retrieving Sanji and dropping him off like clockwork – maybe he worked for Sanji's real family.

Law found the can opener, opened up his peaches, then abandoned it all there on the marble counter. He searched the pantry for something more interesting to eat and was disgusted by how much he would have to put together to actually eat something. Sanji was a closeted anorexic, Law was convinced. Nobody in their right mind ate all these fresh vegetables and fruits and non-processed foods.

Maybe he was from another planet…

Law found the list of chores Sanji detailed on the board for him to do. Take the trash can to the curbside, start the laundry (all he had to do was press a damn button), run the food disposal for a minimum of ten seconds, and make a trip up to the third floor to check to see if the attic door was closed. Sanji was convinced it was haunted up there and was terrified of some imaginary ghost. It made Law shake his head.

He did all these things because it was something he could do, and he was craving some tacos anyway. He retrieved his cash, faintly out of breath from the trip upstairs. But as he grabbed the cash he noticed a new note.

'Feed the unicorn out back – two organic pink lady apples and one cup of grain'.

Sanji was _mental_. Law wondered what it meant to achieve that status.

Curious for himself what an actual unicorn looked like, Law turned and headed to the patio doors. It opened easily – _does no one lock their doors around here_? – and looked out into the back yard. The pool looked inviting but Law didn't swim – the deck was immaculate, flower boxes bright, and it always caused Law's upper lip to curl because nobody kept a pool in their back yard unless they were trying to impress someone. Sometimes Sanji's brothers would come over, make a huge mess, raise up a big party but they were always gone by the time he'd come back.

He didn't see no unicorn amidst the trees nor was it chomping at the grass. Disappointed, Law turned to lock the door behind him, but he did find the two apples and the cup of grain from a feed store underneath the china cabinet. He didn't know where to put these things out for the unicorn to eat, so he dumped it on the deck and tossed the apples out onto the grass. Then he lit up his joint because his blood was starting to grow jittery.

He didn't belong in this house. He didn't belong here. He belonged in his parents' basement, hiding from the sun and cheer and ignoring his parents' pleas to clean up. Eating his sister's cookies, too. He turned around to locate five different things in the kitchen because his brain was starting to scatter – heart picking up a rapid, uncomfortable beat. His vision blurred slightly at the edges, making things look smaller than it was.

He spotted a can of peaches, a can opener, stainless steel sink, a petunia in the window, and a set of keys on the counter. The last one jolted Law out of breath because those weren't sitting there earlier. He turned to make a hasty getaway because he did not want to run into those terribly ugly looking brothers of Sanji and realized that the grain was missing.

Law paused in mid-turn, staring at the spot where he'd dumped grain just moments before. He still held the cup in hand. He looked at that just to make sure he actually had dumped it, then upended it, shaking it a few times. When that told him that he absolutely had done so, Law looked around himself slowly. The pool sparkled brilliantly, birds fluttering from tree to tree, and a dog watched him suspiciously from a slight crack in the fence to his right. His skin buzzed with apprehension – Law turned to look back inside, feeling like his lungs were going to collapse. He should be living in a place like this – with his Girlfriend and with his degrees on display in the living room or office. Living the good life, the _proper_ life; but he wasn't doing any of that. He threw the cup back up on the counter and fled back to the safety of his basement.

He was sweating like he'd just run a marathon. Gasping for breath like he'd just bust through the surface of a hot lake. He yanked his ski sweater off and flopped down onto his twin bed, staring at the ceiling. A battered poster of Tiffani Thiessen smiled down at him. His heart raced like mad, feeling like it was going to bust right out of his chest. He closed his eyes and re-opened them hours later.

Patty was loading the washing machine, and it smelled like roasted chicken. Law sat up slowly, realizing he was still clutching the cash he'd retrieved from Sanji's. Looking at the time, it was near closing time at the fast food places. He'd have to get there, quick. Patty slammed the washing machine door with too much force, then paused there as Law searched for his sweater. She must've walked around him while he was asleep because all the clothes he had scattered on the floor were gone.

He was cold, shivering dramatically with the loss of his soothing item.

"You missed dinner," Patty said slowly, turning to look at him. "Your father had an announcement to make."

"Oh? He confessed to the affair? Who's going to take me when you two separate?"

Patty looked at him venomously as Law tugged at his stained tank top. He had no idea how it had gotten stained in the first place.

"Apparently," she said slow, visibly trying to hold herself together, "he has a relative that is having some trouble raising a very young grandson. That young person will be arriving here Monday. He'll take the spare bedroom upstairs."

"How closely are we related? Lamie might be in trouble."

"Law. _Enough_. Enough with your - !" Patty cut herself off with effort. "It would really help us out if you could help us with him. Apparently, he's very hyperactive. This is just until his father could be located."

"Perhaps he doesn't want to be found, and this is why. Well, can't you write up some prescriptions to put this kid on something? I can barely handle Lamie, I don't think I can handle having another kid around to steal off with attention that should be devoted to me."

Patty watched him, then silently turned and walked back up to the main floor, shutting the door softly behind her. Law frowned, looking at the mess on the floor. He rubbed his bare arms with one shaking hand, then rose from the bed.

He walked the distance to the fast food area, bought his dinner, and returned home in less than an hour. Turning on Friends, he watched the same disk he'd been watching for the past two weeks, eating noisily with trash collecting around him.

He didn't think of anything else while the night slowly transitioned to day. But when he awoke, it was because the back door opened with a bang. Law jolted awake, surrounded by crumbled taco wrappers and used napkins, a cooking magazine of Ina Garten at his pillow side. He slurped up his drool and lifted his head to see Sanji stomping in.

He paused at the third step, looking down at the area Law lived in with such a haughty look that it compelled Law to feel just a tiny shred of shame. He had an unlit cigarette between his fingers, and he looked at Law with his visible eyebrow lifting high up on his head. But he clasped that cigarette between his teeth, hands in his pockets so he didn't touch anything. He took the last few steps down and crunched on something that shouldn't have been there.

"No wonder they confined you to the basement," Sanji then told Law, who rubbed at his eyes with both palms. "They went to church, or something."

"Probably church. They need all the help they can get from the devil living here."

"I'm going to take off for a few days," Sanji then said. "But something was bothering me all last night."

"It's about the unicorn, right?"

Sanji stared down at him with a frozen expression, and Law realized his silence. He looked at the younger man, blinking owlishly against the bright light streaming in from the open basement door.

"Actually, no," Sanji replied evenly, swinging his cigarette from one corner of his mouth to the other. "But we'll come back to that. I was actually going to ask you who was at my place yesterday."

"Me. _Duh_."

"You didn't see anyone else there?"

"No." Law then remembered seeing the car keys on the counter. He looked up at Sanji. "Maybe it's the ghost from the third floor?"

"Don't talk about it so loudly!" Sanji exclaimed fearfully, shivering as his hands escaped his pocket to clench at his jaunty orange linen blazer. Law noticed he was wearing belted chino shorts with a bright paisley shirt, bow tie at the collar. "It always knows when it's being discussed and comes out when I'm not ready!"

Law wasn't sure what to say about that, but he felt awkward sitting there. He gave Sanji's outfit a wave of his hand. "You're not hiding it anymore, are you?"

"Hiding what?" Sanji asked, confused as he looked at his outfit. But he adjusted his jacket and looked rather haughty about it. "Anyway, no one pulled up or said anything, or…?"

"You leave your house unlocked."

"Every door is locked, I still don't know how the hell you get in."

"Because the door is unlocked! Everything is!"

"It has to be someone in the neighborhood that's watching me leave!"

"Maybe it's your boyfriend…?"

Sanji speared him with a dangerous look. He lit up his cigarette with a grit of his teeth and exhaled smoke from his nostrils. "That creature is _not_ \- ! Don't even suggest it, don't speak of him like he's a normal thing. He's my older brother's…_friend_. I say that loosely."

"The one with the…green hair?"

"_Red_! That one is my younger brother – "

"He's ten feet tall, I can't tell the difference…"

"Anyway, I found evidence that my house was broken into. Unless _you_ were the one purposely rearranging my shoe collection, and polishing off all the cinnamon in my pantry."

"…What is cinnamon? The brown stuff with leaves?"

"Unless it was Kidd," Sanji continued over Law's puzzled comment.

"I fed your unicorn, and you upset me with your accusations…"

Sanji turned his contemplative stare down to him, exhaling around his clenched cigarette. He then gave Law a concerned look. "You keep bringing up the subject of a fantasy creature. Please…are you okay? Should I call the cops to report a person brain dead on bath salts?"

Law huffed. "Two organic pink lady apples and a cup of grain."

"I do not _have_ grain in my possession, you lunatic. Or pink lady apples, they're not even in season around here. Much less organic…"

"It was all underneath your damn Barbie collection of china dishes! Look, maybe it's the ghost of your old man doing these things, I don't know!"

Sanji tucked his hands into his pants pocket again, exhaling smoke from the corner of his mouth. He continued to give Law a bewildered look, but he then glanced around the mess once more while Law yawned noisily and stretched, popping his back. The whole area hurt – almost as if he were sleeping on concrete rather than a twin mattress. He turned to look back at his bed and realized he was sleeping in the midst of a demolished Party Pack with empty platters of nachos caught in the sheets. He felt so pathetic. And swollen.

"Come with me. Bring your weed," Sanji added, gesturing at him to follow as he headed back up the stairs. Law glared after him, unable to handle that light so early in the morning.

He found his ski sweater in the dryer and stuffed his feet into wilted house shoes. Then used the bathroom, rummaged through the kitchen for something to eat and strolled up to Sanji's kitchen an hour later. The younger man stared at him with obvious restraint but let it go. Law noticed his suitcase was packed nearby, with a weekend bag stacked next to it.

Sanji opened the cabinet doors beneath the china cabinet, and Law was confused at the emptiness there. He slurped at the fruit cup he'd found, and wiped syrup from his face. Pointing, he then said, "There's grain right in the very right hand corner of the second shelf, there."

Sanji crouched, and reached in to pick up a piece of oat. He looked startled as he gingerly wiped that onto his palm for closer inspection. Standing, he blinked owlishly at his own cabinet before looking back at Law. Law looked smug, upending the fruit cup over his mouth to allow the syrup to fall evenly against his tongue.

"I don't…have a unicorn," he said dumbly, looking at Law as he froze in place. "And why would anyone hide grain in my - ?"

He clenched his fists. "I bet my stupid, shitty brothers were here! Playing a type of prank on me! On you! Did you check social media to see if - ?"

"I would, but…when I dumped the grain onto the deck, because I don't know where you feed your unicorn, it took only a second for me to turn away and turn back to find it missing. I had a panic attack right at your doorway," Law added, setting the empty fruit cup aside. "And the apples are gone, too, soooo…your unicorn ate them."

"I don't…" Sanji trailed off because he was too tired to insist upon it. "It's too elaborate for a joke. I'm not even here half the time to even…?"

"Maybe there's a squatter taking advantage of that," Law mused, drawing out a joint and lighting that up. "Hiding in the upstairs attic."

"None of my food is missing, and nothing else is being used," Sanji insisted with frustration, rubbing his chin. "It has to be the product of my brothers' stupid jokes…Let's go ask Kidd."

"No. My brain is not working, it doesn't work until well after five pm."

"It doesn't work at all."

"Where are you going?"

"Kathmandu, to find Kamar-Taj. Why? Want to house sit for me? Just don't sit on the couch if you haven't showered within the past twelve months."

"Is that…here?" Law asked, confused.

Sanji looked at him with pity. But he then abandoned his earlier motive, and retrieved his laptop from the carry-on, propping it on the counter. When he opened it, it was attuned to Facebook, and Law's ex was smiling brightly while showing off a bright, shiny diamond on her finger. Her new boyfriend was someone Law knew – a classmate.

He sighed.

"If there was a unicorn, we could've used his droppings to send as a gift to the wedding," Sanji mused.

"She's so beautiful," Law murmured, unable to hide his expression of pain. "Even with the filter she used, every part of her is perfect."

"I thought this was why you were acting out the other day," Sanji said, scrolling through her engagement party photos.

"I said 'congratulations' – "

"How are you even doing that after what she did to you?"

"It wasn't her that did this to me. It was me. This was my breakdown, my moment."

"Please change your profile picture," Sanji begged, pointing at Law's picture of a fingers ripping skin from the side of one's fingernail. "This is disturbing."

"Issa _mood_, Sanji." Law held his joint off to the side, giving the younger man a frown. "Are we going to solve the unicorn problem, or not? Or is this just my individual destination to madness?"

"Well, I can't thoroughly discount that you were seeing things if I myself saw evidence of it," Sanji said with a sigh, closing his laptop.

"What is cinnamon?"

Sanji retrieved the empty bottle from the trash, giving Law a puzzled look. "It was full, I had just bought it."

"It wasn't me."

"And my shoes?"

"I _obviously_ have bigger feet than you."

Sanji stared at him for several long moments until Law grew uncomfortable. He cleared his throat noisily.

"That you do," Sanji then decided, but he wasn't looking at Law's feet.

Law frowned at him. Then squirmed uncomfortably. "Listen here, you old man loving, closeted predator – I will not be sexually harassed by someone wearing paisley and a bow tie."

"All I _ask_," Sanji interrupted him as he straightened his bow tie, "is that you water my flowers each morning before it gets too hot. I'd leave you some money but you'd spend it all in one place. Then your family would be forced to interact with you over dinner. Or can you restrain yourself to spend it equally within the amount of time that I am gone?"

"I…am not a child. I don't appreciate being spoken to – "

"YES OR NO."

"Fine, _whatever_. Every morning."

"The allotment is twenty a day. In the usual jar, you'll find that it won't be that easy to get to it," Sanji continued. "Now that I have confirmation of a squatter in my house, I had to hide the money, and only you will know the answers to the very basic clues I've given. So I'm sure you can accomplish this if you want to continue eating like a shitty slob."

Law rolled his eyes.

"And, yes," Sanji continued, entwining his fingers together, "I'm actually going out with another man."

"_Gross_."

"The only thing _gross_ about it is that I plan on breaking up with him after I return. I'd made up my mind, this isn't working out, I don't want to be tied down and forced to be dedicated to him when I'm so busy. The commitment he wants is unreasonable, and I suspect it's only monetary based, because my personality is much too flowery for him," Sanji continued over him. Something about that statement caused Law to look at him sharply. "But I _do_ want to do something out of the ordinary, and this trip is exactly that."

"So you're using him."

"…Yeah." Sanji shrugged a shoulder. "Yeah, well, in this town…not all of us have a variety of choices."

"You're such a fucking asshole. Tell him right now that it isn't working out, don't use him!"

"The money is already spent. There's nothing wrong with that."

"There is _everything_ wrong with that! You probably don't feel the same way towards him, but I can bet that he feels more than what you care about!"

Sanji tilted his head to look at him with concern. "Is that what happened to you?"

Law looked away with a click of his tongue, angrily steeling himself for the feeling of familiar anger to sweep through him. Seeing his reaction, Sanji smiled ever so slightly.

"Look, if it makes you feel that bad, I'll cancel it. It's not a big deal, my heart's not going to be broken. I just thought you'd want some money to use while those guys bring that kid in for awhile."

Law looked back at him, then said stiffly, "I don't give a shit what you do in your private life. It has nothing to do with me, so don't get stuck thinking that it fucking matters. Stupid kids like you are the reason why…and how the hell do you know about that situation? Patty just told me about it…like, last week…?"

"Bart told Ms Helena next door, so she was asking me about the newcomer. She's worried about her cat's safety. Swears up and down there's a cat killer in the neighborhood."

_Who is Ms Helena_? Law wondered with a bewildered expression. _Who is Bart_?

"Simpson?"

"No, _Helena_."

"_Bart_."

"…_Not Bart Simpson_. Stay on earth. The mail man. He's gotta have piercings in places I can't even imagine…" Sanji trailed off, looking vaguely interested while Law looked disgusted. "Anyway, I'll cancel my trip but still go to work, so these chores are still a go if you want to do them. From the sounds of it, you'll want to get away. Maybe this a good thing. Maybe this kid will help you get yourself back into order."

Law stared at him in revulsion. "I live in that house and I don't know half the shit that you do. Who the hell is this Bart person? Everyone's seen him but me."

Sanji gave him a skeptical look. "You can't miss the guy. He's got green hair, piercings, and he deliberately fashions twin tufts of hair as horns around his hat. He blabs incessantly like I care about what he has going on in his personal life and has, like, five dogs chasing after him at a time. Always fighting with Kidd. Flirts with Lamie, and tried to run off with someone's wife about a week ago from down the street but her husband caught up to him in front of old man Snyder's house and…anyway. Get out. I have a mystery to solve."

"What's that monster's name, anyway?"

"Which one?"

"The big one that comes over to pick you up like a chauffer?"

"_Ugh_. Katakuri. Don't even bother trying to talk to him, he doesn't give the little people underneath his knee caps any consideration. You'll probably just wind up dead in the washing machine one night."

"Sounds wonderful. Not that I have a death wish or anything, it just sounds like something that would help."

Sanji gave him a look of pity, then waved him off. Law glanced at his packed bags nearby, then headed back home.


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N:** It'll get weirder from here…

**Naghi-Tan:** Lol! I'm flattered! XD Law's family tried to give him sympathy and help but he just made it difficult for them to hold sympathy for any longer than that. They haven't driven him off, though. It seems like they understand that he's having a terribly difficult time but they don't know what to do and how to do it – despite their professions, they don't know everything. And Lamie is younger, she's definitely lost and impatient – it's all a learning experience for all of them. People don't magically have the answers and patience if one doesn't allow them to have it; and Law is definitely with all the unpleasant side of depression and anxiety, and it's another side of the subject I wanted to explore. This is exactly what I saw in my dream, though. LOL Dream Law. I'm only expanding the details to make it into an actual story. I'm not sure how the dream ended, so hopefully it's with a good ending D:

**Chapter Three**

* * *

_Sanji was a liar_, Law discovered when he found the second day's clue to his chore list. The younger man had disappeared on his trip despite his reassurance, and Law felt like it shouldn't even bother him, but he kept putting himself in that dumb ass's spot; paying and providing monetary advantages to someone that didn't think too preciously of him. His Girlfriend had always thanked Law for the things he gave, but whenever he reviewed his good memories of those moments, he had the sinking feeling that he'd been used as that high school kid had been. Reciprocation from her had been rare, and it was difficult to think that it could happen to him. But when one was in love, they didn't think about holding back when wanting to express their affection, and he hadn't spared that concept a single thought.

_But I was happy because I was loved_, Law convinced himself. This insistence continued to thrive within him until he remembered the sinking feeling of horror when he heard the phone call from the other car. That mixture always left him feeling confused and in denial. What had he done wrong to have her looking in another direction?

She'd mentioned that he was 'frigid' – what did that even _mean_? If only he could talk to her again – ask her these questions, but he couldn't even bring himself text. There was a sense of shame in that she'd know just how terrible Law had become and would either ignore his text or hurt him with whatever truth motivated her. Each one was equally terrifying; Law wasn't brave enough.

_Check/close the attic door, close the towel closet door, remove the spider web on the third step from the top_, the note read, enclosed with twenty bucks. _Next day's clue is located in the spot where you found my mail_.

Law rolled his eyes; he vaguely remembered finding a pile of Sanji's mail in one of the flowerboxes outside. There were birds plucking at the wrinkled envelopes, carting pieces off to their nests. There never was an explanation to that event. From where he was standing, he could hear Kidd's music playing from the outside, and the noise was only slightly louder than the ringing silence inside the large, still house. He had found the note in the second floor bathroom sink cabinet, nestled within the decorative cover box of tissue.

Law didn't know why he put effort into this hunt. It left him tired and frustrated, but food was a motivation factor. Sanji gave him money if Law completed stupid, seemingly taskless chores and while physically exhausting, it was considerably easier then running into his parents or Lamie in the kitchen.

He happened to catch sight of his reflection in the mirror, and winced. He didn't recognize himself, anymore. He was grossly swollen, he had a gut, and his facial hair covered most of his upper lip and nested around his mouth like sparse grass. His eyelids were swollen from too much salt, his cheeks puffy, and his wild blue-black hair sprouted unchecked around his ears and neck. He was wearing a worn, thick cardigan that hung around his thighs, of which were covered in stained sweatpants that clung to his swollen ankles. The t-shirt under his cardigan had grease stains at the chest and stomach area. If he lifted his arms, his gut would show. He couldn't see that overly ambitious geek he'd been before the car accident. He self-consciously crossed his arms over himself, feeling absolutely repulsed by what he saw.

If she saw him now…would she even recognize him? He couldn't imagine that happening. The shame in that made him feel rotten, feeling despicable. He couldn't allow her to see him like this – he'd never have another chance.

…_Another chance_? It wasn't like he actively pursued the thought, but there was always the concept of meeting again later on life, when she had matured to realize what she'd lost. Things would be better, then.

But the thought of reaching that point – it was far out of reach. He couldn't even manage to show his face during the day at the fast food restaurants down the street, when there was no chance he'd run into her in broad daylight. It hurt to think that his family looked at him the way he was and he could empathize with the way they must recoil internally. He couldn't blame them.

He felt like such a terrible person. He looked at the crumpled twenty in his hand, then at the note. His heart started to race ever so slightly, lungs tightening. He braced himself against the sink and breathed in deep, feeling a hot tingle in his toes and fingers. Closing his eyes, Law concentrated on the contents of the living room down stairs, picking out five things that he'd glanced at just to pull himself out of that incoming wave of helplessness.

There was a blue vase sitting atop of a dark end table, a tv remote nestled against the receiver unit underneath the television set, the four grey throw pillows propping up two white pillows, and grey blackout curtains pulled tight over five different windows. His throat was tight as his heart began to beat hard against his chest.

The sound of a door opening from somewhere within the house caused Law pause in his building momentum. It actually startled him out of his panic attack, and he lifted his head with a tilt, stilling. The creak of the hinges drew out until it finally stopped, and he realized it was the attic door. Sweat shimmered over his skin as his heart began to slow its rapid pace, skin tingling with heat.

_This fucking house _is_ haunted_! he thought with horror, looking at his reflection once more; as if looking at his reflection could reassure him in that he wasn't the only one in the house. He waited for the inevitable footfalls to hit the stairway, and when those didn't come, Law pushed away from the sink. A different sort of blood rush caused him to move slowly towards the bathroom door, still clutching the note and twenty dollar bill. He cautiously peered out the door, and noticed the light streaming down the stairs from the single window in the attic. Noticing that there wasn't any strange shadow on the stairs, Law swallowed tightly and ventured out. The attic door was wide open, but there was something small just inside the doorway that looked unusual.

Gathering his bravery, Law took the stairs up to the open doorway. The attic was a very small enclosure – maybe twenty by fifteen feet, with a circular window high up at the north end. The floor was simple wood planks and the walls weren't even covered by sheetrock, so it exposed support beams and particle board. It was empty. But the thing sitting just outside the doorway, inside that small space – it caused Law utter confusion.

It was a brilliantly colored plant pot, with a mound of dark and moist potting soil inside.

Considering how Sanji's yards were decorated with a multitude of flower boxes and colorful flowers, Law assumed the man had left this pot here so that a seed could grow unbothered by the elements. He scanned the bare floorboards once more, listening for something that was out of place. Once he didn't find anything, he slowly shut the door. He found the spiderweb between the balusters and used his bare foot to dislodge that, then walked the few steps down to shut the slightly ajar towel closet door.

He returned home, grateful for the fence that prevented Kidd from seeing him wander from Sanji's house, and flopped down onto his bed once he reached it. He didn't know what day it was, but his family had been pretty busy with their own matters. It suddenly occurred to him that he hadn't interacted with them since that confrontation with Patty. They were probably avoiding him after all the things he said and did over the weekend – Law wasn't sure how he felt about that. Relieved or upset.

He closed his eyes to sleep.

When he opened them, it was because there was rustling all around his bed. Crunching noises and humming that was so out of tune and annoying that it actually caused Law's skin to ripple. He opened one heavy eyelid to see the back of someone crouched on his floor, sorting through the mess to eat something that shouldn't be eaten. The back of his head showed Law matted black hair and thin shoulders.

_I'm being robbed_! was his first horrified thought.

He cleared his throat noisily, embracing sure death at the hands of this small burglar. The kid that whipped his head around to look at him looked startled, then screamed as he shot to his feet. Law winced, reaching up with one hand to wipe at his face.

"I thought you were a dead body!" the kid exclaimed, hands to his chest. Then he whipped them around. He was a very thin kid – probably expended all his mass into the way he moved and spoke. There was a scar under one eye that made Law wonder if it were self-inflicted. "I _swear_ I wasn't doing anything weird! I found these chips on the floor and was eating those, then I found some M & M's, then I saw some brownies still in the wrapper and thought that this was just where they kept their mother lode – "

"_Gah_, shut up!" Law snarled, cringing. He slowly propped up into a push-up position, then wearily swung his legs over the edge of the bed. Yawning, he hugged himself, trying to get his internal clock back into order. It could be ten pm or ten am – but his stomach gurgled noisily.

"_Wow_," the kid said with concern, "you look and smell really bad."

Law was too exhausted to give that any answer.

"I'm Luffy," the kid said brightly, grinning at him. "I'm your cousin! Those guys upstairs said not to bother you, so I didn't think I was bothering you, I tried to stay as quiet as I could because you were sleeping so hard – but you just look like a homeless man, so are they keeping you a prisoner, too? I feel like I'm being imprisoned, and I don't particularly like it but there's not much I can do about it."

Law wiped his face again, looking at him grumpily. Luffy's left eye twitched.

"Bart said you only come out at night, so I thought if I came here in the morning I wouldn't encourage you to bite me," Luffy then said, looking grim.

_Even this kid met this mysterious blabbermouth_? Law thought incredulously. _I've lived here for how many years since then and haven't met the mailman_…

Luffy had similar features to Larry so it was safe to say that Luffy belonged to one of Larry's mysterious brothers. Some sort of family estrangement issues Law never bothered with because if Larry hadn't spoken about it, then it wasn't important. He yawned again.

"Everyone left. I skipped," Luffy added with a shrug. "I'm not going to stay here long, what's the point?"

"Indeed. Get out."

"I want to go swimming. You think the family next door would mind if I borrowed their pool?"

"Go ahead," Law grumbled.

"Whhoooooooo!" Luffy cried joyously, racing up the basement steps to the outside door, running out with enthusiasm. He left it open, and Law complained about that.

He wore an expression of distaste. How could he have missed the kid's introduction to the family? What old man brought him over? Why wasn't he at least roused to the news that Luffy was already here? But Law understood why his family chose to keep him out of the loop – he made it very unpleasant for them.

It took nearly an hour to get moving. But Law ended up brushing his teeth and taking a shower, unsure of when he'd last taken one. There was a time when he'd cared wholly about his appearance and his cleanliness, and now he was stuck in that paralyzing time loop where he couldn't even remember when he'd last brushed his teeth. It was an awful feeling.

He returned to bed with his hair still wet, nestling underneath the loose fitted sheet and staring at the television with the frozen screen of the Friends disk he'd been watching for the past month.

_What am I doing_? he thought vaguely, listening to the sounds of the outside drift in through the open door at the top of the stairs. He eventually began to attune himself to Luffy noisily protesting in the distance, startling Law out of his thoughts.

"Law!" Sanji barked from the stairway, Law glancing over his shoulder to see the blond holding Luffy by his right ear. "Does this belong to you?"

Law pulled his blankets over his head as Luffy whined noisily. They both entered his domain, and Law could hear Luffy dripping onto the messy floor around his bed. He smelled like chlorine and the sun, Law noticed when Sanji released the teen.

"I found this kid _drowning_ in my pool," Sanji huffed, lighting up his cigarette while Luffy looked up at him with a pout, rubbing his ear. "And he looks like Larry, so I assume this is the cousin. Why isn't he in school?"

"I've been to three schools this year, sir," Luffy stated. Sanji looked startled that he was addressed as 'sir' – it made Law wonder how old Sanji actually was. "This one isn't going to be any different! Besides, gramps said he was gonna pick me up later, anyway! What's the point of going to school? Everyone just yells at me. I'm always fighting with people, nobody likes me."

"_I_ don't like you," Law muttered.

"Look, kid, if you can't swim, don't throw yourself in a pool of water. You're lucky I just got back," Sanji continued, turning off the television set and DVD player. Law scowled, his distraction gone.

"Well, where'd you go? Did you have fun?" Luffy asked him curiously, sitting on Law's legs and causing Law to shift away from him. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot of room on his twin bed, so his legs nearly caught the edge of the mattress, causing Law to move again to catch himself. The kid was wet and causing Law's sheets to get wet, and Law used both feet to push Luffy off the bed and onto his feet. Luffy reacted to stand, but didn't acknowledge the force used.

He was used to being prodded around like cattle, Law decided.

"Uh, well…after some reflection about my actions, I'm sure to come to a conclusion about that later," Sanji said awkwardly. He then kicked the bed, jolting Law. "You. You're missing a payment."

"I've been tired," Law muttered, pulling his pillow over his head. "Too much to do, here."

"Does he owe you money for drugs?" Luffy asked excitedly.

"_No_, dummy. I need you to get up and come look at something," Sanji then commanded, Luffy looking excited about potential adventure.

"_Leave me alone_…I'm not interested in your gay dick or your fantasies…"

"I would hope not, you might be motivated enough to cleanse yourself and do whatever it took to escape my perverted imaginings. I, uh, actually…."

Law remembered the incident of the potted plant. He did lift his head as Sanji trailed off in uncomfortable silence. The man was dressed in white t-shirt, a windbreaker and some ripped jeans. What made the outfit interesting was _not_ the random black tie hanging around his neck but the bloodstains over his chest.

"Were you stabbed for your predatory advances, or because you were found out?" he asked with interest.

Luffy's mouth fell open as he looked at the stains with wide-eyed admiration.

"Those aren't bloodstains. Get up. Get those house slippers on and waddle back to my house. I wanna show you something you might've missed that has nothing to do with my desire for a shitty daddy figure," Sanji said, closing and zipping up his windbreaker.

Luffy looked a little startled, unsure of how to take their back and forth insulting. He was positive Law was using cruel condemnations but Sanji was flicking them right away with a toss of his particular hairstyle that left no indication he was hurt in any way. Considering these times' sensitivity with the subject, Luffy wasn't sure if he had a place to speak up. Sanji just smiled down at him with amusement, clearly not affected by Law's words, so Luffy felt he could relax a little. He gave Sanji a tentative smile, fiddling with his own fingers nervously as Sanji waited for a response from Law.

He wasn't going to get one soon, so he said, "We'll wait for you then. Come along, kiddo. I suspect you'll be someone I can shamelessly use, too."

Luffy shot after him with rising excitement.

"He's only a child, keep that perverted dick to yourself!" Law warned after Sanji crankily. "Or I'll have Chris Hansen here so fast that you won't have time to straighten your bang."

"Teach them young, teach them for life," Sanji responded with a wave over his own shoulder. Because they were now out of Law's effort range, Law grumbled.

The pair headed back to Sanji's house, Luffy talking happily all the way there. Law could hear his voice carrying out without any true breath to it and Sanji's response, but he was interested in the earlier command. Slowly, Law picked himself up from his bed. He found and lit a joint to settle his nerves, exhaling smoke at his lap. His stomach gurgled noisily, but he didn't have any motivation to go upstairs to find anything to eat. For the first time in a long time, he didn't feel motivated enough to go forage for any type of food. Sometimes he was either really, insatiably hungry and other times he could go without meals for a few days. Neither aspect was something he complained about. His body, just like his mind, was in need of tender, loving repair.

It took him an hour to finally walk through the open side door of Sanji's house. He could hear their voices coming from the attic, so Law took it a step at a time. He was breathing heavy by the time he reached the top step; hating himself for how out of shape he was.

When he walked in, he was startled at the sight of yet another potted plant blooming under the direct sunlight of the circular window. It was a different pot – with an actual vine reaching out from the potting soil, curled at the ends. Sanji and Luffy had flashlights in hand, and were directing them at the floor. Luffy used his heel to stamp at spots Sanji was knocking on, both of them with focused expressions of concentration. Law hugged himself with a furrowed brow.

Those two had just met, and they were working together in tandem.

At the sound of an empty knock against the floor nearest the north wall, both of them perked up. Sanji used his slim fingers to search for something while Luffy squatted next to him.

"I don't understand what's happening," Law murmured, lost in translation.

"The shitty attic door was wide open when I got home," Sanji told him, concentrating on his task. "And there was that weird looking pot sitting there at the top of the stairs. You do that to play with my head?"

"No. I was just going to bring up that this same thing happened, but this is another pot."

Sanji looked at Law with confusion. "There was a different one?"

"Yeah. The other pot didn't have a vine popping out of it. And the colors were different." Law then gestured at the empty room. "So why would you even suspect that there's something underneath…?"

"Because none of those things exist anywhere else in these walls," Sanji answered. "So I'm looking for a secret entrance to a possible hidey hole for a squatter to live in. The old man never kept anything up here, so it makes sense that they would hide in a room that I'd ignore."

Law frowned at him. "So, wouldn't that mean your old man was hiding something from you?"

Sanji considered this, sitting up with a frown. "I know he hid me away from his friends…he sensed my ravenous hunger for an…older friend and their valuables. But that's about it."

"You like having older friends, Sanji?" Luffy asked him curiously. Sanji beamed at him, but it was a sarcastic expression.

"I sure do! The older, the better!"

"Why? Younger friends would be just as good."

Sanji reached out and patted the top of the younger boy's head. "They're just not in my taste, Luffy. I have issues that can't be resolved with younger friends."

Luffy looked confused as he gave a limp smile, clearly lost.

"You're so blatant with your scandalous needs that it's going to traumatize the younger set and force sensible people like me to reconsider associating with you," Law snapped at Sanji.

"I don't have anything to worry about with you, sir," Sanji told him. "I know what you do with those shitty old lady magazines you have underneath your bed…"

"I saw those," Luffy chimed in. "But maybe Law just likes cooking and gardening. It isn't something he should be shamed for."

"You are so _cute_," Sanji told him. Luffy looked at him with a puzzled expression, unsure of how to take that when Sanji said it so sarcastically and without any affection behind it.

Law rolled his eyes.

Sanji found an edge. Using his fingernails, he managed to get a grip to pull – the trapdoor shuddered, dust fluttering with the movement, and Luffy gave an excited sound as Sanji pulled a good sized door open. Law walked over, looking with them down into a dark, seemingly bottomless crawlspace. Sanji propped the trap door against the wall, Luffy shining a flashlight down to reveal a very dusty and unused area that looked wide enough for him to fit into.

Law wasn't sure what he was looking at, but his interest was captured. Especially when Sanji looked as bewildered as the other two did.

"Go down there and see what's in there," Sanji told Luffy, the teen eager to comply even without the command. He jumped into the space without any fear, Sanji giving Law a startled look.

"This is your house," Law reminded him impatiently.

"Yeah, but I didn't know this was here. Maybe someone really is living in here with me," Sanji sputtered, watching as Luffy crouched to fit, shining his flashlight around with an excited expression. "If so, I need them to help pay my bills."

"You're growing _weed_?" Luffy cried with accusation, scrambling out of their sight on hands and knees. "There's so much weed in these weird looking pots!"

"No, I'm _not_ growing weed - !" Sanji answered indignantly. "_Is there weed_? Oh, hell, is there actually a weed collection?"

"I doubt it," Law said skeptically, both of them crouching low enough to brace against the edges of the opening to drop their heads through and look in the direction Luffy had taken. "You'd need heat and moisture for that, and this isn't big enough…."

He trailed off because Luffy had his light focused on a brilliant collection of individual flower pots stacked in triangular formation against one load bearing wall. The darkness and stillness of a crawlspace with an eerie collection of plants caused both men confused silence.

"Bring me one of those pots," Sanji directed Luffy, his voice shaking slightly while Law observed that this crawlspace only allotted enough room for one to enter to travel in the distance Luffy had taken. There was no other opening or space for other hidden options. Luffy obeyed the command, attention then diverted elsewhere.

"You got a _huge_ collection of spiders, here," he reported gravely, causing Sanji to pale.

"_Kill_ them! _Kill them all_!"

"Some of them are _bigger_ than my own hand!" Luffy then exclaimed with utter marvel in his tone, mouth dropping with delight. "Whoaaaaaaaaa it's a huge _nest_! With eggs like berries! Oh wooooooooowwwww that's so cool! They're like bats! Hanging upside down!"

Sanji straightened away from the opening with a shudder, Law straightening away to allow Luffy room to hold up the pot he'd retrieved. Since it looked like Sanji was as stiff as a statue with a look of repulsive horror to his face, Law took the pot – Luffy darted away, continuing to describe the spider scene with amazement.

Law looked down at the pot, holding onto it with both hands. This one was different from the others – it actually had a mound of Venus fly-trap type of greens collected in a closely dense mount, but instead of the traditional needle-like teeth, these actually had tiny human type teeth. Law wasn't sure what he was looking at at first, dazed and confused and absolutely sure he wasn't seeing what he was seeing, but Sanji leaned over his shoulder to fold his hands between his knees and stare down with a bewildered expression at the sight.

They ignored Luffy as he continued to cry out over the spider nest.

The plants in the pot actually shifted ever so slightly towards the warmth of the sun that streamed in through the circular window. Those mouths seemed to widen as leaves uncurled slowly. Almost like every one of them was tasting the warm air.

Once he was sure that he was absolutely seeing this, Law felt his thoughts scatter with any strong thought. He had to focus on a point away from the plants to settle his vision. Sanji took the pot from him, crouching at his side before setting it between them. Hands on his slim hips, Sanji continued to stare while Law was unable to blink. Then they looked at each other.

"What are you doing?" Law asked him. "What kind of _sick_ person are you? Are you cultivating a garden of elderly people you've assisted into death and hid their bodies in your garden of evil while you stole their pensions and social securities?"

"I _wish_ I thought of that, that sounds like a fantastic idea. The natural compost of their decomposing bodies would help my flowers bloom," Sanji said faintly, looking inspired.

"I'm not sure how to talk to child victims of exploitation and abuse," Law confessed.

"You talk to them normally."

Law frowned at Sanji. Everything he said to the younger man never seemed to stick to his proudly held shoulders. Law had no doubts that Sanji was _not_ a victim in any way – just a man seeking opportunity and unusual attention.

Luffy laughed merrily, forgotten in the background. Sanji then reached into his windbreaker pocket, retrieving his cigarettes. He pulled one slim stick out then held it over the mound of gaping mouths. With some hesitation, he nudged one head with the tip of his cigarette. Those human-type teeth immediately clamped down onto the cigarette, mouth closing so that it looked like a human grin.

Sanji lunged upward to his feet as the stick collapsed, and other mouths chomped down on the stick in clumsy action. Tobacco spilled and the wrapper crumbled as multiple grins smiled up at them. Law shot to his feet, watching as the cigarette was consumed by multiple mouths taking advantage of its fallen state.

Almost at once, those mouths spewed out the contents of which they'd bitten, the cigarette tipping down onto the floor in tatters. After spitting, the mouths then closed to form unsettling grins. Sanji hugged Law's neck in a frightened squeal while Law stood stock still, eyes wide at the sight. Luffy popped up moments later, and once Sanji caught sight of what was in his hand, he was climbing Law's side like he were a tree. The taller man stumbled awkwardly as Luffy looked from them to his massive spider – it didn't look like a tarantula type spider, expected of something that big. It wore the same unsettling pattern of plant grin on its lower belly, and its very nature resembled a black widow spider. Its spindly legs waved about helplessly as Luffy held it by its thorax.

"You've got a whole _nest_ of them, Sanji!" Luffy said with delight. "All big ones, too! There are babies squirming around in their eggs like tadpoles, and _those_ look like lightbulbs!"

"KILL IT! _KILL IT! KILL IT_!" Sanji shrilled as Law braced himself against the wall and managed to collapse with the other man's weight on him. Once free, Sanji scrambled out from the attic. The sounds that accompanied this panicked flight suggested he'd fallen down the stairs, and Law looked over with horror, sure he'd hear something horrid; snapping bones, a broken neck, broken leg…but Sanji nimbly climbed back to his feet and raced out of sight, shrieking off to another part of the house.

Law looked back at Luffy, who looked back at him with utter joy. He grinned wide, spider webs caught in his clothes and hair. The spider had given up trying to escape, legs spread outward from its body.

"This is so _fun_! What an amazing house!" Luffy exhaled, settling against the opening with one arm bracing himself against the edge. He then clumsily climbed out with spider in hand. "I'm going to keep one as a pet. Train it like an attack dog."

Law was vaguely horrified at the thought as Luffy casually brushed himself off, the spider renewing its efforts to escape.

Once it hit the sunlight, it began to sizzle.

"Huh? What the…?" Luffy mumbled, looking surprised.

Both of them watched as it shook and trembled before its legs closed dramatically, curled into a tight ball. Luffy dropped it, and once it connected with the wood floor, it splattered messily in a lump of wet, congealing matter. It continued to sizzle within the sunlight, steam wafting away from it. Both of them were silent before Luffy looked to Law with eyes that nearly overtook his scarred face.

"It's a _vampire_ spider!" Luffy hissed with utter amazement. "That's _better_ than an attack dog, they can attack at _night_! Oh, but…I usually sleep real hard at night so that might be a problem."

Law didn't know _what_ to say. They heard Sanji running up the stairs, and once he came into sight, he clutched a large cardboard box with brand name spider and bug killer labels plastered onto the sides. He dropped it onto the floor, hands shaking as he withdrew several cans, dropping some of them in his panic.

"Use these, use _all_ of them to kill those things," Sanji directed, dropping them into Law's lap and then skirting outside the doorway to peer in at a safe distance. Law looked at him as if he were crazy, then at Luffy. He tossed the kid a couple of cans, then used the wall as assistance to climb back to his feet. Sanji's eyes then dropped to the dead spider. "Who shit on the floor? If you're scared, you hold it in like men!"

"The spider's dead! Once it came into the light, it just…died," Luffy reported grimly to Sanji's bewildered question.

"It's _dead_?"

"Yeah, pretty dead."

Sanji reentered the attic, still shaking. "But there's more of them, so go kill them all. Here – only you can do it, so go do it. _Now_. Immediately. Chop chop!"

"They didn't even die when I shined my flashlight on them," Luffy said skeptically, uncapping one can. "So I don't know if using this will work. Maybe it'll make them mad."

"I am _asking_ you to do something, it's a matter of life and death!"

"Why do you have this shit growing in your house?" Law asked Sanji with bewilderment.

"I didn't even know it was there!" Sanji then paled significantly. "_What if those things are the things I hear moving around at night_?"

He shrilled with another shriek, racing away from the attic at top speed. Law processed that rather unmanly observation, then felt his eyes widen with both fascination and horror. Crouching, he picked up the pot. The plants didn't react to the sunlight as the spider did – he held it up to the sun, watching as they seemed to strain towards the warmth. Luffy watched him, unmoving.

"Is this really a big deal?" he asked skeptically. "Because he has plants everywhere outside, so what if this is a secret greenhouse, or something?"

"Judging by his unmanly shrieking and panicking, I doubt it."

Both of them heard a clatter of sound moving about downstairs, and then crowded within the doorway to see Sanji pulling a propane tank behind him, along with a torch. He was cursing each one, clumsily trying to hold onto them both.

"What an idiot," Law muttered. "He's going to blow up his own house."

"He's so funny!" Luffy laughed. "Look at him, practically _peeing_ his pants in fear! He's like a girl!"

"Well, he's gay, so…"

"I thought so. I've never seen a man wear their clothes so tight and neat at the same time."

Law lifted an eyebrow at this observation, Luffy tilting his head with mystification.

_What an idiot_, Law thought. He then tossed the pot of plants down at Sanji. "Catch."

Sanji barely caught it in time, soil and plants crashing against his windbreaker. He was forced to drop his killing supplies, sputtering as dirt splattered up against his mouth and chin.

Descending the stairs, Law said, "You've lived here since you were a kid, and that old man said nothing about cultivating weird plants and spiders? Perhaps this is your own personal origin story…"

"Absolutely not! I might be a…black widow of sorts, but I'm definitely not something I absolutely fear most in this world." Sanji wiped his chin, then looked at the plants with unease. They seemed to wilt, pulling back into the soil until only the mouths remained. Those opened wide, revealing pink walls and a tiny opening that suggested throats. The sight was unsettling, and he held it at arm's length, moving into the kitchen to deposit the pot onto the counter. Luffy followed, uncapping and capping the can of spider killer in hand, the noise causing Law to reach back and stop the unnecessary noise with a swat of his hand.

"If I had known I was living in a shitty house of horrors…" Sanji whimpered, shivering violently.

"Why would they grow there?" Luffy asked him curiously, inviting himself to sit on the counter alongside the pot of plants while Law lingered on the stairway.

He narrowed his eyes. "Maybe this is associated with your unicorn…"

"There's a _unicorn_?" Luffy whispered with utter fascination.

Sanji gave Law an impatient look, then looked at Luffy. "There is _no_ unicorn. There is only death in this house."

"People _died_ here?"

"There are spiders up there in that attic that are obviously death – tending to those things," Sanji said, trailing off as he looked to the pot with disbelief. He found a fork in one of the drawers, and prodded at it with the tines. The mouths shifted away from the abuse. He looked shocked once more, erupting with shivers. "You said there was a nest of them…"

"Yeah, in the corner. They're huge, too, so I don't know if you want to keep sleeping in the room underneath it because there was a hole in that wall and I can see a really fancy dresser with a mannequin in the corner – "

"I. Don't. Have. A. _Mannequin_," Sanji said with short clips, looking absolutely terrified. "My room is right underneath that - !"

Law watched him from the corner of his eye because he was sure Sanji was going to faint.

To Luffy, he asked, "Are you sure it was a mannequin?"

"Yeah, covered in vines like these ones. It was just standing there, not doing anything….it _looked_ like a mannequin. I didn't say anything because people have weird tastes for decoration," Luffy said with bewilderment. He looked at Law. "Like your room. I almost thought you were living in trash but I came to understand that it was the only way you could hide the proof of your snacking crimes."

"That isn't trash, that's depression. Plant people, plant tending spiders, unicorns…what other secrets are you hiding here?" Law then accused Sanji, who braced himself against his own knees and wheezed slowly. "What did the old man die of, anyway? How did you kill him?"

"He had a heart attack. Basic, run of the mill heart attack from overworking himself. He refused to allow me the pleasure of killing him myself. It was surprising when he'd given me everything of his, anyway," Sanji answered sharply. He looked so pale that Law thought he was only remaining standing for the sheer will of it. His lips were actually blue.

"You're going to have one right in front of us."

"It's better that than dying from a bite from one of those things!"

Luffy looked fascinated once more. "What if when you _die_ these spiders lay eggs in you?"

Sanji choked on his spit.

"Luffy, go upstairs and check that room for a mannequin," Law ordered, the teen leaping off the counter and taking the stairs two at a time. Law then looked at Sanji once more, seeing the cold sweat beading upon his skin like a shimmering coat. "You _have_ to have known that this weird shit was happening here."

"I didn't, that's the thing," Sanji wheezed, hand over his left breast.

"So this weird shit was always present, but you never questioned it?"

"I was convinced this house was haunted, not _infested_!" Sanji drew in a deep breath. "I have to sell it. I have to sell everything. _Tonight_. Move to Neo Tokyo!"

"Is that in San Francisco? You'd fit right in."

"…How are you so calm?"

"It's not my house, so…"

Sanji exhaled, reaching out to grip Law's collar. Law thought he was going to choke him and stiffened up, but the younger man just leaned up against him, breathing with effort. It was an awkward moment.

"I'm so _frightened_," Sanji wheezed, trembling mightily. "I only feel safe with you…"

Law furrowed his brow, lips curling with revulsion at Sanji thinking he could get any comfort from him. He managed to brace away from him, pushing the younger man away. "Stop hitting on me."

"What? It's not working?" Sanji asked with confusion, looking dramatically better as he gave Law a bewildered look. "Well, I thought a little drama would get you to shift some gears, get the blood pumping, but you truly are dead to other people's emotions."

"I don't know why you have such outrageous expectations, but it's your own fault," Law told him skeptically. Then he wore a bewildered expression, wondering why Sanji would even make that effort with _him_. Before he could even insult the other man's intelligence, Luffy caught their attention by leaping down the stairs, collapsing at the base of them.

"You break something and die, I'm not responsible," Sanji warned him. "I'll just throw your body into that crawlspace up there to get rid of the evidence!"

"There's no mannequin," Luffy reported as he stood, brushing himself off. Law wondered if he were made of rubber – that impact looked as if it didn't even bother him. "I looked everywhere!"

"There is someone living in my house, taking advantage of the fact that I'm barely here," Sanji then stated, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. He signaled Luffy to come forward to him, which Luffy abided to with a puzzled expression. Sanji used a dish rag to remove the spiderwebs from him, dusting off his back. Luffy looked at Law with outrage, clearly looking for his interference. "I rule out my brothers, because they lack the intellectual capacity to carry out such a deliberate ruse."

Luffy twisted away from his moving hands. "Maybe it's your neighbor! Kidd! That guy always looks like he's up to something! He was trying to force me into his vegetarian views and I can't trust someone who doesn't eat meat. They're up to something with their radical agendas."

Sanji sneered at the concept while Law wore a heavy expression with Luffy's judgement.

"Mr and Mrs Welch look suspicious, too. They're too happy."

"They're still in the honeymoon stage, so it's expected," Sanji said with a shrug.

"And Ms Helena's _cat_! He looks like he works for the devil himself!"

Law looked at Luffy with surprise. "How long have you been here?"

"Since Monday night. I know everyone, Lamie introduced me," Luffy said proudly. "But I only remember the houses that had the most delicious smells. _Those_ are the houses that stood out the most, but it was Bart that gave me the rundown on each one. He has a ring in his nose – like a cow!"

Sanji suddenly lit up. "Come along, brat, you're going on another adventure. There's webs in the basement I absolutely need you to remove."

"Can't you do it yourself? I don't wanna work…I'd rather go to school than work."

"No, you will do this because I will _die_."

"You're so _dramatic_!"

"And you've got too much energy! You do these tasks, and I'll…repay you with lunch," Sanji then negotiated, causing Luffy to brighten up. "That's only _after_ you remove every damn web and spider you find, including those things up there. Understood?"

"Crystal!"

Sanji looked to Law. "What about you?"

It had been awhile since Law had been included with anything – he felt pressured to feel some sort of comradery with the unusual events here, and to get along with the pair that seemed to easily stick together. He didn't feel like he was worth it, nor did he feel like the pair actually valued his input. It felt to Law that they were only tolerating him because Law couldn't think anything positive of himself that was important to others.

"I'm going home," Law decided, feeling uneasy.

"Aw, you don't want to find more treasure with us?" Luffy asked him with disappointment. "But you were having so much fun!"

"Does this face _look_ like it's been having fun?"

"It could use a shave…?"

"Okay. Don't step into any unicorn shit in the yard on your way back. You might get turned into a pleasant person, and that would freak me out," Sanji told him, herding Luffy towards the nearby hall, where he opened the basement door with flair. Law watched them both tromp down that stairway, then looked at the potted plant.

He felt like he'd just experienced whiplash. It was overpowering and too much to take in when he already felt overwhelmed. One strange thing had turned right into the other, and he had trouble keeping up with it. Convinced he was sold bad weed, Law headed back to his basement.

: :

Law was clutching the crumpled twenty dollar bill in hand when Larry entered, looking at him with reluctance. Law's thoughts were so scattered and heavy that it took him a moment to read his father's expression. He was struggling to convince himself to leave the house to go find something to eat but he was also reluctant to leave anyway. After seeing himself in the mirror, Law had trouble believing that he wanted to be seen at all. He was a mixture of damaged emotions and he hated himself for struggling with them at all. His stomach gurgled noisily to remind him he'd yet to eat; his desire to actually feed himself was still missing in action. So he clutched that bill in one hand and struggled to find focus in what he actually _wanted_.

"Luffy said you guys hit it off well," Larry said lightly, hands in his pockets to hide their nervousness. "I'm real glad you guys are getting along. He's such a lost kid, no one knows what to do with him."

Law swallowed tightly, looking at the mess that surrounded his bed. His back ached.

"I guess Sanji's back, so he's been over there. It sounds like he had a real great day – asides the fact that he skipped school. The old man, Garp, said Luffy had a hard time staying in school. Always starting fights, not settling down…they tried the pill route, they advise coffee in the evening to counteract his hyperactivity…it's only for a little while."

Law found it difficult to say anything at all. His mind was so scattered. He looked at Larry, struggling to formulate words that would fit with any appropriate response.

Larry misunderstood his expression; the smell of marijuana use was evident, so he attributed Law's voicelessness to that. He gave a tired sigh.

"I've come to ask that you not smoke around him," Larry finally said, looking at Law with a wince. "There's no telling how that affects him, and he's already talking about spiders in Sanji's house, finding weird plants…I'd love to have a talk with Sanji but some guy already dropped by his place to pick him up for work. Maybe you can pass on the message to have him come see me."

Upset, Law worked his jaw from side to side. It felt like he'd swallowed his tongue. His heart was starting to race again, and it caused him so much pain to feel like he'd have to have a panic attack just from being lectured by his own father. So Law rose from the bed, leaving Larry in silence. Larry watched after him with a frustrated expression, and Law walked out into the night without his shoes. He headed to the front of the house, opening and swinging the wooden gate closed, and gave a sound of defeat.

He looked up to see Kidd sitting on his front porch – smoking and enjoying a can of beer. The moment he saw Law he waved wildly, speaking around his cigarette.

"Hey, Trafalgar! You're out early!" he called out.

Law stood there between driveway and front walkway, listening to the steady sounds of the neighborhood. Everyone was inside, having dinner and enjoying their evening shows. The streetlights were on, and it was still dark enough to go unnoticed down the sidewalks. He felt comfort in not being seen and identified. He then impulsively changed direction and headed over to Kidd's, the redhead watching him with suspicion.

After a few moments, Law asked, "You see a lot of people wandering around the neighborhood?"

"Just the usuals," Kidd answered gruffly. He gave Law's bare feet a skeptical look before looking up at his face. "I haven't seen anything interesting since Mr Snyder beat Bart's ass for trying to steal off with his wife."

"Oh," he added hastily, "I met the new kid. He's a little much. How you going to live with that? You can barely stand pretty little Lamie."

"State one more word about my sister in that perverted tone, and I'll use that cigarette to stab out your left eye," Law warned.

"_Whatever_." Kidd looked up at him with concern. He said grimly, "The big guy that comes get that homo got pissed, tonight. Sanji was going on and on about stupid flowerpots and that guy actually wanted one of them. And I _shit you not_, Trafalgar, those plants _screamed_."

It took several moments, but Law lifted an eyebrow. Kidd shot to his feet, insisting, "They did, those things did! And both of them – like Sanji wigged out hearing it, but that big guy…_look_! He threw the pot, it's still over there. And Ms Helena's cat won't go near it – look, he's still hiding in the bush over there. Since you don't value life, go check it out for me."

Law turned, wearing a skeptical expression. Sure enough, he saw the remnants of a brightly colored flowerpot scattered near the sidewalk, broken. Dark soil spotted the sidewalk. The cat with the bushy tail was perched low underneath one of Sanji's rose bushes, staring at the mound of potting soil and green. He'd seen enough crazy for today to have no doubt of Kidd's claim, but to apply the concept of plants having the voice to scream made him feel uneasy.

He looked back at the redhead. "Are you a sissy, Kidd? It would make plenty of sense…"

Kidd snarled at him, rising to his feet. He finished his cigarette, threw it into the full coffee can nearby to lead the way. Law followed after him. Once they reached the mess, Law could see that the plants with mouths on them were actually in the process of shriveling and dying. One of them kept opening and closing, as if gasping for air. Kidd's lined eyes widened, then he bent in for a closer examination. Law reached out and lightly pushed him, causing him to stumble. Kidd caught himself hastily with a wild dance of his feet and reacted with a fist cocked back to punch, but Law was already smiling at him with amusement.

"You _asshole_," Kidd snarled at him, waving his thick fist around before reluctantly lowering his arm. But he looked back at the plants, noticing that the cat hiding underneath the bush nearby was growling low. He crouched, grabbing a rose bush twig to prod at the shriveling greens. One of them lifted its head to snap upon the twig, causing Kidd to punch it with one meaty fist in reaction. When he lifted his hand to examine the damage, the green splatter and clinging potted soil caused his brow to furrow. "What is this? Some sort of cactus?"

"With teeth," Law mused. It was pretty brave of Kidd to touch it with his bare skin. "Now you're infected. Whatever it is, it'll absorb into your skin. Probably by tomorrow, you'll be sprouting leaves."

"I'm a vegetarian, so it's fine," Kidd mused, standing as he wiped his hand off on his pants. It caused Law some alarm to hear this statement. "Then I'll turn into some sort of swamp creature. I've been keeping up on my Crossfit workouts, so I'm pretty buff. I'll eat everyone on this block to clear me some room, then settle on dominating the entire city. Unstoppable. So you better start begging for your life right now, get a head start."

Law watched him, unsure of his own judgement of Kidd's mighty imagination. Everything about his statement was contradictory.

With the heel of his Converse shoe, Kidd then proceeded to stomp on the plants. Dragging his foot all over the sidewalk and causing a rather unmerciful slaughter. The cat looked startled, rising up with alert ears and wide eyes.

"They're not making any sounds," he observed with frustration, Law watching him work with doubt. He smeared every plant stem and head that he could, effectively killing every one of them. "I swear on my mother's right hand that they screamed when they saw that big guy. Maybe he's the head plant eater. Mega Vegan Man, my own nemesis."

"Your imagination knows no bounds."

"Plants fear vegans, Trafalgar. So you might as well as start accepting that." Hands on his hips, Kidd looked at Law with smug victory. "Look at this place – it's swarming with plants. Always had. Even the ancient old man that lived here was doing his best to contribute to the honeybee colonies. I remember him always yelling at that homo to get on his hands and knees to help. It was like he had a vendetta against desertscaping and challenged the city's policies on water conservation efforts."

"Sometimes you alarm me, Kidd," Law confessed. "I never know when and how to take you seriously when you open up your mouth. I can't even find the proper words to insult you – you do it on your own."

"I'm tellin' ya, Trafalgar…something fishy with this place. Can't trust it." Kidd squinted up at the dark house with its warm, porch lights and solar powered lightbulbs strung along the front walkway.

Law rolled his eyes, then began to meander down the sidewalk, thinking he should walk now to buy his food before it was too late. He stubbed his toes on a broken section of sidewalk and stumbled – realizing he was without his shoes, he turned and hobbled back to the house; his motivation to buy food was gone.

Kidd frowned after him with disappointment, the cat slowly investigating for himself the remains of the plants. Looking down at the animal, Kidd watched the cat's ears lay back, a low growl erupting from it before it suddenly sprang away, darting across the street.


	5. Chapter Four

**Naghi-Tan**: Luffy enjoys the finer side of adventure and danger, lol and he just hit the jackpot with Sanji's house! Law will start to feel braver, soon. Little does he know how big of a part he is in this weird, weird world

**VisitorNo.18**: Ha ha! And it got even weirder! It fits my dream, though lol. This is all the product of a dream I had and I didn't get to see the ending so we'll find out together how it winds up lol It's not as much horror as it is just a trippy dream tainted by angst and weirdness XD

**Mazout**: Well, in this fic, Papa Zeff wasn't as good as I like him to be D: But because of him, Sanji is somewhat free! I definitely imagine Sanji's appearance here in this fic as he was in that Hungry Days commercial (aghhhhhhh so pure and gay and twirling with absolute boyish gayness omggggg I could just _die_) But now maybe we'll learn why Law walked away without much injury from a terrible car accident – and his natural reaction to a brilliant Sanji (who hurts his eyes) is a product of their interaction. This fic will just get weirder and weirder. Hopefully this chapter detailed a little of why Katakuri is in Sanji's personal space – more to come. I promise this fic will be a little lighter, if not stranger – and definitely influenced by the supernatural in fantasy lol

**Chapter Four**

* * *

In the full body mirror, Sanji examined his outfit with a critical eye. Wearing a silver shirt with shiny white flowers underneath a black vest, black tie in place and over some artfully white jeans and white Crocs, Sanji nodded in approval. He sprayed some cologne over himself then leapt from one end of the room to the other, giving a melodic greeting to his empty house. He then slid atop of the banister down to the first floor, slipped into the kitchen and withdrew his sunny watering can from beneath the sink to fill that up.

Sanji was often a very bright and flashy personality, but he wasn't a pushover, either. He had been bullied since childhood and cast out because of his orientation; he learned early on that men like him were supposed to be easy and soft but while he admitted that he was a softie, he definitely wasn't easy, either.

Which was a problem with most of those he attempted to date. Men his age expected one thing from him, and it wasn't his money or witty comments. He never gave them a chance to tell them that he was still waiting for that romantic moment he'd always envisioned since he was a child; that perfect atmosphere and setup with exactly the right amount of candles and the right amount of muscle and the perfect words and the right sort of pampering that he was sure to be made putty from. None of these men did it right. Therefore, they didn't deserve him.

But while Sanji was "untouched", he wasn't pure. Older men that were past their prime were his usual targets. They were safe because they needed medication to work, but they were grateful for his attention and usually gave him whatever he wanted in return. He didn't feel like he was taking advantage of them – he was brightening their day by giving them words they hadn't heard in a long time, allowing them to watch him, making them feel young again. The moment they tried pushing any further for any type of physical contact was when Sanji would pirouette away from their lives, targeting another man to fill the void.

Zeff had been a good father figure for stepping in where Sanji's family didn't, but he wasn't any good, either. He was the one to set Sanji up with his friends for some extra cash on the side, and Sanji learned fast how to manipulate and put on a show to defend himself. Either by way of guilt or payment, Zeff had willed Sanji everything he had in the event that he passed. Sanji had felt grateful for him because at least now all of his life's adventures was under his terms, his conditions. The only thing missing from his life was True Love.

Sanji was loosely in love with his older neighbor. The first time Sanji had seen Law was years ago. He'd seen the older boy pull up to the driveway with his girlfriend, and when Sanji had started to dismiss the uptight older boy with nerd glasses and nerd attitude, it was the way he opened the door for his girlfriend and carried her purse into the house for her while she chatted away on her phone that caught Sanji's fancy. Sanji's ideals of romance were gained from movies. If a man couldn't open his car door or send him flowers or promise a candle lit night with rose petals on the bed or gift him a romantic trip to Paris, then there was no point in it.

Admittedly, his ideals for love were extraordinarily high because of his childhood of horrors; they were a defense mechanism but he really wasn't aware of that.

All he knew right now was that love was hard to find and men were impossible to please, but being kind to those who needed it was easy.

And after the car accident, it was obvious Law was in need of kindness. Sanji found it no effort at all to bust into his trash dump of a room and run the man ragged with chores that were designed to give the man some physical effort in order to chase away an impending heart attack (Zeff had died so suddenly that heart attacks were one of Sanji's secret fears). He enjoyed their banter, he enjoyed being someone Law looked at with disgust because Sanji knew what kind of effect he had on him. He was too bright for Law, and that was a positive thing for Sanji. Law, in his prime, was Sanji's ideal fantasy of love; he knew he could never be the Girlfriend but he could use Law to insert into Sanji's hopeful Maybes and Possibilities; keep him grounded, in a way.

Sanji watered his flower collection on the pool deck and looked over at the Trafalgar house. It was way too early – Law had to be asleep. Patty was clipping stoically at her own flower boxes, so he called out her name and waved at her. She managed an enthusiastic wave back but her eyes were shadowed with trouble and her mouth tight. Sanji knew she didn't look the same since Law came back home – her son wore her soul and heart ragged.

_The real enemy here was the Girlfriend_, Sanji thought. _Why can't they focus their anger on her rather than him? Succubus!_

"How's it going, Mrs Trafalgar?" Sanji asked, leaning up against the deck railing to look over. "You look radiant, today. I really love how that turquoise in your shirt brings out the highlights in your hair."

Patty stumbled a bit, patting at her plain ponytail. But she managed a genuine smile, looking down at her office outfit with fluster. "Oh! Thank you, Sanji. This is one of my favorite colors…"

"I really liked that sheath you were wearing, what was it, two weeks ago? You should _totally_ pair that with the purple flats and the gold belt – I bet Larry would just light up! Have mad parent sex in the hallway upstairs."

Patty blushed hotly, caught off guard by Sanji's suggestion. She didn't know quite how to tell him he was overstepping boundaries or that he should rein himself in. But she couldn't find too much fault with him – he was still that big headed little kid with too serious eyes that had followed Old Man Zeff around like a loyal puppy.

It was still a struggle to think of him as gay – even with the evidence pouring out from his mouth and clothing choices. Since Sanji wasn't outright about it and never seemed to bring men around, it would feel like a social faux pas to even _assume_ of it right in front of him.

"Oh! Those are…really bright colors to combine, you really think it's okay?" she asked tentatively.

"Mom, you can trust Sanji's choices on this," Lamie said, emerging from the backdoor with cookies in hand. Her school uniform in place, Lamie had left her hair down and smiled with all the cheer a high school senior could. "Good morning, Sanji!"

"Good _morning_, Lamie!" _Spoiled brat_. "Hey, how'd you do with that shopping trip from the other day?"

"Oh my god, so we went to every store in that mall and couldn't find a thing! If it's okay with you, maybe my friend and I can visit you later for some suggestions?"

"Oh? You'll use me as a chaperone?" Sanji asked curiously, looking at Patty with doubt while she looked at Lamie with alarm.

Flustered, Lamie said hastily, "Oh, it's not what you think, really, it's not that we're doing anything inappropriate - !"

"Hi everyone!" Luffy called out, startling them all by jumping out from his bedroom window. Patty looked at him with utter dismay while Lamie's head jerked up and down at the height with surprise. Luffy yawned and stretched, wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Once he saw that they were talking to Sanji, he waved at him brightly, hurrying over. "Hi, Sanji! Did you cook breakfast yet? I was thinking about those Belgium waffles you were talking about the other day, and – _hey_, did you get rid of the spiders, yet? I thought you were going to call the exterminator but _I _wanted to be there when it happened because I wanted to see them shrivel up in the sunlight like the other one…_ugh_, what are you wearing, is that for a wedding? Never mind, I'm going to go eat something from your kitchen, okay? Don't worry Mrs Trafalgar, I'll still eat breakfast over there, too!"

"I'm so sorry, Sanji," Patty apologized to Sanji as Luffy invited himself over to Sanji's house, walking into the house while still talking over his shoulder. Lamie ate her cookies with a sort of subdued air. "He's just…a ball of hungry energy!"

"Oh, no, it's fine," Sanji told her, waving her concern away. "I have no problem putting him to work."

"He needs to go to school, and I'm – I don't want him causing any trouble with you, just send him home if he gets to be too much…"

"It's nothing at all, Mrs Trafalgar. He's been quite useful to me since he introduced himself by drowning in my pool."

Lamie giggled. "He's really adventurous! But…I think he's not fitting in very well. I think it's important to be nice to him for just this little while…"

_It's convenient when you know it's short term, eh_? Sanji thought shrewdly.

"Anyway, I'd love to be the chaperone for later," Sanji then told her with a dazzling smile. "Any time after school would be great."

"What about work?"

"Who says I have to work _every_ day? Just bring him over, and no worries, Mrs Trafalgar," he then assured Patty, who looked at Lamie nervously, "I'm not a 'cool' neighbor. I'll snitch on anyone acting out inappropriately."

"It's not what you think!" Lamie laughed while Patty nodded with uncertainty.

Once the pair left and he was sure they were out of earshot, he lit up a cigarette. Luffy emerged from his sliding doors, mouth bulging with various fruits and pastries that Sanji had intended on taking to work. He somehow yawned while Sanji wondered with fright just how much the kid could actually hold in his mouth.

"I'm not ready to go to school," Luffy complained, but Sanji had no idea what he said. "I don't wanna. I'm too dumb, and no one likes me. I just want to stay here – wouldn't it be alright? I mean, there's plenty I can do here, isn't there?"

"Don't talk with your mouth full," Sanji warned him, flicking ashes to the side. "You'll choke and die and I'll claim the insurance money from your death. Tell everyone I'm in the middle of transitioning and still have my uterus and you made me pregnant so…don't die."

Luffy pulled an apple from his mouth and chewed, looking extremely puzzled. "I've got absolutely no idea what you just said, Sanji. Are you a foreigner?"

"…Er…no…?"

"I peg you as something…European. Are you European or gay?"

"…Hmm…_yes_…"

It took Sanji a few moments to see that it wasn't an apple he recognized. He snatched it from him, but Luffy pulled out half of a pear from between his teeth and cheek, then tucked his Danish into his shirt collar for later. Tossing the slobbery apple up and down a few times in his hand, Sanji studied the color and condition of the fruit before bringing it up to his eye.

"This is a Pink Lady apple…organic…you can tell by the size. This is not an apple I normally keep in my home," Sanji said grimly, looking to his kitchen with suspicion.

"I just pulled it out from the pantry in that basket, I didn't know," Luffy said, swallowing. "Apples are apples unless they're those small green ones that make me shit – "

"Just one of them?"

"No, there was two. I ate the other one, though. It was real juicy and good. How come you don't have any cereal in this house? Do you not like cereal? Also, why are all the towels in the same color spectrum? Oh, and I had some questions – is everything alphabetized, or is that a coincidence? You know, they say single people die faster than married people so I have this _crazy_ idea that you're going to die sooner because you're way too anal about things, which made me think that you aren't entirely gay? Because I don't think you'd even _want_ to do anal because you're just too clean. Can I have some juice, or do I have to make it myself? "

Sanji frowned at him, finishing his cigarette. "I don't know where to start, so I'm going to have to answer this very simply with a…_yes_."

Luffy looked at him, eyes rounding with puzzled action. "I just met you, I don't think you should die _that_ early…"

"Out of everything you just said to me, you chose _that_ one to cling to?"

"Strawberries makes my lips tingle. Did you know that the taste of grape and actual grapes don't actually taste like grapes? So Grape Crush is a lie."

Sanji stuffed his cigarette butt into the full coffee can nearby and strode into his kitchen. He went immediately to the china hutch and opened the door. Sure enough, there was a bag of grain sitting there, and he froze at the sight of it. Luffy followed, eating from his pear half and the Danish with alternating bites. Frozen, Sanji felt bewildered. Law wasn't lying about feeding the unicorn that one day. He tapped at the Ziploc mouth with a finger, not even certain where this type of grain was sold from.

"Is that oatmeal cereal?" Luffy asked cautiously. "Because I don't like oatmeal."

"Unless you're a unicorn."

"Pretty sure I don't have a horn growing out of my forehead."

Sanji then scanned his kitchen for something out of place, and noticed the note near the sink. It definitely wasn't there before he spoke to the women next door. Straightening away from the floor, with one ear on Luffy's tale about last night's dinner, Sanji reached out and pulled the note up from the counter.

'Two Pink Lady Apples, one cup of grain for the unicorn,' it read. 'He's hungry. Please feed soon.'

Sanji looked to Luffy with suspicion, then sent the note down as the teen continued to eat. When he noticed Sanji's expression, he lifted his eyebrows with concern. Unable to stay still, he bounced on his heels. "What? What'd I do now? I was just standing here, I didn't do anything!"

"What is this?" Sanji asked him, showing him the note.

Luffy glanced at it then at him. He shook his hips ever so slightly, to some beat that neither of them could hear. He then started thumping the countertop with a fist, ever so slightly upping the connection to cause his knuckles some pain. "You're showing me something and asking me to know what it is, but I don't know what it is."

"Read it."

"I…don't want to. But I didn't write that. My handwriting's not even that neat, that's a girl's handwriting. Besides," Luffy added, wiping his hands onto his dirty shirt as Sanji looked at the note with renewed suspicion, "I bet one of the mannequins did it. Those ones in your room. Didn't you do something about that? Why don't you just kick their ass? I saw that you can kick past your head when you were kicking at the daddy long legs in the web and - !"

"Luffy, _shush_," Sanji then advised, furrowing his brow as he studied the handwriting. It was nothing like he'd seen – it almost seemed as if whomever had written it had just learned how to write. He glanced at the teen, noticing how uneasy Luffy had been to read the plainly lettered note. He deduced that Luffy had some sort of reading problem, and didn't want to embarrass the teen in that sense. It would make sense why he didn't like school.

"Then someone just left this note while I was outside talking to the ladies? Doesn't make any sense. My doors are locked, no one can come in…no one else has a key."

"I wouldn't do it," Luffy mumbled, "but I wanna see the unicorn."

"Unicorns don't exist," Sanji insisted.

"Law said he saw it."

"Law is…high most of the time, it's a miracle we can actually hold a conversation with him…"

"He smells like a hippie but he doesn't like reggae music." Luffy shrugged and Sanji frowned at Luffy until he crumbled up the letter and stuffed it into his pocket. He glanced around them.

He waved Luffy off. "Go get ready for school. Don't cause those guys problems. If you can finish the day out, you can stay here the rest of it with me and we can figure this out."

"You're not going to work?"

"No. I don't have to. If I have company, it can't be helped. Now, go."

"Where's your family, Sanji? Why do you live in this old house by yourself?" Luffy asked instead, clinging to the counter like he expected Sanji to drag him away. Sensing the push for distraction, Sanji did grab him by the waist, tossing him up onto his shoulder. Despite himself, Luffy gave a surprised shout, reddening from the neck down. "Aw, man, don't carry me! I look like a sissy!"

"My family is this house and neighborhood," Sanji said brightly, walking out the front door and then using his free hand to point up at the porch eaves. "See that nest there?"

"Yeah…"

"Count how many birds are there."

"Uh…three?"

"See that soap container there? Get that, dump a couple of drops into this watering can, here, then put some water in it from the hose there," Sanji then instructed, pointing at each in turn before letting Luffy down onto the ground. He lit up another cigarette. "Do it quickly, because you need to get onto school."

Luffy sighed with a frustrated face, but he set about to do what he'd been instructed to do.

"Don't do it, kid! Don't let that hag boss you around!" Kidd shouted from his house, cupping his mouth to do so. Sanji whipped his head in that direction as Luffy looked up with a start. "He's gonna want payment in some form or another."

"Since you stopped sleeping with me, I have to get it from somewhere!" Sanji bellowed shrilly and at top volume, causing Kidd to jerk with reaction. "I can't get enough of your dick, Kidd, and you're withholding it from me! What else am I supposed to do?"

"_SHUT UP_!"

Luffy snickered as he filled the water can from the nearby hose. Then he looked to Sanji for more instruction, the blond leaning over to turn off the water and pull the hose from his busy hand.

"Dump that on the lawn, right over there," Sanji then instructed, blowing his hair from his face.

"Why?" Luffy asked with a puzzled face, doing as Sanji had asked. He looked at the blond with a startled expression as soap water collected in white caps around the green strands of the lawn. "Am I doing this right? _Why_ am I doing this? Am I doing dishes on your lawn? Oh, I know what it is! You're going to do a slip and slide!"

"Warm, soapy water encourages the worms to pop out. In return, those babies there get fed," Sanji told him, lighting up another cigarette. Luffy looked confused, looking from soapy lawn to nest before lowering the can to his side. "Get to school. Don't cause trouble. Do good, and I'll have stuff for you to do when you get here."

"With a snack? Don't talk to the unicorn without me, either," Luffy then said, tossing him the watering can and sluggishly moving towards the Trafalgar house with a heavy sigh.

"With a snack! Stay out of trouble!" Sanji assured him, then looked over with a bitter expression as he saw Kidd come up to his yard, looking over at him with an expression of disgust. "Hey, Axel Rose, I didn't ask for you to approach me in broad daylight. I don't want my neighbors gossiping about what we do together, I'm embarrassed that I chose you."

"Shut up, those are lies! I'll murder you one day!" Kidd vowed, flipping him off. "I was just curious what you were doing with weird plant things with mouths."

Sanji remembered Katakuri throwing one of the strange flowerpots at his lawn yesterday. But he was surprised that Kidd was witness to the unusual event. "You saw that?"

"_Duh_. Was it supposed to be a secret? Everyone notices when that guy is around because everyone _but me_ is afraid of that guy."

Sanji glanced over in the direction Katakuri had thrown it. He remembered the terrible sounds the plants had made as the older man grasped the flowerpot, looking surprisingly furious as he did so. The shards of the flowerpot had seemed to shrivel into mushrooms, and he ventured into that direction for a closer look. Sure enough, the dark soil remained but the remains of the pot had turned into odd, dark mushrooms with unreasonably square shapes. Kidd stood over him, bent at the knees.

"That's…there were no mushrooms last night," he murmured in a puzzled voice. "Just pieces of this and that. And plants, but it looks like your sprinkler system washed away the evidence of their murder underneath my heel."

Sanji saw faint streaks of green on the sidewalk. He exhaled around the butt of his cigarette and straightened up. "Someone's been to my house and leaving me strange gifts," he then said on a puzzled tone. He looked at Kidd suspiciously. "Tell me now, I won't be that mad – but was it you?"

"_NO_!" Kidd bellowed at him, huffing. "Absolutely _not_, I'm into _women_, man, _women_! None of this homo bullshit, I don't do – "

"What makes you think I'm gay anyway?" Sanji asked him with bewilderment. "It's not like I go around flying rainbow flags and – "

Once he realized Kidd was giving his outfit a look, Sanji huffed. "_Any who_, if you see something strange let me know. I don't know what's happening around here, anymore."

"This neighborhood is a safe place," Kidd said, "but that biker dude is one suspicious piece of shit. I don't trust him. No doubt about it, he's cased the entire joint and is targeting the elderly."

"Yeah, pretty much," Sanji agreed with him. "Maybe you should shoot him or something when you see him. I'll give you twenty bucks and a bag of Hot Cheetos if you do. And I'll cease the rumors of us sleeping together."

Kidd stared incredulously at him for several moments, waiting for Sanji to retract the statement. "You're so cheap and petty, it's ridiculous."

"That man is a man of God, Kidd," Sanji then lowered his voice to say quietly, "and men like those don't like men like you and me."

"He hasn't even _met_ me to know if he likes me," Kidd grumbled, Sanji lifting his eyebrow as he waited for Kidd to understand what he'd meant. When he didn't, Kidd pushed away from Sanji's yard. "Anyway, I'm here all the time, and I don't see anything or anybody suspicious around here."

"Not even my brothers?"

"No one can miss those guys," Kidd said with exasperation. "They're loud and stupid. By the way, how's Trafalgar taking the whole ex marrying his friend thing? I always want to ask, but I'm scared to get some dumbass story about it. I hate his profile picture."

"Uh, well…"

"Where's he get his weed from, anyway? I never see a dude dropping by to give him the usual, so I think he gets it from wherever he gets his food. I have a guy, I know one that has some good ganja– "

"I'm nobody's drug dealer. Get the fuck out of my yard."

Kidd purposely stepped on and off Sanji's lawn, then turned and headed back to his house. Sneering after him, Sanji flicked his cigarette butt aside then went back to his kitchen. He made some juice for Luffy to enjoy later, then opened up his pantry to scan the impeccable shelves and fresh food. None of it were things that he put there. It was _just there_ when he woke up. It was something that was so common and normal that he never did give it much thought – he just assumed it was one of Zeff's remaining friends that snuck in during the night to do his friend a favor. Because of his past, Sanji hadn't any doubt that it was someone who felt guilty for his actions back then.

He remembered the spiders and the "mannequins" that Luffy had spoken of, but none of it made any sense. There was nothing bizarre about the house that hadn't been more than strange sounds and opened doors; but he wondered if Zeff had been involved in something else that was beyond Sanji's imagination.

He headed over to the Trafalgars' house, knowing that they were now all gone. Both vehicles and the moped was gone from the driveway, and pretty much everyone else in the neighborhood that had regular jobs were gone as well. He headed to the basement. He saw that Law was sleeping on his side on his tiny, twin sized bed – his sheets and blankets either slipping to the floor or in piles around him. His feet hung off the bed. As the man slept, Sanji could hear his stomach gurgling noisily. It made him feel bad to know that Law was hungry but hadn't the motivation to eat. Depression was a bitch.

He managed to sidle up to the other man's back, snuggling up to Law's wide shoulders and startling the man into a clumsy snort.

"Luffy, _get away from me_!" Law snarled into his pillow.

"It's me, honey," Sanji responded in a high falsetto. "Go back to sleep, everything's okay."

"God, _go away_!"

"God can't help you now. It's just you and me," Sanji whispered, leaning over him and biting his ear. Law shoved him off and was wide awake in moments, looking at Sanji with alarmed action. Sanji snickered, then frowned at the sight of Ina Garten grinning up at him from underneath Law's pillow. He shoved that magazine off the twin bed while Law rubbed at his eyes and struggled to look coherent. Sitting up, Sanji said, "Everyone's gone. But I wanted to share something new and exciting with you."

Law looked at him with eyes that were heavily shadowed and baggy with lack of sleep. Somewhere underneath that ratty beard was an attractive man, but he was so swollen with suffocating feelings and bad food choices that that clean cut man seemed like a myth, now.

His stomach gurgled noisily, and Law only settled a hand over it to silence it. He looked at Sanji with bewilderment. "What are you doing here?"

"I found a note. About…how to feed the unicorn. Including the bag of feed, but Luffy had already eaten the apples that was designated for it."

Law's eyebrows furrowed with immense doubt. "Did you see it, then?" he asked, voice thick with exhaustion. Sanji shivered.

"No. I just…I didn't follow any instructions. I guess I don't believe in it, I still think someone's playing a trick on me. Come to my house, I can cook you something to eat."

"I don't want anything from you. Despite what my stomach says, I'm not particularly interested in eating anything. Just…get out. Get out of my fucking house, I don't care about a fucking unicorn, I don't care about spiders, plants – none of that. Just leave me alone."

"What happened? Do you need anything other than food?"

"I don't want anything. I don't want to talk, I don't want to breathe, I don't want to waste my brain cells on senseless chatter. Get off my bed."

Sanji rose from the mattress, and Law steadily crawled back on. Watching him pull a zebra print blanket over his head, Sanji allowed a small frown on his face. But he said, "Come to my house. I'll have food delivered, how about that?"

"I don't want any of that!"

"Bring your weed," Sanji then insisted stubbornly, allowing Law his space. "Let's figure this out before Luffy comes home from school."

Some days were like this – the man overwhelmed himself with whatever it was he was drowning in and Sanji just had to wait for Law to pull out of it. He spent the rest of that morning working on rearranging his shoe collection and locking the attic door closed with a door jamb and a rope. When he noticed the time, he headed outside, catching sight of the mailman being chased by a slobbering St. Bernard.

"Hey! Blackleg!" Bartolomeo bellowed, slightly out of breath as he scrambled up atop of Sanji's Cadillac while the dog barked viciously from the tires. Sanji frowned at him, smoking from the porch. "Heard you got a real bad spider problem! I know a guy, he comes from the southern part of the city. He's a friend of a friend of a friend, and I can get you a discount if you can just confirm one thing…"

"I have an exterminator, thank you," Sanji muttered. "Where's my mail?"

"You don't have any. Nothing important, at least. Go away! Victor! _Go home_!" Bartolomeo snarled at the St. Bernard, who renewed his vicious barking. Bart screamed and drew away from the dog that attempted to crawl onto the hood. "So, how's Trafalgar taking the whole ex marrying her best friend sort of thing going? I saw the Facebook post – she looks pretty happy, so I just assumed he wasn't all about that. I haven't seen him in ages, is he real ugly, now? Is that why he doesn't come back outside?"

"Where's my mail, Bart?" Kidd bellowed from his porch. "I'm waiting on a goddamn check!"

"You don't got no mail, on my momma's life, you don't got no mail!" Bartolomeo screamed back at him, removing his hat to fan himself. His green hair was flattened around the crown, but loose, messy and damaged from the shoulders down from his constant dying. "Anyway, Blackleg, the deal is a pretty good deal. I can do it, you just gotta let me know. But I just gotta know one thing, just let me know this one thing, eh? It's not that hard to answer a stupid question, and you know me, I just got all kinds of stupid ass questions. Are you and that guy Katakuri a thing?"

Sanji stared up at him with a flat expression, crossing his arms. "I don't like that guy in any shape or form and no, absolutely revolting that you would even think that."

"Of course! Guys like him hate guys like you and vice versa, but let me know this one thing, Sanji," Bartolomeo asked, using his hands to speak, "are you European? Or just straight up gay? I have a friend that's been asking about you, so I thought I'd hook you guys up, but I don't want to make any mistakes if it turns out I was mistaken…I tried asking Luffy, but I haven't seen him around, lately."

"Because he's a kid that goes to school, Bart. And I'm not interested. I'm seeing someone."

"OH! Well, that's cool, it's not fun dying single," Bart then continued on with a shrug. "I mean, I wouldn't _know_ personally what it feels like to die single, but sometimes my buds find dead people in houses when they're delivering mail and it'd be really weird if I somehow found you dead one day and you were dead for awhile because you don't let anybody into your house or even see anyone, so, _whew_, that's a load off my mind."

"Not that I should be on your mind…"

"The only reason why you are is because I might have to comfort Lamie when she's old enough to be comforted," Bartolomeo said, looking delighted at the thought.

Sanji strode over and helped Victor onto his car. Bart shrilled, flying off the car while the dog shot after him clumsily.

"What was that about?" Kidd asked curiously, looking up from his bike in the driveway to watch Victor chase Bartolomeo down the street. "He's not even dropping mail off in people's boxes. I'm waiting for this check, I bet he has it on him somewhere."

"Go chase him down," Sanji grumbled, flicking his cigarette into a stone bird bath nestled near the waterhose and stalking back into his house. Returning to the kitchen, he saw that the doors to the pool were wide open. Puzzled, he walked to them and looked out, expecting to see Law or somebody else lingering there in his backyard. But it was empty. He saw Ms Helena's cat sitting on the fence separating their yards, bushy tail flicking lightly as those cross eyes glared at him.

Disappointed, Sanji shut the doors and locked them firmly. He turned to check on the state of his dough when he realized Katakuri was standing near his staircase, carrying what looked like a briefcase. Sanji wheezed as his insides gave a cold jolt.

"Damn you! The hell are you here, for? I didn't even see you pull up!" Sanji snarled at him once he caught his breath.

Katakuri frowned grievously down at him as he gently set the briefcase down atop of the counter. Sanji assumed he was frowning because he couldn't see his mouth.

"I told you I would be here by 11:30 to get rid of the spider problem," Katakuri said, voice full of muffled irritation. "It is now 11:43, and I'm already ten minutes behind."

"_I didn't see you pull in_."

"You were so engrossed with your limpid conversation with your neighbors that, of course, you did not see me come in. I used the back door. I parked down by the park because I tire of that redhead's foul mouth and abhorrent music."

Sanji rolled his eyes, looking at the briefcase. Katakuri removed a heavy-duty flashlight from its confines, as well as what looked like heavy duty plant killers. Puzzled, Sanji watched the older man for clues without offering any of his, but it appeared that Katakuri knew exactly what to expect. Sanji hadn't said anything about the conditions upstairs, nor what the infestation was other than a spider nest in the attic. The plants were a different matter – he had shown Katakuri those _because_ they were unusual.

He shifted uneasily. "A flashlight to kill spiders? What's that about?"

"They are not spiders. They are nannies. Nannies cannot come into contact with sunlight. This flashlight here contains enough energy to replicate sunlight."

"…'Nannies'?"

"Nannies grow the plants that you've shown me. Like bees tending to honey. Not dangerous to humans, but certainly invasive and annoying."

Sanji stared up at him with absolute bewilderment.

"Those plants grow into _people_, Sanji. I thought you would have known this, by now," Katakuri said, his tone admonishing. "You had a few here already. Where do you think you get your fresh fruits and vegetables? Do you not realize that you're treading a dangerous tight line between them and you? For your luck, they think of you as their pet and they are taking care of you. A _dangerous_ line, Sanji."

Sanji gave him an utterly bewildered look. "_Are you high_? What nonsense are you speaking of? Zeff's friends bring that shit over when I'm sleeping, I - !"

"If you had stayed where you belonged, you'd already know these things," Katakuri told him, turning away from the counter to tromp upstairs. "I will destroy them and then return in time to take you to work, tonight."

"I'm not going. I have plans with the kid next door. I'm not breaking that promise to him."

Katakuri paused in mid-step and looked over. He then descended the stairs, looking down at Sanji with a grave expression while Sanji stubbornly looked off into the other direction.

"Our people are a different breed than most, and our intertwining families are bound to certain rules and regulations that make us a population unlike the humans around us," Katakuri said. "Your brothers and your family are already doing their part to ensure their existence, and you're the only one that thinks you can do differently."

Sanji grit his teeth.

Katakuri pierced him with a stare, then glanced out the doors beyond Sanji's shoulder. His eyebrows seemed to grow heavy with absolute aversion. He gave Sanji a glance before continuing his way upstairs. "It appears you also have a unicorn problem. _Troublesome_. This whole place is troublesome."

Sanji whipped about to look out the doors, but he saw nothing that indicated a "unicorn problem".

For the next half hour, Sanji listened to the multiple screams of unearthly creatures. The house itself seemed to shudder in response, the atmosphere drawing down with a sense of deathly unease. Katakuri walked downstairs and put his murdering tools into his briefcase. But in one hand, he showed Sanji what looked like bleeding mushrooms.

Before Sanji could even accept that mushrooms were bleeding, Katakuri said, "Fairies and plants don't mix well together, Sanji. Plants like these are capable of eating fairies. If you see any more nannies, let me know. If you come into contact with a plant goblin, let me know. We are natural enemies. _We do not co-exist_. Stop denying that aspect of yourself just because you don't live with us, anymore. It'd mean a certain death."

He crushed those mushrooms within one hand, then wiped his hands over the sink. With that, he took his briefcase and headed outside, Sanji watching him leave with a sullen frown. Registering how empty his house now felt, Sanji stood at the counter with an incredible sense of disastrous guilt. He didn't know why. He knew absolutely nothing about "nannies" and plant goblins. He was still unsure if he'd heard what he had. But those things that he found in the attic, the weird occurrences around his house – there was no other explanation for it.

He was absolutely _lost_ to the concept of things he had not, apparently, grown up with. But he knew what he was. Just…it wasn't as fantastic as it should have been.

He then perked up as the side door to his garage opened up and Law walked in, smoking joint in hand and sluggish countenance drawing attention to his sloppy sweats, sweater and terrible bedhead. Clapping his hands together with glee, Sanji brightened up considerably, unable to help himself from twirling over and giving a cheerful, "Hi! You got out of bed, today, I'm ever so happy! Even slugs should enjoy the sun occasionally!"

"_Shaddup_. Damn, turn down the lights," Law complained, covering his eyes with one hand while he stumbled away from Sanji's closeness. "It's like you're a damn fairy, spreading pixie dust wherever you go."


	6. Chapter Five

**A/n: Double Chapter Post! Because this one chapter turned into two big chapters after I halved it. There was just too much detail to write D:**

**Naghi-Tan: **But a "manly fairy" XD I'm slowly delving into fantasy land here, and taking it slow – the dream I based this on didn't have all these details, so it's new to me lol! Noisy neighbors are the worst – you can't do a thing without them asking you about what you were doing with who you were with and making it into a big deal. Katakuri's mystery will be revealed in the next chapter – because I am blasting out all the details in these two chapters!

**Mazout**: Lol Sanji is a "Yes" and that's it XD I see too many memes floating around and get influenced a lot by them. That was one of them. Sanji's definitely a magical dude to endure it, but this is definitely a slow burn story. He's got a big crush on Law's feelings – maybe in this magical journey he can figure himself out as well. This chapter takes on a bigger dimension that just falls straight into hell – it's the details I'm sorting out along the way to make it a clearer picture. I sometimes end up editing them after posting because I forgot a detail or two to stand out – it's the little things that matter the most. That marketing was amazing! Who knew! One Piece x noodles would send fans into such a wild tumble! That video was practically an unannounced movie! :D I searched for Law everywhere in that video and am shocked he wasn't in there. Maybe it'll be a setup for another commercial :D :D :D

**VisitorNo.18.:** The mystery thickens! Hopefully it doesn't burn, either. I'm a bad cook – easily distracted D: The hungry unicorn is _still_ starving…

**Harmonica Smile**: hahahahahaha I stg I'm very anti IRL. Law just feels like a pot smoker to me. It's those eyes and that lazy way he carried himself when he was introduced, I swear…There's a lot of things Sanji doesn't know about himself or his circumstances, so all of them will be learning along the way! (me too, actually, since my dream didn't have all these little details…) I like Pink Ladies! They always have an air of royalty to them, idk why…I tend to lean more to Fuji apples, tbh.

**Snowflake97**: Hey back! It's totally cool – I binge read my own stories, too D: LOL I just finished rereading Terrance Loves You and couldn't stop praising myself XD. haha All your questions will be answered, except for the unicorn part. More to come in next chapter!

**Chapter Five**

* * *

Admittedly, Law was interested. His mind was fuzzy from sleep, but his interest was now piqued. Katakuri had completely cleaned out the crawlspace in the attic – all he saw left behind was dirty soil and mushrooms that looked suspiciously like they were bleeding. There was no indication of the spiders that were on the wall. He sat up underneath the circular window, puzzled by his own feelings at the situation, his smoke lifting and hanging in the sunlight. Sanji replaced the trapdoor carefully, but still ended up smashing his fingers. So as he cursed and kicked at the wall with a demonstration of pain, Law drew his mood changer to his mouth and wondered why the house felt different.

There was something about it that always felt like it wasn't always empty, but it didn't feel like a strange feeling. To notice this feeling now felt surprisingly different.

"So, that guy did it, huh?" he murmured, unable to picture the tall biker dude in exterminator gear.

"He was just here. He left a little before you came in," Sanji mentioned, then gave Law a playful smile. "You scared him away, he probably thought you were some basement swamp thing."

"I was outside in your yard, smoking. Wondering where this magical unicorn was. Why doesn't it leave behind shit piles like normal horses? Or are they just like women, and don't poop?"

"…I don't understand how such an attractive man like you thinks of things like this…"

"I am but a normal human man, so it's normal to think of things pooping."

Law returned to thinking about Katakuri in an exterminator suit. _Did a mask work as a proper replacement for the scarf he was always wearing?_ But as he gazed about, little details popped out that drove his curiosity. "That window above my head doesn't open, does it?"

"No."

"And yet, there's no lingering chemical scent from an arachnid killer, so how did he take it in that he had to kill the spiders by sunlight? And these plants…where are the pots? Did you tell him the details of the matte so that he knew what to expect?"

Sanji exhaled heavily, hand on his hip as he rested against the wall, still blowing on his crushed fingers. "I'm not sure on the details, Law. I excused myself to the kitchen. You know how I feel about spiders."

Law frowned up at him, wondering why these questions weren't easily answered. He flicked ashes to the side, and crushed them with a fingertip.

"But didn't you see him lugging out any of the trash caused as a result of the murder? There isn't even a shit stain left behind, like the spider that Luffy accidently killed the other day. So what happened to the mess?" Law narrowed his eyes with suspicion, and Sanji fiddled with his tie uncomfortably. "Everything about it reeks of something that doesn't add up."

Sanji looked at him with surprise, then lowered his hands. _Why not answer a few simple questions? _Law wondered, looking slightly puzzled. Then it occurred to him.

"He knew exactly what these things were, didn't he?" he asked, surprised.

Sanji managed an ill shrug, but his expression was guilty. Enough for Law to confirm that perhaps this guy knew exactly what was happening, and that this "house of horrors" was steadily growing into something bigger than just a simple, imagined haunting. So he blinked up at Sanji with some startled alarm, unsure of how to process this.

He decided that perhaps it wasn't his business to know.

Using the wall as support, Law pushed himself to his feet. "Not that I care, but there's a lot of things that are unusual that are occurring here, Sanji. What Kidd and I saw last night was quite strange. Katakuri gave no thought to the fact that he killed those plants in a very public setting, so let's say he suspected that no one would notice the contents the next day. Or if he wasn't comfortable with it, wouldn't he naturally want to alert everybody to the odd sight? Draw attention to something unusual? Is he that sort of a person?"

Law didn't wait for Sanji's answer, because the man's face twisted up with chagrin. After an inhale, Law continued with, "But he _didn't_ want to draw attention to it – he killed it with all the confidence of knowing that his crime would go unnoticed by the nosey neighbors and the mailman. So let's have it – did you have some sort of supernatural lover's spat?"

"_No_." Sanji tilted his head, looking pissed at the accusation. "The mystery of the unicorn and the weird plants with spiders is playing out right in front of us, and you're only focused on a very odd fantasy of that thing's and mine's relationship. Tell me, Law – is there something you want to confess?"

"Yes, actually. I was waiting for the right time to say it. Those white pants are absurd. Also, I noticed Luffy was here – that's his handprint on your leg – what are you _doing_ to my underage cousin?"

Sanji looked down at his pants to see a handprint near the back of his thigh – it bewildered him to when it could have happened. Luffy hadn't touched him but on the shoulders to steady himself when Sanji picked him up this morning. But then he noticed a detail as he pulled and stretched the fabric.

"Tell me – how many fingers are there?"

Law narrowed his eyes, not wanting to look any further but reluctantly acquiescing. His eyebrows lifted. "Four. There is…no thumb."

"Luffy _has_ a thumb."

Law looked to Sanji, frozen while the younger man attempted to wipe away the print with a swipe of his hand. Then Law realized another detail. "It's dark green, like the stains of those plants Kidd smeared onto the sidewalk. I can't believe you're involving me in this mess."

"The hand is too small to be his," Sanji pointed out dryly once Law was setting himself up to release that added concern. Because it was obvious, Law nodded slowly.

Sanji then inhaled deeply, looking troubled while he stared back at the man with consideration. Law stared back at him, his imagination limited to reality and not something out of some weird fantasy. He swallowed tightly as the silence stretched.

"Are we locking eyes, right now?"

"I'm _totally_ looking into your soul."

"Well, _stop_, that shit's personal."

"Law," Sanji then said with a certain heaviness to his tone. He steadied himself, as if readying for a fight. All of him was tight and strong, fists at his side. If he started some type of fight, he'd win, Law reasoned grimly, narrowing his eyes.

"Don't square up to me like that," he warned Sanji. "I do not believe in hitting girls. I was raised right."

Sanji broke his tight expression to look amused. "_Why would I_…? Frankly, if I 'squared up' with you, I'd definitely win. These pants are stretchy. They're from a men's yoga line for casual wear."

Law stared at him in silence, brain fizzing at the concept. He swore he could hear bubbles popping. Sanji looked terribly amused at his reaction, brightening up once more as a chuckle shook his chest. He then laughed, briefly covering his mouth with both hands.

"Did I just break your brain?"

"I'll recover somehow," Law mumbled with discomfort, unable to stop his eyes from darting down to examine those pants once more. They did look pretty stretchy – and form-fitting. Uncomfortably so. He briefly covered his eyes while Sanji continued to laugh at him.

"You're distracting me!"

"How dare you accuse _me_ of distracting _you_ when _you're_ the one wearing yoga pants!"

"I'm trying to be serious, here, idiot. I have something I want to confess before it gets any bigger."

Law wore an expression that clearly told Sanji he was not going to hear it. He made to leave, but Sanji grabbed his arm and held onto it with both hands. "You're weirding me out," Law snapped at him, jerking his arm out of his grasp. "Honestly, if you confess something totally unwelcome – I'll sue!"

"All of this stuff just started happening, and it's involving you guys, all of us guys," Sanji said grimly, face tight with apprehension. "So if I tell you now…it'll give your weed rotted brain some time to process it and actually come to a comfortable conclusion."

Law gave him a sullen look. He gave a reluctant glance to the stairway nearby as Sanji waited for the older man to give him permission to go ahead. _At least he was given a choice_, Law reasoned. Because he could walk away. But if he came back – and he knew he would because money was money – he didn't want any more surprises to pop out at him. With a heavy sigh, Law turned to face him. Excitedly, Sanji hugged him with a light hop, almost knocking them through the doorway.

"Stop touching me all the time!" Law complained, pulling away from him and straightening his stained sweater. "_Jesus_! Do I look like I want to be touched? I smell and look like this for a reason!"

"Okay, prepare yourself. You're the first one I've told this to," Sanji said eagerly, somehow glowing a little more brightly than usual with his wide smile and excited tone. Law covered his eyes with pain, then glared over at the uncovered window – blaming it for the light. After taking a deep breath, Sanji said low, "I'm actually a fairy."

Law stared down at him in silence, chin involuntarily tucked back into doubles. He could hear their neighbors outside – the calm rolling tires of passing cars, the bark of dogs, the songs of birds. He was quite aware of sirens in the distance, and the quiet rumble of a plane moving overhead. But Sanji looked up at him with nervous worry, waiting for his response.

Law had to look him over once more – the carefully styled hair, the flashy shirt, the style of his "tight" clothes, the fact that he was willingly wearing Crocs as a fashion statement. He had the thought that Sanji was telling him one thing, but he'd already drawn a conclusion with something that wasn't Sanji's aim. What blew him out of the water was the utter seriousness in Sanji's expression and attitude.

It was unreal how big and bright his eyes were. His Girlfriend often did that same expression when she was in need of something. For some reason, that image felt unwelcome for this moment. For the first time, it annoyed him to remember her when these things didn't involve her.

"At this time," Law said slowly, "it's not a huge secret. Lamie already confessed to seeing you kiss another man in your driveway late one night. And…all of us…we had the idea already settled on our tongues every time we spoke with you."

Sanji gave him an impatient look. _Somehow_, as Law was looking at him, wings fluttered to view. Misty, swirling wings that drizzled with some sort of sparkling dust that disappeared as quickly as they appeared. These wings seemed to shimmer like moving water, waves falling onto waves with movement and contact with sunlight. Sanji's skin bloomed with a luminescent glow, and his eyes seemed to turn neon colored, a glow in the dark type of luminance. Not that he lost any sense of masculinity in it – he didn't turn magically feminine in a sense that Law was expecting with the word 'fairy'. Sanji was still a man – just with wings and a glow. Still human, just…_not_. He lit a cigarette nervously as he waited for Law to say _something_.

Law froze, staring at him with wordless appraisal. But he then looked at the smoking joint in his hand with panic.

Sanji pulled that away from him, skin glowing with the same sort of effervescence as Joy's had in that CGI emotion movie. He carefully crushed out the ember between his fingers while he waited for Law to say something. His wings fluttered ever so gently at his back as he gave Law's drug back to him, carefully folding Law's fingers over that because the taller man was absolutely shell shocked.

"I think that part was obvious," Sanji then told him lightly. "But I really am a fairy. All your gay jokes aside, you're the first human that knows about this. You should feel special."

Law covered his eyes for a few seconds, then removed his fingers enough to look at Sanji once more. Seeing that he was still a glowing man-bug, Law covered his eyes again. He wiped them downward, and saw that Sanji was waiting patiently for him to accept what he was seeing.

Once he accepted that Sanji was _not_ human, Law exhaled noisily. His expression turned to horror. Taking a careful seat at the top of the stairs, he sat sluggishly like a man who had just witnessed a murder. He focused on his ratty house shoes, the heels flattened, socks mismatched. One of them was actually Lamie's, with some cartoon mouse on the toes.

Sanji carefully eased around him and sat on the step below him, wings fluttering carelessly behind him. After a few moments he was human again, without any indication of the humanoid he actually was. Law stared at him in silence, ears ringing noisily. His growling stomach interrupted the terse silence. His thoughts sped up into a confusing jumble, a slight tunnel of grey appearing around his vision. He had to look into the distance, to name off five things he'd seen somewhere – but he couldn't even do that. His skin broke out into a confused, cold sweat. For some odd reason, he could smell himself – the murmur of a thought expressing his own displeasure in his sleep breath, smoke breath and scent of his unwashed body that made his brow wrinkle in unease. It was utterly surprising to notice these things all of a sudden.

Sanji's face turned to concern, and he reached up to brace his hands against Law's chest. "If you faint in my arms, I don't know if you want me to catch you like a fainting bride. I _will_ carry you downstairs like I stole you from the brothel."

Registering the feel of Sanji's hands against his chest, Law replied, "Stop _groping_ my man breasts, I'm self-conscious of those!"

Sanji watched him before squeezing gently with his fingers, wearing an over exaggerated expression of it being an accident. Law batted his hands away, rubbing the fairy's touch from his chest. Breathlessly, he said, "And you wouldn't know what to do with a woman if you had the luck of having one underneath you."

"_Pssh_. I know exactly what to do with one. You insert dick into vagina repeatedly until – " Sanji gagged then coughed, looking surprised that he did. He cleared his throat. "You fuck a wet vagina until – "

He gagged and coughed again, looking startled as he touched his own throat. Law rolled his eyes then braced elbows against his knees, taking deep, even breaths.

"Dick, vagina," Sanji repeated, then gagged noisily, rising to stand. "_Oh my god_. I can't even say it without wanting to throw up! Dick in vagin – _urghgh_!"

Law looked at him incredulously as Sanji retched noisily, looking incredibly shocked. "If I had any doubts before, they are now eliminated."

Sanji calmed himself, sitting primly on the step as he waited for Law's reaction. Law was still swirling with confusion and absolute shock, blinking repeatedly as he struggled to right himself. His ears continued to ring. After a few moments, he asked, "How is this possible?"

"Well….I mean, we were always around. Fairytales are often based on truth. _But_," Sanji said hastily, "that's not to say we're…what you see when you Google us. We're normal people. I…was…I come from a very powerful fairy colony that's referred to as a cult. Hiding under a religious label."

Law did recall the local urban myth of a group of people living off the grid from the city. But that subject was often mentioned in mocking, referring to as Amish-type people who didn't bother with those living in the city nearby. They were isolated and reclusive, with nary a word about or on them when pressed. Law realized he'd never paid much attention to that myth – but now he was wishing he had.

"Zeff had us excommunicated from it, which allowed me to break free from the family. So…I haven't grown up as a fairy, and some of this stuff is pretty new to me, too. All I really know is that I have wings and I can make older men feel young again."

Law stared at him with his mouth slightly open, unsure of what to believe. But he had to believe his own eyes.

Blinking repeatedly, he uttered thickly, "Like that Rapunzel movie?"

Blinking back at him, Sanji's eyes darted about before settling into a wince. "Kinda?"

Law glanced at his hair, the healing incantation coming to mind. He reached out and clutched a handful of those shiny strands, saying low, "Flower gleam and glow, let your power shine – "

Sanji ripped his hand from his air with a snarl, reddening and veins bulging. "I am _not_ your Rapunzel! And you're no Eugene!"

"All I really wish for is more vigor and stamina to unload my mother when it's my turn to do dishes – "

"Ugh, you're _revolting_ sometimes…" Fixing his hair carefully, Sanji added, "Katakuri is still part of that cult. He's an enforcer that helps keep the cult in line; keeps the lines pure, or something...I'm not sure on the details. He makes sure I don't…spread any word about what I actually am and does keep an eye on me when it comes to…enemies."

"…Enemies…?"

Sanji swallowed tightly before saying softly, "Goblins."

"…_Goblins_…"

"Plant people. I guess, I haven't seen one for myself," Sanji admitted with trouble. "Seeing these plants growing in my house, my reactions were honest. I didn't know what they were. But Katakuri mentioned that they were our natural enemies and that they had been…keeping an eye on me. Maybe to eat me."

Law was wordless. The memory of the grinning mouths in Venus-flytrap type plants made him feel like there were bees buzzing around noisily between his ears. His mind told him he should stop listening to what Sanji was saying because it was outrageous, but he'd _seen_ those things. He'd seen the spiders, he'd seen the plants, and he'd just seen a man in yoga pants sprout _wings_. How was he supposed to think rationally?

Sanji exhaled lightly. "I'm still learning. I was pretty young when we left the cult, so…there's a lot I don't know about myself or our origins. I wouldn't know what a plant goblin looked like if it were looking in my face. Katakari made it sound like I should be grateful he'd cleaned house. Those spiders – he called them 'nannies'. They cultivated the plant people."

Law stared at him intensely for several seconds, then asked low, "Did you eat those mushrooms? And somehow…made me eat them earlier? Because this is all Wonderland bullshit."

"No, this is Peter Pan because instead of flying off for a happy ending after Wendy married another man, you turned into Hook, and Tinkerbell, here," Sanji gestured at himself fervently, "is trying to turn you around so you can remember what it felt like to have the sky underneath your feet."

Now with that image in mind, Law couldn't stop superimposing Tinkerbell over Sanji's visage. That little dress would fit him, and _maybe_ his hair was long enough for a ponytail atop of his head. The image was both alarming and amusing. What made it worse was a cigarette in hand while the fairy looked at him with all his fairy might. Law tried not to laugh hysterically, but his eyes watered with the effort. He clapped a hand over his hairy mouth to avoid laughing aloud.

Sanji didn't understand why Law looked the way he did –halfway to hysterics or another breakdown, but he softened his expression to speak sternly.

"Law. I am a fairy. And this thing with my house…it's new to me, too. But you've already had the thing with the unicorn, and you saw the plant pots yourself…as my neighbor, whom I rely upon, I feel that you should know these things just in case it turns even…weirder," Sanji said slowly, looking confused with his own words. He swallowed tightly, inhaling on his cigarette. "I'm not even sure what happens from here. Zeff never said very much in response to what we were, and I feel like I forgot a lot of things living here."

Law removed his hand from his face, wearing an alarmed expression. "How much weirder can this shit get?"

Sanji shrugged, looking as bewildered as he did.

"You don't get to look confused! You - ! You _sparkle_, like Robert Pattinson on a bright, sunny day in Italy! So don't act like you're confused!"

"I - ! I…I know _what_ I am, I know that I am…an anomaly that humans can't really explain, but…at the same time, I'm normal just like you guys, too. Because we're really not a big deal! Like you said, we sparkle. _And_ love flowers. That's…that's pretty much it."

Law had the realization that every time Sanji hurt his eyes was for a reason that wasn't explained by lighting and positioning. The man really did light up like the sun and hurt his sensitive eyes – all because he was a goddamn _fairy_.

He exhaled noisily, then ended up bracing himself against his knees once more.

"Zeff never spoke about what we left behind," Sanji continued, fiddling with his fingers nervously, "and because I thought I was normal and not involved with a life in that cult – "

"A…cult? A cult of…fairies…?" Law repeated skeptically.

"Well, I call it a cult because it felt like one. We lived in a certain area under certain rules, and…we were isolated. I guess _now_ I know _why_ – but I don't recall too much living there."

"A cult of _fairies_…"

"With guns." Sanji nodded. "I remember a gun range. And…my brothers and I had to learn how to shoot. For a part of my life I thought we were just a religious cult…"

Law stared at him with a wordless expression as Sanji sighed gustily. After some moments of reflection, Law shakily rose to his feet. "_I'm done_."

"Oh, wait!" Sanji rose with him, hands out to touch him. His hands worried over Law's hoodie, and Law allowed it because he was still under the weight of shock. Somehow, Sanji managed to guide him to sit once more. "Before you go, keep this to yourself. Because…I was talking to your mom and sister today, and…I don't think you should mention it to anyone else. But if both of us are in on this strange thing, then maybe it won't feel like such a big deal. But if you say something to anyone else, they're not going to believe you. They'll just blame it on something else, and…it'll trouble me if they continue to look down on you like that."

Law stared incredulously at him while Sanji looked uneasy. "If I repeat this to someone else, it bothers _you_ if someone thinks _I'm_ crazy?"

Sanji looked at him with worry. "You've been through enough, why should this be a tipping point?"

"_I'm_ _not the fairy, here_."

"But consider your reaction. Your family doesn't think of you with any respect," Sanji said bitterly, "so if you said something like this, it'll…paint you with a different light in their eyes. I can't…it bothers me that they would continue to look down at you because of your breakdown."

Law frowned grimly at him, lifting his hand to inspect once he realized his fingers were sticking together. It took him a few moments to register that they were stained. He looked at the steps to see that something had been dragged downstairs, leaving behind a chilling stain of green that reminded him of how the plants looked after Kidd dragged his heel over them. He stood up with a start, seeing that it extended all the way downstairs. That stain hadn't been there earlier. He looked to Sanji, who noticed his puzzled expression but not the reasoning.

_Tinkerbell allowed the kids to fly, didn't she_? Law thought with bewilderment. _So did he, when turning into a fairy, allow me to see things I never did before?_

Then he settled with his hands over his face and hair with utter horror. _Oh my god, I'm starting to accept that this is happening and allowing it to pervade my sense of normalcy!_

He held his hands up. "Don't you see …?"

Sanji blinked at him, then slightly shook his head. Law stared back at him, not believing his gesture but noting that Sanji looked distinctively puzzled by the question. Once again, Law put his hands to his head in order to drown out the buzzing.

"This…is _insane_," Law then said slowly, rising to stand. His legs were so shaky. He felt like he was on the verge of yet another panic attack, heart stuttering before beginning to beat fast. His breath felt heavy and tight, and his lungs squeezed. "I can't…"

Sanji stood up with him, hands resting against his chest as he looked up at the man with immense concern. Once he was able to coax Law to sit, he rubbed at his arms like he was trying to warm him. "_Sit down_. Sit down, you just lost all color in your skin…"

All at once, those unsettling feelings felt as if they melted away. Law's heart returned to beating normally, and his lungs loosened. The inhale he made felt clean and cool, rushing throughout his bloodstream like dizzying relief. His mind cleared of the incoming panic, and it took a few moments to understand that this all happened.

"…don't faint on me," Sanji was saying to him with worry. "Because I will humiliate the hell out of you carrying downstairs, don't think I won't do it."

Law pulled away from his contact. He searched for the remaining sensations of his panic attack and felt _nothing_. In fact, his body felt light and free, surprisingly lithe and agile. He felt like he hadn't been stuffing himself silly with bad foods and wrestling with bad sleeping habits for years – all because of a touch.

"_What'd you just do_?" he then asked, a bit shrilly.

Sanji gave him a puzzled look, smoke drifting around his head. "Um, just prevented you from falling down the stairs. Be grateful for my actions, stupid. You're unhinged. You die in my house in this condition, and I will stuff you and mount you in my bedroom to worship as a trash shrine."

Law didn't understand what had happened, so his mind raced with some self-conscious panic. He touched his own hand to his chest, the sound of buzzing bees slowly fading away.

Then Law was able to recall a detail. "You said something about making old men feel young again…"

Sanji's curled eyebrows drew together skeptically, mouth pulling at a skeptical grin. "Yeah, but I don't know if you want to hear about that aspect."

"…You _sleep_ with old men to …?"

"I don't _sleep_ with them." Self-consciously, Sanji tucked some hair behind one ear, looking terribly embarrassed. "…I'm still a virgin."

"Yeah, right, and I just had a baby four years ago, but I'm still having a difficult time getting rid of the weight," Law snapped at him, causing Sanji to grin at him. "What you just said is something just as far out and fantastic as what you're showing me now!"

Sanji laughed nervously. "It's true. I, uh…never have. I give them some pretty words, some affection, some…self-service…? But nothing more than that. I'm still waiting for the right moment and the right…one."

Law pretty much wore his disbelief on his face, so Sanji stuttered on with, "But Zeff used to lend me out to his friends – "

Law's expression shifted to horror, his shocked mind remembering all the insults he'd given and Sanji's lighter ones in response.

"_Wait_," he interrupted, "were you really a crime victim?"

"Um…no," Sanji answered carefully. "I knew how to draw a line. And I'd leave if it was pushed any further than what I wanted. Which is why this hot body doesn't know a man's loving touch! I'm still waiting for my one true love!"

Law gave him a skeptical look and Sanji continued on with, "Anyway, none of them seemed to age after my visits, and they just tended to keep 'borrowing' me so they could feel youthful again. I just always assumed it was because of…_whom_ I am, my charming personality and wit and all. So whatever you think I did, I'm not aware of it."

Law stared down at his hands. They were still stained green. A sort of green that often happened after cutting grass – but darker, like the handprint on Sanji's leg. His hands shook slightly. As strange as it was, he wished for his ugly feelings to return because he couldn't function without its comfort. He was too clear-headed, and that just made this encounter that much weirder – because it was slowly growing true. There was no denying his clear vision of seeing these things happen right in front of him; no denying what had just happened. There was no logical way to explain them to some happenstance or drug. He inhaled and exhaled slowly.

For a fleeting moment, the instinct to tell his Girlfriend of this hit him. He'd told her almost everything that happened in his day to day operations; but there was years of separation between them. Why was that instinct still there? She'd moved on, found him 'frigid'. How was he 'frigid' when he shared with her everything?

His disappointment weighed his expression down, and Sanji frowned at him with apprehension.

After a moment, Law muttered, "I almost wanted to share with my Girlfriend this…weird thing. I told her everything. So…not being able to tell her something fantastic is…painful She's no longer interested in my life, and no longer in it."

"After all these years, you _still_ feel that way?" Sanji asked skeptically, then seemed to wear a smile of pleased amusement. "I mean, how in love with her were you to still feel that instinct?"

"A lot! But…I'm frustrated that I can no longer do these things, and…it's frustrating that I still feel this for her at all."

Law wore his frustration on his face while Sanji looked at him in quiet awe. _That was True Love_, Sanji thought with some aching jealousy. _To do something as horrid as what she had and _still_ have a man's love and pining trailing after her long after she left_.

Not that Sanji actively wanted Law to love _him_ in that same manner – Law was just the role model of what Sanji wanted for himself. Sanji might be a fairy, but he wasn't stupid. Law would never look at him in the way that Sanji wanted because he was straight and Sanji wasn't.

Sanji wouldn't try and change Law's orientation, but it didn't mean he couldn't express himself the way he did because Law knocked off his innuendos and affection like a man swatting mosquitos. It never hurt him when Law pushed him away – but it didn't get Sanji's hopes up, either, in that Law would suddenly notice him differently. Sanji was content with the relationship he had with Law now.

"Love isn't an easy emotion to discard." Sanji then smiled lightly at him, reaching out to touch Law's knees. "The fact that you can still feel it should allow you to understand that you're not an unfeeling person. You're just hurt. And it's okay to be and feel hurt. Despite what everyone thinks, you're a man hurt by love and yet still aren't afraid to continue loving even after that. How mighty is that?"

Law frowned at him, then politely flicked at his hands. "No touchy after that weird thing you did. The fact that I am thinking about her in this confusing time allows me to think that your Tinkerbell powers are at work. Therefore, you are an enemy."

"…_Right_," Sanji then said with an amused smile, drawing his hands back. He shoved them into his pants pocket with a laugh. "Hands to myself!"

Law stared at him incredulously. "You're just going to make this whole, _weird_ thing _normal_? Talking like that?"

"Yeah. I mean, Law, I mean – I don't know what else to say. There's been too many weird things happening lately that neither of us can ignore or think that it's _just_ in our heads." Sanji looked up at him with another dazzling smile. "So it's time to clean up, Law. This is your moment."

"This moment…your house, has _nothing_ to do with me."

Sanji tapped his chest with one finger. "Let me point out that it was _you_ the unicorn approached _first_ for food. None of that strange shit ever happened before that."

Law was soundless because this statement was true. The note had instructed him to feed the animal first. After that…these weird things – even if they had happened before without any of them truly noticing that they were around – had started happening _after_ _he'd_ fed the unicorn.

His shaking fingers went to his mouth with horror as Sanji grinned brilliantly up at him.

"Maybe this is it, Law," he said. "It's time for you to come out of your shit hole. You cannot give that succubus any more power than you already have. She's taken enough of you."

"Don't talk like that. You're not worthy of even talking shit _of_ her," Law warned him testily.

Sanji tutted, shaking his head. "You're such a loyal piece of shit! Even after what she's done to you, you speak of her like she's precious. When are you going to start treating me like that?"

Law pushed him away with an impatient sound. "I'm going home. I'm going to…go back to sleep, and when I wake up…this will all be some weird ass nightmare as the result of too much THC and eating Tidepods in my sleep."

"If you feel that's the only way to clean yourself from the inside out, then I wholeheartedly support you. Now, if only we can find a proper way of cleaning out that dried spunk from around your dick before you allow it to speak words for you..."

"Ugh, I just blew shit chunks into my own mouth with the depth of disgust I feel from that comment…"

Law then headed on home, slamming doors as he did so. Sanji was amused by his display of temper, thinking it was really the only time Law expressed himself so noisily. In the cold, unmoving silence of his own home, he bit his lip nervously. His house had never felt so empty before, and now that it did – it felt like all his fault. The guilt felt overwhelming to bear. He headed to his room, changing out of his stained pants. He was surprised to see that there was now green stains on his backside and thighs, where he'd been sitting on the stairs. It mystified him because he hadn't seen any stains anywhere other than when Law pointed out the handprint. It now made sense when Law was trying to show him his fingers.

Sanji then quickly changed into a pair of black trousers, wiggling into them before looking outside. He noticed that all of his flowerboxes seemed different in that moment – wilted and weary, less bright than before. The butterflies that usually visited seemed to avoid them, and hummingbirds darted up then quickly whizzed away without pause. Fixing his trousers, Sanji furrowed his brow.

Never had this sort of thing happened before. He hurried outside to look over his flowers with worry. Touching wilted heads and examining the soil for something threatening. But he'd just watered them this morning and they were fine – whirling around, he saw that they were all in danger of dying.

Just because Katakuri removed the weird plants from the attic?

Sanji then looked at his hands, recalling Law's odd accusation. He'd never given thought to the fact that he'd have any sort of…well, 'fairy powers'. He was too young to remember much of his _fairy cult_ life, and had lived life normally as a normal kid – so any thought that he could have powers was just a fantastic idea. He was a fairy, he knew he looked different when he allowed himself to be, but to have any special abilities? That was just a far off thought. He'd never noticed what he was capable of, but flowers and natural beauty itself – it often brought out an enthusiastic joy in him that made his world a little brighter. Perhaps this feeling inside of him was part of his fairy magic, which was why those older men bought him. His caretaking and positivity seemed to work wonders on their youth; he just never thought he was fucking _magical_.

He had to laugh aloud at the concept, then quickly covered his mouth with embarrassment, glancing around the neighborhood to see if anyone had noticed. Ms Helena was watering her yard, and she gave him an enthusiastic wave, allowing him to wave back. Kidd was sneering at him from his front porch, sharpening something with a metal file and a cigarette at the corner of his mouth. Sanji flipped him off and received a middle finger in return.

Returning his attention to his flowers, Sanji thought that having special abilities was difficult to accept naturally because he had not grown up with the knowledge of it. Zeff had instructed him that displaying himself as a fairy was not safe to do – it was ugly, unnatural, and it would draw in danger. Sanji had hid that part of himself because the old man deemed it so.

Suddenly, Sanji had questions he needed answered.

What did the unicorn have to do with all of this if plant goblins were a thing? And should he feel as if he were in danger? He didn't – his natural fear of spiders was a long time thing, and while he was frightened because he thought his house was just haunted – he hadn't been bothered by these supposed plant goblins. _What did they even look like_? Why were they natural enemies if they had been co-existing peacefully all this time?

Was Zeff a plant goblin himself? No, that didn't make sense if he'd run away from the cult with Sanji in tow… Maybe Zeff was a fairy, too. Why didn't Sanji have very many clear memories of his childhood?

He left his house and strode over to Law's. He kicked the door open and strode down the steps, finding the man staring up at his Tiffani poster with a lost expression.

"_Law_," Sanji demanded, pausing in midstep once he stepped in something that almost made him slip. He lifted his food to discover remnants of a fruit cup that had nearly dried to a crust if he hadn't disturbed it.

"Leave me alone, Tinkerbell!" Law growled from his bed, unmoving. But then his hands gestured theatrically. "Now it makes sense! All this attention you demand – if you don't get it, you'd _die_."

Sanji strode up to his bed and placed his stained Croc down on his chest with a threat. "Those stains – only you saw them! _How_?"

"I don't know…fairy dust? You were sprinkling all over me." Law gave an incredulous chuckle, sounding mad to his own ears. He shoved Sanji's foot off him, then glared down at the green stain left behind.

Sanji considered this for a few moments, then gave him a curious glance. "But only you saw it. I never until you drew attention to it. We were sitting in it – you asked me if I'd seen any mess left behind by Katakuri, and I didn't! I still don't! Which suggests you saw it long before I dropped any dust on you. You pointed out the handprint before I even revealed myself to you."

Law sat up with effort. He noticed his own grunt doing so, patting his stomach uncomfortably. It continued to gurgle noisily. But he pointed accusingly at the green footprint, something that Sanji noticed with a start. He ended up tearing off that shoe off with surprise, looking at the bottom with large eyes.

"_Where is this coming from_?" Sanji screeched with bewilderment. "Have I been tracking this stuff all over the place?"

Law could see his footprints on the stairs and looked at him with impatience. "How can you _not_ see the obvious indication of a murder? It's all over your stairs from the attic. And you changed your pants, so obviously you saw that."

"Only _after_ you pointed it out, and no, I can't see it in my own house! Are…are they plant guts? Why are you the only one that can see them?" Sanji then asked him with frustration, looking at him. Because Law didn't know, he shrugged, brushing at the stain on his sweater with one limp hand. His stomach rumbled noisily, aching for food.

"Please let me feed you _something_ \- !" Sanji then said impatiently, stomping on the floor with a foot. Law looked at him and superimposed Tinkerbell in that man's spot – throwing a tantrum because Peter Pan wasn't paying attention to her.

He snickered then caught himself with alarm as Sanji frowned at him.

"The fact that something touched you with its…bloody green hand," Law said slowly, "should cause you thought – did one of them escape? Was it trying to gain your attention?"

Sanji froze, considering this. Heaving himself off his twin bed, Law stood shakily. He felt so clear headed that it gave him a headache. He was swamped in his own disbelief and continuous questioning of the event. Looking at the fairy with some skeptic action, Law pointed at his temple.

"Touch me," he ordered nervously.

Sanji gave him a skeptical look. "_Why_?"

"I have a headache."

Sanji gave him a doubtful look. "I've always dreamed of you using me, but not like this."

"And then touch my stomach for the revulsion I feel in hearing that statement. I'll somehow bear your rapey touches if only for relief."

"Don't tempt me, the sight of your gut brings me up a level with girly excitement. And, yeah, using you sounds absolutely dreamy. After all, you're tall enough to hang a few flower pots from the eaves of my porch and can reach the dusty spiderwebs in my house, but, _hey_, if you want to delve into the concept of rapey touches a little more – "

"I DON'T!"

"All I can really imagine is allowing you to pay me to say a few pretty things about your prowess and kissing your age spots clean and drawing you a bath and pampering you until you go to sleep. Do you have dentures? I can remove and clean those, too. I also have no problem rubbing Bengay over every inch of exposed skin, as well."

Law stared at him blankly. The headache was gone, he noticed, as Sanji spoke these things with a bright, brilliant smile, amusing himself. It suddenly occurred to Law that maybe this wasn't the first time it had happened. Uncomfortably, Law started to look back to see if this had happened before. Wiping his nose, Law muttered, "I guess you don't have to touch to actually sprinkle your fairy cheer onto those that need it…"

Now Sanji was the one to look confused.

After some moments, Law mumbled, "After that incident on the stairway, I feel…different. I can think clearly…without the weight of my overwhelming feelings."

He looked to Sanji with suspicion. "You turned my mood around. I won't get into specifics about it but I'm thinking too much into this thing, and…I'm involved. So…I guess the next thing is, where is the unicorn and the thing that touched you?"

Sanji wasn't sure how he felt with this confidence Law was showing. Usually, the older man brushed him off and grumpily forced himself out of a situation to retreat to his trash heap. It made Sanji nervous, in a way he didn't understand.

"I don't really know if I want to look around the house for this thing…" he said nervously. "What if…it's mortally wounded? I'd feel sad if it were and I couldn't do a thing to help it because I know fuck all about treating…_plant goblins_."

Law noticed his reluctance, but attributed it to his own suspicion of just how much Sanji actually knew. Because he felt it revenge for always being a pain to his sensitive insides, interfering with Sanji's life as Sanji did with his felt good. "I'm feeling adventurous. Let's go look for it."

"Careful," Sanji warned him with a repulsed expression, "this adventurous side of you isn't something I like. If you break out of your depression, you might slip away from my possessive clutches."

"Ugh, were you always this creepy?"

"I like my things broken and old so only _I_ can take care of them."

"Tyrant."

: :

On their way back to Sanji's house, Law noticed the state of his flowers. He couldn't help it. Usually those flowerboxes were blooming with brilliance and overwhelming health but they seemed wilted and subdued, flower heads pointed towards the earth in sad state. Sanji had fussed over them with some trouble before moving on, and Law's interested was piqued by this. Simply because it wasn't the usual state. The pair of them were looking around the basement when the front door slammed overhead, and Luffy's cheery voice rang out in greeting. Sanji cringed, slapping his forehead.

"I forgot the _snacks_!" he hissed with absolute horror, leaving Law by himself in the basement. Law had the flashlight, but Sanji raced up the wooden steps to intercept the teen as Luffy began rummaging through his kitchen.

Hearing their voices was a little comforting in this madness, Law reflected, turning his flashlight back to the empty space of the basement. Still running on whatever it was Sanji did to him, Law didn't feel that overwhelming sensation of not being able to fit in. He just felt a certain drive to continue forward to investigate for himself these crazy things.

Since Luffy had cleared out the spider webs himself, the basement was just an empty space where the water heater and fuse box was located. It was the size of the house's foundation, and the pipes and wiring below was visible above their heads, against the sizeable joists and support beams. While it wasn't scary – Law wasn't afraid of many things – it did have a certain aura of occupancy down here.

When he'd mentioned that, Sanji had given him a bewildered look and said it felt empty to him. But then again, he'd lived all this time thinking his house was haunted, and he'd only noticed the emptiness _after_ Katakuri cleaned house. So for Law to feel it…it made Law feel like he should question himself on these things. But _what_…?

He couldn't help but recall the crash at that moment. That speeding truck was going ninety through an intersection, drunk driver at the helm. T-boning him directly, smashing in the vehicle he was driving like it was a can. Law had left the scene with some scratches and a headache – but also with a complete mental breakdown. Law remembered seeing the rescues workers arrive on scene watching him incredulously, in disbelief that he was absolutely fine.

This caused Law's throat to tighten at that moment. _How the hell did he walk away from _that_?_

Something moved from the corner of his eye, and he turned in that direction just in time to see something white scurry out of his view. In the midst of his thinking, Law did think that it looked like a mannequin with vines wrapped around it. After swallowing tightly, Law ventured in that direction with a tight grip on his flashlight.

What was he supposed to do when he encountered it? He wasn't a damn fairy with powers.

After bypassing the narrow stairway, Law caught sight of that particular green stain on the cement. It looked garish and accusatory – whatever it was, it was bleeding badly. Then, without any spectacular action, he found it.

The mannequin was without features. It absolutely looked like a faceless, featureless mannequin that was often on display at clothing stores before being dressed in product. A little less than four feet in height, child size but with the features of an adult mass. The vines wrapped around it had curled around its chest, snaked up its neck and head, with similar leaves like those Law had seen in the pots. Atop of its head was a smattering of those mouth-like plants, all in a wide grin. But splattered over its body was a continuous gash of running green, and those arms crossed over the gash painfully. It curled up against the wall to face him, absolutely soundless but displaying mighty defiance.

Law stood there with his mouth open. Even after seeing Sanji reveal himself, he wasn't prepared for this. He froze, the cone of light focused on the thing that crouched against the wall.

_What do I do_? Law thought to himself with absolute cluelessness. After some moments, gripping hard on a trembling hand, he clumsily lowered himself into a crouch. He had to grunt when he did so.

"Christ, I need to stop eating like a damn pig," he whispered to himself with some regret. To the thing, he said, "I'm not a threat. I will break easily, and I hit like a girl. Please give me some consideration. But…I guess I'm here to help."

The mannequin tilted its head with reflection upon his softer tone. The vines and leaves around it seemed to open and spread, forming a sort of armor around it right before Law's amazed eyes. It lifted a stained hand, revealing four fingers. It seemed to signal a calm gesture.

"So…you understand me."

The hand slowly curled inward to gesture that it could. Law felt relieved, then realized he was talking to a nonhuman thing that was openly communicating with him.

"Are you…a plant goblin?"

At its slow nod, Law's eyes widened ever so slightly. _I'm stoned out of my mind_! he thought to himself with horror, but he had to admit that he was more clear headed than ever. He couldn't be _that_ stoned if he could feel this alive. For a moment, he then wondered what his Girlfriend would think of this situation. Would she have been amazed? Scared? Hiding behind him, certain he would protect her? Somehow, the idea was annoying. Why was he still thinking of her in moments like these?

Right before Law's eyes, the plant goblin began sprouting longer leaves and vines that took on his ex-Girflriend's shape – the length and style of her hair as he'd last seen her, the slender shape of her body, the vague outline of her outfit as he'd seen her that last day. He was so startled that he jerked back into standing.

A high falsetto emerged from the creature – almost in the same tone as _her_ voice.

"No, stop that," he snapped. Instantly, the creature reverted back to its original, bleeding shape. "That's…that person is forbidden."

The creature seemed to heave an impatient sigh, then started to shape itself as a smartly dressed male. With wings that fluttered from the shape and weight of its own leaves.

"That one too! Absolutely forbidden! Just be your damn, weird, creepy…unexplainable self!"

The creature took back its form, facing Law with a seemingly impatient stance towards him. Its fingers began shaping something outward from the center of its forehead then fluttering about with a question. Law didn't understand the gesture or the question, giving it a puzzled look. The creature then seemed to regard Law with sympathy.

After a few moments, Law murmured, "It's a good thing you're staying out of sight. There are hungry vegans out there, wanting to eat you."

The goblin shivered dramatically, clutching itself. It amused the shit out of Law to know that this thing knew what a 'vegan' was. "Stay away from Eustass Kidd's house. He's a crossfitting vegan with an attitude."

The plant goblin seemed to scoff, waving that idea away with a sense of machismo. Law couldn't help but smile ever so slightly. "Of course, he thinks that Katakuri is something of a vegan as well. Mega Vegan Man."

The plant goblin seemed to stiffen in reaction – a sense of fear caused it to look a little less confident than earlier. Law wondered if this was true – what if Katakuri had rid of the plant monsters by _eating_ them? No one actually saw his mouth – what if it was permanently stained by plant goblin blood? It was both an intriguing and horrifying thought. He could picture the man eating these plants with monstrous bites, and suddenly the plant goblin flailed its little arms about, gesturing at him to stop. So Law wondered nervously if it could _read his mind_.

After collecting himself, hearing Luffy screech merrily about having "_more_! Sanji, don't be stingy!", Law asked, "How can I help you?"

The creature murmured something low and tonal, head stretching from side to side with curiosity. Then shook its head with rejection, signaling that it was healing itself with the use of these vines. It took Law a few moments to register that some of these plants – these leaves and vines – they were taken from the flowerboxes outside. So he thought that it had wandered outside to pluck these things from Sanji's flowerboxes.

Expected of "plant goblins". Maybe this was the reason behind the wilt and seemingly gloomy appearance of Sanji's flowers on their way in.

Without saying anything, the thing then meshed in with the wall, disappearing out of sight like some phantasm. For the several long moments Law stood there, the silence of the basement immense. But his heart was thumping noisily with discontent and reluctance to admit what had happened. It felt like once he said something aloud, something terrible would happen.

The pair of younger men tromped down the stairway, and Law pensively lowered the flashlight. He waited for them to approach him, Luffy munching on a thick sandwich that dripped with condiments and slices of meat. His big eyes looked at Law with open greeting before darting around, looking for something out of place.

"What are we doing down here?" he asked Sanji curiously, the man crossing his arms over his chest with apprehension. "I cleaned this place out, you were with me that day. You found more spiders?"

Sanji looked to Law, and Law looked from one to the other, then down to the green stains that had been left behind by the thing. Once he realized that neither of them could see it, it felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Law didn't know how to interpret that. He shined the flashlight at Luffy's face, the teen blinded with a curse.

"Spring cleaning," Law then said slowly. "Why aren't you in detention after school?"

"_Pft_, I didn't get any, today!" Luffy answered, chewing big once more. He was practically dancing from one foot to the other, a boundless ball of continuous energy. It was a miracle he was holding his sandwich with both hands. "I just got home from school. It's pointless being there. I don't learn anything. I saw a frog in the hall. It was cute. But the teacher wouldn't let me touch it then I found out that they were going to cut them open so I let them all go and I got into trouble for that. I don't know why. I didn't meet anyone or make new friends, they all were involved in their phones and I don't have one because I break them all. I saw Bart! Did you see him? I kinda miss talking to that guy…"

"_Amazing_," Sanji told him. Luffy looked up at him, puzzled as to which part Sanji was referring to. "I never understood that practice. It's brutal and unnecessary when they could use computers or holograms or whatever to replace that barbaric practice."

"Yeah, whatever you said. Anyway, they want to talk to the old man about that but the old man wasn't taking any calls because it's none of his business anyway. Law, you're up and about! I tried to go to your room to see if you were there and noticed you didn't finish your snacks so I ate them for you," Luffy then told Law seriously. "There were ants. So, I saved you the trouble."

Law wasn't sure how to separate all of these things, so he shrugged a shoulder. He waited for one of them to say _something_ about the green stains, but neither of them looked as if they saw anything. He looked to Sanji for some sort of signal, but the fairy was busy fussing over the teen that continued to eat while looking around himself for something distracting.

"Are we done here?" Luffy then asked, waving Sanji's hand away from his wild hair. "Because I wanna look for the unicorn! Did you feed him yet? _I_ wanna feed him! Maybe he'll like me because I'm pure of heart. Did you know that?"

"Jesus, kid, you're making my head hurt," Law muttered, closing his eyes with immense exhaustion. "Who fed you sugar?"

"My old man keeps telling me that but I don't know what he means because maybe he means I never had a girlfriend, or whatever, but I don't even want one because all they do is say '_ew_!' 'stop!' 'oh my god, you're _so_ annoying!'," Luffy reported in a high falsetto, rolling his eyes, arms moving non-stop at his sides. "I'm pretty sure I'm asexual, though, because I'm not interested in any of that stuff. Like, it doesn't even bother me, and I don't get why it's so interesting. I watched a video of my brother's once and it was so boring, like, there's no fights in any of those scenes and, oh, I saw Ms Helena's cat, today. It was staring at a mouse rummaging around Kidd's trashcans, so it might be infested, but I don't know. Have you ever seen a pregnant mouse before? They're kinda cute."

Both men stared at him in silence – both of them certain that they'd just heard Luffy declare himself 'asexual', but both of them were positive that he wasn't sure of the word himself. Or, if he was, understanding that he was more coherent of the world than they'd thought of him to be.

"Okay, let's go look for the unicorn. The oats are still in the cabinet," Sanji suggested, patting his shoulder and then looking to Law. "Nothing to see down here, right?"

"But I thought Lamie and her boyfriend were coming over – I don't want to be here if they are. I kinda want to keep this secret to us men, and not…them," Luffy confessed reluctantly. "Then it won't feel like a secret, anymore."

"Lamie's a child like you," Law said impatiently.

"Yeah, but…she's…_mature_," Luffy stressed, looking annoyed at the word. "She talks about college and stuff and getting good grades and doesn't even watch cartoons, anymore. Like she wants to but she doesn't want to in front of me. I feel like she's a mini-adult lady."

"She sort of is," Sanji agreed. "But she's still a kid, too."

"I just don't want her being a part of this," Luffy repeated stubbornly. He glanced about, chewing noisily after taking a messy bite of his sandwich. But his eyes didn't seem to catch on anything.

Law frowned, wanting to point out the obvious. After all, the mannequin had left quite a tremendous stain around the walls where it used it for support holding itself up. The garish streaks were obvious and brilliant to Law's eyes. But if Sanji couldn't see it – then there was no point bringing it up. Law thought that he _should_ bring it up – but what held him back was that if Sanji was separated from the cult as he claimed and Katakuri was in high knowledge of something for someone he shouldn't even bother with – then were these "plant goblins" an actual problem?

Neither of them had caused any trouble in all these years as Sanji had claimed. They'd only popped up because of the unicorn. So perhaps they weren't as bad as Katakuri was claiming. What if Katakuri was somehow manipulating Sanji?

Law couldn't believe how drawn in he was to this in such a short amount of time. He exhaled like he'd just finished a race.

"There's nothing to see down here," Law then said slowly, Luffy pausing in mid-chew to look up at him suspiciously. Law noticed this, but the boy crammed the rest of his sandwich into his mouth, seemingly frowning at Law with his eyebrows only.


	7. Chapter Six

**Naghi-Tan: **I live out in the sticks, and let me tell ya – neighbors don't forget who you were with and will bring up years later to remind you of your shame for dating them lol I never had any my age – but I had friends I'd walk a few miles for.

**Chapter Six**

* * *

Luffy couldn't help but tell Law about the frog incident in detail when Lamie popped up from the parallel fence separating their houses, looking at them with surprise. Luffy tripped over Larry's carefully constructed brick path while Law paused, trying to peer through the cracks of the fence for this alleged boyfriend.

"What are you two doing here?" she hissed at them.

"Obviously breathing oxygen, _damn_!" Law exclaimed with the same tone. She shot him a furious look while Law tried not to laugh at her expression.

"I meant, _what are you doing at Sanji's_?"

"A threesome."

"_LAW_!"

"Little sister, stop coming at me like mom. You won't be treated like her."

Tired of her brother, Lamie turned her angry expression to Luffy. "Why are _you_ here so soon? The buses hadn't even left the parking lot when I did!"

"I caught a ride," Luffy told her, sweeping himself off once he noticed how dusty he was. "I jumped onto this UPS van that stopped outside the school and let him drive me here. I jumped off down the street."

"That's so 21 Jump Street of you," Law said. "Are you Channing or Jonah?"

Luffy laughed loudly. "_Jonah_!"

Lamie stared at them both with stumped action.

"I always do it," Luffy added nervously, glancing at them both. "It's no problem. I can't stay on that bus for very long. A lot of things can happen. That tiny little space? I can fight a lot of people in that thing. A lot of people would get hurt. We'd probably crash and die."

"Hopefully Superman's onboard," Law muttered.

Lamie clenched the wooden planks with irritation, ignoring her older brother's seemingly encouraging habits for Luffy's behavior. "You're going to get hurt! You can't do that, Luffy! That's dangerous!"

"But being on the bus is suffocating! And you won't even let me ride home with you on your cool ass moped!"

"Because I don't want to! You'll wreck us both!"

"Lamie," Law interjected firmly, causing his sister's annoyed eye roll his way, "what does it matter what Luffy does? Luffy is a man. Men don't need to explain their actions to women that helplessly shrill at them from the sidelines."

"Shut up, Law! This doesn't involve you! Go shave your stupid face! Ugh, and don't even go to Sanji's while we're there. You're…embarrassing, I don't want my friend being insulted by you. He's having a hard enough time as it is," she stressed, giving her older brother a dirty look before hopping off the fence and hurrying off.

Luffy looked at Law with uncertainty while Law frowned. Shifting uncomfortably, he then said to Luffy, "We'll only continue home because Sanji _is_ embarrassing enough. Watching him hit on a child like that would be…I mean, my 911 finger would be so itchy."

"You aren't…bothered by what she says?" Luffy asked him cautiously. "It's kind of insulting."

"No. For I am embarrassing. I will thoroughly eviscerate her and her little gay boyfriend and drop off their innards to their parents' waiting hands myself. Frankly," Law added, looking puzzled, "I have some energy to clean my room, and I'd rather do that."

"You want my help?" Before Law could reply and say a heavy '_No'_, Luffy said, "Because I don't wanna. I'm going to watch some cartoons and eat another snack. Later."

Law watched him hurry off, scrambling onto the back porch to lurch at a locked door. He jumped up to retrieve the key from atop of the door frame, but the item bounced from his grasp and slipped between wooden planks, causing Luffy to gasp with horror. Law quickly scuttled off to his room to avoid helping with that issue.

Later that night, after Luffy exhausted the others with his presence and ate most of their dinner before they could touch it, Law was accosted by the boy as he slowly sorted through his dirty laundry. Patty had just left the laundry area, asking Law if he'd applied for any jobs yet. She'd then threatened him to file some on her own, and Law had encouraged her to do it. Not that he'd show up for any interview – he didn't intend on working. Not with this mess playing out. There was too much to sort out at the house of horrors that needed his attention.

This weird, light vigor strumming through him made him feel more energized than he had in a long time. It made it slightly easier to accept that Sanji was what he claimed he was. All the weird conversations he'd had today, with …fairy and creature, had made Law feel interest in life. However brief it was, however it ended up – Law attached himself to it because he _wanted_ to. His stomach gurgled noisily over the silence of the room – he could smell the roast Patty had made, but had no desire to go up and partake in what was left. It wasn't unusual for him to go a few days without food when he was in this mood.

"Why are we lying to Sanji about the basement?" Luffy asked him, jumping and sitting atop of the dryer. "Because there were stains everywhere that looked like someone got killed in there. Or are you guys trying to lie to me about it because it looks scary? Because I'm not stupid, but I noticed you weren't saying a thing so _I_ didn't say a thing because I wanted to be included, too."

Law gave him a startled look. "You saw that?"

"Yeah! It looked like someone got killed in there. I didn't say anything, though, because I didn't want Sanji freaking out again."

Law did have to admit that Luffy had been the first to see the mannequin. He shoved a white shirt into the darks he'd already loaded. "Uh, well…if he couldn't see it, why bring it up?"

"But it's his house, and he'd want to know about the murders. He's _sensitive_."

"What one doesn't know won't kill him."

"I can't have anyone killing him, Law," Luffy said seriously, fist up. "He feeds me _snacks_. Upon _command_! And he doesn't tell me I can't have this or that, and doesn't lecture me about being still, and - ! I just can't have that. I just met him and I want to adopt him. I really want to be his father since he's looking for one."

He rubbed his chin with consideration. "I could grow a beard…just to look like a _real_ father."

Law looked at him skeptically as Luffy bounced himself atop of the dryer with a determined expression. "I'm sure he'd have no problem calling you 'daddy'."

"Ew, why did you make that sound so _perverted_?" Luffy asked him tiredly. He then hopped off and jumped up to hoist himself up on the joists above, doing pull-ups that looked easy for him. Law returned his attention to his clothes, and was confused on whether his Wonder Woman shirt belonged to the lights or darks. He then pulled out his white shirt and threw that over his shoulder.

"I don't know what's going on," Law then muttered, frowning at the laundry soap and deciding to dump until it looked suitable. After creating a small puddle, he set that aside and slapped the door shut. "We don't know anything about him, other than he's a homo."

"He's our _neighbor_! Like Mr Rogers! Dresses like him, too."

_Oh Jesus_, Law thought, pausing in twisting the knob as Mr Rogers was superimposed over Sanji's triumphant form. Luffy hopped down, jogging in place before breathlessly slapping his hands over the laundry machine to gain Law's attention once more. Law jumped because he was so involved with the image that he almost forgot he was there.

"He _must_ be protected at all costs," Luffy said with determination before bouncing away. "I'm sure he's at work, now! Let's go over and see if anything changed - !"

"_No_," Law said firmly.

He wasn't sure what held him back from further expressing that. But seeing that plant goblin staring back at him, bleeding green – it did prompt his interest. He exhaled low as Luffy looked back at him with question.

Law looked down at himself, noticing the distinct heaviness of his front and ratty, sweat stained clothes. What would _she_ think if she saw him like this? He was such a clean cut, slender and well kept guy – now he was a hairy, ratty and heavier version of himself. He could feel how swollen he truly was, reaching up to touch one hairy cheek.

_Beards are so grosssss_, she'd mentioned one time, watching a hipster take a selfie of himself. _Did you know their beards are encrusted with fecal matter? _Fecal matter!

Not that Law had put any interest into himself. What was he without her? Obviously _this_. But it wasn't her that had him dressing and looking his best – it was himself. Wanting to present to the world that he was a capable, intelligent man that could be relied upon.

"Law?"

Instead of the anxiety he'd felt whenever he thought in this route, all that seemed to remain was shame. He'd let himself go – he let himself look like this. All for what? Because she left him for someone younger, more…open? Why was he letting her do this to him? He furrowed his brow, touching hand to stomach. It gurgled noisily – his body aching for something to eat but his mind reluctant. Despite the lightness he felt, he still hadn't an appetite.

Luffy was suddenly in his view, holding up several of Lamie's cookies with a wave. "I stole them when she was doing dishes," he whispered with a tone of conspiracy to it. The round disks – splattered with M & M's – beckoned Law's interest. He snatched two out of Luffy's hands and crammed them into his mouth.

The house was dark when the pair walked over, avoiding the back porchlights. Luffy shot from shadow to shadow, looking everywhere with caution while Law strolled behind him, dragging his house shoes across the grass and stone path. The neighborhood at night was quiet and stoic, with cheery voices coming from a nearby house and cars rolling by slowly. A single dog barked from somewhere in the distance. Most of the windows in view were blazing with light – it was a different world here at night, and for some reason, Law felt like there were a millions eyes out with it.

Both he and Luffy walked into the house – but Luffy stumbled over everything. Knocking down rakes, tripping over the lawnmower, pulling down canisters of odds and ends as he tried to help himself up. He got tangled up in an extra hose, coiled up near the shelves. He banged off some overhanging bikes that no longer had tires. He knocked down a shovel from the rack it hung on. Law walked past him as Luffy then collapsed into a trough full of fertilizer and wood chips.

"I can't believe he set all these traps!" Luffy cried piteously, wiping his face and spitting at the same time. Law rolled his eyes. "He knew we were coming!"

Law turned on the light in the laundry room and immediately felt like something was amiss. But Sanji was gone – Law had heard Katakuri's truck pull up and leave in the same manner as it always did. The house felt different. Admittedly, Law never really came over at this late hour.

Luffy stumbled in after him, kicking off the hose he was entangled in. Then banged up against the nearby laundry shelves, knocking down a canister of fabric softener. Law quickly avoided the mess by pushing in to the kitchen. Nothing jumped out at him; no surprise faces, no new bodies, nothing that could be a threat. But the darkness of the house made it clear that they weren't the only ones here. It felt _occupied_.

Venturing into the kitchen, Law absorbed the stillness and quiet of the house. Luffy tripped on his way in, coughing noisily. Law turned to snap at him when something appeared out from the nearby hallway, silencing both of them.

It was the plant goblin from earlier – but it had added more bandages to itself with odd leaves and branches that clearly were taken from the backyard. Law recognized some of the flower petals and leaves from the trees outside. It also clutched a large branch in one hand that looked suspiciously sharp and dangerous. It must have been the lighting, for something in the sharpest curve seemed to gleam like a metallic reflection.

Luffy gaped at the plant goblin from his position on the floor, eyes huge against his face as the being looked from one to the other with a sense of caution. Then it slowly lowered itself into a crouch, using that one branch as a steadying point.

Law thought that it was _bowing_ to them. Even Luffy looked puzzled, tilting his head with a questioning, "Eh?" emerging from his mouth.

"You, uh…" Law heard himself fumble with his own words, clearing his throat as the being lifted its head to look in his direction. "Are you good, now?"

The being nodded, waving at itself as if showing off its work. Law wished it had a face – _something_ he could look at. He didn't know what else to say, Luffy looking from one to the other with his mouth wide open. He slowly rose to his feet, the being twisting its head to look at him as well. But emerging from behind it were three other plant goblins – all of them with genderless, featureless bodies. They all wore clear battle wounds, trying in vain to staunch their wounds with flora from outside. They stood behind the first, rigid bodies without any sort of emotion or intention to them.

Luffy's mouth dropped open as Law stared, unblinking. Both of them were rattled but unable to express themselves in a way that felt appropriate. The silence was immense, but after several moments, the other three goblins slowly fell to one knee.

"They're bowing, aren't they?" Law had to confirm, surveying the small people's actions with a skeptical eye.

Observing this for a few moments, Luffy leaned over and whispered, "Who is the goblin king they're bowing to? Because if it's me, I'm ready for the throne."

With a victorious shout, he raised his hands in victory. "_I am the goblin king_!"

The volume of his voice started Law, causing him an impatient shove of his elbow against Luffy's back. "Quiet down, we're not supposed to be here."

He then turned his attention to the pale beings that stared quietly up at them – seemingly awaiting orders. It creeped Law out that they were voiceless and without emotion – like looking at store mannequins wrapped in leaves.

Swallowing down a lump of uncertainty, he asked, "You here to kill…Sanji?"

All of them nodded grimly, Luffy lowering his arms with a sort of shocked expression. The silence was heavy. "What…?"

"Then why haven't you?" Law asked clumsily, feeling his heart race with a sort of horrified beat. Despite his attitude, the thought of things wanting to kill somebody was rather shocking. "You've had all this time to do so, and now…what's changed?"

The plant goblin in front swung his branch around mightily, then trembled with the effort before weakly pointing at his forehead once more. Law shook his own head with utter incomprehension. It was the second time the thing had pointed at its forehead.

"You guys can't do that," Luffy whispered, looking dismayed as their words sunk into him. He clutched his hands over his own stomach with horror. "Sanji is my _friend_…! _Why_ would you want to do that?"

The being in front tilted its head with a puzzled gesture. It signaled to one of its friends, who quickly sprouted fairy wings from its leaves and vines. The plant goblin pranced about happily, much to the concern of the two human men that watched with similarly startled expressions. When it began miming watering pretend plants, the first mimed killing him savagely. So the second "died" dramatically before falling to the ground, leaves and vines gushing around it like blood.

"That still says absolutely _shit_ about the reason why," Law murmured. "All that's understood is that you just want to kill a fairy."

They all nodded fervently, even the one laying on the ground. It quickly reshaped back into its original form.

"…Still says absolutely nothing."

"How did you interpret that?" Luffy asked with bewilderment, hands in thought pose. "I thought that they meant they had to surprise a fairy on the day of his birthday before he blew out the candles and he was so startled that he fainted!"

All of them stared up at Luffy with visible bewilderment, then looked at each other. After several moments they bent over with effort, hands to chests or hips, in visible states of resting after extensive exertion. Law shook his head with a fed-up expression.

"Ha ha! They're so _cute_!" Luffy laughed in delight, eyes shining.

Law studied them the little people, then noticed how well they stuck to the shadows. It occurred to him then why they hadn't been able to.

"Sanji works nights," he said aloud. "That guy comes to get him at night. Clearly, these creatures are only able to walk around _at_ night. He mentioned that he spends ten hours on his feet…"

It never occurred to Law that Sanji was gone all throughout the night, and remaining up during the day to bother him. Luffy watched Law's expressions change.

"_Does he even sleep_? What sort of magical crack is he on, and why isn't he sharing with the rest of us? And by _us_, I mean me? I could use that…"

"He's always awake when I am," Luffy said, puzzled at the question. "Wow, what a mystery…"

"So, Katakuri is doing what he can to keep him alive, but…why not just tell him this?" Law wondered aloud, looking to the four small beings with trouble. "Sanji knows nothing about you, nor his role in life. So killing him is essentially senseless murder."

"His role is to be my slave!" Luffy laughed noisily. The four beings looked from Luffy to Law, and it occurred to Law that they were reluctantly agreeing with the teenager. Law straightened up, staring hard at them.

After a few moments, he pointed at Luffy. "Is this _your_ goblin king?"

The beings looked to Luffy and nodded as one. Their vines and leaves seemed to glow brighter, tightening around their wounds. Luffy lit up, eyes round and huge against his face. A sort of high pitched squeal built in his throat and emerged as a victorious scream of might, hands thrust up into the air.

"_I AM_ THE GOBLIN KING!" he cried once more, causing all of them to wince.

"That doesn't make any sense!" Law snapped at them, gesturing wildly. "Sanji's lived here for years, and you're suddenly making an appearance now? Why now? Is this only because David Bowie here appeared?"

"Who is that? One of our neighbors?" Luffy asked curiously.

Law thought back to when the note appeared – it was definitely a day before Luffy appeared. He once again looked at Luffy with chagrin.

"Law, bow to your king," Luffy said, grinning at him. Law stared at him for a few moments, then slapped him upside the head. All the beings winced in reaction, and he waited for their retaliation as Luffy straightened, rubbing his head painfully.

Law looked to them, then at Luffy again. "Aren't the rules broken, now? If your Goblin King adores…the subject at hand?"

"I _adore_ Sanji," Luffy confessed to the others, smiling brilliantly. "He's been so _nice_ to me! If he's got a birthday coming up, I wanna be able to surprise him first!"

The beings seemed to stare back at him in puzzled regard. They then stood slowly, holding themselves rigid. Cautiously, Law prepared to do _something_ – Luffy placed his hands on his hips and looked at them with excitement.

"If I am truly your king," he declared, "then do something fantastic!"

The group looked at each other, Law watching with uncertainty. The one in front looked down at himself as the others made questioning gestures, clearly encouraging each other to do something of that magnitude. Luffy's smile faltered slightly, shoulders wilting.

Without warning, the one with the branch drew it over his bandages and reopened the gash to cause a spectacular gush of blood that splattered over both men. Law and Luffy reacted with dismay, crying out and trying to escape the warm spatter while the being seemed to shrivel, four-fingered hand to its chest. The others around it scattered with panic while Law and Luffy wiped at their faces. It smelled of freshly cut grass and broken leaves – the aroma was strong, and the substance was disgustingly gooey.

Despite what had happened, Luffy inhaled deeply and gave a shout of joy while Law watched the being fall to its knees, barely bracing itself atop of the kitchen floor.

"_Fantastic_!" Luffy cried with amazement while Law's mouth dropped with utter incredulity, mind blown by the concept of what he considered 'fantastic!'

"Aren't you a stupid piece of shit? Killing yourself for his amusement! I hope you _do_ shrivel up and die!" he barked out at the trembling being that continued to bleed out over the floor while the others returned, carrying armfuls of flower petals and tree leaves. "The fact that you exist in the first place is what makes you _fantastic_! Morons!"

Law then stood there, paralyzed by what was playing out in front of him. The beings hurriedly tended to their friend, twisting him onto his back, removing the old bandages and applying new ones from their own bodies. Luffy stood there with that bright grin on his face, then looked worried. He hurried over to see what he could do to help and Law watched the group tend to their trembling friend. Shaking his head ever so slightly, Law exhaled noisily.

"This is some bullshit," he murmured to himself. "Fairies, plant goblins, goblin kings…? _What the fuck_…"

"Fairies, Law?" Luffy asked, glancing at him apprehensively. "Why, are they here, too?"

"Closer than you think."

Luffy gave him a strained look, eyes narrowed to slits – like he was trying to hide his rude expression. "_You_…?"

"NOT ME!"

"Oh, _whew_! Because fairies are nice, clean and tidy and there's always little bells ringing around them when they're around. Just like in the cartoon – granting wishes!" Luffy lit up at the concept. "Let's find this fairy, Law! And have them grant us wishes, like Timmy!"

Law recalled that particular cartoon because it had been one of Lamie's favorites. It was unfortunately fitting to the situation. Law could comfortably picture Sanji in Cosmo's outfits, sprouting weird things at him in the name of love. It was only slightly better than the Tinkerbell thing. Despite the weird things happening around him, he uttered, "_Heh_."

"What are you laughing for, you psychopath?" Luffy snapped at him with horror. "People are dying, here!"

"At _your_ command, dummy!"

"…Oh yeah…" Luffy then looked guilty, shoulders hunching.

Suddenly, the group of plant goblins stilled. Their heads lifted then twisted to look to the front of the house. Law heard it, too. The rumble of a heavy duty truck pulling up to the driveway. The beings struggled to pick up their fallen friend, Luffy scrambling to his feet as Law looked alarmed.

"Hurry up! Hide, it's that big guy," Law hissed. "Vegans don't care who is in their path when they're hungry for plant food!"

The little mouths atop of their heads screamed, startling both males. Both of their eyes widened with surprise as the mouths opened and closed with scared noises. Luffy then placed a finger over his mouth, _sshh_ing them gently. He moved with the group, clumsily stumbling after them as they strained to carry their friend. The new addition of plant blood gushing everywhere was ruining Sanji's color motif, Law noticed.

He reached out to turn off the laundry room light, and heard an immediate collusion of noises, so he flicked it back on to see that the five of them had collapsed and tripped over each other, creating a pile of newly stained green bodies. That one continued to gush out green blood like a fountain. Law couldn't decide whether to be amazed at how stupid they were, or that this was even happening at all. His voice was stuck in his throat.

Within the silence of the house, a single door outside opened and slammed shut.

"Pick him up and run to the basement!" Law hissed at them incredulously, hurrying over to that door and opening it. "Luffy, you're bigger, _pick him up_!"

Luffy hastily picked up the bleeding plant goblin, tossed him over his shoulder and ran for the open door, the other little people hurrying after them. It almost looked like the wounded goblin was dying, but Law ignored that. They all lost their footing and fell down the stairs into the basement, but Law didn't have much time to check on their progress. He shut the door hastily, turned off the laundry room light and made his way back to the kitchen just as the front door was unlocked.

The heavy clomps of the man's footsteps announced his presence before anything else did. When the kitchen light flicked on, Katakuri looked immediately at Law – who was standing at the counter with his hand in the cookie jar.

Law was awkwardly silent as he stared up at the man with absolute shame – aware that he was red-faced and sweaty just from the short action spurt earlier. Katakuri was deathly silent as he stood there – tall and grand in the kitchen entranceway. Unwillingly, because of what Luffy had mentioned earlier, Law now saw the image of Jorgen Von Strangle. He closed his eyes with utter shame for even knowing who that was. He pulled his hand from the cookie jar and shoved his fist to his mouth to keep himself from laughing hysterically at the vision.

"Excuse me," Katakuri rumbled impatiently. "Are you lost?"

"No," Law managed to answer smoothly. He took a cookie from the jar and took a bite. It was hard not to react – the sweet filled his senses with utter pleasure. He chewed once. "Want one?"

"This is not your residence."

"No, it's not. But Sanji extends his cookie jars to me whenever I'm in the mood. Haven't seen you around, lately," Law returned, chewing once more. "Were you busy chasing after eight year old kids with suspiciously pink and green colored animals?"

"No," Katakuri then said, eyes dropping to the sweet before lifting once more to Law's face. Law finished the cookie and grabbed another. He ate that before Katakuri said, "It's impolite to be in other people's houses when they aren't here."

"Like I said, I'm here whenever I'm in the mood for a cookie. His house is always open to me. Did you need something? I heard you did some exterminating, earlier," Law then said, grabbing another cookie and stuffing that into his mouth. It tasted _so good_ – his eyes watered as he ate it. It didn't taste so much like a cookie, but something extravagant, something filling – like a meal all in one tasty bite. "Some nasty spiders we found in the attic."

Katakuri was silent, but his forehead seemed to tighten. "You've seen those spiders for yourself?"

"Nasty things. Sanji and I have some things in common," Law said lightly, shuddering theatrically. But he watched Katakuri's reaction stiffly. "Admittedly, once I heard him shrieking and carrying on, I refused to open my eyes. I get nightmares easily. I'm the recluse from next door, by the way. My parents are taking care of me while I continue to suffer under the weight of my mental breakdown. Hard times."

"Yes, I've heard Bartolomeo mention you once or twice."

_Even _this_ guy_? Law thought, pausing in mid-chew to look at Katakuri with outrage. But then he finished that cookie. He put a lot of effort into closing the jar. He wiped his face and facial hair of crumbs.

"I'm here to continue my task," Katakuri then said tightly. "I ask that you remove yourself from the residence that I am able to perform my duty."

"Are you the house servant, or something? Who are you to Sanji, anyway?" Law asked curiously, not moving from the counter. The older man looked immensely irritated with his continued questions, ears flexing as his jaw did. He was dressed in a sharp three piece suit this time – so every part of him looked stiff and unyielding. The scarf was in a magenta color to match his hair, but seemed airy and light compared to the ones he wore during the day.

"I'd always had the idea that you were the boyfriend," Law added slyly, licking his fingers of crumbs. He noticed how red and angry Katakuri grew to the suggestion, and blinked innocently. "Oh? You aren't? Common mistake – both of you have rather…outstanding fashion sense."

"Are you done eating?"

Law realized Katakuri wanted him to leave, but he couldn't do so without his Goblin King cousin. Who knows what Katakuri would do to him – and have the chance to put all the blame on him for even going along with the scheme.

Before Law could think of anything to delay his leave, Katakuri said, "I've seen you around a few times. But tonight is the only night where I've seen you so…alive."

Law looked at him with surprise, then touched his face. "I feel okay…maybe I'm coming out of it."

"It's not the type of glow that is common with recluses. But the glow of someone that has come into contact with something he shouldn't have," Katakuri murmured, eyes piercing Law with silent accusation. Suddenly there was a type of threat in the kitchen that made Law feel uncomfortable. He swallowed tightly, feeling the remains of the cookies he'd eaten weigh heavily in his stomach.

He looked down at the counter with trouble, hands clasping together. "I admit," he said slowly, rocking his upper half lightly, "having regular relations with Kidd across the street allowed me to perk up a bit. Who knew the eighties rock style could be so…titillating?"

Katakuri looked disgusted, drawing back. "The one with the mullet?"

"He's home all the time," Law confessed. "And no woman would look twice at a man who hides his Taco Bell habit in a trash heap of a basement room of their parents' house. Gotta get it where you can."

"That's _disgusting_."

"Please keep this between us. I'd be terribly embarrassed if word got out that we were hooking up," Law whispered. "And Sanji would be upset himself – he and I have a sort of rivalry going on. This would shatter that."

Katakuri's right eye twitched.

"Therefore, I'm eating myself sick with Sanji's cookies, hoping to think of something good for an excuse once we're found out," Law said with a heavy sigh, opening up the jar once more. Katakuri caught his hand in mid-reach, then thrust it away. "Help me come up with a good lie to thwart Sanji from finding out. It'll be a terrible scene in this peaceful neighborhood once it's found out that we've been lusting after the same man, but only I was successful."

Law then swallowed. "Have you seen 'Glee'?"

Katakuri exhaled with impatience, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. "_No_, I have not."

"Wouldn't you agree that I can be compared to an older Blaine Anderson?"

Katakuri wiped at his eyes.

"Without the facial hair, of course…and maybe about…thirty pounds over…"

"NO. Please leave."

"This isn't your house, and I've overheard Sanji's agitation towards you every time you show up. So _you_ are the uninvited guest. _You _leave."

Katakuri stared at him for a few moments, then lowered his hands to his sides. Law watched him nervously, understanding that there was a shift in the air that suddenly told him he was messing with the wrong person. Before anything could be said or done, Katakuri's eyes lifted and shifted away from Law, focusing out the back doors. He looked surprised – enough for Law to turn and look around himself as well. But he saw nothing out there – just some solar lights illuminating flower boxes and the evening scene of the back yards of close neighbors. He looked to the taller man once more, seeing how Katakuri seemed to measure this moment with something beyond Law's comprehension.

But he returned his gaze to Law. He seemed to look at him with a new assessment. "I will mention that we've spoken," he then said low.

He didn't express whom and over what, but Katakuri turned and left the house as noisily as he came in. Law stayed at the counter until he heard the roar of the truck's engine moving away from the house. He exhaled slowly, unsure of what could have happened.

The basement door flung open, Luffy looking out with awe. He was covered in vines, as if those beings had blanketed him with threatening flora. But they uncurled from around him, leaving him a green splattered mess. There wasn't a clean spot on him.

"_You did it_!" he cried jubilantly, darting out from the basement. Several of those vines reached out and pulled the door closed behind him. "You scared him away! Wow, you are intimidating! Maybe you can be my Goblin knight. Or bishop? You seem like a priest…"

"No, I refuse an alliance with you for any longer than this," Law answered with revulsion, straightening away from the counter. "What happened to those things?"

"Oh, after they were hiding me, they sunk away into the walls. Like ghosts! That's why we couldn't see them, Law! They're _ghosts_!"

Law ignored Luffy's other comments as he raided the cookie jar, cramming as much as he could into his mouth. He continued to speak, but Law tuned him out as he revisited the treat's delicious abundance. He looked back behind him, wondering what Katakuri had seen in the garden. All he saw was their reflections.

: :

When the early morning sun started to make its presence known, Law was back inside Sanji's house with a quiet mutter. His presence caused the fairy to drop his oven dish with surprise, pottery and food splattering everywhere as he gave a startled gasp. Sanji's eyes zipped to Law's freshly laundered Wonder Woman shirt and clean sweatpants. He had his long cardigan on over that, and worn flipflops on.

"For god's sake, I thought you were the police!" Sanji exclaimed, hand over his heart. "Warn me next time…"

"And you fear the police because you don't sleep, do you?" Law accused him, hands in his cardigan pockets. There was green splatter everywhere – it had dried to a crust all over the countertops, floor and walls – leaving a hideous spill all the way into the basement. That door was covered with it. And yet, Sanji did not appear to notice it.

Sanji looked at him with doubt then looked down at the food he'd dropped. He then batted his eyes sweetly. "All I need is the dew of the universe and the singing sun to keep me going!"

"Shut it, Tink. I'm sure it was mentioned, but I spoke with your man servant last night," Law then said, making a face as he eased around the mess with careful steps. Sanji watched him with a puzzled expression, unsure of why the weird dance over his kitchen floor.

"He did say you were here eating the cookies," Sanji mumbled. "But that's normal – I didn't think two cents of it."

"The plant people…you know who they were bowing to, last night?"

Sanji lit up. "Who?"

"Luffy. They claim him as their _king_."

Sanji looked alarmed, then laughed. "Like David Bowie?"

"I don't know. What do you know of that mess?"

"I…_don't_, actually. I don't know about _goblin_ people, Law. Only what Katakuri mentioned." Sanji then lowered himself to the floor, steadily plucking shards of oven dish from the floor and piling them atop of the bigger piece left behind. Once he had enough, he stood up with it and went to the sink, dumping that into the stainless steel. He withdrew a cigarette from his back pocket, but didn't light it. Just placed it between his teeth and braced himself against the sink, staring out the glass doors, watching as the world woke up.

Today he was dressed in an orange paisley shirt and crisp jeans with a skinny dark blue belt. He had a yellow visor pulled over his perfectly mussed hair, and leather shoes. Law had to look away – the image was too bright and horrific.

"If I should start looking into things," Sanji said slowly, "I'm sure most of them are things I don't want to know. I mean…Zeff removed us from that place for a reason."

"Other than removing yourselves from a full blown _cult_?"

"Maybe he was one himself, and somehow removed my memories. I don't remember much, Law. Just some stuff here and there, but they're…vague images. The gun range, a short hallway, and…him telling me I can't show myself in front of others. That's _all_ I remember."

"What about your parents?"

Sanji shrugged. "I'm sure I had them. We just don't grow from baby's laughter or flower pods."

"Something triggered these events, and perhaps…it's important to find out why."

"We have to find the unicorn. It's the only thing that I can remember that started this whole mess."

Law sighed impatiently. "I know nothing about them. I only saw _Legend_ once. Tom Cruise's teeth were distracting."

"It wasn't his _teeth_ I was distracted by," Sanji confessed, looking guilty.

"You sick, _sad_ monster."

Sanji brightened. "In that movie, the unicorns' horns were removed because of the devil guy. What if the unicorn somehow lost his horn, and he's looking for it and only we can help him?"

Law sighed again. "I'm going to have to rewatch the movie."

"I can download it! Let's share popcorn. I'll pretend I'm not touching you accidently every time you reach into the bowl I'll hold with my legs."

"_Ew_, no. We're going to sit five feet away because I'm _not_ gay. Plus, I'm only doing this because of your freaky revitalizing powers. You did something to me. Once my mood sets back in, I'm out of this mess."

"I'll just have to touch you again, then," Sanji said with a can't-help-it sigh. "It hurts me to have to invade your space, but if I absolutely have to…well, I won't hold back."

"Those things did mention that they were here to kill you," Law added. "But Luffy convinced them otherwise. Apparently, you're his slave, now."

Sanji lifted an eyebrow. "That's not going to fly. I'm a slave to my own fashion sense and nothing else."

Before Law could add anything to it, the basement door opened with a noisy creak. Sanji's eyes widened to dinner plates and he cringed with fright. Law glanced over to see one of the plant goblins peer out cautiously, then emerge. Judging by its vine formations, it wasn't the one that cut himself silly the night before. It politely shut the door behind it and walked up into the kitchen. Law watched it approach, settling his slightly racing heart as he'd accepted the plant goblin's presence. He looked to Sanji, and noticed that the fairy was looking in the direction of the basement door – clearly not seeing the little creature standing nearby.

Law couldn't fathom why this was happening.

"You can't see it?" he asked dumbly, the plant goblin looking at Sanji with the same skeptical tilt of its head.

Sanji looked at him with alarm, then shook his head, eyes racing about to locate whatever it was Law was seeing. After some consideration, Law reached out and patted the thing atop of its mossy heady – the little mouths opened wide, like baby birds reaching for their parents' beak, and Sanji's eyes shot open wide and locked in on its location. He paled significantly, cigarette dropping from his opening mouth. The plant goblin waved clumsily at him.

The silence was intense as Law judged Sanji's reaction. It was pretty pure, he determined. Sanji looked like he was seeing a ghost for the first time. All the blood drained from his face and neck, and he wavered in place. For a moment, he lost control over himself, glowing with fluttering wings at his back. The plant goblin looked up at Law, tiny hands lifting to form into fists then pointing insistently at Sanji.

"It wants to kill you," Law interpreted plainly, the thing clapping its hands with glee.

Sanji stared at him with utter bewilderment. "_What the hell_, Law?"

Emerging from around the counter to look at the goblin more clearly, Sanji kept his distance. His wings tightened together then disappeared entirely once he was able to get a grip on himself. He stared at the goblin with utter mystification, holding his breath. The goblin pulled and tugged on Law's cardigan, signaling for permission to kill.

Sanji looked to Law with utter dismay. "Why is it comfortable talking to _you_?"

Law shrugged, hands in his pockets. "I haven't the faintest. It doesn't talk. Just…plays charades until we get it."

"We?"

Law gave him a brief overview of what happened last night. By the end of it, Sanji was staring at him with renewed bewilderment before looking down at the little person with silent appraisal. Suddenly, he looked to Law with consideration, jaw tight. He grasped at the counter with both hands, then looked to the cookie jars. Scrambling to them, he opened one and looked inside, Law watching him with impatience. Once Sanji noted the contents remaining, he closed the jar with a frozen, bloodless look before looking back at Law.

"What?" Law asked with impatience. "_Yeah_, I ate the cookies."

"In…_this_ jar?" Sanji asked skeptically, tone high with alarm.

"Yeah. They were really good," Law added. "Full of fiber. Made me a happy man this morning."

Sanji cradled the jar to his chest, still looking as if the floor was swept right out from underneath him. "Law," he said lightly, a slight edge of hysterics to it, "_I'm a virgin_."

"Yeah, you told me that. I still don't accept that shit. It's as _mythical_ as the creatures suddenly appearing around here!"

"…You come to this house for food, right?"

"_Duh_, you leave free money here."

Sanji wheezed, then looked out the glass doors once more. But his entire frame stiffened as his sight settled elsewhere, wings fluttering to view once more. The plant goblin seemed to huff with impatience, four fingered hands on its shapeless hips.

"AaaaahhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHH!" Sanji then eked out, the sound drawing out into a slightly hysterical laugh. He dropped the cookie jar, the pot shattering on the floor once more, spilling out cookies that were broken upon impact. Then he bent to put his head between his knees, wheezing noisily. Law glanced out the back door, but he didn't see anything out place. The flowers were still damaged and dull, heads bending towards the ground, and the world was waking up slowly with the illumination of the sun rising in the distance. He caught sight of his reflection, the little plant goblin at his side. There wasn't any unusual about it that could have caught Sanji's attention.

After sucking in a large amount of air, Sanji jerked towards him, reaching for his head. Law swept out of his reach with a panicked reaction.

"I thought we agreed upon no touching!" he snarled at him. "After you did that weird thing, I'm not ready for another one of your damn magic fairy dust touch!"

"I just want to see something, something…very important," Sanji stressed, kicking the goblin aside as it intended on lurching at him. He caught onto Law's cardigan, dragging him close and reaching up to shove his messy blue-black hair off his forehead. What he saw there had his mouth falling open once more, gaping at Law with utter understanding and amazement.

Law swatted him away, rubbing self-consciously at his forehead. "_Stop_. I'm covering that for a reason. Glass – from the car accident – fucked up my beautiful face. I don't want any Harry Potter jokes."

Sanji was still silent, eyes wide and unblinking as he stared up at Law. He swallowed noisily. "You…were in school to be a healer…?"

"A _surgeon_, yes."

"Unicorns…heal. And they usually take on…positions of healing. Like I said, fairy tales are created from truths, right?"

"Yeah, _so_?"

"You had a breakdown after the car accident, right? And…and turned into…turned into _this_." Sanji gestured helplessly at him, then stared up at him with seemingly sightless awe. He ended up rubbing his eyes, then drawing his hands down the length of his face. He looked to Law once again. Blinking repeatedly, he said slow, "We never had contact before. Not as children, not for as long as I lived here. You never even noticed me."

"Okay, _so what_?"

"And now that you were broken, you came back here, and…you can't get rid of me."

"Yeah, a pain in my urethra."

"Law," Sanji said slowly, skeptically watching the plant goblin approach slowly from where he'd kicked it. After a few moments, he looked at the man again. "_You're_ the unicorn."

"I admit, my horn's longer than most, but I'm not a mystical creature."

"You lost it in the car accident."

"Yeah, I'd _miss_ that. I somehow _missed_ seeing a damn _horn_ growing from my fucking forehead all these years! And I don't eat oats! I don't even know what Pink Lady apples are!"

"You ate most of the cookies I'd made expressively for the _unicorn_, Law! You ate – practically all of them!"

"Well, I'm not going to lie – they were delicious."

"People don't fucking eat shitty oats! _You ate them_! Law, we're normal people – us…fantasy creatures, _whatever_. We exist. We don't stand out. We sometimes don't even know what we are ourselves." After some moments of shocked silence, Sanji added, "Fairies are drawn to a unicorn in distress. We're your guardians, your healers when you can't..."

Law stared at him with utter reproach.

"But unicorns choose their people, and you never looked at me until you were hurt. And you allowed me to take care of you all this time." Sanji pinned him with a stare. "How did Katakuri react to you?"

"Annoyed that I was breathing the same air as he."

The plant goblin attached itself to Sanji's leg, beating on him with its fists and kicking at his ankles. He easily kicked it aside.

"You saw these things first," Sanji pointed out. "You saw their murders, you can _speak_ to them, unicorns have the ability to see all of us – !"

He then trailed off, hand to his throat with distress before covering his mouth. "I'm a bad keeper. I wasn't doing my job right…! Someone else had to tell you how to feed you because you were rotting away and - ! _I'm a bad keeper_!"

He wailed this with dismay, sinking to his knees while Law watched him with immense doubt and lack of sympathy. He rolled his eyes, but ended up touching the scar on his forehead with self-conscious action.

"I feel like you're drawing me into your childish fantasies and somehow convincing me to play along," Law grumbled, looking at the plant goblin as it hobbled back, clinging to the counter with immense effort. "I've seen nothing and nobody until I started clearing my head and coming over here, begging for snacks. All of this is just some…bad tripping. I can't…yet…"

Law looked to the little creature that looked up at him with pain, bent over in clear reaction to some nut shot. If he _had_ nuts, that is…

"I can't deny this stuff playing out right in front of my eyes," he concluded.


	8. Chapter Seven

**A/N: my dream didnt have this much detail D: but its necessary**

**Naghi-Tan: Most of them are unaware that theyre magical creatures - their identities lost in time as people stopped believing u.u This chapter explains more! I searched the vid but only found my little pony vids D:**

**VisitorNo18: Law is a Unicorn and Luffy is definitely Goblin King! This chapter delves more into it, with the introduction of two more creatures :D It'll continue to get more "fantastic" as the unicorn and his guardian fairy and his Goblin King learn who they truly are!**

**Snowflake97: they are cute but mighty! the unicorn's bidding and the Goblin King's will are their motivation! If only the fairy took them seriously...XD this chapter will explain more on the creatures and their roles...it'll be one of those slow, confusing burns with this mystical couple...;)**

**Chapter Seven**

* * *

After returning to his room, Law flopped stomach first onto his messy bed and just…inhaled. He closed his eyes, mind spinning with vivid thought and images; listening to his heart beat, absorbing the sensation of breathing. He found it difficult to believe it had taken this long to truly appreciate what his body was capable of after it was smothered in the weighty suffocation of depression and anxiety. He felt years younger. Even as he acknowledged that it had changed considerably, his body felt as tall and strong as it had been before the car accident.

_This is madness_, he thought with absolute incredulity. _How is this happening_…?

He opened his eyes to absorb the silence of the basement, eyes flicking from the trash and mess on the floor around his bed to beyond, to the machines that stood silently against the wall. Upstairs, he could hear his family moving around – Patty making coffee, Larry at the stove, making a quick breakfast. He could hear Lamie's pop music playing from the nearby vents. The sound of the activity had always been there, but Law had been sleeping through it all after a late night of eating and watching Friends.

Law thought about his Girlfriend – he felt miserable remembering her brilliant, beautiful engagement photos. They'd met in high school, hooked up throughout their junior and senior years and entered college together. They did everything together, and Law wasn't shy about expressing his affection over her. He had been the luckiest guy on Earth, he'd felt. She was beauty and smarts and he knew other men envied him for it. She made Law feel like he was a strong, capable man, someone ready to take on the world.

Then he thought of the day of the car wreck – _how was he frigid_? As for nicknames – well, it was awkward being called anything but by his name, and he'd simply preferred being called by his given name. He didn't think it was that big of a situation. If she wanted to mess around, hell, he was prepared at a moment's notice – that's what teenage hormones did. Sure, he stuck to his schedule and daily To-Do List but that was because he was ambitious and he was capable of forgetting due to his work load. Yes, he wore specific colors in specific outfits, but didn't everyone else? Details were important in the medical field, and Law had felt successful.

If only he had the nerve to just ask her what she meant by that. He glumly turned over, looking at the laptop that his parents had given him when he'd murdered his by leaving melting ice cream atop of it. It was an old, high whirring model that desperately needed updates, and it was his only reach into the world. He reached for it, then dropped his arm, aware that signing onto his Facebook account right now would be dangerous. He'd only lose himself in her profile and timeline. He sighed heavily, thinking about how her voice had changed from addressing him to that stupid kid over the Bluetooth phone.

With one more mighty effort, he caught hold of the laptop and drew it to him. It took nearly fifteen minutes for it to launch and then agree to the internet icon, but once he was on Facebook, he found her profile and opened it to see that she was showing off her Starbucks purchase with both hands – ringless and happy.

'A new day, a new beginning!' she declared. Law raised an eyebrow, scanning comments and earlier postings to see that she'd broken off the engagement. After considerable thought, she wasn't ready to give her life while it was just starting to one person.

He almost felt relief. Maybe she was waiting for him. Sowing all the oats and living adventure and life to grow into another person, waiting for him to come out of his shell. This time period away from each other – maybe that's all it was. She was thinking of him, thinking that he should lose himself and grow as she was. The idea made everything feel so much better.

He clicked onto the messenger app, and hesitated over the New Message option.

_I should say something_, he thought, furrowing his brow. _But what_?

He thought about all the things happening with him currently. Luffy was awake, Law realized, hearing him chat almost non-stop to his parents that awkwardly answered his questions or stated their concern over his enormous appetite. Law refocused on his ex's smiling face – every feature was perfectly illuminated, but it appeared she'd grown out her eyebrows and lightened her hair. No matter what she did, she'd always look beautiful. But the more he stared, the more he realized that her smile wasn't brilliant enough. In fact, it seemed weighty and forced. The corners weren't even prominent.

Catching this slight detail, Law realized other little things he hadn't seen before. He scrolled through her earlier posts and wondered just how many people that Liked and Reacted to her selfies were people she actually knew. It seemed she tried so hard for a 'good pose' that her smiles were forced. Every comment she made was ended in an exclamation mark. And she shared many uplifting posts that didn't feel like her personality back then – granted, they weren't those kids back then, but it felt…_forced_.

That was the word Law felt that fit the realization.

Maybe she was forcing herself to be happy after she left him. Wouldn't that be wonderful? It filled him with hope he hadn't had, before, something akin to a flame lighting up in the pit of his belly. Maybe, maybe, maybe…

Just in case, maybe he should prepare for his re-entrance back into her life. Lose some weight, get a haircut, shave…buy a new wardrobe, get the job his parents wanted him to get. Get back on track. Show her that he was good at handling the little stuff. _Then_ they would continue to grow together as the team that they were.

He suddenly clicked out of the messenger app, realizing he didn't have anything to say to her right now. The things that he wanted to tell her melted away. He couldn't tell her these things – she'd think he was crazy. Why did he think she'd want to hear them? He'd lose her for sure.

At the same time, he suddenly recognized another feeling. _Why_ should she know about this? Had she appreciated him at all?

If he came to her without all the things he had in hand when they broke up, would she want him back?

The screen eventually darkened, and he was caught looking at his reflection. Bloated, hairy and with his hair screaming bedhead, he knew he wasn't the same man he was back then. He was rather detestable, now, deliberately saying and doing things that he knew would piss someone off. He'd taken great care not to do those things before, but he had no filter, now. He'd be ugly to her – not only in physical presentation, but verbally as well. Every word he'd say would be cutting and accusing without any affection present.

For the first time, Law thought that he could feel angry towards her. It was a magnanimous feeling. He set his laptop aside, cautiously delving into that aspect. If she were cheating on him, was that only the first time that he'd caught her doing so? Was he blind to others?

He wasn't strong enough to ask her these things, yet. He was still running off that weird vital renewal thing Sanji did to him, and this was allowing him to open his eyes (as swollen as they were). He looked up when the basement door opened, and Larry walked down with a bitter face – unaware that Law was awake. Law watched his father look at the mess around his bed and wave a hand impatiently in front of his face – clearly disapproving of the leftover scent of Law's weed. Once he noticed Law was awake and staring at him, Larry visibly stumbled and had to catch himself on the railing.

"You're awake!"

"I assure you, it was only because of this nightmare I had. I won't repeat it to you, it's too early for that. Lesser men might think I have a mother complex."

Hearing these words leave his mouth, Law wasn't even sure why he said them. Larry gave him a disgusted expression while Law felt his face freeze with recognition of his own gaffe.

"Sorry," he then mumbled uncomfortably.

"We spent most of the night filling out some online forms for potential jobs," Larry said roughly, giving no indication of the apology. "So answer the phone. We discussed the issue, we can loan you a pay-as-you-go phone, but you'll need to supply the cards. The first phone will come with a card expressively for potential employers, and…it should go from there. You need to do this, Law."

The thought of entering the public eye made Law feel anxious despite himself. He touched his hairy face, then rustled his uncombed hair. It felt greasy and thick to the touch. Seeing her right now wasn't possible. Despite what his thoughts were, he still couldn't bear to face her. Seeing people see him – _he wasn't ready_.

"Law, you _have_ to get out of here. You have to start living again," Larry said quietly. "Holing yourself up in the basement for the rest of your life shouldn't even be a thing."

"It wasn't easy to admit that it was a product of…failed first love, but the other things that crept in – that's a thing, too. I'm basically at war with my own mind, and I'm losing."

"People get broken hearts all the time, Law. It's nothing new and it's nothing that won't stop. Losing it over some silly girl – what's the point in it? You had more when you focused in on yourself than on her. She made her decisions, she's living with it – why can't you?"

Hearing no sympathy from his father – and maybe it was _okay_ that Larry felt that way after all these years and after all Law had said and done – Law realized that he wouldn't have any understanding with his own family. He knew it, he'd already accepted it – maybe he would've felt the same way if one of them had been reduced to a shell as he had. He wasn't looking for sympathy from his family, but he wished they'd just _understood_ that he'd fallen into a hole he couldn't get out of and needed help. At the same time, he knew how hard he made it for them – part of this was _his own fault_.

"I think I might have solved the mystery in it," Law then said gravely, gathering his thoughts together. He looked to his father grimly. "I lost my unicorn horn in the car accident. I will need the assistance of the fairy next door to find it. Maybe I could turn back into myself again."

Larry stared at him in long silence, shook his head and slowly ascended the stairs. "You know…life would be so much easier for you if you didn't make it into such a dark joke," he then said, flicking a glance at his only son. "If you had rebuilt yourself up with words of positivity and strength, you could've been back on your feet, grateful you were able to live another day. By all accounts, Law, you should've been dead. But it's obvious you're doing your best to complete the act by killing yourself slowly. And for what? It's a waste, Law. _A waste_."

_Yeah, she would've reacted in the same way_, Law thought, glancing at his laptop once he heard the basement door close behind his father. No matter if he spoke these things out loud, no one would believe that there were mystical creatures living amongst each other in plain view. After several moments in silence, Law put his laptop away and stood up from his bed. Hearing the far off voices of his family living above him, Law reflected in that moment that he felt lonely.

So he decided to leave his room for the second time.

: :

Halfway through the morning, both men were in Zeff's former bedroom. It was surprisingly small for how big of a man he'd been – from what Law remembered, Zeff was a huge, weighty man that hobbled about with a peg-leg, snapping at anything that moved. Clearly, Sanji's fairy influence hadn't affected him in the slightest.

Sanji was digging through boxes as Law examined the cookies he intended on finishing. Even if they were designed for horses, the mixture of oats and Pink Lady apples were a fantastic combination. Law really didn't believe Sanji's revelation of his true nature because how was he supposed to accept that he was some kind of mystical animal with a single horn protruding from his head? Law could believe the plant goblins because he saw them for himself, and he could believe in fairies because there was no explaining Sanji's damn wings, but a _human unicorn_?

_That_ one was still spinning far away from the axis of reality.

Plus, it did not explain the first day he'd "fed the unicorn". He'd dumped those oats on the deck – Law did not remember eating it. He would _absolutely_ remember that – chewing noisily like a damn cow (horse) on something meant for animals and not humans – he didn't even like oatmeal! But these cookies, with both ingredients mixed together – it was a meal in itself, and it didn't make any sense at all. It felt like all of his senses were fused together and satisfied.

He looked over at the two plant goblins that were sitting aside of him, sharpening weapons made out of rocks and branches from the trees outside. Offering them a cookie, they broke it apart and fed it to their heads – those mouth plants opened wide and gobbled hungrily like baby birds. So it occurred to Law right then that his answer was right beside him.

"Did you eat my oats the other day?" he asked low, watching them stiffen and still before giving reluctant nods. One of them rubbed its stomach with disappointed whirls. "Ah, well, mystery solved."

Sanji snarled from some opened boxes in front of him. "_Did they_? I'm not feeding them! If they want something to eat, they should mow the lawn!"

The plant goblins' heads whipped in his direction, and their flailing hands and angry gestures suggested what they thought of his idea. Middle fingers were lifted and waved about, and Sanji's expression turned murderous.

"I'm going to poison you with weed killer! Spray you until you're nothing but puddles on my rug!"

Law reflected briefly that Sanji's stairway and part of the hallway carpet downstairs and his kitchen was still splattered with green spatter. But he hadn't said anything about that. If he had to reveal details, then he was _exhausted_ as…whatever he was. If Sanji couldn't see it, it couldn't kill him.

"Aren't they kind of cute, though?" Law murmured, looking at them with affection. They looked up at him, seemingly preening. One combed through its "hair" like it was a wave of length and the other kind of jiggled in place, covering its cheeks with it four fingered hands. Almost expressing a nervous acceptance of the compliment. "Just mouthless, featureless things in the shape of a child, hanging on my every word like Lamie used to do. Scheming to kill you…I like them."

Sanji rolled his eyes, renewing his search. "Surely Zeff has _something_ here that he left behind that would allow me to learn how to cope with this," Law heard him mutter, flipping through various books. "I honestly thought I was the odd one out and yet I meet _three_ different types of us in one damn day! I don't even know shit on how to deal with this…"

"Samesies," Law said, reaching up to his forehead to scratch lightly at the scar there. "The knowledge that these things are happening are slowly turning into an accepted thing. Yet, I told my father about my missing horn and he looked at me as if I were crazy. So…this will not help my relations any."

"Leaving you _all_ for my own, selfish enjoyment," Sanji said with a purr, then winced when a branch bounced off his head. "You little shit stain! I will serve you with bad croutons and creamy raspberry vinaigrette to the fish in the Welshes' home!"

"I should…change my eating habits," Law then said slowly as the two goblins danced in place, high fiving each other. "Perhaps…do something different with my life. Is this the sort of power that you extend to your old men?"

Sanji gave him a skeptical look, brushing pieces of branch from his hair. "I just do what I do and walk away. It makes sense now _why_ they came to me, but…it wasn't something I gave serious consideration to. Like I said, I know shit about myself. So whatever you're feeling because I'd touched you - ?"

"So, wait, you _touched_ me. Don't you touch them?"

"Well, I mean…I gave a lot of massages, and rubbed on a lot of medical ointment. That's the extent of it. Nothing sexual."

Law gave him a skeptical glance. "That's just…unbelievable. You _totally_ look like a hooker."

Sanji preened majestically that had Law exhaling heavily with a heavy look.

"Wow, you're so _gay_," he murmured with horror.

"I might look gay but you're always looking."

"I can't help _but_ look! You're in my face!"

"I'm so flattered you noticed me."

"Admittedly, I can't help but notice a few details here and there, it's just…so…_out there_…"

"Only gay men notice details, honey."

"Don't call me honey."

"Besides, stop flattering yourself. My belt might be chartreuse, but you enjoy allowing me to put your pieces back together."

"It's navy blue, and first of all, you invade my fucking space– "

"Most straight men don't know what the fuck _chartreuse_ is!"

"FIRST OF ALL - ! Of course I'd notice because you -!"

"Notice me _harder_, it gets me going."

"I'm not even going to stop it when they attack you again," Law huffed, furrowing his brow as he looked to the goblins. "I'll even help them."

"As long as you do it with love."

_God, just shut up_, Law thought with irritation, but he wasn't sure who he was directing that order to. Himself or Sanji. Admittedly, he felt perfectly comfortable insulting and baiting the guy, who only volleyed these things back at him. He uncomfortably wondered for a horrified moment if he _was_ flirting with him. He didn't know _how_ to flirt. He'd swamped his ex for attention until she couldn't help but notice him. Was this what he was doing?

Was he straight? Or is this something that straight men did comfortably with their gay friends? He didn't know.

Sanji slapped one book closed, stilling for a moment. When Law noticed he was looking into the distance with a thoughtful expression, he crunched down on the last cookie and waited for Sanji to speak his mind.

"I know you don't get into cars, but there's someone we can see that _could_ have answers," Sanji suggested, laying that book into the opened box in front of him. "I don't know if she's a mystical creature, but…when Zeff met her, it kind of felt like we had something in common. That was years ago, so I don't know if she's still around, but it's not like I can wander back to that…fairy cult and ask questions. Katakuri is a definite 'no' when it comes to sources…"

"I honestly have not left the intersection past the fast food place down the street," Law said quietly. "No matter how adventurous I'm feeling…the thought of climbing into a motorized vehicle has…well, it's truly the only time I feel like a sissy. I might pee on your seats in panic."

"If I find her, I can have her come here," Sanji said with some resolve, perking up. He quickly closed the boxes by folding their tops shut, then restacking them into the closet he'd taken them from.

"What if she's not there?"

"I mean…neither of us has any knowledge of what to do with ourselves, and the fact that we exist in forms unlike what we find on the Internet – we could be Web MD'ing ourselves and accidentally diagnose ourselves with cancer when it's only a gallstone."

Law paused in mid-chew, lifting an eyebrow skeptically. Sanji looked down at him with condescension.

"You should've been a werewolf," he muttered, shaking his head. "You hairy beast...shitty bear...fucking hamster of a man!"

"Take better care of me."

Sanji gave a yell of frustration, stamping his foot again. "Don't remind me! I feel horrible! This is why I'm rushing around like a crackhead on his last high, trying to make it up to you!"

He then stalked out of the room. The two plant goblins shot to their feet, hoisting their weapons over their head. They danced about in preparation of war while Law watched them skeptically. He combed out the crumbs in his beard, frowning at the collection that grew over his lap. His eyes stilled over the mess, thinking that as big as a mess he was, Sanji noticed him positively.

_Am I that desperate_? he thought idly. _To feel that I'm safe under a gay's advances?_

Not that Sanji actively pursued him in any sense but shouldn't a straight man feel threatened by a gay man? _Ah, but he is a fairy and I am a unicorn_, he then thought with mild amusement._ This is why it works._..

It was strange to recognize disappointment because it wasn't associated with his entanglement of a breakdown - just disappointed that he wasn't a person someone would willingly go out of their way for.

_That's my fault_...

"How to be better person," he said aloud, sighing in such a way that the goblins mimicked him.

When Sanji returned, swiping at his cellphone, he kicked aside the goblins that charged at him. They were easily felled, collapsing in a pile just outside the room.

"I called her," he said excitedly to Law. "That place was still there. And she agreed to come here. She already knows the circumstances."

Law looked alarmed. "Convenient."

"_Right_? Well, a long time ago," Sanji began, tidying up the room, "Zeff visited her when I was still very young. I don't know what they spoke about because he forced me to wait outside in the car, but she gave him confidence in whatever it was he'd asked of her."

Law looked skeptic, the plant goblins hobbling back into the room with pitiful motions of defeat. "Well, whatever…"

"I only saw her in passing when Zeff left the place. I wonder if she's changed…all this time I'd only thought she was a massage parlor lady. You know what I mean?" Sanji closed a fist and waved it up and down.

"That's not very virgin of you."

"When you see her, you'll understand what I mean," he said with a sigh.

Nearly an hour later, Law began to understand exactly what Sanji had meant. Boa Hancock was a strapping, tall, beautiful woman – her exotic features were underscored with light makeup and her hair fashionably styled, the waft of patchouli chasing after her. Her clothing was too fitting and too revealing – her cut up t-shirt rolled and knotted underneath her abundant chest and short jean shorts just barely performing their duty. Her high heels were leopard print and her handbag Italian. Every movement she made was designed specifically to draw attention.

She spoke with an accent that Law couldn't place, and stormed into the house like she belonged there. She was taller than both of them and Law wondered if she was some form of mini-giant. For a tall man as himself, finding that he was looking directly into that abundant chest of hers caused him a slight catch of breath. Admittedly, he was intimidated.

Sanji looked up at her nervously, but he wore an expression that clearly read his own distress of the woman's height and intimidating presence.

"Wow, hello, you are…_exactly_ as I remembered," he stuttered nervously, eyes locked on her chest while she looked down at him with haughty poise. "Do you not age?"

"Age is for the _weak_," she snapped at him, snapping her fingers so that his eyes were led up to her face. "And my eyes are up here. You'll speak to them there."

"Rookie move," Law whispered to Sanji, who reddened brilliantly.

"I've waited a little too long for this day," she said with a sigh, sitting delicately at one end of Sanji's couch while flipping her long, black hair over one creamy white shoulder. Her snake earrings dangled lightly despite pulling heavily at her earlobes. "But it has finally come. I'm honored to meet you, Mr Unicorn, but quite honestly, looking at you, I wonder if there is any hope for you…"

She looked intently at the bloated, hairy mess of a man and then at the stark clean and cut man next to him. Each with individual roles and both of them equally disastrous.

She gave a royal wave of her hand to Sanji. "Don't address me as a human when I already know what you are. Come. Give it to me. And the Chia pets – they may stay where they are, I don't mind them being here as well. I do not eat plants."

Once Sanji released his true self, Law coughed as shimmery sparkles caused by the flutter of his blue wings sputtered around him. Sanji glowed like a night lamp and smelled like flowers and the foggy moss of some outside forest when earlier, Law had complained that he smelled like a man who'd somehow survived the cologne ladies bombarding him with sample scents at Macy's. The little plant goblins refused to move from their hiding place behind the chair furthest from them. They seemed to be shaking, afraid of something bigger than them.

Boa's upper lip curled upon the sight of Sanji's true form. She had to squint. "_Ugh_. It's been awhile since I've seen a fairy like you. The light is blinding."

"Thank god I'm not the only one," Law muttered, rubbing at his eyes.

"Please don't profile me when you don't even know me," Sanji said haughtily.

"It was the shirt that gave you away first," Boa snapped at him, flipping her hair over her other shoulder. "The only reason why you glow so brightly, like a child fairy, is because you are _virgin_, so your powers are pure."

Sanji closed his eyes with embarrassment as a snort crept from Law's nasal cavity.

"Fairies have a pitiful idea of romance and an idealism of love, and it is disgustingly innocent and pure," Boa muttered with a shake of her head. "But it attracts unicorns, so whatever reason – at least you did _something_ right."

_What is wrong with wanting to be loved?_ Law thought defensively.

"Wow, you are a snappy piece of nipple hair, aren't you?" Law asked. "Your tongue is sharper than mine."

"I've lived too long to be patient and understanding, and I tire of encountering those that fail to learn their history, and are ignorant of their true selves. I understand that neither of you know what you truly are. Yes? You never knew _you_ were a unicorn, _you_ ignored the fact that you're a fairy."

"Zeff told me to do so," Sanji mumbled.

Law flicked at his forehead. "Mine must've been invisible. Haven't seen it since I was born."

"We walk normally amongst humans, and after thousands of years, forgot what we truly are," Boa said on a huff, stroking through her hair with long, coffin shaped nails. "Because humans don't need us anymore. We were spoken of with respect and dignity and fright. Now…we are nothing but Disney tales and forgotten memories. Shameful. What is left of us is _this_."

She indicated at them both with a revolted expression. Sanji self-consciously adjusted his collar and Law rolled his eyes.

She then blushed faintly. "I was more interested in meeting the newest Goblin King."

"Luffy?" Sanji repeated skeptically. "Why? Is he that powerful?"

Boa pulled uselessly at the knot in her shirt to adjust the material. Despite her stature, despite the fact that she was an absurdly beautiful woman with all the right curves – Law felt _wrong_ looking at her. All his senses seemed to be prickling in warning – almost similar to his Girlfriend looking at him very closely to see if his eyes lingered too long on someone else.

Or, maybe it was the fact that the plant goblins were hiding behind furniture, watching her warily. Sanji even seemed antsy, wiggling every little while like he was trying to shrug off an uneasy sensation.

"Not really. So I was more interested in seeing him as…he is now."

Before either men could process that, she then said, "So, to get this over with before the minotaur decides to interrupt us, let us fast forward to the details. Sanji, yes, you've failed your unicorn."

Sanji wilted with guilt, Boa piercing him with a stern look. "Yes, you _should_ be ashamed of yourself. You were too busy with other matters to realize that the unicorn was falling into an unreachable state of mind."

"I _was_ pretty depressed," Law muttered.

"It's your own damn fault," Boa then snapped at him. "For a creature of your stature, it's shameful to know that you are a weak one. Unicorns are mighty and proud, humble and patient – you were never any of these things."

She looked back to Sanji while Law frowned at her. "Because _you_ weren't raised right, you failed to uphold your duties. You are stupid. Why this unicorn chose you as his guardian makes sense upon seeing him. You can be stupid together. _Losers_. Failed mediocrity for our kind."

Both of them looked at her with combinations of shame and bewildered blame, unsure of how to defend themselves.

"It is the unicorn that bridges beings _together_, to allow them to interact with each other. We don't normally see each other and recognize we are different beings. I'd be human, you'd be human, no one would know. It's only because of _him_. But unfortunately, without your horn, _chaos_."

"…How do you know these things?"

"I see _everything_," Boa said, piercing him with such a strong look that Law averted his eyes elsewhere.

"I didn't start seeing plant thingies until _he_ pointed them out," Sanji murmured with discomfort.

"Of course they were always here," Boa told him impatiently. "Zeff planted them himself."

Sanji gave her a bewildered look as she flipped her hair again, idly stroking the long, inky strands. "If you turned out like your brothers, the goblins would eat you and thereby, save this place and spare the unicorn a bad influence. It's only when you started failing your duties did they come alive. He asked for my advice, and this is what I told him to do."

"How did I fail…?"

"You put yourself first!"

Sanji stared at her for a few moments, then looked to his hands. "That out of state trip I took…things turned odd when I'd returned…"

Law felt bad at that moment, but then remembered that Sanji had been quite open about using the guy just to go somewhere new.

"Yes! Naughty! And for _what_?" Boa snapped at him, causing Sanji to redden significantly while Law looked amused. "To knowingly use a man of money for something new and different? You didn't love him – you chose him because you could use him, something outside of your damn nature! You are no different from a woman who keeps a list of men she can use to further her idea of 'fun'. You chose love over duty, and look at the situation now."

"I wasn't _in love_ with the guy - !"

"You were _in love_ with the concept of _finding_ your True Love – same thing! _Failure_!"

Both of them cringed at the same time - neither fully realizing that they were essentially in the same boat. Both of them in need of love and both of them failing as a result of it. So Boa's snap knifed them both were it hurt.

Law sucked his lips between his teeth, struggling not to show any emotion until Boa looked at him.

"And _you_," she said haughtily, "you took up relations with a succubus. Where is she now, unicorn?"

Law stared at her in silence. _Well, it wasn't always sex she was using me for_, he thought blankly. But then it made him think, What _was_ she using him for?

"Already broken up! That's where! Allowing her to strip you of your abilities, it's rather shameful for a unicorn, no wonder you lost your horn! Should you be allowed to regain it? I think not," Boa huffed.

"She really _was_ a succubus?" Sanji asked tentatively.

"Of course! Why you think she's not settled? Man to man, she won't ever be satisfied. She stole the unicorn's powers by entrapping the horn he thinks most with."

"So, we kill her to get it back."

Law thought Sanji looked too happy with this conclusion. That weird, earlier feeling of not knowing how to feel about Sanji's motives came back.

"No, stupid. You either find his horn or heal him."

"Where is it?" Sanji asked tentatively.

"Do you not feel confidence in your healing abilities? I guess you wouldn't, if you failed the first time."

Sanji gave her an impatient look while Boa pierced him with one that should have leveled most men to shamed avoidance of eye contact. For the first time, Law had to wonder what she really was. It occurred to him that it hadn't been made clear.

"Any who, that is why the plant goblins live, and their king has arisen. Goblin Kings are very rare," she added with a delighted look. "When called upon, they can be very strong. They will provide protection when the fairy has failed and until a new fairy is sought."

Sanji wilted. "What happens because I failed as a keeper?"

"You lose your abilities. Not that its any disaster, you'll live as a human. Not shrivel up and die, we are no longer that dramatic. But penance is served knowing what you were and never returning." Boa lifted a dramatic eyebrow. "At least know your customers can never use you as what you are and start seeing you clearly. Positive side, yes?"

Sanji wasn't sure what to think of that, fiddling uselessly at his visor. "So, I wont be seen."

"No one will miss that color combination!"

"...That's not what I meant..."

"Soooo…where is my horn?" Law asked tentatively.

"The horn itself was recognized by a timid man. _He's_ in possession of it. You may retrieve it from him, but I warn you – once he's aware of the pair of you, it won't be that easy to get back," Boa warned.

"It's no problem, we'll just kick his ass," Sanji said lightly, looking more confident than before. Law gestured at him with his thumb to indicate that Sanji would do it for them.

Boa gave Sanji a skeptical look, then looked to Law. "He is guarded by a very powerful force. With the way you are, do you think you are capable of convincing Lamie to allow you to speak with her boyfriend?"

Both of them looked at her dumbly.

"He's _gay_, he's not her boyfriend," Sanji said dully. "I met him yesterday."

Boa gave him an impatient look. "You can't _see_ these things until the unicorn allows you to. Why are you so slow?"

"Why are you such a bitch?" Law asked before Sanji could defend himself. "Calm your flat ass down. You're not that impressive, yourself. You're just a dime to register as a common mail order bride."

Boa's eyes seemed to gleam red as she slowly focused upon him, Sanji looking startled at Law's surprising defense of him. "And it is your nature to speak up for virgins, so I'll hold your words with no weight. You're a snob preferring only one delicacy, which makes your world very small. This is why you prefer your parents' basement as your habitat."

Both of them gave each other serious battle expressions, seemingly crashing together in one mighty clash of titanic auras. It seemed to crush all of Sanji's glittering sparkle and caused the plant goblins to hide.

"Please stop fighting," Sanji interjected sharply. "Let's stay on task, here. You guys can fight over me later..."

Boa flipped her hair over her other shoulder while Law clicked his tongue. Sanji wiggled with cheer once he saw that his comment caused enough distraction for both of them to retract their claws. But he patted Law to indicate he appreciated his gesture - Law elbowed that touch away crankily.

"They all say that when they realize innocent little sisters have mean older brothers," Boa then returned airily.

"Would I even recognize the thing?" Law then asked. "I had no idea of this being a reality, so there's the problem."

"If you don't recognize your own horn, then you're as much as a failure as this fairy, here," Boa told him nicely, but her words bit like something sharp. She stood grandly, wiping off the backs of her thighs. "I am done, here. I've given you all I know."

Before their eyes, she shifted into a serpent that stretched its full body up to the ceiling and curled around the furniture. Its eyes glowed a vivid red, and its scales shimmered with the full spectrum of the rainbow. Around its crown and jaw was an impressive crown of thorns and mutated scales. Its tail was arrow shaped and rattling with something that sounded like glass caught in a canister. Both men retreated from its form as the serpent turned its head towards them, hissing.

"It is up to you," her voice rumbled through their thoughts, scattering their reactions like beads across the floor. "I will not be part of it. Do not approach me with anything else but to introduce me to the Goblin King. _Understood_? My form has lasted far beyond your years of comprehension – I've eaten my share of creatures. Yours won't be the first I'd feast upon."

Reverting back to her womanly form, Boa brushed her hair from her shoulders and let herself out of the house with a slam of the door.

Sanji snorted. "No wonder the old man liked her," he muttered bitterly. "Bite is as sharp as her heels."

Law looked to Sanji. "Your girlfriend is scary."

Sanji gagged and coughed, eyes watering. But he reverted back to his normal human form, giving a helpless wave of his hand in reaction.

Seemingly moments after she left, someone pounded upon the door. The plant goblins retreated back into the walls of the house, and Sanji hastily opened the door to reveal Bartolomeo standing there, sweaty and panting noisily. Based on his appearance, Law recognized him only by his fabled description. Sure enough, the man's hair was green and he was multi-pierced. But he carefully faded out of sight, because anyone seeing Law in this state…well, Law had to apologize for that.

"Who was that juicy woman leaving your house? I thought you were _gay_!" Bartolomeo exclaimed breathlessly. Sanji slammed the door upon his face, Bart then pushing his face up against the side window, cupping around his eyes to peer in. "Introduce me, Blackleg! I'm a lonely man!"

"Go do your job!"

"_Wait_! Please! Blackleg, you have to do this one favor for me! Look, I even gots some mail for you! That was my reason for coming over here!"

Sanji opened the door, and looked at the advertisements and crushed pieces of grocery adverts that Bart held up with a wide smile. Sanji snatched those from him and slammed the door once more.

"Okay! Have a nice day! Tell Luffy I said 'hi!' Tell her I said 'what's up?' C'mon, help a pal out!"

Sanji glanced through his mail, and held up a single letter. Thrusting the junk atop of the hall table, he opened that up, glancing at it as Law cautiously ventured out from his hiding spot from behind the television stand.

He looked over at Law with a frown, waving the paper around. "Boa sent this a _week_ ago," he said tightly. "It's a how-to guide on taking care of a unicorn. That snake…"

Law wondered what was on there but decided to be surprised. "_Great_. So, let's get started."

"You're ready to change your life around?" Sanji asked skeptically, eyes dropping from spot to spot on Law's form. He reluctantly lowered his arms into a hug around his middle. "What's your goal, Law? Chase after her?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Just to be broken again?"

Law sat down on the couch, exhaling heavily as Sanji said this sullenly. "I don't know. That kind of thing isn't hard to forget. It isn't easy to let go of, either. You wouldn't know. I don't think you can know."

"That's what I want. But I know what I want, so I understand why you're looking for it. I just…don't know why you want to repeat something that's already busted."

Law had to admit, "I don't know why, either. You guys call her a succubus, right? Maybe it's that, I don't know."

"_Or_, or," Sanji said hastily, lighting up, "it's not _her_ love you're looking for. It's _yours_. Love for yourself! You haven't loved yourself in so long that you can't remember what it feels like. Maybe you're mistaking her for that."

Law considered this. He ventured back into his indecision earlier, thinking about feeling anger for the first time. He looked down at himself, hating what he saw – unable to feel any confidence or security in his own actions.

But he felt revitalized and clear-headed. He felt fed and interested.

So perhaps Sanji was right.

"How long does this thing last?" Law then asked. "What's my time limit?"

"Um…well…they start calling me a week later."

"Then I've got a week."

"We ambush that little shit, then!"

"No."

Sanji looked at Law with surprise. Law shook his head. "This needs to be done for the right reasons. Not because I'm running off your magical high. It feels forced that I'm feeling anything at all, right now. What if I'm doing it for the wrong reasons?"

Giving him a confused look, Sanji asked, "How is finding your missing _horn_ a bad thing?"

"Why the fuck am I just now learning that I'm a _unicorn_? I need time to accept this, accept what I am, and also...pick myself up," Law said slowly. "Not rely on your fairy sparkles to do so. Otherwise, I'm not doing it for me, I'm doing it because some mystical creatures are manipulating me into doing their mysterious bidding. All of you are in my face with your wings and vines and snake scales that I don't have time to process _shit_."

Sanji nodded but then looked distressed, hastily shutting his mouth before before he could speak. Law frowned heavily at him. "_What_."

"...Nothing. Just...process yourself, and let's start plotting for later. We'll get this motherfucker and make him pay for taking your horn!"

Law continued frowning at him but then sighed, giving a heavy shrug. "I should've taken notes..."

Law noticed how upset Sanji seemed and narrowed his eyes. "_What_? Just fucking tell me. You're not happy about this."

"Well, um...I've failed you so far. And Boa said the Goblin King only appeared as protection until another fairy is found...so...what happens to me if i can't help you?" Sanji asked with a troubled look.

"Duh. You lose your virginity and move on. What's wrong with that?"

"She made it seem a little worse than that, so..."

"And she's a huge fucking snake, so who is overexaggerating here? Besides, what do you know about these things if it's all new to you, too?"

Sanji continued to look troubled but then he nodded with agreement upon seeing Law's gruff confidence, loosening up. "You're right, you're right. Okay, so...what are you going to do, now?"

Law thought about it and came up with only one conclusion. "I'm going to take a nap."

Sanji wiggled his eyebrows as he leered at him. "Without me?"

"Fuck off."

Sanji laughed merrily. He immediately invaded Law's space to comb his fingers through Law's beard, scratching him like a pet. Law jerked his head back with a snarl before Sanji hugged him around the neck, almost causing Law to trip over him. "You are like a grumpy cat! I just want to pet you and _smother_ you with affection!"

"STOP TOUCHING ME ALL THE TIME! You touch old men with those hands -! How are you a virgin, the concept is fucking ridiculous!" Law snapped, shoving him away with an elbow to the throat. "To be one, aren't you supposed to be absolutely pure?"

"Weren't you as a kid?"

Law gave him a skeptic frown. "Well, yes, but..."

"No sex. That's all there is to it. With my flowery presence," Sanji continued, whirling away with a light wave of his arms, "I am absolutely enough with my clothes on."

Law took in his ballroom tactic dancing, and snorted. "You said you self serviced."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean _they've_ touched me or I've touched them. Haven't you ever masturbated in front of someone?"

"I'm _pretty_ sure that's a crime..."

"Ugh, so only missionary? So _plain_..."

Law reddened. "We were _kids_! I didn't even have a chance to explore options!"

Sanji gave him an up-down glance that pissed Law off. "Hmf. Well, isn't variety important?"

"_You are a shitty virgin that knows nothing_!"

Sanji laughed despite Law's furious expression and angry bellow, dancing around him. "All right, all right, that's a sensitive subject, then."

"Good grief, shut up."

Sanji then stopped dancing to give him a puzzled look, as if he'd reached a revelation himself. Law watched him suspiciously, sure some horrid confession was about to be released.

Removing his visor, Sanji wondered aloud, "I wonder if it's just my sexy pheromones that are the result of youth."

Sanji was just as "sexy" as a lawn gnome in Law's eyes, so he huffed - exhaling out all his anger and exasperation. He suddenly felt tired. All these emotions flaring to life after a long dormancy had left him with no stamina.

"When was the last time you self served?"

"I...I don't," Law replied, surprised at his own answer, at the invasion of privacy.

Sanji created a fist and shook it, hissing, "That succubus took it _all_ away from you...!"

"I'm pretty sure that -"

"But those dirty magazines in your bed...!"

"Those are lies I tell myself whenever I'm missing her. She loved watching their shows."

Sanji looked incredibly downcast and Law frowned at him. "I'm disappointed learning that you aren't a deviant sex maniac," Sanji whined, rubbing at the back of his neck. "_Now_ how am I to sneakily seduce you?"

Law rolled his eyes.

Sanji looked at him, then smiled slyly. Law watched him cautiously, feeling an uneasy tremble in the air. Like a shudder of breath - he grew on edge, expecting something to happen. Like knowing a car was moments from wrecking and being unable to look away until it did.

But just as suddenly as Law felt it, Sanji looked away with a heavy sigh, turning away from him. It felt like Law was released, his body giving a slight sway as if he'd tugged away from a restraint. The sensation was surprising, allowing Law to feel startled.

"I admit, I'm not much of a seducer," Sanji confessed, shrugging. "But a pamperer, yes! So if you are in need of pampering, then - "

"What was that, Tink?"

"What was _what_? Quit calling me that, you shitty asshole!"

"I felt like a fly caught in a web just now!" Law said shakily.

"i didn't do anything," Sanji said with a puzzled look.

Law stared at him, unconvinced. That sensation he'd just felt almost seemed predatory. It wasn't something he could easily dismiss or forget - especially because he had never been targeted like that. It was different from the feeling he had when Katakuri was present. How could a fairy be aggressive?

Almost like Tinkerbell had threatened him with a knife to the balls.

Law stood there for several silent moments as Sanji scooped up the letter from Boa Hancock and frowned at it thoughtfully. As he stood these, Law _wondered_. He couldn't help but wonder how these older men coerced this _child_ to give them special attention. How did it start? How did they even know? If it wasn't sex, then what was it?

Law was afraid to know. But that sensation he felt - wasn't that the paralyzing power of a succubus as depicted in mythical stories? He'd never paid any attention to that sort of thing, so his assumption was only that.

He looked down at himself. When was the last time he'd been touched...? _Actually_ touched? He was so filthy and rotted, he mused, that just removing layers of his clothes guaranteed stains and tears and a body he was ashamed of. He knew what he looked like. He was convinced he was not a pleasant sight. But he looked at Sanji to see him making careful adjustments to the letter with a ballpoint pen, tongue between teeth.

_But those old dudes _have_ to look worse_, Law thought with growing confidence. That was slowly broken down with his own insecurity. _What if I never change_? _What if this is the body I die with_?

"I've made a couple of changes," Sanji then said with a happy smile before folding that letter and shoving it into his pocket. He capped the pen and tucked it behind his ear. "Go take your nap, darling. I want you all rested and ready for my big ole plans!"

Law nodded slowly, turning away after one last bewildered look at him. Sanji blinked at him with a smile that slowly turned confused.


	9. Chapter Eight

**A/N: Thank you for reviews! Lol i love reading your thoughts and theories and im so happy yall are as entertained as I am with the crazy stuff thats popping up! more to come with this chapter! :D my brain is having technical difficulties and i apologize for not responding individually but i appreciate and enjoy reading every thought yall have! i hope this chapter inserts itself into your back mind alleys until i can get going again ;) **

**Chapter Eight**

* * *

Sanji heard a weird and unsettling buzz that was similar to that of some massive mosquito flying by his ear. He slapped at that area, refocusing on the contents of his laptop; then grew aware that he wasn't alone – he turned to snarl at the plant goblins that had plagued his space since their arrival and realized he was looking at something entirely different from what he expected. So he straightened up from the couch as Ichiji frowned, translucent red wings fluttering behind him as they tightened and closed. His skin sparkled in tones of silver and red, like he'd bathed himself in glitter before arriving. His hair fluttered within some invisible wind, ruffling slightly with practiced fashion. But his three piece suit was matte and sharp, and he had a high powered rifle slung over to his right hip like a purse – this caused Sanji to stare flatly at him, unsure of what to think of this piece of weaponry on a clearly inhuman form.

His notorious brothers often broke into his residence while he was away – the neighborhood was aware of their presence from the commotion in the backyard whenever they commandeered the pool, but it was rare that they were seen, and they didn't interact with anyone outside of their cult; they were raised fairy with fairy expectations, and Sanji had never given it any consideration until now. He had never felt so separated from the pack until he realized how much knowledge he was missing. He'd grown up as a human – they were fairies. They were worlds apart, and he was startled into wondering _why_.

"The hell are you here, for? Pool's closed, shit head!" he snapped at his older brother.

"As tempting as that it is…" Ichiji trailed off, looking through the doors to the pool. Then clearly lost his train of thought, causing Sanji's brow to furrow with mystification. It suddenly occurred to Sanji that perhaps fairies weren't allowed to swim in pools. He'd never seen them actually swim in his pool – just heard about it from the neighbors. Had _they_ seen the brothers actually swim? He didn't actually recall ever seeing a pool in that area he'd left, but Ichiji's uncustomary fascination and distraction with the area was absolutely telling in how much Sanji's older brother felt about it. Like a kid sidetracked by a toy he didn't have.

Ichiji returned his attention to Sanji hastily. "I didn't come here for the pool, ugly. I came here to investigate Katakuri's claims that you took up company with a fucking _unicorn_."

Sanji blinked with the heaviness behind his older brother's tone, then shrugged a shoulder. He watched his brother's face cautiously, treated to a look of disgust. "I was raised as a human, Ichi," he said slowly. "So I'm afraid I can't get as hostile about the subject as you feel about it."

Ichiji looked vaguely alarmed before he regrouped his expression, almost as if he himself had forgotten that fact. It bespoke of their immense differences. It occurred to Sanji that perhaps Ichiji and the others had to sneak over – which made Sanji wonder _why_.

"And the _fucking unicorn_ lives right next door!" Ichiji snarled, gesturing at the Trafalgars' with a wild wave of the hand. His face grew steadily redder, sparkles exploding and popping all around his visage like fireworks. Sanji grew mystified, unsure if he should feel the same way. "I've never seen a fucking _unicorn_, Sanji!"

Sanji blinked again – Ichiji's facial expression and tone gave him absolutely nothing about whether or not Law was a threat or a marvel.

"We came over here all the time, and never saw a _fucking unicorn_!"

"…Stop calling him a 'fucking unicorn'."

"The _fucking_ unicorn decided to grace you with his presence, so why _you_ and not _us_? We're just as fairy-like as you are!"

"_I_ don't say 'fucking unicorn'…"

"What makes me _mad_ about the situation here," Ichiji continued, slapping back of hand against palm, "is that the _fucking_ unicorn lives right next door and couldn't even bear to poke his head out a bit and see us – _fucking unicorn_!"

Sanji cleared his throat uneasily as he lifted an eyebrow. _Was Ichiji angry or jealous?_ Sanji thought to himself with absolute bewilderment. "I take it you harbor _some_ resentments…"

"That _fucking_ unicorn!"

"…wants? Wishes? Are you a fan of unicorns, Ichi? I'm not sure how to feel about it, considering I know nothing about the subject…"

Ichiji shook his head with an outraged look while Sanji gave him a helpless one in return – unable to determine his brother's mood. "Unicorns are fabled creatures that allow others to see others without lifting a finger or shooting off some fucking sparkles! Imagine the power in that! Fairies like ourselves are limited to what we are and what we know – we can't even look at other creatures without knowing what they are! And here you are, seeing different varieties while in the company of a _fucking unicorn_!"

"…Please stop calling him a bad word…"

"Katakuri mentioned the plant goblins and the nannies living here – we could've been _dead_, Sanji! They could've _killed_ us! Why were you allowed to roam un-killed? It has been stressed that we are natural enemies, so did the fucking unicorn save _you_?"

Sanji was unable to feel similarly because of his own natural reaction to nannies, but the plant goblins were that big of a threat to his siblings? He shifted uneasily, unsure of what to say.

Ichiji continued vehemently with, "Katakuri only got to see the unicorn because he saw one, _once_. _That_ one allowed him to see fucking unicorns, and this one – was _right next door?_ We swam in that fucking pool _how_ many times? And never _once_ saw the _fucking_ unicorn."

Sanji sighed noisily while Ichiji fumed. Considering Ichiji's tone and intensity, it appeared to Sanji that Ichiji was feeling jealous. It wasn't a feeling Sanji could exactly determine for himself whether that was a good thing he had over his estranged older brother, or a bad thing.

"It's not that big of a deal, Ichi. He's a normal, depressed _bear_ of a man missing his horn – I would've never known what he was until I pierced things together…"

Ichiji ground his teeth. "I would've never known, either – I just happened to overhear Katakuri's report to father about your actions while you were at work…."

"What's the big deal, anyway?" Sanji asked. "He's just a fluffy guy that's…"

"He's a fucking _unicorn_! That in itself is fucking fantastic! We don't get to see shit like this where we live, Sanji. _You_ got to run off with a fucking _gnome_ – fucking gnome of a man - !"

Sanji's eyebrows rose. _Zeff was a gnome_? What did that mean in the place of things? Should he be impressed or cautious..? "See, if you keep cursing, I'm going to have to ask you to leave…you cannot continue insulting him like this..."

Continuing over him, Ichiji raged, "_You_ get to see all sorts of creatures in this district, and I only get to see the stupid faces of our brothers and the family! Katakuri can tell me shit but I can't see shit for myself! So…I'm here. I snuck away so I can see the fucking unicorn for myself."

Sanji paused, unsure of the nature of the request. His eyes dropped to the gun, and he pointed at it. "So…what you gonna do with that, Ichi?"

"Shoot him."

Sanji shook his head with exasperation as Ichiji crossed his arms over his chest, wings fluttering behind him.

"Gonna hang his head on the mantle, have somethin' to brag about for future years to come," Ichiji answered with a shrug. "So, invite him over, Sanji."

"Uh, _no_. Negated, dumb ass."

"See, _this_ is why we don't get along," Ichiji said, tilting his head as he gave Sanji a disgusted look.

"We don't get along because we're _obviously_ from different universes…you talking of the unicorn like it's a…mystical trophy," Sanji ventured cautiously, watching Ichiji for a reaction and seeing his older brother's face twitch with a problematic bratty expression.

"I might be just…a little _unnerved_ that a fucking unicorn approached you and not us. _We're_ fairies, too! More fairy than you, so what's the problem with us?"

_Jealousy, then_, Sanji decided.

"Make that fucking unicorn come over here and -!" Ichiji cut himself off to look down at his watch as it beeped. He cursed shortly, touching the screen. Pointing at Sanji with a red colored nail, he said, "Bring that fucking unicorn, Sanji, I ain't gonna ask again!"

In an explosion of silver and red, Ichiji disappeared. Sanji was left looking down at the glittery mess left behind, his face drawn with puzzled action. _We can do that?_

His cellphone rang and once he noticed the name and number, he rolled his eyes and put it on speakerphone.

"Unicorns choose their fairies, Sanji," Ichiji stated firmly, still harboring heavy resentment in the matter. "And _you_ were chosen. _That's_ what pisses me off here. Why the fuck are you so special that the unicorn _chose_ you?"

"Convenience?" Sanji asked tentatively. "Listen, Ichi – question. We're separated by circumstances, right?"

"_Gnomes_…"

Sanji wondered if he should pursue that, but he asked, "I questioned the snake queen the other day – "

"Was she still in possession of big knockers?"

"…Yes?"

"_Excellent_."

Sanji clapped a hand over his own mouth to battle a surge of bile. Then he cleared his throat noisily and said, "She told me that fairies are unicorn guardians when they're feeling ill or broken, so why in the world was I separated from the pack?"

Ichiji's expression was truly bewildered before he caught himself, clearing his throat. "Sanji, what did Zeff tell you?"

"Not much. I have a hard time understanding that I am what I am without fully knowing what I'm capable of, and that I might have powers but at the same time, I don't understand them."

"We don't _have_ powers, Sanji, we're not the fairly fucking odd parents! We only brighten the room when we feel like it and lure in small children – I mean, _animals_," Ichiji stressed, which caused Sanji some mild alarm at the correction. "We're more than human and less than a god. We're not really anything different, but we _look_ different. We're not powerful and magical, and we're definitely not something you'd see in a fairytale book. We're just…with wings, and we glow like a night lamp. _That's about it_."

"But you just…_teleported_…"

"You mean, you can't?" Ichiji asked, slightly astounded. He quickly shook that emotion away while Sanji wondered what else he'd been missing out on. "Us mystical creatures lost our strength and power because human beings don't believe in us anymore, and those that do? _That's_ when we're the most powerful. But who's going to believe in what we are when we aren't the very image they're used to? Human unicorns are fabled creatures in our society, no one has seen what they truly look like. Katakuri won't even express himself when it comes to a simple description, and I can't even _imagine_ what it is you're looking at, so I really want to look at this dumb ass creature…introduce us!"

Sanji really couldn't see any harm in it, and gave an awkward shrug. "I mean, it won't hurt anybody, right?"

"No, I definitely won't hurt the fucking unicorn," Ichiji murmured, the sound of his weapon being handled in his hands. Sanji rolled his eyes.

"Another question."

"Oh, sure, I guess I have time…"

"If we're fairies, why…why the guns?"

"Hmm, good question. I don't have a good answer. Set it up, Sanji. I want to meet the fucking unicorn."

"Only on one condition," Sanji said hastily.

"Oh, god, _what_?"

"How do I do all the fluttering and teleporting?"

"Just _do_ it! There's nothing holding you back!"

Once Sanji realized Ichiji had hung up on him, he looked grossly confused. But it sort of intimidated him that in all this time, his brothers had not seen Law. Law lived right next door – what if they couldn't see him after all? But Katakuri had – what if Ichiji was just blowing things out of proportion?

Sanji shrugged, moving for his broom to clean up Ichiji's glitter.

: :

Law woke up at the slam of the basement door. The smell of freshly cooked food hit him hard, causing his stomach to gurgle noisily. Realizing he had his blankets wrapped around his head, he struggled out of them in time to see Luffy meandering over, looking thoughtfully at a pad of paper.

"I drew this," he declared happily, showing Law a picture of badly drawn figures of Law with a unicorn's horn, mane and tail while Sanji fluttered around him as Cosmo from Fairly Odd Parents. Luffy himself was with muscles, surrounded by weird stick figures that praised him. "It took me all day. I'm pretty sure I captured all of our nuances. Every single detail is _perfect_."

Law snorted as Luffy sat on the edge of the bed, looking at his drawing proudly. It startled Law to see two of his little plant goblins trailing after him, including the one with the self-inflicted wound. It moved slowly, but with a prideful air to it that told Law that its wound was not going to affect it.

"Those things are here?" he asked with alarm, the one brandishing his branch looking at him with a nod before seating himself on a clear spot on the floor. The other looked from side to side with its shoulders hunched – it didn't need a face to show Law what it thought of his bedroom. He was starting to capture small differences in them – they were all the same faceless, genderless things with plants atop of their head, but they clearly had their own personalities to set them apart.

"Yeah! No one can see them!" Luffy chirped happily, looking over at them with pride. "They're my little minions! They stay out of other people's ways and obey every order I give them! They're so _cool_, look! They're _growing_!"

Law realized that they were steadily growing shape; instead of being small, they were now at Luffy's hip. He wondered how that was possible. _Photosynthesis_? he wondered, remembering how they'd arched towards the sun's warmth while they were in pots.

"But they can't move around at night," he murmured with some trouble.

"Maybe they're allergic to the moon! They aren't too happy to run outside back to Sanji's, right now," Luffy reported, looking at them oddly. "They want to stay here with me."

Considering how crazy things had been for them lately, Law was just going to take it as that. _Plant creatures fearing the moon while their nannies worked actively at night_. Whatever.

"We already had dinner and I said I was doing my homework, but I needed to add a little more definition to my picture," Luffy continued, concentrating on his art. "I told your mom I was coming down here to get your advice on some lame assignment. I don't really want it, to be honest. I lied to get away. Just so we're clear."

"I'm not of any help, and I refuse to give you any advice," Law muttered bitterly, wiping at his face. Luffy glanced at him as Law's stomach gurgled noisily in response. After a second, Law said, "Tell me about Lamie's boyfriend."

"Oh, he looks like a ninny," Luffy said carelessly. "No power level to him at all. I don't know, I just ignored him because he reminds me of Sanji, just not as manly. He's…special. Like, in the head."

Law furrowed his brow with puzzled action, looking at Luffy. "Like retarded?"

"NO, I mean…like…if you asked him to hang out with you, he's the type that'll just take selfies of himself and Snap Chat about doing something and not actually do it. _That_ type of special."

Law didn't understand Luffy's explanation at all, but he figured he'd have to do some sleuthing of his own. Not that he was going to actively find his missing…unicorn…horn…

He turned away to give the goblins a sour look. The wounded one on the floor seemed like he was napping while the other was dancing about, arms in the air as it avoided one mess from the other. It tripped and sprawled up against the washing machine with a loud bang, causing both males to jerk up with reaction upon the sound. The basement door opened, Patty looking in suspiciously.

Law shoved Luffy off the bed and stood while Luffy hid his drawing behind his back with a guilty look. The goblin with the branch seemed to be snoring at this point – oblivious to everything around it. The other hopped up quickly, clutching its head dramatically. Law deliberately walked over the sleeping one, waking it up rudely. To Patty, it only seemed like he was walking erratically.

"What was that noise?" Patty asked him with suspicion.

"Did you know your daughter is dating someone?" Law asked Patty, climbing up the stairway while she crossed her arms over her chest and frowned at him. She gave his appearance an exasperated expression before looking up at him stubbornly. "Shouldn't that be more interesting than what we're doing? When I was that age, I was plotting on every available minute of privacy. You've had the sex talk with her, right?"

"She's not _you_, Law," Patty snapped back at him. "I trust my daughter."

"I don't," Law returned, walking out into the kitchen to see Lamie washing dishes, glaring over at him. "You little sneak. I've been hearing some things that are rather distasteful. So you don't shame the family with any bad choices, please inform us all presently that you are practicing safe sex. Imagine _me_ as an uncle at my age – it's quite unfathomable."

"_Oh my god_!" Lamie exclaimed angrily, lowering the dish in hand. "We're not doing _anything_! He's _gay_, stupid!"

"Not from what I hear. It sounds like he's only acting because he knows I'll kick his ass," Law told her. "I might be fat, but I'm pretty tall."

"Ugh, and you stink!"

"I took a shower…recently…"

Lamie covered her face with an arm. "Last month!"

"He doesn't smell," Luffy said with a puzzled expression, emerging out from the basement with his goblins.

"Boys can't smell themselves because they often smell anyway! He smells like a barn!"

_Wait, do I actually smell like horse shit?_ Law wondered with horror.

Luffy lifted an arm and sniffed suspiciously, then shook his head. "No, I don't smell. If I did, I'd announce it, I'm not shy about smelling."

"We're off subject. Don't try to deviate away from the original topic, Lamie," Law snapped.

"Don't come up here and start antagonizing us, Law," Patty retorted.

"I'm just saying, I don't trust boys. Being that I'm a boy myself," Law added, gesturing at himself while mother and daughter looked irritated. "But I demand that we know what his intentions are. And by 'we', I mean me."

"Law," Patty said before Lamie could say anything, "I've met this child. He's harmless. He's not what you think. And if she says that he is…_gay_…then he is gay."

"Is that a thread of homophobia I detect in your tone?"

"NO, it isn't! I'm saying, I'm not sure how to be…straight about the issue when I'm not even sure if I can tell one from the other."

"Mother. The ignorance in that one sentence is awful."

Patty sighed noisily as Luffy sat at the table, knocking over the condiments as he did so. The goblins surrounded him, Law noticing that they were listening into the conversation with their featureless faces. The one with the branch yawned – Law could only tell with the way it tilted its head back.

"Mom, it's none of _his_ business," Lamie said to her before glaring at her older brother. "I don't want your stupid, hairy face involved in this, Law. I told you, you don't need to meet him! I don't _want_ you to meet him! You'll just embarrass me, he's my friend!"

"Lamie," Law said gently, Lamie scowling darkly at him, "your innocence is showing. Or is it ignorance? The depths men will go to get into your – "

"LAW!" Patty barked out with a horrified look.

"Mother, calm yourself. I was going to say _heart_, but you're the one taking it out of proportion."

"He's fucking _gay_ like Sanji!" Lamie yelled out, turning away from the sink, angrily drying her hands. "He likes _boys_! We've been shopping for a birthday present for his boyfriend all this time!"

"Oh? Don't you realize that's one of the oldest tricks in the books? That allows him plenty of time to spend with you, plotting on your suggestions to use for something down the road in order to gain your confidence and security. I hope you weren't trying on clothes in front of him."

Lamie paused, then looked at Patty with a dart of her eyes. Patty looked alarmed while Lamie reddened and glared at Law.

"NO!"

"_Liar_. Get a grip on yourself, Lamie," Law snapped at her. "Never let your guard down in front of a boy. We're absolute pigs. We will seek every advantage to take advantage, even if it means jumping on you while our parents are in the other room."

"Like jumping you in the alley, or attacking you in the locker room!" Luffy chirped, delighted at a subject that sounded more like his preference than the actual topic. Patty gave him an alarmed glance before looking at Law.

"Don't talk to your little sister like this," Patty barked at him before Lamie could say anything. "You have absolutely no right to come up here and start trouble like this, Law. If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all! What is wrong with you? You were never like this!"

"You're such an _asshole_," Lamie snapped before Patty gave her an exasperated look. "No, he is! I can say that, he's an asshole!"

"I'm being…" Law started to snap back at her before Boa's words came back to him. It occurred to him that he was only aggressive towards his parents, sister and anyone else that he happened to run into. But the others – Luffy, Sanji – he talked to only with minimal aggression that didn't feel the same weight as this. He recognized he was deliberately antagonizing them, building up their anger towards him with his hostile words. It felt like a slap in the face.

_Is that me, or my current status_? he wondered with some immense confusion. But he looked to Patty, miming zipping his lips. His mother's face reddened with anger.

Lamie stomped out of the kitchen while Patty gave her son a dirty look before hurrying after her. In the silence left behind, Law gave an uneasy shake of his head. His head rung static – mouth pulling heavily with a frown. He closed his eyes, absolutely hating on himself at that moment – hating what he did to others and how easy it was to mistreat them.

"I don't know why people are so upset," Luffy spoke up, looking confused. "Why is Lamie making such a big deal out of hiding her boyfriend?"

Law didn't want to hear Luffy's voice but he couldn't quite escape it either. He glanced back at him, feeling the weight of his own tired, baggy eyes. Not able to come up with a response that would forgive himself for his own bad responses, Law struggled to find an answer.

"Yeah, you're mean about it, but you obviously _care_ because you asked, and you were _warning_ her," Luffy then mumbled as he concentrated on his drawing. "Older brothers care a lot for their siblings, and many people aren't that lucky to have a cool older brother. I have two of them. We were separated in the foster system. I don't know where those guys wound up, but I still remember how awesome they were."

Ignoring the persistent gurgling of his stomach, Law leaned against the counter. He could still smell dinner remaining in the air. He was glad he wasn't invited to eat with everyone – he hadn't been offered an invitation in a very long time. He had grown so unpleasant that his family preferred to scoot around him rather than engage with him.

"And boys _are_ pervy," Luffy added, looking at him. "I see them all the time trying to get a girl into bed with them. It's _gross_. So, you have your worries because Lamie isn't seeing any of them. Don't worry about it, Law. I think once you see him, you'll make a good decision about it. After all, only you pointed out that Sanji is a fairy."

Law rolled his eyes, rubbing at his forehead. "I need to go think for a while," he then said, his voice thick. "Leave me alone."

"Think about _what_?" Luffy asked him impatiently, pausing in mid-sketch. "Let's plot to get the guy! Scare him off if we have to. Lamie obviously can't be trusted to make a good decision."

_It's not about that_, Law thought with irritation. _He has my horn_!

It was so difficult thinking of it like that. Law couldn't believe he was doing so. He decided to think differently. He mumbled, "If we are truly…these beings, then why don't we know anything about it?"

"Let's look it up on the inter-web!" Luffy cried, jumping out of his chair and tripping over his minions. All of them sprawled over the floor, knocking into the nearby pantry. As that happened, the door cracked noisily, splintering up from the middle. At the crack of sound, Patty rushed back, seeing Luffy on the floor and Law still standing at the counter. She immediately turned enraged.

"_What did you just do_?" she hissed at him, Law furrowing his brow as Luffy slowly sat up, looking dazed. His forehead began to swell and drip with accusing color. One of his minions had been knocked out alongside him, the other trapped underneath Luffy's slowly moving knees. Law realized that it was the wounded one that had reopened its gash. Green splatter spurted everywhere, even splashing over Luffy's face and collecting up against Patty's left leg. The gush of green plant goblin blood shocked Luffy out of his daze.

"Nothing," Law replied evenly as Luffy cried aloud, trying to hold his hands out and evade the gush of fluid. Patty gestured at the teen, who only looked as if he were flailing and having some type of seizure. One of the plant goblins was kicked away, knocking into the dining room chairs. At that, Patty looked over but saw nothing incredulous other than Luffy's sporadic behavior before looking accusingly back at Law.

"Aunt Patty, I tripped!" Luffy said, flinging his hands about and effectively splattering the kitchen walls and cupboard doors. "Sorry, I broke the…thingy…_agh_, it's getting all over!"

"Looks like a crime scene in here," Law had to comment, amazed at how such a small being could lose so much blood and still be struggling to stand up.

"If you…laid your hands onto him…!" Patty couldn't finish her sentence, almost shaking as she balled her fists. Once Law realized what was happening, he gave her a startled look.

"I might harm with my words, Patty, but I wouldn't administer any type of violence onto anybody!" he exclaimed, feeling the stutter in his chest as alarm overtook him. Patty's lips tightened as Luffy slipped and slid over the green blood on the floor, spreading it around. The plant goblins lurched about, displaying their own physical troubles as mother and son faced off with each other.

As the gravity of the accusation started to sink in, Law realized that this was the type of person he was seen as in his family's eyes. All the harm he'd caused was to himself, mainly, but to be accused of causing physical harm onto others – it floored him to think that they could think this low of him.

He didn't recognize himself, anymore. Inside _and_ out. Law felt his lungs tightening up, and that grey tunnel of smoke started to close in around his vision, his heart picking up pace.

Patty seemed to read him at that moment, her expression slowly changing. Luffy slammed into the pantry once more, groaning as his green handprints smudged against the print. The bleeding plant goblin fell back against the floor, facing the ceiling but holding onto his sword with a determined fist. The other grabbed its ankle and began pulling him towards the basement – causing it to bump off each stair as they descended.

"_Law_," Patty tried, but Law shook his head to deny her her words of apology, needing to seek space before his lungs could get any tighter. He pushed away from the counter and headed downstairs to his room while Patty looked after him helplessly – utterly oblivious to the scene around her. The cabinets, cupboard doors, pantry and floor was slick and coated with green, congealing matter.

"Oh, _wow_, what a mess…" Luffy murmured, looking around himself with horror. Then he climbed to his feet, sluggishly lurching from side to side as he slipped. "Aunt Patty, I slipped. Like I'd allow anyone to slug me around! Law isn't the type of guy to do that – "

"I understand you're a bundle of energy, Luffy," Patty said hastily, "and your living situation hasn't been all that wonderful, but if Law should ever put his hands on your with the intention of violence –!"

"I'd just slug him back, no worries," Luffy assured her with confidence.

Once Luffy made it back to his feet, he hastily grabbed his drawing from the table and wobbled after his cousin, carefully shutting the door behind him.

In the aftermath, Patty heard him lose his footing and fall the rest of the way down into the basement with a noisy clatter. She heard his apologies to his "minions" – a matter that didn't make any sense – and clasped her hands to her face as she sought to calm herself. Noting the cracked pantry door, she had enough time to turn away to brace against the nearby kitchen island, struggling to settle her horrified feelings. The basement door opened again, revealing one plant goblin as he hurried to the pantry door. A four fingered hand slapped against the surface, the crack healing together with a loud snapping sound that caused Patty to jerk around.

Unable to see the goblin, her attention was immediately caught to the fixed door. The goblin then hurried back into the basement, shutting the door behind it. She caught sight of the swinging basement door closing in place, and made a mystified expression.

_Ghosts_? she wondered with startled action, not yet processing what she had just seen.

: :

Law wandered outside, lighter flicking as he lit up his drug of choice. All of his limbs were shaking in reaction to what just happened, thoughts cluttered with fog. Luffy was at the doorway, protesting the goblins as they clung to him from just inside of the basement door. Heart beating too hard and fast, Law tried to calm himself. He choked on his smoke, erupting into hacking coughs as Luffy struggled to follow after him. But the little plant goblins held tight to him, refusing his venture out into the night.

_Am I really that destructive_? Law thought with painful bewilderment, eyes watering as he continued to cough. _Enough to cause my own family to think I'm a terrible person_?

"Why can't I go outside?" Luffy whined noisily, stretching at the door and straining to push out while the two goblins held him in. There was green plant goblin blood everywhere. It genuinely looked like a murder scene. "I just want to go outside! There's nothing scary out here!"

Law looked back at them, hands shaking as he rubbed at his face. He wondered if he should go back and apologize to Lamie, but he also felt stubborn that he was right.

"Maybe you'll melt," he muttered, furrowing his brow. He glanced back at Sanji's, noting that it was dark – the fairy had to be at work.

Switching direction, Law headed out to the front of the house while Luffy protested being left behind. Across the street, Law saw that Kidd was smoking outside. Lowering his joint, Law found himself wondering if Kidd was a creature like them. The redhead caught sight of him, choked on his cigarette as he stood.

"Hey, Trafalgar! It must be some kinda weird shit if you're out again so soon!" Kidd shouted at him between coughs.

Law headed over, wondering just want exactly Kidd might be. Sanji was a fairy, Luffy a damned 'Goblin King', Boa a Basilisk, Bartolomeo apparently a Minotaur – Law himself was a damn unicorn! So Law figured Kidd was some sort of mystical creature himself – it made sense. That bad haircut, Kidd's fashion sense, the fact that he was always outside – competing with Law.

Kidd's look of amusement changed to confusion as he realized Law was headed right for him with a somewhat disturbed expression. He flicked ashes to the side, cringing ever so slightly.

"What's goin' on?" he asked cautiously.

"What are you?" Law asked him, climbing up his porch to face Kidd directly.

Kidd's face bloomed with confusion as he glanced around – noting what Law held in one hand. "Dude, you trippin'?" he asked lithglty. "What do ya mean, what am I? I'm me! I'm _Eustess Kidd_, what the fuck?"

"No, Kidd…my eyes are opened to the infinite possibilities of another world amongst the one I know," Law murmured, drawing in smoke as he looked at Kidd with fascination. "So…what are you?"

Kidd looked so confused, eyes wide as he stared at Law with an open mouth. "Er…I don't…my grandparents were from Scotland? So….why?"

"Well, that explains some things – "

"You _shut up_! What's this about?"

After a few moments of appreciating his drug, Law turned and looked back his house. It was vibrant and alive while Sanji's was alit with a soft glow from his solar lights. Kidd looked from him to that house with absolute confusion. Eventually, he finished his cigarette.

Law then looked at him. Without blinking, he said, "I'm a unicorn."

Kidd stared back at him, unblinking. But he was nervous as he stuttered, "one of those gay polyamory things, eh? I'm not involved with that."

Law gave him a look of impatience. "NO, I had a horn."

"…Okay. What is in that? Because I'd like some."

"So…what are you?"

Kidd stared at him in utter silence while Law continued to stare at him – occasionally puffing away at his drug. Eventually, Kidd stuttered, "I've always thought of myself as a human being, ever since I was born."

Law narrowed his eyes, taking in Kidd's individual facial features. "I'd peg you as a pixie, if they're any different from fairies."

"_For fuck's sake_…!"

Law's eyes widened, pointing at Kidd accusingly. "I got it. You're a leprechaun."

"WHAT. Fucking racial bullshit, that's an Ireland thing!"

"That's…different?"

"_FOR FUCK'S SAKE_! What is the matter with ya? Are you unhinged?"

"A pixie?" Law nodded. "A pixie, then. It's decided."

"I'M NOT A FUCKING _PIXIE_! What is – why are you attacking me so personally like this? You're talking madness," Kidd exclaimed, hands in his red hair. "You cannot come up to a man and start accusing him of being some sort of fairy creature - !"

"There's already a fairy in the neighborhood," Law corrected him. "So what are you? Don't play dumb. I'm already hip to these things."

Kidd stared at him incredulously, then looked beyond Law's shoulder. Shaking his head ever so slightly, he murmured, "He's gone and done it, then. He's gone mad."

"Or I've just woken up."

Stressing his words ever so strongly, Kidd said, "I ain't no fucking mystical creature. I'm a damned human being, who is confused so violently right now. Why are you coming at me with such accusations? You want your fat ass kicked?"

"I mean…you can try. But my unicorn powers are probably more advanced than yours."

Kidd stared at Law with such confusion that Law took advantage of the silence to smoke a little more. He heard Kidd swallow hard, glancing at him sharply.

"You don't work," Law stated smoothly. "You're outside whenever I am. You showed no fear to those weird ass plants we saw. You know exactly what's going on out here. So…now that my eyes are opened, what the fuck are you, Eustess Kidd?"

"I'm a fucking _pixie_. OKAY?"

"I _knew_ it."

"It's not something we pick to be!" Kidd shouted at him, reddening with mortification. "And fuck ya for thinking that it's something totally unlike what I look to be!"

"No, I mean…it's the first word that left my mouth, so…"

"That's what you assholes do," Kidd snarled at him, grabbing hold of his cardigan and shaking him violently. "You fucking unicorns think you're so mighty and high – thinking you're all knowledgeable and shit, thinking you're better than anybody! Well, fuck ya, you _ain't_!"

"Aren't pixies supposed to be...tiny?" Law asked skeptically, determining Kidd's height with an expression of doubt.

Kidd flexed his rather massive shoulders. "Crossfit and vegetarianism, you slob."

"I am going mad, here," Law murmured, allowing Kidd to shake him once more before drawing his joint back to his mouth. "I never asked to wake up like this."

"AND IT AIN'T NOT FAULT OF MY OWN! We're _drawn_ to your fucking bullshit like moths to a light!" Kidd exclaimed, absolutely horrified.

"What does it mean to be a pixie, Kidd?"

"It doesn't mean that much," Kidd admitted, still red with mortification. "Since humans don't believe in us anymore, we ain't shit."

Law stared at him in silence, gave a single nod then turned to head back home. Kidd watched him go, then allowed his face to drop with irritation.

"He made me admit it!" he hissed to himself, eyes blazing gold in the darkness. "How the fuck did he do that?"


	10. Chapter Nine

**Naghi-Tan:** But will we get to see the unicorn's powers? T.T haha

**VisitorNo18.:** Luckily, Law keeps his crazy to himself mainly. For a moment he was clearheaded because of Sanji's abilities, so he was able to think, and as he was able to think he started to expand his thinking. Luckily, he's in a mood to continue this adventure. I love the Vinsmokes, they're my favorite pieces of trash! Just like Doflamingo! He and the rest of the family are fairies with guns and not fairy powder XD As for the other brothers (Ace and Sabo) I haven't decided if they'll show up. They might not get to – each chapter is an If and Maybe as it progresses. The goblins will have their names…eventually…No, thank you for reading! :D

**Jenny**: Hi there! Law is a selfish jerk but he normally is. I like that aspect of him. I like all the negative things about him and would rather write that than the heroic parts lol Thank you for tuning in and reading! If it makes you feel more comfortable, I can Google Translate your reviews, it's no problem! But your English is very good, too! Hopefully by now some things are answered with your earlier reviews – you're moving pretty fast! I'm also not a LawLu fan so that'll never happen in my fics – it's strictly one pairing. Hopefully all the mystical creature stuff balances out with the family stuff – Law is in the middle of both worlds, battling for sanity. Unfortunately, it's not going well in the family – but he has not the time to settle those wounds with how much craziness he's marching into now. Lamie's BF is still a mystery! Thank you for sharing with me all your thoughts!

**Snowflake97**: He's a sparkly boy – all the others are, too, but they sparkle differently from Sanji's. Sanji's is a little more subdued for a reason…less mess XD Kidd's side is slightly different from the others, and more info on his is revealed here.

**Mazout**: Idk why I have brain outages – the fuses just burn out, I guess, and reading and writing is impossible. But I keep it going with writing all I can then sort it out later. Maybe I write too much… I envision everyone here in the art style of Fairly Odd Parents TBH lol no fancy, beautiful art here. Just plain old timmy turner angst XD That makes Law's appearance more easier to accept lol Law's family troubles should be sorted out…fairly…soonish…I hope.

**Chapter Nine**

* * *

Law went to bed at a normal time, stomach gurgling noisily. He had an alarming dream of fairy Sanjis and pixie Kidds dancing over his head, showering him with some sort of dust that then collected in his airways and caused him to choke, which resulted in them beating the hell out of each other. Luffy was there as a weird, Gollum-looking thing that vowed to eat them both. Before Law could die as the result of their actions, he woke up to the smell of breakfast inches from his face. Shock had him rolling over with torment once he realized Sanji was standing over him with a full breakfast tray of food, using a foot to keep Luffy from lurching at him while his goblins pulled and yanked at his clothes. It was a miracle the fairy didn't trip and dump his food with all the chaos happening around Law's messy, twin-sized bed.

"_What the fuck_?" Law exclaimed noisily, struggling to move as Luffy clamored onto his bed and a goblin inadvertently tripped and collapsed against Law, causing all three of them to tumble over the sudden edge.

Sanji kicked the other goblin side, twirling neatly as his breakfast tray mysteriously remained un-spilled. "Good morning, my radiant ball of hairy matter! I can't stand listening to this nonsense of an empty stomach, so I brought you something extra nutritious to get you started!"

"I can smell it!" Luffy huffed, using Law to push himself up and continue to hop about while Law rested against the hard, messy floor, incredulous to this mistreatment so early in the fucking morning. "I can _smell_ it, and as your king, I order you to feed me first!"

"Get outta the way before I mangle you with your own tongue!" Sanji snapped at him, using his body to hip check the teen away from him. With one hand, he hefted Law from the floor and forced him to sit – Law wore a stunned expression because he was well over two hundred pounds and considerably taller, and that fairy lifted him into a seated position like he was a toy.

Sanji carefully propped the tray on his lap, utterly brilliant – as always in the morning whenever Law saw him – and used his other hip to knock away the lunging goblin with the branch. Looking down at the tray, Law saw a bountiful serving of morning basics with a cold glass of orange juice and some dark roasted coffee. His stomach gurgled noisily, overcoming the complaints from Luffy nearby. Dazed, Law looked to Sanji with stiff mystification.

"I have the day planned out," Sanji then said, stepping atop of the other goblin that stiffened underneath his flamingo printed Croc. "Breakfast, shower, a shave, and we're going for a walk!"

"I am…_literally_…doing none of those things," Law said breathlessly, feeling sabotaged. But he did pick up the cup of coffee – the taste was unlike something he'd allowed himself out of gas stations, school and Larry's own supply. Something rich and delicious, that caused all his taste buds to explode and prompt him for another sip. "What's this? Liquid LSD?"

"And CBD oil," Sanji confirmed, kicking the wounded goblin away from him. At the crash of sound, Law realized that the goblin had intended on attacking with one of Patty's detergent bottles. The other goblin underneath Sanji's foot was dramatically dying. "_No_, you ass, it's regular French Roast. But made with love!"

"So you brought breakfast only for _him_?" Luffy asked sullenly, glaring up at Sanji from the floor with his arms crossed and shoulders hunched. "I thought we were friends! I'm the _king_! I spared your life, Sanji, just so you could help feed me, too! Can't you see I'm starving, too? This is outrageous! I could order you dead right at this moment!"

Sanji gave Luffy an exasperated look, but did not look threatened or intimidated. "It's at the house, mini-idiot. Go there."

Luffy immediately brightened and scrambled off, his goblins looking after him helplessly before they managed to follow. Sanji watched them lurch after their king with a concerned expression before looking at Law. The man looked hopelessly confused. He reached out and swiped at the corners of his eyes, much to Law's mortification and wild flailing to fight the invasion of space.

"I heard you were busy last night," Sanji then chirped, abnormally bright once more. Law glared at him suspiciously, wiping his own eyes but clutching possessively onto his coffee cup.

"Do fairies sleep? How is it you're working ten hour days while remaining up during the day to invade other people's space?"

"We don't, actually," Sanji answered, looking vaguely surprised at his own answer. To Law's confusion, he actually looked confused at his own admittance. "I think I've only slept once…"

"How is that fucking _possible_?"

"How is it that an actual pixie is nearly seven feet tall? Admittedly," Sanji went on, picking up Law's abandoned clothes on the floor and setting them near the washer, "I know nothing about pixies. But Kidd stormed over my lawn like he was invading my beach and asked me what the fuck I knew about these things. He approached _me_, like we were shitty friends! The gall of that hair band reject!"

Law found the situation alarming because why did Kidd approach Sanji? Did he already know these things? Compared to Sanji's own reaction, it appeared Kidd was comfortable in himself to notice others. Now Law's interest was piqued once again by the inconsistencies in the pixie's actions, and it was hard to subdue his curiosity.

"He'd always suspected you, I suppose," he murmured over his cup. "Maybe he _didn't_ know, and you jumped the gun by blabbing everything."

"When one is approached by a threatening worm guy, one can't help but display their own colors in response."

'_Worm guy'_? Law wondered, eyebrows lifting with interest.

"Anyway, are we allowed to talk like this amidst ourselves? The snake god never mentioned that we weren't allowed to interact with others…"

"Why would I know what to do when I don't know shit about myself?" Law exclaimed, looking up at him incredulously. He patted around his beard with a dazed expression. "After what you did to me, I feel weirdly awake and interested in the shit that's happening around me…I feel awake and coherent, something I hadn't in a very long time…"

"All part of the package!"

"I was only joking with Kidd about his situation, but he admitted it like he was eager to release his innermost secrets," Law murmured, sipping at his coffee once more. "When am I allowed to process these things? Everything is happening too fast…"

Sanji agreed with a shrug. He continued to pick up trash around Law's bed while Law stared off into space, overwhelmed with everything around him. "It's always around us, honey bear. You've been too busy hibernating to notice. Now that your eyes are open – along with the others around you – I suppose we're all learning equally as to what it means…but…"

He suddenly dropped all the contents in his arms and lunged at Law with a tight hug around his neck, causing Law to tip over. The older man held onto his coffee mug but the tray tipped and somehow slid, upright, off his lap and onto the bed with just a jingle of its jostled silverware.

"When are you going to start opening those swollen eyelids of yours and start seeing me instead?" Sanji snarled, causing Law an amount level of distress.

"_Get off me_!"

Rubbing his face against Law's hairy one, Sanji murmured, "Does my physical expression of true love intimidate you as much as my manly appearance does?"

"Goddamn it, get your manly hands off me!"

Hopping away, Sanji brushed himself off and flicked his hair aside while Law struggled for composure and breath, looking up at him with utter horror.

"Stop _touching_ me all the time!" he protested, reddening from the neck up. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing will stop me from expressing my true love for you."

Law struggled to calm his rising panic and frustration, conscious of his hefty build and noticeable sloppy appearance. He knew what he looked like – he was conscious of what everyone said about him, or how they looked at him. For Sanji to invade his space and spout all these things – it made him feel confused. And he didn't want to be confused – he was certain he wasn't confused about anything but he felt _confused_.

Did he want the affection? Did he actually want to be touched, looking as he did? Was he worthy of it?

Or was this just part of Sanji's strange makeup, and that in itself made his constant invasions a source of Law's confusion. Was Sanji just playing him as his ex had? Building him up just to push him away?

How to even say _anything_ about this when he wasn't even sure how to receive this affection?

He mumbled over his coffee, "I don't know why you'd do that, anyway. Is this part of your fairy education?"

"Let me tell you one thing," Sanji said sternly, facing him. "I don't hug _men_. Only if they pay me – are you paying me?"

Law furrowed his brow, looking at him skeptically. "So you…hug them."

"You're so _obsessed_."

"I can't believe you're a hooker."

"I like them old and saggy and you're not either of the two. Hugging you is free."

Law looked at him with disgust. "Yeah, but you don't have to do that."

"I want to," Sanji chirped happily. "There's something in me that sees you and wants to violate your insides."

Law responded with a dirty look in his direction.

"I think it's because you can't run away from me. Hey, listen, how about I train you to start being less appealing to me? Otherwise, stay as you are and prepare to be violated in the middle of the night."

Law stared at him blankly, then made an expression of disgust.

"I'll make it romantic by bringing the lube," Sanji assured him with a horrid wink.

Law felt harassed, but in a sense where he had no footing. All he could do was resort to sarcasm to defend himself, and it was weak. "…Please do. I can't keep sitting like this. My mom washes my underwear."

Sanji laughed. The sound itself caused Law's insides to warm – he attributed that to his coffee.

A stern clearing of a throat caused them both to jerk around in reaction, noticing Lamie standing there on the basement stairs, looking incredibly uncomfortable. Law froze because he was sure his sister had the wrong idea and Sanji froze because he didn't mean to be so expressive right in front of Law's uncomfortably straight-edge family. The level of awkward atmosphere was almost stifling.

With an armful of trash, Sanji said brightly, "_Good morning_, Lamie!"

"Sanji," Lamie returned cautiously, blinking wide eyes while she tried to process what she'd come upon. She fiddled with her hair, eyes darting from her brother to Sanji with discomfort. She struggled to reset herself. Some of the things ringing in her mind was that Sanji was some sort of hooker and her brother was a different person with him. She was struggling to formulate words. "You're here early. I was looking for Luffy to tell him breakfast was ready."

"He went to my house, but I can usher him back," Sanji said hastily, dropping trash onto Law's bed while Law sipped uncomfortably at his coffee, trying to read Lamie's mood.

"He must've jumped from the window again," Lamie then said nervously. "Because he didn't come through the kitchen. I was up there. Helping…mom. So, _great_, can you tell him to come back to eat? We have to get to school."

"Sure, right away. Oh, and will you two be over again any time soon?" Sanji asked her, cigarette to mouth so that he had something to fiddle with.

"Mmm…probably not," she murmured. She couldn't look him in the eye – something had changed all of a sudden and she needed time to figure out what it was. "I think we figured out what he wants…"

"Okay. Great," Sanji then said, turning and heading up the stairs out of the basement, glancing at Law with a slight cringe. Once the door shut behind him, Lamie looked at Law sharply.

"You're gay, too?" she asked sharply.

"I think so," Law answered automatically, wincing because he didn't want to start this day clashing with his little sister.

"How long has this been happening? Him bringing you breakfast _in bed_?"

"Ever since I realized how convenient it was to be gay, which was this morning. Will you come with me to a pride parade for support?"

"_Ugh_," she muttered, narrowing her eyes. "I like Sanji? But I don't like him with you. Nor you with him because you're gross."

"And you're just jealous because I got to him first."

"NO, I'M NOT! I mean, he _might've_ been joking," Lamie then said hastily, crossing her arms stiffly over her chest, "but I don't think any of us here are comfortable with that sort of thing, Law. It's okay for others, but…"

"I just found out that I'm a unicorn, and unintentionally found out that you and Patty are homophobic bigots," Law decided, setting his coffee aside to stand. "Oh, don't look – I got a woody from that manhandling."

"UGH! So _gross_!" Lamie exclaimed, whirling and stomping upstairs while Law brushed himself off.

_Jesus Christ_, he thought with irritation. He couldn't help but react so moodily to his own family – why was his mouth so insistent on destroying his relationship with them? It didn't make any sense. With a glance back at his tray, his stomach spoke up noisily for the delay in food intake. But his heart was started to thunder with discomfort, head swirling with unease – with Lamie's expression, was this innocent thing going to further ruin his standing with his family?

He thought to dismantle it quickly – he didn't want any other hassle on his already tired back when he was trying to process this whole mystical animal – person situation.

Heading upstairs, he walked out into a sunny presentation of his family seated at the table, hastily eating breakfast while chattering noisily about starting their day. Conversation ceased once they saw him emerge from the basement, Lamie looking back at him with scorn as she settled into her spot.

Larry cleared his throat, lowering his fork. "Law. You're up early."

"I'm as surprised as you are," Law answered, noticing the spread of breakfast at the table, along with Luffy's portion across from Lamie.

"I can give you half of my breakfast if you're hungry, Law," Larry then offered, looking to his own portion while looking for another dish to share.

"He already ate," Lamie then muttered. "Sanji brought him breakfast."

"That's nice of him," Patty said uncomfortably, looking to the stove for any remains and then to her son with apology.

"Lamie came up here with the wrong idea," Law then said, feeling discomforted with facing off with his own family. He'd allowed himself to be so shut away from them that looking upon them as a group made him feel incredibly estranged. He was once part of the group who partook in breakfast with them every morning – sharing plans and news and never once thinking he'd be the odd man out.

But he was. His breath felt heavy in his lungs. He lived underneath them, they avoided him, and he spoke such vile things to them – his own family. All for what? A stupid girl?

_Succubus_, he corrected himself hastily, not wanting her to be human any longer. Not with this new feeling of helplessness being acknowledged in him.

"And I'd like to stop it before it got any worse."

"What kind of idea, Law?" Patty asked him impatiently, still perturbed about last night's conversation while Larry looked nervous.

"Sanji was saying all kinds of weirdo things to him," Lamie said forcefully. "While hugging him and all that. I don't know, it seemed real _gay_ to me."

"Well….isn't he?" Larry asked with a wince.

"Hugging you? Law?" Patty repeated, looking at her son skeptically. Law felt a little self-conscious about that look, but was too overwhelmed to care. She hastily corrected herself, "I mean, you don't like to be touched…"

"I know what I look like," he muttered. "Yeah, he does that stuff."

"_Says_ weird stuff, too!" Lamie commented bitterly.

"You're the only one taking it weird, Lamie," Law pointed out.

"So, what, you just came up here to defend your boyfriend?"

"It's not like that - ! We were supposed to come out of the closet _together_!"

"_Ugh_! Mom, make him _stop_!"

"We're not doing this right now!" Patty snapped above their rising voices while Larry folded his hands together atop of the table, wearing a troubled frown. "Stop it, both of you."

"It'd make sense why _she_ left you," Lamie had to dig, glaring at her breakfast. "Maybe she was the only one to really know who you prefer!"

For a second, Law wondered if that were true. Maybe by 'frigid' she meant – but that didn't make any sense, he was absolutely positive he was an agreeable male to their young explosion of hormones. But at his sudden silence, his parents did look at him with startled action, so he said hastily, "No, it's not. She dumped me because I was bad in bed."

"LAW!" Patty snapped at him once more while Larry looked alarmed.

"That was why she went for other men, right? _I_ don't even know why, so this assumption's the only one I had. That's why I was lecturing you last night, Lamie," Law continued, looking at his little sister, "to be careful in that you don't wind up like me."

"I'm not _you_!" Lamie snapped at him, jerking back in her chair to abandon her breakfast. "I don't do the things you do, and I know what I'm doing! You're just talking shit because I'm happy and you're not!"

"_Lamie_!" Patty exclaimed, pleading for both of them to calm down as she rose from her chair. But Lamie strode off angrily, and Law wore a troubled frown while Patty glared at him, slapping her napkin down aside of her plate. Struggling to calm herself, Patty leaned against her chair with one rigid hand, the other on her hip.

"It's up to Lamie to live her life the way she wants it," she said slowly. "We can give her every warning in the world, but she's the one that makes her choice, Law. Just as it was extended to you. And look how you turned out."

"Doesn't it appear that I'm trying to keep her from following in my footsteps? Is this not brotherly love?"

"_Law_," Larry interjected before Patty could respond. He looked to his wife, reading her expression. "Go ahead, Pat. I'll talk to him."

After several moments of silence, Patty left the kitchen without looking back. Law tightened his mouth with discomfort before looking to his father.

"Maybe it'll be easier for all of us," Larry said slowly, every bit of uncomfortable as the air felt, "if Lamie learned on her own, Law. What happened with your relationship wasn't anybody's fault. Wasn't yours, especially. People change their mind, and it's up to them how they want to deal with it. But taking it out on the rest of us – it's not fair."

"All this said just because I wanted to make sure the wrong impression wasn't had?"

"Whatever happens between you and Sanji is your business," Larry said with discomfort, "you're an adult. But perhaps you should really consider those jobs to make a little money, to get out there and start living your own life."

"In other words, get the fuck out, Law," Law said bitterly.

"_No_, I _didn't_ say that – "

"I know what you meant."

At the sound of Luffy running up from the basement, both of them fell silent. Luffy burst out from the doorway, smiling widely at both of them before immediately making a beeline to his chair. Larry folded up his napkin and rose from his chair, giving Luffy an awkward smile.

"Why don't you finish what's left, Luffy? Law?"

"As long as we're not expected to clean up after you guys," Law responded tightly, inwardly hating that his mouth was so quick to respond when he wasn't feeling that same level of attack.

Larry shot him a look, then left the kitchen, and Luffy nodded with a bright smile to his face, already shoveling what was left on Lamie's plate onto his own. He looked to Law, speaking with his mouth full.

"Did you eat yours, yet?"

"I don't know that language, moron."

"That stuff Sanji cooked sure was good! Did you eat yours, yet?"

"LUFFY! HURRY UP!" Lamie shouted from the front, before the door slammed shut.

Luffy looked in that direction with a puzzled expression before looking at Law. He then became aware of the tension in the kitchen, and furrowed his brow as he chewed. The basement door opened, all of the plant goblins huffing and puffing as they spilled out from the stairway. Law watched the pile up, noting that they looked exhausted.

"What's goin' on, Law?" Luffy then asked, pieces of food spitting out of his mouth as he chewed. "Didja guys have another fight again?"

"I guess."

"Lamie sure is spoiled, isn't she?"

"Well, I'm an adult, so…it makes sense that they defend her from the scary basement predator."

"It doesn't matter. Well, good thing Sanji's here to make you feel like you're a human bean," Luffy decided. "He doesn't even do it for points! He just does it, and he just does it to me, too. You should move in with him."

"That's not happening…I just…" Law trailed off because he couldn't talk these things to Luffy. Leaning against the counter, he stared at the abandoned dining room table, feeling guilty for making such a mess of his relationship with his family. Luffy watched him with concern, standing from the table while cramming as much food as he could into his mouth.

"Don't give up!" he encouraged him, Law glancing at him with irritation – he couldn't understand a word the teen was saying with his mouth full like that. "I see what you're trying to do. They're just sissies. My brothers used to beat good teachings into me, and look at me now! A well rounded person! And you're just using words, so…don't give up!"

With that, he hurried off to change into his school clothes while his goblins pitifully tried to follow him.

Law looked down at them with stern reproach. "None of you idiots are strong enough to be good minions. He'll be slaughtered before you guys can stop it."

They all looked at him with their same, genderless features but wore similar poses of dismay. Only the one horribly wounded, shrouded with extra flowers and vines, seemed resolute to rise up from the pile. Law watched him as it branded its branch with rigid determination and slowly stride after Luffy. The others scrambled to untangle themselves and ran past it, seemingly in a panicked flurry.

Glancing around the green spattered kitchen, Law reflected on the things that happened. He still felt awful for the relationship he had with his family, but he didn't feel so despondent that he couldn't function. He couldn't imagine having the energy he had now to do this – whatever Sanji did to him…was it something he could use positively?

To know for sure, he needed to understand it.

: :

He took a shower, then looked at himself in the mirror. He gave a grimace at the sight of his naked torso then yanked on a Sora ring tee that did nothing to flatter his body, then yanked on some joggers. He couldn't fit into any jeans, and he had no desire to actually look any different, so he tugged on a sweater over that. He couldn't stand seeing what he looked like – but he fiddled with his hair, combing it to the side then restlessly combing it back before deciding on pulling on a hat.

He considered his drug of choice, then decided he didn't need it. It would be the first time in a long time where he'd gone without. He grabbed Sanji's breakfast tray – Luffy had clearly taken several bites out of it on his way back – and shuffled over to Sanji's.

_Let them wonder_, he then thought as he wandered in uninvited. _There are no actual improvements to me as a person, other than having the energy needed to fuck up more lives around me. Might as well as spread the charm wherever I can while I have it._

He realized Kidd was in there, and both of them were shouting at each other from the living room. He set the tray on the counter then looked into Sanji's pantry. Spotting the apples caused him to snatch them out of the basket, eating one ravenously.

_Why the fuck do I like this so much_? he wondered, finishing one and then eating the other. He felt satisfied. It was a weird feeling.

Looking around the pantry, everything in baskets and plastic drawers were fresh and obviously homegrown. There was still dirt on the potatoes. Law was bewildered as to where it all came from – Sanji didn't have a garden of his own. There was nothing that sprang out at him as fun – everything was free this and free that with wholesome and vegan labels imprinted on the sides. It suddenly startled him into wondering if Sanji even _ate_ anything. What did fairies eat?

He wandered out of the pantry and opened the fridge – there were prepared dishes in there, things easily warmed up in the oven or reheated in the microwaved. Made from scratch. The glass jugs there were handmade or delivered by some mysterious hand. It occurred to Law that he'd never see milk in glass jugs before. He grabbed what looked like juice and took a sip – it was ambrosia, a universal nectar of some kind that instantly rang true throughout his bloated body. He hoped there was alcohol in it. He took another long pull then decided to take it with him.

While standing there, he remembered the keys he'd seen on the counter. Nothing ever had come up about those again – did Sanji solve that mystery? What if it were a secret boyfriend?

Suddenly, Law was curious to see who it was that Sanji deemed worthy of his company. Law still wanted an explanation to the bloodstains on his shirt that morning he came back.

He wandered into the living room, seeing Kidd pace. Only it wasn't the man Law was used to seeing – as a pixie, Kidd had shimmering skin of a reddish-gold color that fluctuated with his movements. His hair was neon red, blooming from atop of his head like a tulip. His eyes were enlarged and brilliantly golden, yet crooked at the corners, his nose sharp pinpricks above a widened mouth with abnormally large teeth. He had strange antennae amidst the fluff of hair, and smaller wings at his back that were the same gold as his eyes. His body was elongated in the torso with his arms longer, legs shorter – but maintaining his abnormal height.

The moment he and Law made eye contact, Law spit out the drink he had been nursing into the man's face.

"You look so _dumb_," Law had to laugh as Kidd glowered at him, wiping his face with fingers that were alienish for his big hands. "Go back to the flower garden, they're missing their praying mantis."

"Shut up!" Kidd barked at him. "This is my natural form! It doesn't look as dumb as a stupid human with a stupid horn from his forehead. Where is it, by the way?"

"If I look as dumb as you guys, then forget about it," Law chuckled, then sipped at his drink again. He was distracted by the flavor while Sanji looked at him in horror, rising from his chair with a rush. He snatched that out of Law's hands.

"Don't drink that! That's not for you!" he hissed at him, gaping at Law.

"What is it? It's delicious…"

After an uncertain look, Sanji said reluctantly, "It's blood."

Law worked up spit and let it dribble out of his mouth as his stomach churned violently, Kidd whipping around with absolute revulsion.

"_Then why do you have it_?" Kidd screeched at him.

Sanji shrugged, holding the glass container against him with a reluctant frown. "This is the stuff we drink," he said plaintively. "Someone brings it over every morning. I've never questioned it."

"Fairies _eat_ humans," Kidd told Law gruffly. "My grandma always said there's a variety out there that eat humans – kids, mostly."

Law could taste bile building up as Sanji said nothing to dispute this, looking sullenly from one to the other. Giving a helpless shrug, he murmured, "If it makes you feel any better, the old man switched me from that diet to another one. This is the blood from…well, not that it makes it any better, but from dead codgers."

"The old men you mess with?" Law asked with alarm, feeling his face warm and heat with building horror.

Sanji made a face that only admitted sheepish guilt. Kidd and Law uttered noises of revulsion and shock.

"Tinkerbell _does not_ drink blood from old men," Law said, trying to center himself. He looked sick, hand to his stomach as Kidd's face shifted into disgust. "You've ruined my _entire_ childhood."

"A fucking _vampire_!" Kidd exclaimed, looking vaguely jealous.

"Not really. There are good fairies that survive off the dew of the universe, and other fairies that lure in children. Don't even forget _your_ true nature, you jerk! I'm sure you fed off humans as well!" Sanji shouted at Kidd.

"A long time ago, yeah, maybe my family did all that stuff but the point is," Kidd insisted, sizzling like a bug zapper in business, "we don't do that stuff now. Because humans don't believe in us!"

"If humans start to believe in us," Law wondered aloud, focused on the jar in Sanji's clutching hands, "would we revert back to our true nature?"

The pair fell silent, looking stumped. They then looked at each other cautiously before looking at Law. He gave them a cautious look in response. "_What_. Don't tell me unicorns are actually evil fucks. Because I will take full advantage of that. You will all _rue_ the day you made me believe in this."

"You're the whole opposite, I'm afraid," Sanji said with a sigh.

"Yeah, sucks to be you," Kidd said with sympathy. "The whole point of a fucking unicorn is to eliminate negativity. There's no bad-assery in that at all."

"Which might explain why you're the way you are right now," Sanji then said helpfully, lighting up. Kidd was blinded, covering his eyes hastily with a hiss. "Law! The relationship you have with others is because you can't absorb the negativity and remove it because you've lost your horn!"

Kidd peeked through his fingers to look at Law skeptically.

Law looked at Sanji. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Look back on your life, Law," Sanji ordered, looking positive, "everything you've lost happened because of the car accident, right? Your parents were so proud of you back then because it seemed like you had everything – it makes sense!"

Law wore a bewildered expression. He had had it all – the scholarship, the grades, the girl, the life – all of it extreme positives. He had no hardships or worries back then. Now it felt like the world was crushing down upon him, and he had trouble accepting their explanation for it.

Numbly, he touched the scar on his forehead, rubbing at it absently.

"We need to find that kid!" Sanji snapped. "We need to get to the kid and take your horn back from him."

"Someone actually _stole_ his horn?" Kidd repeated dully, like he couldn't believe this was a possibility. "What could _he_ be?"

"I don't know," Sanji confessed. "I'm blind to everyone until Law points them out. And half the time, the jerk doesn't know that he is."

"_Stupid unicorn_! I've always hated your kind!" Kidd added, snarling at Law. Law managed a helpless shrug in response.

"You know many unicorns?" Sanji asked skeptically.

"Well, _no_, but when I'd hear of them I'd just automatically disliked them. They're so high and mighty, so full of all the good stuff. Makes me mad."

"Well, if I looked like you, I'd be mad at the world too."

"_HAH_? What's wrong with the way I look?"

"I don't have all day to list everything wrong with the way you look!"

"Wait," Kidd then interrupted, waving his oblong arms around. "Wait, wait, _wait_, before we get into that – _he_ just mentioned you're a hooker of some type. Unicorns are attracted to _virgins_. So…how did this become a thing?"

Sanji gave him a flat frown. "_Obviously_…I don't need to get into details about that."

Kidd stared at him in disbelief. "_How are you a virgin hooker_?"

"ESCORT!"

"_What makes that any better_?" Kidd then looked Law – almost helplessly. "I'm not a virgin, so why am I seeing you?"

"A unicorn bridges us type of beings _together_, moron! If you know what you do, then you'd know that!" Sanji snarled at him.

"I just want to make that clear! _You're_ the confusing one, here!"

"You guys are giving me a fucking headache," Law complained, adjusting his touch to his temples and rubbing as the pair snarled at each other. "Turn down the sparkles and the voices, please."

"Kidd, you knew about me," Sanji then said, admitting to a temporary truce as he took a step back. "So, what else do you know about people like us?"

"Whelp," Kidd murmured thoughtfully, pulling at his ripped jeans, "not much, but I knew there was a reason why I hated this place – both of us are rivals. I like plants, you like flowers; totally different elements. Those plant things were baby goblins, right? And that biker dude – he eats those things, doesn't he?"

Sanji looked startled. "…I don't know."

"He comes by every evening to take you somewhere, doesn't he?"

"To work."

"You absolute _tool_, where the fuck do you work every night?"

"At a restaurant downtown! It's only open at night! Only the absurdly eccentric come in, and it's…" Sanji trailed off, then looked horrified. "It's exclusive only to a certain party. I oversee meals and work with foreign foods…"

With how horrified he looked, both pixie and unicorn stared at him with absolute disgust.

"BLONDIE!" Kidd shouted impatiently. "How long have you worked there and not fucking _noticed_ who your clientele is?"

"I don't see them until Law points them out!" Sanji cried in response. "So I don't know who these people are that I serve! I have always assumed they were eccentrics – they come in from around the world to partake in the things that I provide! This was how the old man operated!"

"All night?" Law asked skeptically.

"Yeah…"

"And what was he?"

"I…well, my brother, Ichiji, he said Zeff was a gnome," Sanji stuttered nervously, "but don't even ask me what that meant because he never appeared differently to me."

"Gnomes are a different breed, but they get along with types like us," Kidd murmured. "I don't got any experience with them, either."

"Who knows how many of us are actually out here, living life normally amongst others," Law said, a little incredulous.

"Humans don't believe in us, anymore," Kidd repeated, "so it isn't as if we're all…what we used to be. We're fitting in society bounds like regular jack-offs, and nothing we do is really considered…abnormal. I mean, I don't got any fantastic powers, and this jerk sure doesn't."

"So does this mean my family are unicorns as well?" Law then asked, furrowing his brow. "If it's as you said, then why haven't their powers healed me in any way?"

"I don't think they are," Sanji said cautiously.

"None of them strikes me as a mystical person," Kidd admitted.

"But you guys come from families that are, so it doesn't make sense!" Law said.

"Unicorns are rare creatures, Law," Sanji answered patiently.

"One in a million in a group," Kidd muttered. "The fact I'm actually looking at one makes me wish my granny was able to, too. She lived to be two hundred and three. Never got to see one."

"So, if that's so…how is she your 'granny'?" Law asked curiously.

"Dude, I don't know. I just called her granny because she was my granny! I don't know details! And none of my family was like me but she knew what I was and she told me this stuff but she was isolated from the other parts of this world because she never had a unicorn to show her who is who and what is what! I was reading fairytale stuff up the wazoo, so I'm a _little_ educated on certain matters..."

"Mine is…weird…?" Sanji said stiffly. "I am one out of quadruplets. And my family is entirely involved with the cult but I don't know details other than that. I barely remember what my father looks like."

"The point is," Kidd resumed, finger up with lecture, "_none_ of us are associated with our colonies, right? We're all odds and ends put together just because you're around, and I bet anybody else venturing into this is just as alone as we are."

Because it was absurdly true, Law looked at Kidd with a surprised expression. "There's some intelligence to you."

"Why are you complimenting him when I am standing right here in front of you to hear this infidelity?" Sanji complained.

"Pixies are magical creatures," Kidd went on, "but we ain't really associated to nothing else but cousins of our kind. Like this guy."

He hit Sanji with the back of his hand, the fairy looking at him with warning.

"And plant goblins, we get along well cuz we like plants and hate fairies, too."

"To eat," Law verified.

"We all gotta eat," Kidd whispered with fake melancholy. "It's the unicorn that brings us all together, and that's you, bub. I guess this makes me your new best friend."

"If only I had a choice," Law mumbled fretfully. "That Basilisk was right – we're all losers in some form or another. What else does this neighborhood hold? Not everyone has been living here for as long as others…"

"The only thing that matters is that kid has your horn, and we need to get it," Sanji said insistently.

"But if I do that," Law ventured slowly, "what happens when it is restored? You were all drawn to me because I don't have it – do you just go in your own separate directions after?"

Sanji fell silent and Kidd uninterested.

"Maybe," Kidd muttered. "I don't know why I'm here. I just find it a convenient place to live."

"I had this duty set upon me when I was young, I can't imagine going anywhere else," Sanji said fretfully.

"For you it's a duty," Law said, a twinge of pain hitting him, "and for _you_ it's just convenience. For me…well…I don't get along with my family. I question constantly why I'm here, taking advantage. I don't see a future – "

"That's your negativity talking," Kidd pointed out. "If I have to hear this all the time, count me out. What kid are we looking for?"

Sanji gave him a surprised look. "Uh, well, Lamie's boyfriend."

"That gay kid that was parading himself out there? I mean, he's _not_ gay," Kidd stressed, "but he acted like he was. He's just a dope."

"But he has my horn," Law stressed.

"Fuck it. Let's get it back! Ambush him when they show up, how hard could it be?"

"Lamie."

Kidd exhaled heavily, looking troubled. Sanji looked confused while Law wore his own expression of bewilderment, wondering why two mystical creatures seemed so stumped to approach his little sister's companion. The thought of her being their only obstacle seemed an unlikely problem.

"What's the big deal?" he asked with exasperation. "He's just some kid! She's just a kid with a big attitude! Why is it so hard to deal with her?"

"And yet you find yourself troubled every time you talk to her," Sanji gently reminded him.

"She's my little sister, we butt heads all the time. If she's not a mystical creature, then why is this so uncomfortable?"

"Well, I mean, it's _Lamie_," Kidd said dumbly. "Yeah, I talk a whole lotta shit but I'd rather not be disrespectful to a kid I kinda saw grow up."

"I could swear that kid is gay," Sanji insisted dumbly. He fluttered his hands. "All right, we agreed. We're going to do this. The next time she brings him over, we'll just confront him a bit. I'm sure it's not that big of a deal."

"Yeah, you're right," Kidd agreed with another sigh. "Guess it's best not to think too much of it."

Law stood there uncomfortably, looking from one to the other with some rising incredulity. Just the other day he was battling panic attacks and overwhelming feelings of depression, with no one to talk to but his own moods and thoughts. Now he had _two_ mystical people involved with his life, wanting to improve it and a cousin that gave him pep talks. He'd never imagined having 'friends' after being in such a state for so long of a time.

In a way, he felt like it was a duty – just as Sanji had stressed himself. So was it okay to consider them _friends_? Luffy didn't know what he was doing – he was given something and was rolling with it, but his duty was appointed to him because one duty had failed. He told himself he wasn't surrounded by friends, but by people _on duty_ to help him up.

He felt that old wound open again – having all his loyalty and trust broken by someone he'd cared for, and it hurt to think that once the situation was solved, these people would just disappear from his life. Leave him floundering all over again while he found his footing.

He swallowed tightly. "It doesn't matter. Finding my horn isn't…I'm not particularly motivated to do so."

"_Why_?" Kidd snapped at him. "It belongs to you, it's _yours_, someone obviously stole it. Like someone coming into my house and stealing _my_ shit! I'd be pissed and demand retribution!"

Sanji looked at Law with a thoughtful frown, then said, "I know you've said that before. But haven't you considered how much it'll improve your life? Restore it back to the way it was?"

"_Was_ it a good life?" Law asked. "I had no idea that this false sense of luck and security was attributed only to what I am – once I lost it, I became _this_. Now that my mind is open, I feel like I was living a lie."

"This is that negativity speaking for you – "

"You're only my friend because you _have_ to be," Law stated, then looked at Kidd. "You're only here because you're lost, too, with nothing to cling to of your own. If it wasn't for me, where would you two be?"

Both of them looked vaguely stumped.

"In the scheme of all these things, I will lose once again because I will return to a life that isn't granted to me because of my hard work and self-gratuity, but because I am a mystical creature that only has its luck because of a stupid appendage."

Kidd's antennae wobbled a little, golden eyes blinking while Sanji looked troubled, more interested in his hands than the frustrated expression on Law's face.

Law exhaled lightly. "Just leave it be. Until I can…absorb and process and accept. What is happening to me is my actions only – it shouldn't be the responsibility of others. I was already alerted to the fact that Sanji would be replaced by someone else because he was living his own life and doing his own thing until the responsibility of me was placed upon him. That isn't fair. What happens if you combine together and fail? That responsibility would be my guilt to carry. I'm an adult – these are my responsibilities to bear. I need to stop letting it be spread upon other people's shoulders and bear the weight myself. I chose to chase the car without looking, that day. It's _my_ fault."

Pixie and Fairy looked discomforted, unsure of how to bear the weighty silence, and it was the first time Law had seen them so subdued. Kidd wasn't even involved and yet he was as downcast as Sanji was, so Law felt suspicious of him.

He narrowed his eyes. "What do you do, Kidd? How do you earn money without leaving your front porch?"

Kidd looked him in the eye. "Inheritance."

Law knew he was lying. The pixie was _lying_ to his face, and it piqued his interest while Sanji looked at him with doubt. Law's lips curled with a slight smile while Kidd looked uncomfortable.

"Eustace, come clean. I won't be mad," Law cajoled him while Kidd straightened up, reverting back to human form.

"I have nothing to lie about!" Kidd snapped at him, leaving Sanji's living room with a slam of the door behind him.

Sanji looked to Law with question, confused with what transpired. Law glanced at him, then listed off his fingers, "He knows what creatures are what. He showed no fear to those plants that night, which caused me suspicion that he knew more than what he was saying. He literally does not work – he has enough money to support his bad habits, and he seems very knowledgeable of what use the mailman is to him. He inserted himself into this situation without much of a reaction – all his actions say something different to me. Now that he knows the situation about my horn, doesn't that cause you any suspicion in itself?"

"What value is it if the horn is in someone's hands?" Law then asked Sanji curiously.

"Unicorn horns are….valuable, I suppose? As a trophy? I'm not exactly sure, Law, but if your instincts are telling you something, then perhaps you should listen to them."

"I caught him in his ruse," Law mused. "But for what reason?"

"…The horn?"

Law felt irritation fly through him as Sanji watched him with a worried expression. He turned away from the fairy, feeling irritated that he'd have to act sooner rather than later. He couldn't laze or cower away from this – he couldn't have the time necessary to process. But it was interesting how this world and these weird situations had attached themselves to him after living life so despondently without any anchor to cling to.

"He's going to try and steal it for himself," Law muttered.

"I'll just kick his ass, don't worry about it."

"No…" Law turned and looked at Sanji, who looked frustrated at his given order. "You'll just make sure he doesn't succeed. Let the wimp have my horn. Obviously he's not going anywhere or doing anything with it if he continues his friendship with Lamie. That one, though…I feel he's flighty. He'll intercept and take off before we have a chance to decide what I want."

"Law…that sounds ridiculous…"

"After all this excitement…I need a nap."

With that, Law left the house, Sanji stood there with a stumped look to his face. He worried his hands then gave an impatient stamp of his foot. He did think that Law had been more coherent, lately. Bustling with energy similar to that of which Sanji had seen when Sanji had first noticed him as a child. It made him feel anxious that one day down the road, both of them would be unaware of each other once again.

He'd be abandoned all over again, and the thought filled him with anxiety. He then looked at the juice he'd set down earlier and snatched it up with a worried look. Maybe unicorns were universal. Maybe what Sanji survived off wouldn't hurt Law at all.

His fingers drummed against the glass sides before he drank it all. Renewed with energy, he hoped the nectar didn't turn his lazy, depressed unicorn into a blood-thirsty, bordering on evil miscreant. He should definitely keep a close eye on the bastard.

: :

Once home, Law reflecting on the events happening, he reached for his laptop. Seating himself at the edge of his bed, he powered it up and waited impatiently for it to load. His heart was thundering noisily in his chest, lungs tightening ever so briefly as he cracked his knuckles. Once he was able to draw up Facebook, he scanned over his timeline until he found his ex-Girlfriend's latest post – she was grinning brightly with an arm tossed around a younger man, who gazed with disinterest away from her.

"Friends For EVER!" she commented, and Law could hear her voice in his head. It was light and lively, something easily picked from a crowded room full of noises. For a brief moment, he was stunned by her pretty looks and for the fact that she was _so damn happy_.

But with all the things mounting up around him, his pain and agitation at the thought of contacting her felt minimal. He felt braver. He drew up a window to the messenger app, and typed in her name. Once he had access to send a message, he stilled his fingers over the keyboard.

Closing his eyes, Law thought of Kidd's pixie appearance, Sanji's fluttering, Luffy and his goblins. The snake god, Boa, floated amongst those – he couldn't conjure up an image of himself as a damned unicorn, but thinking of these 'people' as what they were…he had an intense curiosity as to whether she was just as mystical as they were. He opened his eyes, struggling to formulate a sentence, _something_ to extend out towards her as a way of inviting communication.

But what was his true goal? To find out she was a mystical creature? How would that settle these rotten feelings stewing inside of him? Was he ready for some sort of closure so he could move on? _What was the point_?

He closed the laptop with a frustrated sigh. He took several moments to look around the area he lived in, feeling despondent as he took in the fast food trash, his DVDs, the pure rottenness he lived in while his family had meals together over his head and avoided him delicately because his words hurt too much.

He was tired of hurting them, tired of hurting himself.

He opened up his laptop with an anxious swallow. The little chime alerted him in that he'd been sent a message, and he looked to the window with surprise.

She'd messaged him first.


	11. Chapter Ten

**Garnet 168: **Welcome! I'm glad you found this and are enjoying this mess! :D

**Chapter Ten**

* * *

'Hi, Law!' followed by a smiley emoticon. The very greeting sent an icepick through Law's chest, and he couldn't breathe. He could hear her damn voice in his head – it was uncanny. Maybe he was just freaking out, maybe he was taking this too damn hard. His thoughts scattered quickly, and he tilted to the side, as if she could see him through the window.

He realized what he was doing and straightened up.

Swallowing tightly, he gathered the courage he needed to respond. But his fingers were like chunks of clumsy matter – hitting various keys heavily with the Delete button abused in his frustrating attempts to write back.

'Yo.'

He cringed at his reply. After all these years, after all this agitation and 'yo' was his first response?

'What have you been up to? I just saw your profile pic, that's just sooooo you!'

Law grimaced, scratching at his hairy face with discomfort. Moments later she followed it up with, 'Can you change that picture? It's really creepy.'

"What a demented _whore_," Sanji murmured from over his shoulder, startling the man so badly that he jostled the laptop and nearly dropped it from his lap as he jerked out of his seated position. Sanji caught it, whipping it around himself to sit at the other end of the bed while Law struggled to breathe. Once he saw Sanji typing back, he lunged at the other man.

'Don't tell me what to do, you skanky succubus.' Sanji almost hit 'send' but Law snatched the laptop away from him and put space between them while Sanji glared at him.

Inadvertently with his actions, Law ended up sending the response. He looked at the sent message with utter horror, noticing that it was Read. He froze in place, eyes comically wide against his face as the three flashing lights alerted him to a response.

'Oh my gosh, what's wrong with you? Are you still mad after all these years?' she replied with an angry emoticon. 'I'm over it, so why aren't you?'

_What the hell_, he thought, feeling anger building up in his chest after years of his own misery flitted by his vision. The renewed, helpless anger he'd felt that day came back; almost as raw as he'd felt it the first time.

'You know what? This isn't even going to bother me,' she replied. 'You can stay mad, or whatever, I've moved on. You can bet this is going viral.'

_Wait, _I'm_ the victim, here_! Law thought incredulously. But as these things transpired right in front of him, he realized he couldn't find that earlier affection he'd felt for her. It was being smothered by the weight of incredulity in her selfishness and her apparent victimization tactic.

'I'm not mad,' he responded with one finger hen picking the keyboard while Sanji watched him with an exasperated face. 'But it must be lonely out there for you. Trying desperately to find something to fill a void you can't exactly identify.'

'I'm living my best life, Law! Joke's on you!'

Law then calmly exited out of the message board, then scanned the rest of his timeline. She sent him another message, but he closed the laptop with a sense of hot relief.

Sanji perked up, rising from the bed.

"I just wanted to tell you that Bart came by," he said cheerfully. "He said that Lamie's friend doesn't park at the house – she drives him up to the residence on her moped. Parks down at the parking area down the block. Should we take a walk in that general area when it's time?"

Law looked to Sanji. He had a cigarette in hand, and Law noticed that he was wearing a black vest over a white shirt with black stripes and some ripped skinny jeans. The ugly Crocs were the only colored things on his person.

"Why do you do that?" he asked numbly, his lips failing to catch up with his words.

"Hmm? Do what?"

Law wasn't sure how to feel. He only felt numb. He looked to the laptop again. Did he feel violent and angry? Or hopeless and sad?

"Law?"

Law glanced at him, then looked back down at his shoes. "Come into my house wearing those things. They are atrocious. They should be outlawed, Helga."

Sanji looked down at his shoes with mystification. "They're hideously comfortable! And they give me a few inches, so why the complaints?"

"Did you say…walk to the park?"

"Hmm, waddling would be more appropriate…"

Law stared at him for several seconds, identifying the anxiety he felt being seen in daylight. They'd see this mess of a man and feel repulsed. They'd know exactly why he looked this way. His heart thundering noisily against his chest, he felt sick at the idea of venturing out there; possibly identified because his hair was something noticeable and his height made him an instant sight to be seen amongst the smaller population. He'd be seen beside this flowery person of a man, who sparkled brilliantly like Edward Cullen on a hot, afternoon day.

Despite his earlier feelings of bravado, he felt like shrinking up and hiding back in his bed.

"Law," Sanji said gently, "it's a literal walk in the park. Nothing can happen out there. It's just mothers with their children and maybe some people with animals."

Law didn't want to describe what he was feeling, but he couldn't help but see his family sitting around the dinner table; warm and filled with conversation that could only be shared between them. He felt sick with being the odd one out – estranged from that bond because of his own actions. He thought of the phone he could hear ringing upstairs – potential employers looking for his response. Larry would be disappointed in him, once again, once he came home to hear messages Law had missed.

But he also thought of the growing fissure between himself and Lamie. What if this person who had taken his horn was something negative for her? What if this was the only thing he could do right? He was a little curious as to who this kid was. Perhaps all he had to do was just look at him.

"Just waddling," he confirmed. "No driving."

Sanji brightened up once he realized Law was going to take him up on the suggestion. After another heavy exhale, Law nodded. Sanji made to answer happily when a deep voice from the top of the stairs behind him grumbled, "Absolutely not."

Both of them whirled to see Katakuri standing there, looking intensely stoic.

"Why not? How the hell are you even here?" Sanji snapped at him, striding up the stairs towards him like he was going to administer some physical retaliation. "Stop following me around! You're like a damned tick in the ass, you mongrel!"

Katakuri glanced at him before looking to Law, and Law couldn't help but feel an uncomfortable tremble – mainly a humorous vein. Jorgen von Strangle was so mighty with Katakuri's uncomfortably towering presence – all that was missing was that damned wand. He quickly covered his mouth so Katakuri couldn't see his mouth twitching. Katakuri stared at him with warning anyway, narrowing his eyes.

For a moment, Law wondered if this man ate plant goblins. What if that scarf covered the stains of his crimes for that reason?

"You're taking too big of a step, unicorn," Katakuri warned him, and Law wondered why his business was of that fairy's. "You're growing bold, and I find it very troublesome."

"Don't talk to him like you got some power over him!" Sanji snapped at him. "Get out of here!"

"I was informed that Ichiji would like to meet with him. I'm here to discourage that," Katakuri said. "We're separated for a reason."

"If only people like you weren't so vague," Law muttered. "Give the warning some weight."

"I understand that you would know absolutely nothing of this subject," Katakuri said patiently, "and your fairy companion would be clueless as well. It was meant to be that way. Us folk have remained dormant and reclusive since humans stopped believing in us. There's no need to spurn any sort of awakening in this chapter."

"I'm not trying to 'awaken' anyone," Law said. "All I know is that I am missing my horn, and my companions here…were inadvertently sucked into it. I would have never known such things if Sanji here didn't figure it out."

Sanji wore an expression that bespoke of his guilt and awareness of this fact, causing Law to look at him with some confusion.

"I didn't know I wasn't supposed to talk about it," Sanji replied unevenly. "All I knew was that I am what I am and the fact that Law is what he is – of course I'd react the way I did! I knew that unicorns chose their fairies, and…well, I'd been taking care of him for some time, so…it was inevitable."

"What, is my awareness going to bring doom to the planet or something?" Law asked skeptically.

"No," Katakuri answered. "But social media is so prevalent these days that any wrong doing while wearing our other skin will be…a rude awakening to those that don't know who they are and those that do and chose to remain under due to our…afflictions. To have us creatures come back to life – we're not the traditional fairytales that you're aware of. As you've learned, Sanji here requires filtered human blood to survive. Us colonies also thrive on human blood – to awaken that matter…_could_ cause devastation to those that learn the truth."

"People would riot at the knowledge of human eating fairies living off the grid," Law realized.

"It would be…very bad. Fairies like ourselves aren't helpless. We strike back if struck upon, or strike first. To avoid any such matters, to reveal yourself and your presence to humans and other hidden beings – well, it'll cause a commotion."

"I just…want my damn imaginary horn so I can return back to the happy creature I was, before."

"I understand that. But you've also notified the Basilisk, the pixie and the Goblin King that you're…_awake_. The Basilisk keeps an eye on every living creature here – she's responsible for maintaining order. The pixie is a known treasure hunter. He will steal your horn and sell it to those that know what it's worth," Katakuri warned before shooting Sanji a look. "And _you_ told him everything."

"He confronted me! I…honestly didn't know what to do," he responded tentatively. "How am I supposed to know these things if there hadn't been someone to talk to me about it?"

"The gnome that removed you from the colony thought it would be best to set aside an advantage for the unicorn that he knew lived here. He went against the family's wishes. All my duties included was preventing you from opening your mouth and blathering unnecessarily to those that would listen. I failed my duties." Katakuri narrowed his eyes. "I should've followed your father's advice…"

"It's not _his_ fault," Law snapped at him as Sanji looked anxious. "I can already see these things. And I have before he was even made aware of them hiding in his attic!"

Katakuri gave him such a look of reproach that Law wondered if speaking up was good for him at all.

_I refuse to be afraid of some stupid_ fairy, he decided, standing straight.

"Jorgon von - " he began before Sanji snapped at him, "_Katakuri_!"

"Yes…well…_I_ was the ball that began rolling. I pulled everyone into it. What's wrong with a little chaos?"

Katakuri narrowed his eyes. "…You're _annoying_, unicorn. Not all mystical things and human beings can coexist together after knowing we exist."

"If things are meant to be a certain way, they would've stayed that way. But forces were already in motion by the time I was aware of them. You can't blame him for him doing his…fairy thing, nor can you stop mine."

"And _mine_," Katakuri growled, taking a step towards him and reminding Law how much bigger he was to him, "is to stop anything before it proceeds any further."

Law read the threatening aura, but lifted a hand to disperse it like it was a cloud. Sanji watched him incredulously while Katakuri understood that Law wasn't treating him as a threat.

"So, wait, you're going to try and _kill_ us, now?" Law asked with a crook of his brow as Sanji looked horrified, staring up at the fairy with fright. "Yeah, that's not going to work."

"Law," Sanji whispered, sweating nervously, "remember, they _eat_ children. People go missing mysteriously under their hands…"

Law paused in his next round of words, glanced at him, then looked at Katakuri with sudden worry, confidence lost.

"O-of course my family would know something was off," he stammered slightly, words feeling muddled in his mouth.

"They wouldn't if they were a part of your sudden…_outburst_ caused by yet another family fight that you were the cause of. You have them often, don't you? It would be upsetting to read about yet another shut-in taking his rage and anger out on his helpless family members with no real motive behind it…" Katakuri then glanced at Sanji. "And yet another hate crime on an escort service worker gone wrong."

_Feeling_ threatened, Law wasn't sure what to say. He heard Sanji swallow hard next to him, and suddenly both of them were fiddling with their own sweaty hands. Katakuri looked victorious, and it was reflected only with the slight lifting of his eyebrows, eyes crinkling at the corners.

"We understand each other," he murmured, crossing his arms over his chest. "_Good_. Now…Sanji, a private word with you. You, unicorn…keep up the outstanding work. This trash hole is…_interesting_…"

Law glanced at Sanji with apprehension, the fairy glancing back at him. "Don't sign anything," Law warned him low.

Sanji smiled stiffly at him, then nodded. He followed Katakuri away from the house, leaving Law standing there in silence to process what just happened.

Hours later Law opened his eyes, hearing movement coming from upstairs. From the faint noises coming from the vents, he understood it to be his family. He hated how he felt after this morning's encounter, frowning heavily as he listened to their tense voices. It sounded like Patty was cleaning up this morning's mess, and her movements were sharp and angry. She was complaining to Larry about how frustrated she felt with things around her, and Law knew she was speaking about him.

He pushed up from his bed, looking at the clock. He noticed the glass cup nearby, filled with cold liquid that caused the sides to frost. Wrinkling his brow with concern, he then noticed the handwritten note next to it.

'Drink me', it read, 'it's not blood, it's grape juice to make up for this morning's accident. Love you! Sanji.'

"Yeah, right," Law muttered crossly, but the liquid seemed to shimmer within its confines, and he did feel thirsty. He crushed the note within one hand and stuffed it underneath his mattress – he couldn't let Lamie continue to get the wrong idea. He wondered if he should tell Sanji to tone down his gay so that they wouldn't be equally suffering in this.

But he _trusted_ Sanji.

So after another moment's consideration, he drank the juice.

: :

He woke up with a start, staring at his Tiffani poster with a strong and overbearing sense of incoming dread. The panic attack hit him before he could even register that he was awake. Law scrambled sluggishly off his bed, breathing heavily and rapidly while his heart thundered with such racing power that it felt moments from bursting from his chest. He clasped a hand over that, his blood pounding noisily between his ears. His vision dimmed to a grey tunnel, and his thoughts scattered like marbles. The panic attack rendered him near helpless and incoherent – his body moving just to move.

He ended up scattering various things on the end table, bumping his knees against the hard floor as his fingers searched for something he couldn't identify.

"Easy, _easy_," he heard Larry say, his voice far off and deep. "Take deep breaths, Law. Breathe in nice and slow…_nice_ and _slow_…"

Focusing in on his father's voice, Law struggled to obey that command. His face felt hot and sweaty, and there were stars bursting in that grey tunnel. He felt Larry clutch onto him firmly, and Law wasn't sure what he was doing or where he was – this panic attack left him absolutely helpless. After some minutes, he was able to focus. Larry was sitting next to him, looking at him with a worried expression. A pile of laundry was set down near the washing machine, which was open.

Hand still settled over his racing heart, Law struggled to put his thoughts into order.

"Panic attack, son?" Larry asked gently.

Law could only nod, unsure of how to formulate speech. His ears were still ringing soundly, and Larry still sounded far off.

His father looked frustrated, exhaling heavily while Law sat there with a dazed expression. He couldn't remember what had happened – if he'd dreamed or if something had happened that caused him this immense stress. He swallowed tightly, aware that his mouth was dry.

"You missed two calls, today," Larry said. "Two prospective employers."

Law couldn't even think of employment at the moment. When he ran his hand through his hair, he found it matted with sweat. His fingers got stuck at the crown, causing him to tug harshly to release it.

He was _positive_ he'd showered recently. Larry gave him an uncomfortable look. Law realized he'd missed something, for Larry's expression was absolutely heavy.

"What's going on?" he asked cautiously.

Larry pulled his knees up, lightly resting his hands on them. He looked reluctant to say anything, his expression weary and his mouth tight. He then rose to his feet, giving Law an impatient look.

"These last two weeks have been near unbearable, Law," he said tightly, causing Law vague alarm. His mind started to race. _Something was wrong_. "For you to say that…! Where are you getting the funds to fuel your bad habit?"

Law opened his mouth to answer, then realized he didn't have an answer. It suddenly occurred to him that he had absolutely no memory of buying his drug of choice. So sudden was that realization that his expression reflected this comprehension. He'd never given thought about it – he just opened the tin and it was there for him to use. Had he ever run out?

Larry gave an impatient grit of his teeth. "Your mother and I have been monitoring our funds tightly. And you're not taking it from us – we don't give you any money, so…? Does the neighbor do this for you?"

_Neighbor_…Sanji.

"Sanji?"

"_Yes_, Law."

Law distinctly remembered that he used Sanji's food money directly for food. He walked past the intersection to buy at the last minute for his dinner. So he shook his head, but the weight of something missing and something wrong persisted in his very bones.

"No," he replied numbly. Something about Sanji came back to him – his neighbor was so eccentric. And gay. He _had_ to be gay…

He looked back at Larry with confusion. "I don't know."

"What do you mean _you don't know_ \- ? I can't have this conversation with you, Law, when you're like this," Larry exclaimed, crossing his arms tightly over his chest while Law looked up at him helplessly, unsure of what to think or feel when confusion clouded his thoughts and vision. "No one can! You've been so…for a moment I thought you were snapping out of this mood. But you turned right around and fell back into it. Luffy was going on and on about …about goblins and fairies and things like that, but…I told you not to do that stuff around him, Law! It messes with his head!"

Law furrowed his brow, absolutely positive he had no idea who this Luffy was. It absolutely mystified him that Larry spoke of this person like Law knew him. He felt uncomfortable being accused of this, but he had no way of defending himself when he felt so lost.

But fairies and goblins…? Why did that feel like a familiar subject? It sounded outrageous, but there was something that tinged at the back of his mind. Fairly Odd Parents and Tinkerbell, mainly. Was he on some sort of cartoon marathon? He glanced over his shoulder to see the Friends' DVD main screen on. Then his eyes fell on a glass cup of what looked like purple liquid. Juice. Grape juice.

Larry realized Law was in no condition to say anything. He could not read his son's expression or mood. Law sat there, cross legged on the floor, looking like some stranger that Larry had agreed on housing. His son did not look like his son, anymore. Just some straggly, bearded man with wild hair and sleepless eyes; sullenly invasive. Larry wondered if his son had moved on from simple weed to something else – it was clear Law was losing some weight. But the trash around his bed reassured Larry that Law was eating.

Sometimes, it wasn't Law speaking to them but some angry monster that had some thorn piercing his heart to say hurtful and damaging things to them before sullenly disappearing back into the depths he felt safe in.

He rubbed his hands together fitfully. "Then I'm sorry, Law. Your mother and I were talking and…things haven't been going too well around here. Your sister is very uncomfortable. It hurts us, too, but…surely you have some friends that would…allow you to stay with them for a couple of days? Just…some time apart is needed, it's…it's not something I wanted to do, but you've been so…mean, and unforgiveable, and none of us can…we can't do this anymore, son."

Law stared up at him in silence, working his jaw from side to side. He felt blindsided, but at the same time almost relieved that they could express themselves this way. He knew he'd been hard on them, and he'd questioned for himself what and why he did what he did. But to know that they needed space from him because of his actions…well, that hurt him in the heart as well.

What kind of monster did he become?

"Just…I can give you some cash, if you need it," Larry continued, his voice suddenly thin and whispery. So Law acknowledged that this wasn't easy to do, and he didn't have any hard feelings about it. "I just…for a few days, Law, until…maybe it'll help you. Because we can't do it, anymore. I'm not sure how to reach out to you when you refuse our hands…I'm sorry…"

Intense silence fell uncomfortably heavy between them. Larry realized Law wasn't going to say anything, so he reluctantly turned and headed away from him, ascending the stairs up to the kitchen. Law watched him go, feeling heavy hearted himself.

As the door closed behind Larry, Law then furrowed his brow. He reached for the tin that held his drug and looked inside, spying the supply. It was amazing how he'd never noticed. Then he wondered who this Luffy was – Larry had made it sound that he'd come and went. Law knew he had a bad attitude, but was it that bad as to have his family decide they couldn't deal with him, anymore?

He sluggishly stood, tasting a very dry mouth that felt foul and heavy. He wiped at his beard, scattering cheese and lettuce. There was wrappers and trash all around his bed once more – it felt like he was missing something significant. He did notice that his clothes felt slightly looser – he looked down at himself, realizing that his gut wasn't so big, and his sweats were actually tied in place rather than straining at the elastic.

He headed around his bed to the glass of juice. Picking it up, he discovered it was still ice cold and fresh, frosted at the sides. He took a cautious sip, his insides singing with joy.

_Ambrosia_! he thought, closing his eyes with relief as he took another gulp.

'You've ruined my _entire_ childhood'.

His own voice came back to him just as he was going to take another. Something inside of him gripped so fiercely that it felt like a hot shock to his insides. He set the glass down, then spit out the drink into his sleeve. Wiping his mouth and tongue, he wondered why he felt so damn horrified. He looked at the cup once more, unsure of its contents. Maybe Larry had brought it down to him before that whole episode happened.

His instincts, dull as they were, seemed to sing with alarm. Eventually, they relaxed into nothing and Law put the glass down and looked over his trashy bed. Eventually, he lost memory of that moment as well.

He sat robotically, staring at the main screen of his old television. He plucked out a joint from the tin and lit it, feeling his face heat with some unidentified emotion. Vaguely, like a wisp of smoke, he remembered what Larry had just told him.

He looked around himself, hands folded in his lap as fragrant smoke drifted around his head.

_I need food_, he decided, rising up with a grunt. His neighbor always left food money for him at his house after Law performed some silly chores.

His own feet took him next door. His hands moved on their own to twist the outside doorknob, and found it locked. For some reason, it astounded him that it was locked. His heart began to race with apprehension, because as far back as he remembered, this house was never locked to him. What did he do to Sanji to have him lock Law out? Was he just as hateful to him as Law was to the others? This filled Law with agitation that felt confusing to him. There was a sense in him that hoped beyond hope that he had not ruined his relationship – as odd couple as it was – with Sanji. Law didn't know why he felt this way – Sanji was just that eccentric neighbor that Law put up with because Sanji invaded his space and…it felt like there was something missing to that, but Law wasn't sure _what_.

He stared at the unyielding knob with some confusion, then let go.

_Maybe he has company_, Law then thought with some consideration that felt just as disturbing, looking up at the side of the garage and then out into the driveway where the Cadillac sat. His mind wandered from there, uncertain of where to venture to. But then he heard it; someone untwisting the lock from the inside. It was so startling a sound that he jumped a little, expecting it to open to him. He ended up twisting the knob himself and opening the door. As he did so, he saw that the doors from the inside were opened slightly – as if someone had unlocked them and left them open. It made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.

The silence was immense – he assumed Sanji was already at his weird nighttime job. But who would be home to open up his house to him? Law did find himself curious about this. He pushed the doors open and he clumsily made his way into Sanji's kitchen, a little cautious to the silence and unmoving emptiness of the house. His body took him naturally to the cookie jars. His body was used to this method, not requiring much thought. He found the list of chores he needed to complete, scoffing at the seemingly random tasks.

_Fat-Ass: Sweep the front hall, arrange the throw pillows by size and color, shut the curtains, refill the soap from original container to floral dispenser by second floor sink_, it read in Sanji's neat handwriting. Behind it was a folded twenty dollar bill.

"Why can't you just use the one dispenser, you flowery moron?" Law muttered, flicking ashes into the sink nearby. He stood there for several moments, working on his joint smoke and taking in the sight of the pristine, modern kitchen with all of its seemingly unused kitchen devices. The refrigerator hummed and a dog barked from nearby.

Movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention, looking over to see that the door leading into the nearby basement was wide open. Standing in the doorway was a man – the shape of it was unmistakable. The only thing wrong about it was that it was a genderless, featureless mannequin of a thing that gave Law no clue as to if it could speak or if it was even alive.

He startled so badly that he coughed on his smoke, hacking as he bent over, dropping his money and chore list. He ended up spitting out his joint, looking up once again to see the mannequin still watching him from the doorway. His heart and lungs leapt up with fear because the sight was intensely creepy. Making sure it wasn't moving, Law backed up against the sink, clutching his throat.

The thing _moved_.

It took a step out then walked fluidly into the kitchen without any sound. Law wanted to scream, paralyzed with horror at the sight of it. His mind was racing with panic and fright, scattering words to crevices and stifling images and memories.

A part of him tinged with familiarity and remembrance, but he couldn't draw it up to focus on it.

The thing was about Sanji's height, just thicker – like it worked out. Its limbs were long, but definitely bulky with muscle. The plants that grew from its head were moving with its actions, waving as if they were underwater kelp. Law was shocked to see that they were opened mouths with human teeth. It was horrifying.

The being leaned up against the counter, as if watching him with amusement. Once it started to shake its head and gesture at its wrist – as if telling him he were late - Law found part of his fear chased away. But his heart thundered noisily as his whole body remained gripped with terror.

The being made a waving indication of itself, as if it were introducing itself to Law. It then flexed an arm grandly and indicated its height, seemingly proud of its statue. Law managed to stop coughing, his eyes watering thickly until he focused directly upon it. It didn't _feel_ like a threat. But it felt like he was looking at a person. Someone he knew.

The being pushed away from the counter, featureless face still turned and gazing in Law's direction with an uncomfortably strong focus. Walking towards him, Law managed to scramble out of its path, putting space between them. It opened the refrigerator door and gestured grandly at a glass jar of purple colored juice.

Law looked from it to the being, a little confused by the gesture. Pressed up against the back doors, Law struggled to breathe normally. He watched as the being picked up the jar, wiggling it slightly to catch Law's attention. Law was puzzled by the action, feeling most of his fear slip away as he realized the thing was trying to communicate with him.

Miming taking a drink, the being then gestured at Law with a question.

Law slowly shook his head. "I'm not thirsty," he whispered with unease.

The being shook its head and gestured at him once more, miming the drinking motion once more before pointing at Law. It took Law a few moments to understand. He thought of the glass cup near his bedside, and gave a puzzled nod.

In that moment, the being threw the jar onto the floor, glass shattering noisily while the liquid colored the floor and nearby cabinets. The being wiped its hands clean and shut the refrigerator door as Law gaped at the mess it made. It made a cutting motion over his throat and pointed at Law with warning, and Law wasn't sure what to make of that gesture until the being repeated its motions with stronger action. It then pointed at the liquid on the floor, causing Law to refocus on that. Once again, the being cut across its own throat and pointed at Law sternly – shaking its finger.

_It's telling me not to drink it_, he thought vaguely. "Have I been drinking it?" he had to wonder aloud, thinking of the feelings he'd had earlier when he'd had a sip. The being nodded to confirm this – big, deliberate nods that told Law it was impatient with the question. After a moment, Law asked, "Then who makes me drink it?"

Two more beings emerged from the basement, just as featureless as this one. But one of them was slightly bigger than the first – with a massive scar across its chest. Law felt like he remembered who these things were as he gaped incredulously at them. The other moved in an exaggerated feminine manner, flipping longer vines with mouths attached them over one shoulder. The other was taller than the rest, bulky in the chest and shoulders with an outrageous burst of mouths atop of its head that was fashioned almost similarly into a Mohawk.

His mind seemed to twitch violently, blurred images crossing his vision but refusing to give him more than that. He touched his forehead, feeling smothered as the beings crowded the kitchen with their humanoid bodies. The one with the long hair – he could only tell it was the only female with its exaggerated movements – approached him. It pointed at him sternly, as if lecturing him. Its finger wagged in Law's face – he noticed it had only four fingers – then spread wide at his midsection, drawing attention to his slight weight loss. It clapped, and Law found that gesture rude, self-consciously covering himself.

No words were being used – the silence was immense, save for the refrigerator's humming and his own rapid breath.

He looked over its shoulder to see the scarred one rummaging through the pantry, rustling through various items before successfully withdrawing another note. Law noticed it had to dig through one of the boxes and search within its contents to do so, which made him feel like this act of hiding was done deliberately. It approached Law and gave him the envelope, which had his name on it in Sanji's handwriting.

Opening and withdrawing the note, Law read the date. He felt incredulous that this was written two weeks ago. He felt like he was drowning with mystification, incredulous as to what was happening to him. Then he read the contents. 'You're a unicorn, dumb ass. Once you stop, don't drink the grape juice anymore. These four shitheads promised to watch over you once you got your memory back. Luffy was sent back home, but he wanted these guys to watch over you instead. I can't help you because Jorgan von Strangle's doing the same to me. Once you get your memory back, look in the flowerpot on the front porch for more details. ONLY AFTER YOU GET YOUR MEMORY BACK. Otherwise, it won't make any shitty sense. Do not tell anyone about this, do NOT TALK TO KIDD, do not talk to ME about this b/c I won't know what the fuck you're saying, or I'll tell everyone on the block that we're sleeping together. The end. Love! Sanji.'

Law furrowed his brow with utter mystification. The contents made no sense at all, but the fact that this was written…the fact that he was facing these four things…

He lifted his head to look at them incredulously. _I'm a fucking unicorn_? he thought to himself with absolute bewilderment.

: :

The beings followed him out into the night, looking around cautiously as they did so. Law felt awkward with them at his back, looking back at their on-edge actions. The one carrying a branch – it was a damned sword with some type of metal blade – seemed to be leading them. But they were watching the shadows, the trees, and the grass parted to allow them to walk smoothly over, something that made Law wonder what was in his damned weed.

He paused short, breathing shakily as he looked up at his glowing house. His family members wanted him out. Where was he supposed to go?

He was instructed not to visit the flower pot until he had his memory back – whatever that meant – but he decided to venture after it anyway. The moment he opened up the gate separating back from front, the four behind him reacted. The scarred one slammed it shut while two of them peered cautiously through the cracks in the wood out to the front, the bigger one grabbing Law to shake its head.

They kept pointing across the street in such a way that Law invited himself to look through the wooden planks for himself. Kidd was sitting outside on his porch, smoking a cigarette and staring across the street at their houses with a look of frustration.

"That's just Kidd," he whispered with irritation. "So _what_?"

The scarred one indicated his forehead then at Kidd – something Law didn't understand. After getting this, the scarred one waved its beefy arms about with agitation, the others following suit with actions that clearly told Law they were at a loss of what to do as well. They kept waving at him then lashing at out each other, seemingly involved in an argument of some type. Law stood stoically, unsure of what to get from this.

Finally, the feminine one grabbed hold of his face, forcing him to look at her. Its hands were cold and clammy – like wet dirt. He jerked out of her grasp and stumbled backwards, hitting a brick flowerbox with his heels. He ended up stumbling and fell noisily into the flowerbed, causing the plant goblins to display looks of agitation.

"Fuck!" Law snarled, spitting out flower petals and rolling away. He noted that he put a pretty big dent in the flowerbed.

"Yo, what's goin' on over there?" Kidd yelled out, his voice surprisingly loud in the quiet. Law stiffened as the others did, all of them looking to the fence with apprehension. The slimmer being signaled at Law to be quiet, finger to its face. "Is that you, Trafalgar? Isn't it meal time already?"

_Why on earth is he monitoring me_? Law thought with bewilderment, clumsily rising to his feet and brushing himself off.

The beings signaled for him to be quiet, fingers to their face as they watched him – it was unsettling how none of them had any facial features. Law ended up staring at them with horror, unconsciously hugging himself. They surrounded him like full grown people – but there was something in him that marveled at their size. One grabbed his hands and pulled him along while the others continued to look around themselves with renewed vigilance.

Ending up back in the house, the beings closed and locked the doors behind them while Law stood in the kitchen with an upset expression. He wasn't sure what to think. He spied his smoking joint on the floor and hastily retrieved it, giving it a suspicious look. When the beings caught his attention, they waved him to follow them upstairs. After some moments of consideration, he carefully put out his drug of choice and left it aside of the sink.

The curtains were drawn tight, and the lights were flicked on to show him an area that Law instantly thought was Sanji's bedroom. It was pristine and neatly organized, but there were shoes on the floor near a full sized mirror that looked hideous. Flamingo printed Crocs. He watched as the scarred being kicked the shoes across the floor before jerking open a closet door, revealing a shoe rack inside. With some curious temperament, it set about rearranging them childishly while the feminine one shook its grassy head with exasperation. They had a mini-argument that included waving hands and angry gestures. Law found it amusing.

The other two caught Law's attention, drawing back blankets and indicating that he go to sleep.

"I'm not sleeping in his damned bed! Gross! Don't you realize what sort of activities might take place here?" he snapped at them, crossing his arms tightly over his chest.

They shook their heads furiously, gesturing at him to get in. He stubbornly remained in place, looking around himself with utter mystification.

The one with the longer vines appeared in his line of vision, holding up her hands to indicate that he pay attention to her hair. All the mouths closed at that moment, then reopened to say, "Your mother and I were talking and…things haven't been going too well around here…. It hurts us, too, but…surely you have some friends that would…allow you to stay with them for a couple of days? Just…some time apart is needed, it's…it's not something I wanted to do, but you've been so…mean, and unforgiveable…we can't do this anymore, son."

Hearing Larry's voice being repeated by those mouths was an astonishment in itself, but to know that these things communicated in this fashion…it caused Law pause. Were they spying on him to hear these things? His eyes darted from its featureless face to the mouths that closed up slowly, like Venus flytraps after they'd caught an unsuspecting victim.

He felt hurt all over again, and realized that they were trying to tell him he could stay here. But he didn't want to. It was…weird to impose this of his neighbor, whom Law was sure he didn't have quite that close contact with. But he found the note, rereading it again to see that some wrongdoing had occurred and that he had more closeness to the man than Law thought.

He slowly sat on the bed with a heavy exhale. Considering the state of the mattress, the Tempur-pedic material barely caused any upset.

"You can do that?" he asked tentatively, the beings nodding. After some consideration, Law asked, "Then…have you heard other conversations?"

They all nodded, preening and gesturing grandly to themselves, as if complimenting themselves for a job well done. Law furrowed his eyebrows as they patted each other on the backs, high-fived each other in such a way that they felt successful in something.

Reluctantly, he unfolded his arms to brace himself slowly, marveling slightly at the thread count in the sheets he came into contact with.

One of them, the first, tilted his head to capture Law's attention. A young teen's voice rang out merrily. "You'll be Ussop – "

Another tilted its head, all of them moving in unison in accordance to name, Law watched with wonder. The tall one's green head continued in perfect unison with the first.

"You'll be _Super_ Franky!"

"You're Zoro, like that masked guy, because of your super cool sword!"

"And Nami! Super powered cat burglar for all the things you steal! Put that back, by the way, I think that's important," the one with the long vines ended.

Law realized that they were names, and each of them wiggled or gloated with praise. He looked from each other with their names in mind, then mouthed them in accordance to being. Once they confirmed their names, Law exhaled heavily.

"Then who's the kid?" he asked curiously. "The one speaking?"

"I am Luffy, Goblin King!" the mouths on all their heads rang merrily, as if the voice was emerging from some speaker. "Hi, Law! You figured it out! It's about time you got your memory back!"

Law's eyes widened, confused. It sounded like the kid was right there in the room with them.

"I can talk through them like this, it's _so awesome_! The first time it happened, I was all like, _what_? _What is happening_? Then I realized that this whole thing is how they talk in the first place, like, through plants and stuff, and it's kinda like a phone but it's _not_ a phone, and only I can hear them! Oh, wow, it's so cool to finally hear you again! I thought you'd never get it, you big dummy. I've been waiting _forever_ to hear if you were up and awake like you were supposed to, that Jorgan von Strangle is a serious enemy, I just couldn't accept that he won this easily, and not even Sanji remembers me, but he's not supposed to, and that _really_ _sucks_ because I miss his cooking, this shit _sucks_," Luffy complained, almost in one breath as Law felt his face freeze with agitation. "Anyway, I'm not there anymore, and I can only talk to you through them."

"I don't even know who you are," Law said stiffly.

"You don't remember who I am? That's cool," Luffy responded brightly, and Law felt a tugging on his memory. Like his own mind was trying to conjure up the boy's face. "It's not your fault, it's Strangle's! Anyway, not even Sanji remembers, either, and I guess it's some sort of drink you guys been drinking? I told these guys to hang out with you because you need them more than I do, and they're doing a pretty good job! They can't stop you from drinking that stuff because I guess it's poison to them, and I told them only _you_ can stop drinking it, they can't be harmed."

Law swallowed noisily.

"Anyway, now that's over with! The old man brought me back home, but Sanji said I can stay with him _only_ with his permission, but the old man didn't _give_ me permission, and Sanji thinks I'll ruin everything if I tell you everything, but what can I ruin if I don't know, and _he_ doesn't even remember in the first place?" Luffy asked with a heavy sigh.

"How….are you…speaking like this?" Law wondered. "Is there another being like this on your end?"

"I'm talking to the plants at work! I got a job! Isn't that great? I was allowed to work outside this grocery store down town, and I can talk to _any_ plant I want," Luffy bragged proudly. "I mean, _sure_, it makes me look weird talking to plants but _whatever_!"

Law decided not to break his brain imagining that.

"You're a unicorn, Law!" Luffy then insisted cheerfully, causing Law to wince. He wondered if Luffy somehow resembled Hagrid…"Your horn is in the possession of Lamie's boyfriend. Yeah, he decided he wasn't gay anymore, and they're going out. It's quite _gross_. He's such a _ninny_…"

"Lamie has a boyfriend?" Law repeated dully. He had to wonder if that was the cause of all this distress. He felt angry that he didn't remember these important details.

"Yeah, I _guess_…anyway, he has your horn. Remember, you can't talk to Kidd about it, either, because Kidd will get your horn and sell it. He's a treasure hunter. That no good praying mantis!"

Law frowned, utterly lost.

"Don't talk to Kidd like you remember what's up, okay? _Just act normally_," Luffy stressed, and Law had no idea what that meant, but he was sure he was going to fuck it up somehow. His own mind was swirling with confusion and overload, causing him a distant headache. "He got all butt hurt when you didn't remember stuff, but he didn't push it. He seems to know more than what we been giving him."

"That doesn't make sense…"

"He's a pixie!"

Law exhaled noisily, unable to process that.

"Anyway, don't tell him, this is all a big ass secret."

"Lips…are sealed…"

"Only when you remember can you get whatever Sanji left behind for you to look at," Luffy added. "I wish he told me, but I guess it was _that_ big of a secret. He's a fairy, so…he's got some fairy secrets. Oh, and if you see Katakuri? Don't remember _anything_! Super important, Law! If that guy knows you know, then it's all blown! He's some sort of erasure guy! I don't know details, I just know he's bad news. Sanji's been mad at him all the time, but I don't know if that's a regular thing." Luffy lowered his voice to a whisper. "They might be a couple from the way they argue."

"Oookaayyyy," Law decided, shifting uneasily as the beings kept their heads lowered. The plant mouths opened and expanded with every word Luffy spoke, and it was hypnotizing. Law wasn't sure what to look at.

"Law…I know it's hard for you," Luffy then said on a serious note. "Being all alone, and all. But I saw what I saw. Your parents spoil Lamie, and it's not fair to you. But if they can't see what you're trying to do, then it's up to them to let them learn the hard way, okay? I mean, I'd be happy if you were a big brother of mine! Just because you talk shitty doesn't mean you're a shitty person. But sometimes it's best to give up and let them have their space if they so demand it."

Law furrowed his brow, staring at the mouths as they spoke gently. How was this mysterious kid aware of Law's family troubles? But it made sense if he supposedly lost his memory.

He nodded before he remembered that the kid couldn't see him. "Yeah, thanks."

"I'm just waiting on you guys, but use my minions! They are eager to serve you! When Sanji gets his memory back, you can bet I'm claiming that second bedroom in an instant! I promised him I'd be the daddy figure he's been searching for!" Luffy laughed noisily.

_Is that legal_? Law wondered with bewilderment feeling his face twist with revulsion. He did remember Sanji spewing that a few times, dismissing Law from his presence on the lookout for some old codger…but why did that fill him with such unease?

"I need a nap," Law then decided with uncertainty.

"Sleep away, unicorn. Get your rest on! I think on the weekend I can run away to visit, but I'll let you know. Night!"

"Weird kid," Law murmured once the plants closed their mouths. But he rose up from the bed, shaking his head as he struggled to fit things into missing spaces in his memory. Luffy confirmed that he was forced to lose his memory. So that made sense, but why was everything else so difficult to accept?

He slept on the couch downstairs, and woke up only when the front door blasted open. Law had time to open his eyes and seeing the plant goblins quickly sink out of sight, sluggishly moving before Sanji could storm in. Right behind him was the menacing man with a scarf around his mouth and throat, and before he could see Law, Law was up and over the couch with weirdly deft action. He held his breath, hands flattened against his mouth and nose to suppress any sound.

"As I'd stated," Katakuri rumbled, slamming the door shut behind him as Sanji caught himself in the main hall to glare back at him, "working for the restaurant is a privilege granted to you, not earned. Zeff wasn't the original owner, no matter what you think. If it should be passed onto to another capable manager, it will be, whether or not you agree with it. Your status will be changed to reflect this."

"I've worked there for more years than that asshole you're trying to parade around," Sanji shot back at him furiously, "and for you to give away what the old man worked so hard to accomplish - !"

"_It was never his restaurant_!" Katakuri bellowed at him, his very voice causing the walls of the house to rattle. "It's not yours, either! It belongs to the family. You were allowed to work there because your father allowed it, but this is not his decision. It's Big Mom's."

"_What the fuck_."

"You'll watch your tone, or you'll be out of this job," Katakuri warned, "and you'll work no where else. The trouble you've caused has made this decision. This wasn't based off anyone's impulsive choice. This was made because you chose to wander away from the boundaries we established."

"That's such cult bullshit – I'm not a part of it!"

"You might not be living there, but you're still one of us, and you'll follow the rules," Katakuri growled, hands fisting at his sides as Sanji glared back at him defiantly. The blond gave him a sullen look, withdrawing his cigarettes. Before he could light one, Katakuri snatched it out of his grasp and tossed it aside. The box bounced off the wall and hit Law atop of the head.

"Go drink your dinner," Katakuri then said, straightening up. "And consider your future actions. This turnover of management is a real world thing, and happens all the time. Did you expect to work there forever? Of course not."

"Don't tell me what to do, you walking pile of shit stain. Get the fuck out."

Katakuri watched him for a few short moments, then crossed his arms tightly over his chest. Sanji continued to glare back at him, mimicking the stance. The tension racketed, and Law ended up exhaling heavily, startling them both from their contest. Rising from the back of the couch, he was treated to bewildered looks.

After the information overload from the night previous, including the warnings, Law coughed, glancing around. He gave a sheepish shrug. "Sorry," he said, his voice thick with sleep and tension. "I, uh…had some pretty strong weed last night. I thought I was in my room."

Katakuri took a step towards him, hugely menacing before Sanji stepped in front of him and shoved him back.

"Fuck off, you evil scum bag! This is my neighbor!" Sanji gestured at Law incredulously. "His mind's shot to bits! I find him in my garage, sometimes, after he huffs on my gas cans!"

Katakuri gave Sanji an impatient look. "You keep gas in your garage?"

"For the fuckin' lawnmower!"

"Premium unleaded," Law verified, shrugging. "Sorry, the weed wasn't cutting it."

Sanji gave him an impatient look, then strode towards him. He grabbed Law by his cardigan and dragged him towards the kitchen, Law stumbling clumsily after him.

"You don't lock your doors very well, or he has a key," Katakuri stated, marching after them like some charging animal.

"Of course I don't! Why should I? Does it look like I have shit to steal around here?" Sanji exclaimed incredulously, gesturing at himself. He then smelled Law, and made a face, causing Law to look at him with distaste. "God, did you bathe in it, this time? Look at this mess, asshole."

Sanji strode out into the garage, still pulling Law after him. Sure enough, around three red canisters, one of them had a recent mess spilled around it. Katakuri saw this for himself and looked at Law suspiciously while Sanji released him. Law shrugged helplessly, wondering if that mess was the cause of the plant goblins. Surely they were that comprehensive to go along with Sanji's lie.

Katakuri cleared his throat, then frowned at them both. He then waved Sanji to the kitchen. "Fine. Just drink your juice, and I'll be on my way."

"This is so stupid," Sanji muttered, abandoning Law's side and marching in. Katakuri waited for Law to pass him to follow, and the man did so with a frozen look, unsure of whether he'd be stabbed in the back as he passed.

Sanji marched to the fridge, and pulled out a glass pitcher of red juice.

"Not _that_ one," Katakuri said sternly, causing Sanji to roll his eyes and grab the pitcher of purple juice. Law was dumbfounded because he was quite positive the Ussop being had destroyed the last pitcher last night. How this one appeared…Law clenched his teeth as he watched Sanji frown at it, giving Katakuri a dirty look after. "You wanted this diet, Sanji. _Follow_ it. Otherwise, those pounds will pack on before you know it."

Law understood that this was a way Katakuri was hiding the juice's true intentions. Sanji glanced at Law with uncertainty, as if judging the man's coherency. Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Law found the balled up note Zoro had given him the night before. He remembered that Sanji would have no idea what it was, but he clutched it tightly within his fist.

"You're calling me fat. This is how eating disorders start!" Sanji barked at him before drinking straight from the glass. He then set it aside, exhaling noisily. "God, that's some good shit…"

"Good boy," Katakuri said on a patronizing tone, glancing at Law before leaving the house. Law heard him leave, but watched Sanji's expression change slowly. He blinked a few times before taking another drink and setting it back into the fridge, looking back at Law with startled action.

"You're awake!" he cried happily, slamming the fridge door shut. "What on Earth allowed you to be awake this early?"

Law stared at him in silence, understanding that the last few minutes had been erased from the guy's memory. He was unsure of what to say, glancing around himself with a lost expression. Sanji had a new bounce to his step as he went about his kitchen, retrieving fresh food items from the pantry and laying them out on his counter.

Hearing Katakuri's truck rumble to life then slowly fade away, Law swallowed tightly.

"I spent the night here," he said slowly, watching as Sanji snatched his watering can from underneath the sink, looking at Law with bewilderment.

"Why?" Sanji asked curiously. "My place is locked tight, how did you even get in?"

Law didn't feel like answering that, but he felt like things made more sense. "Apparently…I've been an ass to my family, lately. They want me out."

Sanji gave him a look of horror, then set the watering can down. "Where are you going to go? Look at you. You can't take care of yourself."

"I don't…know." Law was unsure of what to say, so he drew out the note, unfolding it carefully and attempting to smooth out the wrinkles. "Um…Jesus, where do I start?"

Sanji's expression changed to sympathy. "I mean, if you don't mind the place, you can stay here. I'm hardly ever here, anyway…"

"Wouldn't that be…weird? I mean…sorry, I can't contribute to much. I'm just…"

"Law, honestly, this house is huge. It's just me and the ghost that stays here," Sanji assured him cheerfully, setting the full watering can aside. "_If_ you don't mind that, either!"

Law lifted an eyebrow. This conversation felt right. It felt like these were all the right things that fit.

"Listen, I have to…go out of town for a couple of days," Sanji then said slowly, giving a shrug. "You were right, I do see men."

_I'm pretty sure I know this_, Law thought vaguely, furrowing his brow. _It feels familiar_…

"And one invited me out of town. So…you can settle in here. I'll leave you chores and money for those nighttime visits and you can hang out with the ghosts in the attic. You don't mind that, do you?"

"This your boyfriend?" Law asked skeptically, Sanji shaking his head with casual antipathy.

"No, not a boyfriend. Just…someone different and new. I guess I need some time away for a bit, I'm just…overwhelmed with work, and he offered. He's paying, I don't need to complain about that."

"…You're a hooker," Law stated, and realized that these words were familiar in his mouth.

Sanji seemed to feel the same way, looking at him with a puzzled look. "No," he stated, "not exactly. Have we already talked about this?"

Law shrugged. "I sniff gas for a living, I don't know."

"I made that up," Sanji assured him with a wave of his hand. "I hate when that ass tries to insert himself into my life like some kind of enforcer. I made that mess yesterday. Wait…_do_ you sniff gas?"

"NO."

"We must be on the same telekinetic wavelength, then."

"Telepathic."

"_Whatever_."

Law frowned at him, feeling agitated and not knowing why. "Well…if he's not your boyfriend, then why are you using him?"

Sanji stared at him with uncertainty, clutching the water can with one hand. Then rested his chin upon palm, elbow on the counter as he continued to stare. "Are you sure we haven't had this conversation before? I feel like we did…"

Law shrugged again.

Straightening up, Sanji seemed to perk up as he hefted the full water can from the counter. "Oh well. Stay here, my house is your house. I'm sure your parents won't mind if you move next door."

"Who is Luffy?"

Sanji paused, furrowing his brow. "That name's familiar…"

_Holy shit_, Law thought incredulously. _What conspiracy is this_?

"No one I know."

"Don't go."

"Why?"

"Just…I don't think you should. I have…a weird feeling about this. Plus…haven't you seen the news lately? There are…hate crimes on escort service workers."

"Oh _please_, I can handle myself. You're taking this news fairly well, I thought you'd freak out about it."

"Who's going to take care of me?" Law then asked tentatively, watching him closely. "My family doesn't want to…so…I need someone else to do it."

Sanji stared at him for several long moments, then set the watering can down on the floor. "You're a grown man, you can do it yourself."

"I feel like…you're messing this up. You're abandoning me."

"Law, we're neighbors, we're not that close to each other. I don't take care of grown fucking men. They can take care of themselves. I just have sympathy for someone that looks like you. You look like a mess. Like…adopting a stray dog on the street and feeding it consistent meals because it looks like it doesn't have a home."

"You go, and I'll commit suicide on your bed."

"Ugh, please don't. Or do, just let me know beforehand. I don't even sleep in it," Sanji snickered, picking up his can and brushing by him. "God, you stink! When's the last time you took a shower?"

Law watched him take the stairs two at a time, humming to himself. He couldn't help but feel betrayed and wretched, ignored and dismissed.


	12. Chapter Eleven

**Naghi-Tan:** things are now starting to look up! :D

**Garnet168**: I'm happy you like them! Writing them so much, I need to change their personalities a little every time so this story is wacky in trying to keep them in character for this story. But it's good to see Law more involved rather than slinking away. He still has some fight brewing up in him :D

**Sarge1130**: Welcome to this crazy story! :D Law is always the sullen sasser and unfortunately, his attitude wrecked his relationship with his family. He's now trying to fix it, that's the good thing. The other is what relationships he'd lose in the process. D: Just wait – it gets crazier from where you're reading lol

**Chapter Eleven**

* * *

Packing an overnight bag, Sanji hummed to himself as his mind sorted through a list of things that might be important for the spur of the moment trip. He picked up his phone to review the message he was sent, noting the location of the intended trip, then set it aside to continue his task. As he was rolling a few sets of outfits to fit inside, he was aware that every movement was being monitored. His hands slowed then stilled before he looked over his shoulder with uncertainty, spying the bearded, sullen man sitting in the doorway.

There was a part of him that made him feel like this was familiar – another part that insisted on remaining impersonal in order to protect the secrets he was instructed to keep hidden away. He was wrestling with these things and the stress of the new switch at work, Katakuri's recent smothering and his own demons that constantly cried for similarity in someone else. Despite how busy he was, there was a quiet loneliness inside of him that yearned for companionship.

And he hoped that this trip would solve that, allowing him to _finally_ find the love he was looking for. He was so optimistic for this that he was willing to disregard what was happening in his own house to find that elusive thing. He'd had a good relationship with Law that allowed him to disregard all his cranky grumblings and insults, but Sanji told himself he wasn't that close to the man as to clean up after him. But Sanji also had a lingering suspicion that he was doing the wrong thing by leaving Law like this. He tried to ignore it, and as a result, came off more abrasive than he normally was.

"You're like a shitty stray dog!" Sanji snapped at Law impatiently, the man glowering up at him. "What, do you need to be fed? Watered? Deloused?"

"Things have been upsetting, lately," Law muttered. "And all you do is yell at me."

"What is _wrong_ with you?" Sanji asked, turning away from the items on his bed and giving him a huff. "I get that you're having trouble with your family, but this….moping is something that makes _me_ uncomfortable. What am _I_ supposed to do…?"

"I hope you feel guilty for how you're treating me…"

"It makes me uncomfortable to think that you, a grown ass man, needs another to take care of him!"

"You used to."

"The only men I take care of are old, wrinkly, and with more age spots than hair atop of their heads…and you're not any of them."

"…That's so _gross_…"

"At least I get paid…and besides," Sanji said lightly, grimacing, "it's not what you're thinking. I feel like I met this one before, so maybe it's my destiny to go."

Law struggled to identify the twinge that hit him then – he felt like this was a familiar thread that had been shared, before. He felt like he had to say something that would bring a particular memory to the surface, but for the life of him – he couldn't see exactly what it was. He scrunched his face up with concentration, straining to find a clear image.

"What if it's a previous client's son that's taking daddy's place?"

Sanji gave him an impatient sigh, roughly handling his toiletry case before zipping it up. "It's _not_."

After some stubborn glaring of his bag, Sanji then reluctantly admitted, "It's not about sex or anything."

Law felt a bright spot on his memory – a blurred image with muffled words struggled to loosen itself from the fog. "You're a virgin."

"_Ahghhh_, yeah, so _what_?" Sanji turned to look at him again, his expression mellowing significantly as he then looked curious. "Did we have this conversation before?"

"I've been told I'm a unicorn, and you're my fairy."

Sanji laughed, packing the bag with his clothes before stuffing the toiletry bag atop of them. Then he paused, brow crinkling as he looked back at Law. Law watched him reluctantly, aware that the man in front of him seemed to be considering the same thing. Swallowing, Sanji then asked, "What do you know about mystical creatures?"

Law swallowed tightly, thinking about the conversation he had with Luffy, and the memory of those things that had hidden themselves away without any clue as to their whereabouts. For some reason, Luffy calling Katakuri 'von Strangle' brought to mind the cartoon fairy, and for some odd reason, Law saw Cosmo instead of Sanji standing there, staring at him.

He said tightly, "You're a fairy."

Sanji rolled his eyes, uselessly patting his bag. "Yeah, I know I'm flashy, but – "

"I don't mean as in your preference. I mean as…what you are."

Sanji stilled for a few moments, then looked back at Law with startled action. Law watched him cautiously, crossing his ankles while resting his elbows atop of his knees. It had been awhile since he felt he could perform this position – he truly had lost some weight.

"What weed are you smoking?" Sanji then asked him curiously, tilting his head. "Have you lost weight?"

"Yeah, I think so. It's this juice diet, I think."

"…Juice…?"

"Grape juice. I drank some, and…well, it don't remember a thing."

Sanji stared at him for several moments. "What _kind_ of juice?"

"I don't know, but it's one of the best things I've ever had…"

"…From _my_ fridge?"

"It looks _exactly_ what you had to drink this morning. We must be on the same diet plan."

"I'm not…" Sanji trailed off, staring at Law with unblinking silence. Then he stilled, finally blinking as his eyes darted here and there, then landed on Law once again. He crouched to face him directly, jaw working from side to side as Law frowned at him for the visual inspection. With one hand, Sanji reached out to touch him, but Law quickly slapped his hand away.

"_Don't touch me_."

Sanji stilled, seemingly jolted by that action. "I feel like this is familiar," he said slowly as he looked at Law suspiciously. "I feel like we do this a lot…that little girly slap was awfully familiar…"

"Yeah…I don't know why you'd want to do that – there's nothing on me that screams an invitation."

"I feel like you've also said that before." After some moments of consideration, Sanji stood and zipped up his overnight bag. His phone chirped, and he examined the message with a frown. Tossing his bag over one shoulder, he said, "Well, I'll think it about it a little more while I'm gone. Go ahead and use the house as your own – just…I don't know, stay off the couch."

"You're going _now_? We're trying to figure this shit out!" Law refused to move from the doorway so Sanji forcefully used a foot to clear a path. Law stubbornly moved with Sanji's foot so that the fairy tripped over him.

"My Uber is here, and I want to get a move on," Sanji said, hurrying down the stairs while Law looked after him incredulously.

The taller man stood up then followed after him. He found himself slightly out of breath, acknowledging that he was a _little_ out of shape. "Don't you think this is more important than keeping company of old men?"

"I think that it's all in your own mind, Law," Sanji told him impatiently, snatching up his keys from the hallway, and quickly unhooking one. He handed it to him, saying, "This is for borrowing purposes only. Lock up every time you leave. Apparently, I have valuable shit here."

Law followed him outside, dropping the key onto the hallway floor. The car was sitting at the curb, and it looked like someone was getting out. Wandering out into the sunlight, Law reacted with a hiss, causing Sanji to look back at him with some amusement.

"Hey Trafalgar!" Kidd called from his front porch, waving at them. "You and your boyfriend headed out for some getaway time?"

"You broke up with me, Kidd!" Sanji shouted back at him, raising his voice to be heard throughout the entire neighborhood as Law cringed. "This is my revenge! Dating your rival in the hopes that you notice me!"

"_FUCK OFF_!"

"Now listen," Sanji instructed Law as the back door of the car opened, allowing a smaller person out as the Uber driver cheerfully waved him off. "There's cash wherever you look, just find it. You need something to eat, eat. You cook, cook. I don't care. Just make sure it looks the same way I left it. Is that clear?'

"I don't understand why you're leaving like this. This is _wrong_," Law muttered with frustration, looking at the smaller person that unloaded his suitcase from the opened trunk of the car. Sanji looked at him as well.

The young teen looked at them shyly. A light brunette with somewhat delicate features, he wore a pink cap that coordinated with his pastel clothing. His bright colored Vans looked accusing against the sidewalk. He radiated a spellbinding aura around him, bursting with youth and, dare Law say it, sparkles. Something about him screamed out purity and good will, and both men stared at him with confusing silence.

"Um, hi," the teen said shyly, nervously blushing under their attention. "Um…I'm…I have a grandfather in this area, but, um, I'm not sure of the exact address? C-could you show me the way?"

Law felt alarm bells ringing off in his head as he realized something significant was happening. The teen realized he'd left his phone in the back seat, and opened the door to look for it while the driver shouted at Sanji to load his bag and hop in. Sanji hesitated, staring at the boy with disbelief before looking at Law.

The boy returned his blushing attention their way, looking at his phone briefly. "It's a half address, um…I think he might be renting a room?"

_He's one of them_, Law realized, hearing a strangle of muffled words bubbling up from his memories. Cosmo floated around his head, screaming 'Shitty shitstain! _I'm_ your fairy godfather!'

A heavy buzzing erupted within Law's ears the boy's words went unheard. The young teen looked dreadfully at Law before looking up at Sanji helplessly, gesturing to his phone. Sanji seemed to regard him with some frozen suspicion, Kidd's voice ringing in the background.

'…when called upon, they can be very strong,' a woman's voice snapped to Law's thoughts, hypnotic and yet strangely bossy, 'they will provide protection when the fairy has failed and until a new fairy is sought!'

Law realized that this boy glowed in the same way Sanji did. He radiated energy and a sensation of comfort, and it automatically made him feel grounded in a way he couldn't understand. He felt confused as to why he understood these sensations, and lost as the boy blinked childishly big eyes at them both, giving them a confused smile of his own as silence stretched on between them. Sanji seemed to stare at the kid with some faint recognizance, biting on his thumbnail before looking at Law.

Law noticed how heavy his eyes seemed, as if saddened. But he couldn't imagine Sanji expressing himself any other way, to admit what he felt. Law wasn't even sure why Sanji would express himself in this slightest of ways when the man was so clearly fighting him.

Sanji swallowed tightly. "Help him," he instructed without his usual insertion of confidence. He unhinged his bag and loaded it into the open trunk while the Uber driver looked back at them with puzzled action, wondering why it was taking so long.

Law looked at Sanji with frustration, hearing that same woman's voice snap some weightless words around in his mind before it seemed to snap with a crack.

Law kicked the boy into the back seat of the car and shut the door, much to the horror of the blond.

"I _refuse_ that one," Law snapped at him. "I _refuse_ to start all over again with some other fucked up fairy! I am _tired_ of being put last all the fucking time!"

"You just kicked that kid into nowhere - !" Sanji exclaimed with horror.

"NOTICE ME, YOU JERK!" Law shouted at him. "I chose _you_, I didn't choose _him_!"

"This shitty attitude needs to be expressed to your fucking succubus of an ex!" Sanji snapped back at him. "Where was this anger when you needed it then?"

"I don't care about that right now, that's beyond my caring! _This _matters_ more_!"

Sanji looked at him with bewilderment while Kidd laughed heartily from his lawn. The kid struggled to re-emerge from the backseat of the car, the Uber driver threatening to call the cops. But in that moment, Sanji stared up at Law with slow burning recognizance in Law's choice of words.

"You…you know about that shit?" he asked tentatively.

"I know what I know, and this isn't it. _This_ one," Law shook his finger at the boy looking at him with absolute disbelief from the safety of the backseat, "was sent to replace you because _you're_ failing!"

Sanji stared at him for several moments, then looked to the boy in the backseat. After some moments, he looked to Law again, eyes narrowing. "The juice."

"_The_ juice."

"It's…if you know…"

"I don't want a backstory, just assume I know all the shit and need a reminder. I'll figure it out later."

Trying again after processing that, Sanji explained low, "Certain formulas created by….fairies…are created to expose a certain detail or – "

"It's modernized _magic_."

Sanji cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Fairy magic _now_ is expressed in chemical formulas, not…sparkles. At least, I think so…"

Law looked at him pointedly. "Someone wanted us to forget something, and it worked."

"_It worked_," Sanji repeated on an uncertain whisper, "but what was it we were supposed to forget?"

Law managed a minimal shrug, then wore an intense expression. "Maybe we were in a forbidden romance."

Sanji narrowed his eyes. "_Maybe_."

"Unfortunately, it's all on my end, because here you are running off to another man."

"Probably because I'm looking for a daddy figure, and you're definitely not my daddy."

"I mean…I _might've_ been."

"Let's test this theory out."

"With just my hands?"

Sanji snickered, his face finally losing that tight expression of his, and Law finally had to express his own mirth in the situation, feeling comforted that this odd estrangement dissipated slightly to allow some relief in familiarity. The boy watching them wore a skeptical look as he listened with a growing blush at the content.

"What you two girls whispering about over here?" Kidd asked, suddenly showing up near the car and giving them a look of suspicion.

"He's leaving me, and I'm promising him I'll wash my dick more thoroughly in the future after using it on you," Law told him, causing Kidd to cringe and Sanji to look at Law with utter exasperation. "Unfortunately, no one's taking me seriously."

"ALL THESE _LIES_!" Kidd cried.

"For shit's sake, I ain't going," Sanji then decided, pounding on the trunk for the Uber to open it. Once it did, he snatched his bag out then opened the back door and pulled the frightened kid out. "Go find that address down the street, and forget either of us existed. Don't even _look_ at us, or I swear to you, I will find your bedroom and sneak in during the night and you won't even know I did it until it's too late. _Understand_?"

The teen looked at him tearfully, the Uber driver getting out from the driver's side to see what was happening. Law felt relieved, standing back with his hands in his pockets as Kidd looked absolutely lost on the situation happening before him. Sanji flung some bills at the Uber driver, then marched back onto the sidewalk. He gave Kidd a snotty look.

"_Ugh_, look at you," he said as Kidd turned his focus on him. "All gussied up in your finest for somewhere and something, and you chose to stalk me."

"I ain't stalking you! This shit is happening on my street, and I just witnessed some violence," Kidd added, pointing at Law while the teen slowly edged away, the Uber car taking off, "that _might_ encourage me to call the police."

"Do it," Sanji hissed at him, invading his space while Law felt some caution in that, standing awkwardly off to the side. "_Do it_, I dare you. _Call_ the cops."

Kidd reconsidered the motive once he assessed the smaller man's attitude. He huffed, looking away.

"_Call the cops_!" Sanji bellowed. "You've fucked me over for the last time – I'm tired of being ignored in broad daylight - ! I am a scorned man, I will get my revenge!"

"For fuck's sake, _I hate you_," Kidd snarled at him, reddening brilliantly before stalking off, whipping his head around to see if anyone was watching the confrontation.

Sanji snorted then grabbed Law's arm, dragging him after him while the teen looked after them with confusion. Now that the neighborhood was cleared of all loud voices and questionable characters, the teen made a phone call, looking around nervously.

"Hi Grandpa," he said quietly, cheer muted by the encounter, "Oh, it's me, Tony. I'm sorry, where are you? Why do you live in such a violent neighborhood?"

: :

Snatching the juice from his fridge, Sanji studied it for a few seconds then tossed it down the sink. Setting the pitcher aside, he braced against the counter while he struggled to see clearly into memories that were bumping against the surface with insistent weight. He looked up to address Law when he realized the man was suddenly surrounded by featureless humanoids that silently stared back at him. He jerked back in reaction, giving a strangled gasp while Law noticed that the goblins had joined him. He gave a startled jerk of his own.

Their four fingered hands gestured and waved about in the air with frustration towards the fairy, Sanji staring at them for their impudence. He took in their silent threats with some visible confusion before he sank out of sight and rummaged through his cupboards for a red bottle.

"I have some weed killer here, and I will use it on you assholes if you don't get out of my fucking house!" he shouted, three goblins suddenly retracting and hiding behind Law with frantic action. Zoro marched forward with his branch to attack.

"_Stop it_!" Law commanded, the goblin pausing in mid step while Sanji glanced at Law, trigger finger held on the bottle. Law then stepped forward to hold Sanji's attention while he held his weed killer in front of him like a handgun. Law paused to lightly push the nozzle out of his direction, giving a sound of relief as he did so. Sanji lowered the bottle with an annoyed look. "Look, now that I know something big is happening, it's important to untangle the knot. At least….for me, it is. It's a welcome distraction from the hum drum depression of my life. Someone deliberately wanted us to forget this shit, so…_why_?"

Sanji shrugged. "I don't know. I don't…I don't have answers. All I know – I'm going to assume you already know, no backstories," he added, "is what that asshole tells me I _should_ know. I know I'm a fairy, I'm surprised that you know, I _do_ know that hurt unicorns choose their fairies…and apparently you chose me. So…I acknowledge that I…failed, _somehow_…"

"I think…if we were made to forget, you were doing fine, because I cannot see another fairy invading my space," Law assured him quietly, feeling like it was a personal confession of some type. "Cancel your date, or whatever, and just…let's figure out how to un-forget."

"I can't. I mean, I can cancel the trip no problem, I don't have feelings for him, it was just something to use to get away because I'm being fired. I'm being _replaced_ at work," Sanji then said with frustration, setting the bottle aside. "Which is…essentially the same fucking thing…"

Law furrowed his brow. "So you remember those details, but nothing involving me."

Sanji nodded. "No. You're right, that is weird. This…Luffy? How does he…?"

"Some kinda Goblin King. These are his minions."

Sanji glared at the four that seemed to glare right back. "_Plant_ goblins."

"They're the ghosts you talk about."

"Haunting my house? _Wanting to kill me_?"

"I'm aware there is some tension mounting here, but it's unnecessary right now. There are two juices in your fridge. What are they?"

Sanji gave him a reluctant wince. "Blood of my victims? Fairies have to eat…"

Law stared at him with revulsion, but this action and this story felt very familiar. Before Sanji could say anything, Law said, "This is old news, apparently. Okay. Moving on. But I just need to comment that for an old man murderer…"

His eyes snapped open wide as an image that struggled to break through gave him a brief show of Sanji in his room with bloodstains on his white t-shirt. "You – you came back from a trip just like this one with blood stains on your shirt."

Sanji winced, unable to help himself from glancing down at his present outfit.

Law saw the memory clearly. There was a sense of relief and yet some string of pain that left him thinking that this was a duty of Sanji's. Nothing personal – just a _duty_.

"I don't…remember this alleged memory. But I assure you, I don't kill them," Sanji said nervously. "It's the opposite. The formula that sustains me…is something secret even to me. It's delivered. I don't know details from that. All I know is that the old man switched me from…younger victims to older ones."

"If we're drinking something to make us forget," Sanji added hastily when Law looked disturbed, "then it's because it's something that asshole is behind on. We must've upset somebody."

"And you know nothing."

"I don't," Sanji verified. "I left that stuff behind when the old man brought me here. I was raised human, so what I know is painfully limited and unhelpful. So, what about this Luffy kid?"

"He doesn't know shit, either. He's…but I hear a woman's voice when I kind of remember something. She knows everything, I just can't…"

Nami raised her hand, waving it to catch their attention brightly. Once she had it, the mouths atop of her head began to boom out the woman's voice that Law could hear in his own thoughts.

'_I am Boa Hancock, and it is I that will provide you your answers_!'

Sanji snapped his fingers and lit up. "I know who she is! We can go talk to her!"

"I'm going nowhere in a vehicle."

"Then I'll have her come to us, it's…" Sanji trailed off and looked at Law with bewilderment. "We _must've_ had this conversation before, too. It feels so familiar."

"Do what you need to do. Meanwhile…I'm exhausted."

"Fine. I'll get her here." Sanji then looked at him with concern. "Are you really kicked out of your parents' house?"

Law shrugged. "I mean…I don't even know if they'd noticed I'm gone. It hasn't been twenty-four hours, I admit."

"…I'm sorry to hear that. You must feel very lonely."

"I hadn't noticed."

"Anyway, it's fine if you stay here. There's plenty of room. Why don't you move some of your stuff here while I contact miss Boa Hancock. I wonder if she still looks the same…?" Sanji mused, looking over his cellphone while Law looked vaguely relieved. He wasn't sure why he felt that strange feeling – whether it was to pursue this weird mystery, or the fact that he wasn't being shoved away by yet another person.

He did feel lonely, a prisoner of his own making, but…he assured himself he'd learn eventually _why_.

: :

Boa looked down at the pair of them with disdain. Today's outfit was a tight dress that shimmered with movement, dangling necklaces that brought attention to her chest, and impossibly high heels. But her snake earrings rattled slightly with her head movements, and her pale hands continued to toss and comb though inky black strands with regal action.

"Of course you both lost your memories," she said stiffly, seating herself without invitation onto the chair facing them. Sanji and Law had taken their seats on the couch, sitting almost similarly as they had the day she first spoke to them. The unicorn looked like a sloppy, smelly mess – the fairy unapologetically dull. Her mouth twitched ever so slightly upon identifying the slight change. "The enforcer deemed it so. You were both probably doing something you weren't supposed to be doing. What was it?"

Both of them stared at her blankly and she flicked her hair over one shoulder to comb through it airily. "Excuse me, it seems I am only speaking impatiently out of anger. I'm rather hungry…"

"I could make you something to eat," Sanji offered tentatively when she barked at him, "I don't eat human food! I eat creatures! I eat other creatures such as yourself, him, and those ugly Chia pets hiding behind you! Are you offering yourself to me?"

They looked at her with distaste and then glanced at each other. The plant goblins were peeking over the couch, all of them crouched poorly behind it. Law frowned back at them, a little surprised that Zoro was crouching the lowest. Zoro seemed to shrug sheepishly once it realized Law was looking at him.

"Then how do we un-forget?" Law asked her. "Because whatever it was that we were supposed to forget…wasn't it important?"

Boa looked at him impatiently, slashing her nails through her hair a few times before flicking it back behind her shoulder. "It's not up to me to say," she then decided with a haughty sniff. "If the enforcer had decided to shut you up this way, then maybe you should appreciate it. Or otherwise, all of you would've been dead already."

"Lady, look, your shitty suggestions are not helping any. What's keeping both of us from claiming your head as a damn trophy?" Law asked with disgust. "We could turn you over to the…pixie over there and take half the value – "

She rose from her seat, shifting into snake form. As her volume took up most of the living room floor, Law leaned over to hide his face behind Sanji while Sanji looked up at her with absolute horror, three plant goblins sinking into the wall immediately. Only Zoro remained, clutching at the back of the couch with both hands, trembling.

"What was this about taking my head, unicorn?" Boa asked severely, her voice thundering through their thoughts and leaving behind a vicious echo. "How about I complete what the enforcer started?"

"Lady, why is this a hard question?"

As Luffy's sleepy voice rang out, Boa stiffened. Her serpentine eyes, glowing a violent red, softened considerably as her head twisted about to look for the Goblin King. Luffy yawned noisily, and Law glanced over to see that the mouths atop of Zoro's heads were relaying that action. He straightened up with a perk while Sanji fretted nervously.

"I mean, c'mon, look at these guys," Luffy went on, smacking his lips. "They're nice guys, they're just asking for something simple. Can't you do that? Aren't you, like, the queen of everything?"

Boa retook her human shape, looking surprisingly nervous as she fiddled with her hair once more. She completely lost her earlier mood, her expression dainty.

"Well, not the queen of _every_thing," she replied with uncertainty, looking beyond Law and Sanji's heads to the mouths speaking in her direction. "But, um, I'm sorry. It's just something I shouldn't interfere in. After all, there are too many people involved, and the risk of our exposure is high…"

"Law just wants his horn back," Luffy said with exasperation, yawning again. "Why is that such a big deal? None of these guys care about exposing, or whatever, they just wanna be happy again. And having them forget me is the worst crime of all! I'm hungry, Sanji. I heard you offer her food, but I noticed you didn't offer me any."

"Because you're not here," Sanji replied with gritted teeth. "Shouldn't you be in school?"

"I was too tired, I didn't wanna go anyway! Enough changing the subject! My minions alerted me that there was trouble, so is there trouble? I don't hear violence…"

"No violence," Boa said hastily, blushing a little. "I'm only trying to make them understand that there are boundaries even I can't cross."

Law stared at her. "The dude is a _teenager_. _You're_ ancient. This will not work."

"SHUT UP, HAMSTER."

Luffy laughed noisily. "Was that her speaking, or that girl from Exorcist? Man, I wish I could see you guys! I miss you, this is so boring, I hate it here. I hate school, I hate being told what to do. I wish I was free, y'know?"

"Um, Luffy," Boa interjected gently, using a tone of voice neither of the men had heard before as she primly grasped her knees and looked in that direction with an expression of hopefulness, "perhaps you could be of assistance, here. Your plant goblins are fully grown, why don't you send them out to search for the horn? Perhaps all that's needed is its recovery. Fairy magic has changed since I last encountered it, and chemicals aren't a topic I'm familiar with."

"So, once I get my horn, I'll remember what I did to my life within these past couple of weeks?" Law asked skeptically. "Shit. Where's it at? I didn't even know it was missing. Did it fall off when I was born?"

Boa looked to snarl at him for his sarcasm when Luffy said cheerfully, "No, Law, Lamie's boyfriend has it! You have to go through Lamie."

Both Sanji and Law looked uncomfortable with that, but Sanji quickly perked up. "She's right. The plant goblins can get it without us bothering with Lamie. I mean, it's smarter, right?"

"_What are we waiting for_?"

"A plan," Law muttered underneath Luffy's cheerful holler. "We need a plan. Currently, I am kicked out of the house. Therefore, we'd have to spend some time spying and waiting for my little sister and her fake gay boyfriend to show up at the house, and that might cause an uncomfortable scene."

"Oh, I have faith in my minions," Luffy said cheerfully. "Nami's the best burglar ever! She can steal _anything_!"

The plant goblin in question appeared from behind Zoro, preening with praise. But in doing so, it inadvertently revealed one of Boa's rings in her grasp. Boa gasped, looking at her hand with a start before her face flashed with pure venom. Nami disappeared quickly.

"My _ring_! She has my ring!" Boa snarled.

Luffy laughed noisily once again. "See? She's the best! Anyway, let's do that instead!"

"Is this person another creature?" Sanji asked skeptically. "Is this why we haven't accomplished our task? I assume this was what we were doing before we were forced to forget…"

"No, it's because the unicorn drew too much attention that could expose us all," Boa said with a pout. "The treasure hunter is aware that this one has lost his horn and seeks to retrieve it himself. The fairies are aware of Mr Trafalgar themselves, and wanted to meet him. But the unicorn chooses his audience. If Mr Vinsmoke here – "

"It's Blackleg, _thank you_," Sanji corrected snidely.

She shot him an ugly look then cleared her throat to continue speaking. "If _he_ introduced the unicorn to his brothers, who weren't raised human, they would have taken his head as a trophy to brag to those only within their circle of their accomplishment. Which would have prompted those fairies to attempt to break free of their circle to pursue similar adventures. Humans and fairies are raised significantly different from other beings. That particular cult, as you know, are fairies that feast on humans. To do so…"

"Would cause a riot," Law murmured with interest. Since the thread was familiar, he was positive he'd already understood the situation before Katakuri's actions. He looked to Sanji, who looked discomforted. "You were planning on selling me out."

"I don't think so…? Those guys and I don't get along, it doesn't make sense why I'd share," Sanji muttered sullenly, looking troubled.

"I believe Sanji," Luffy declared.

"I believe him, too," Boa said lightly, causing Law to look at her with exasperation.

"He wouldn't rat you out, Law," Luffy assured him. "I think it was a mistake of some kind that put the blame on him unfairly. You guys suddenly forgot cuz that one day Law had a fight with Lamie again, and his dad was all mad and sad, and then _I_ had to rush off to school but Law was all better and all energized, and, hmm, Sanji was all happy and getting smothering, so I think that weird guy did it because people were too happy! You know how people hate it when other people are happy."

Both Law and Sanji looked struck, glancing at each other warily, suddenly worried that their joke of a forbidden romance was real.

"Lamie wasn't happy," Luffy then added. "She was acting weird. Mad, even. Like she couldn't stand her brother being happy."

"Lamie isn't a mystical creature," Boa assured the two confused men. With Luffy talking to them, she seemed like a completely different person than she was minutes earlier.

"But then she's not happy with him being unhappy either. Girls are _weird_," Luffy said with a suffering sigh.

"_Women_ know what they want," Boa said hastily, flicking her hair once more while Sanji and Law regarded her with disgust. She cleared her throat. "Luffy…your plan sounds appropriate. Better than what was devised earlier. Perhaps you should do the directing."

"Just _go get it_," Luffy said with mystification. "I mean, I'd love to be there, but the old man won't let me go. I'm a prisoner in my own house!"

"I'll come break you out!" Boa cried, rising from the chair, snatching her purse.

"I'm just being _dramatic_. He means well, I _guess_. I just hate it. Anyway, just get the horn and everything will be fine. You can count on my minions!"

"Um, only," Boa said, turning around with a meek expression. "They cannot go outside at night. Remember?"

"…Oh. Hmm. Why?"

"Well…I mean…night is Big Mom's territory. She roams the underground, looking for food in mystical creatures. Especially plant and fairy creatures," Boa stressed. "In that state, no one is safe."

"Who is Big Mom?" Law asked cautiously.

Sanji spoke up. "She's one of the…bigger creatures. Um…a banshee. But…half banshee and half goblin. Not a plant goblin…more like…goblin of all goblins. A nightmare, basically. With power over all of us. Katakuri is half banshee and fairy himself. That's why…his mouth is covered. He's her kid."

"It's covered because he's a banshee?" Law asked skeptically.

"It's not a normal mouth…"

"Big Mom _eats_ minions?" Luffy asked with worry. "Is this why I couldn't go outside with them? But I'm safe now!"

"We're all at risk," Boa said stiffly. "But only in areas with outstanding vegetation – which is definitely this area."

She waved at the neighborhood with one manicured hand. "Plenty of space for her to roam and search for food."

Sanji was still for a few moments, then furrowed his brow. "I was never allowed outside at night. This now makes sense…"

"_God_, I wish I could see this Big Mom," Luffy said with rising excitement. "I bet she's a huge ass monster! A titan! Oh _wow_! A real creature of power! Like an alien!"

"It's not what you think," Boa said, blushing brightly as her facial expression clearly announced to the others how happy she was to share in his cheer, "she looks like a normal human being. It's only at night that she changes."

As Luffy continued expressing himself merrily, Law wore a dazed expression. _This was it_, he thought. This is his life, now. Involved with weirdos that weren't human, with no way to return to whom he was before. There was absolutely no way he could return to think that a regular human life was possible.

He exhaled shortly. "If it's that much trouble, then it's fine to confront the jerk head on. I mean…once I have it, these family situations will sort out back to square one all over again. That's the goal, right?"

"Yes, it's possible," Boa confirmed with a nod.

"Then an aggressive attack is needed," Law murmured. "Just get it over with. We'll just wait for them to drop by today and just…put the Vans to them. Lamie will forgive me eventually."

"I don't know if it's that simple," Boa said skeptically. "But you can go ahead and give it a try."

"At the base, I'm tired of feeling like this."

Sanji looked at him with some sympathy, crossing his arms over his chest. "Will you magically turn into a prince once you get your horn back?"

"_Pft_."

"That's _it_," Luffy decided, voice shifting about. "I'm coming over! We'll get it back from that horn stealer and demand answers! Beat out the truth from him if we have to! I have no problem walloping people, _I'll_ do the hitting, Law!"

Boa clapped her hands merrily, face lit with delight. "That sounds _wonderful_! Then we'll wait for you here."

"NO, Luffy, go to school!" Sanji snapped back at the plant goblin that had straightened up and was standing there in a yawning pose. "Go to school and _then_ come over. Do things right."

"Jeeeeeeeze, it's like you don't want me around!" Luffy complained with a whine, Boa looking at Sanji with rising anger. "Conspiring against me – as your _king_ \- !"

"How do I shut him off?" Sanji asked, grabbing Zoro by its chest with a heady grab, the plant goblin reacting with indignant action by slapping his arm away.

"Grabbing plant goblins by the breast won't earn you any points," Law advised him gravely as Zoro's four fingered hands wrapped around Sanji's neck and shook. Law looked back at Boa while he settled himself away from the fight, Luffy's voice coming in static pauses, as if his cellular reception was ruined. "That's the plan. We just go for it. Assuming that once I have it, this other mess will clear up, right?"

Boa settled herself with trouble as she looked at him, considering his question. After a dart of her eyes at the scene, she said, "Are you prepared for the results? The reason why you came into contact with other beings is only because you lost the horn in the first place."

"I'd been wallowing in my burrow for some years before Sanji brought the subject up," Law said slowly. "Before I met Luffy, before Kidd became a bigger nuisance. I have no doubt that they'll continue to linger in my life long after I have my horn. After all, isn't it because my…person brings people together?"

"A unicorn is brilliant positivity on those around them," Boa said slowly, "but when one is in trouble, only do these creatures come together. Once the unicorn is fine, why should they be involved? Were you involved with such brilliant people before you lost your horn?"

Law hesitated, watching her with a stiff expression. He absolutely could not remember anyone but his ex sticking out in his memories. Even those he'd considered friends were gone, remembered only because his ex was present. But the relationship he had with his family was a bittersweet memory in itself. He was tired of hurting them, and tired of hurting himself.

He looked over to Sanji to see him watching him with an unidentifiable expression of his own, Zoro crouched behind the couch while holding the top of his head.

"We live right next to each other," Law reasoned with a heavy inhale. "And have for quite awhile. I can't imagine that changing any time soon."

Boa, after not hearing Luffy's voice any longer, exhaled and rose from the chair with a reluctant expression. "Well, it's none of my business. Do what you need."

She left with a slam of the door, and Law looked over at Sanji once more.

"We'll wait until those two pull up to the house," Sanji said, digging out a cigarette. "Then jump the bitch."

"We'll still be friends, I'm sure of it," Law assured him clumsily.

"Who are you trying to reassure?" Sanji asked curiously, and Law found himself puzzled by that, unsure of how to feel or how to answer.


	13. Chapter Twelve

A/N: There is A LOT going on in this chapter. I know it's an odd story but I also like writing chaos as well :D I've been having some difficulties (re: it's summer and I roam the scorching earth celebrating summer) writing, and updates will be slower. But they will come! Oh yes. They will come. :D

**Naghi-Tan, Mazout, VisitorNo18, sarge1130, Garnet168 **– you guys, _thank you so much_ for leaving me your thoughts and comments! I'm happy you're reading this incredibly weird story and tolerating Law's messy appearance – I do promise that this broken unicorn will revive shortly! He's definitely on his way. As for his friendship…well…there's still more to write. ;D

**Chapter Twelve **

* * *

Later that afternoon, Lamie slipped into the house with a heavy expression. Noting how silent the place was, she unhinged her backpack and glanced around the living areas. She wondered if her rotten older brother was downstairs – just thinking about him caused a tremor of anxiety to course through her. These last two weeks had been excruciating to all of them; her anger at her older brother left her feeling paralyzed.

Whenever he'd opened his mouth, the words that left him were pure spite and ugly anger. Trashing her appearance, her aspirations, her relationship with her boyfriend, then launching an attack on their parents that tried to verbally intervene – none of it felt like it should come from Law's mouth. Before his ex, Law had been driven to succeed, was brisk if not compassionate towards others, and often felt guilty if he expressed an opinion that was different from the family. He was a clean cut example of what older brothers should be – now he was this…hairy, overweight, grotesque example of a basement dweller and Lamie was ashamed, embarrassed and hurt by him.

She wanted to blame the ex – but after all these years, it was Law's own actions and mental state that made him this way. Why blame a failed relationship for everything else? She couldn't imagine being that devastated as to take it out on others if her relationships failed. She had no motivation to reach out to Law, anymore. She didn't want to interact with him. Everything he did or said was mortifying – she would absolutely _die_ if she were seen around him, because he would humiliate her and she would have no way of defending herself.

So when she overheard their parents' troubled conversation of asking him to leave the house – all Lamie felt was relief. From her parents' attitude lately, they'd just had enough. She knew Larry was supposed to talk to Law soon, but because Lamie had gone out of her way to avoid Law, she didn't even know if Law was still around.

She rummaged through the kitchen cabinets for her cookies, and found the unopened package. After Luffy left, all of their shelves still retained a selective amount of snacks to be enjoyed by all of them. She didn't miss her cousin very much – Luffy just said too much and seemed too aggressive for Lamie. She felt like she had to intervene if he caused trouble at school, and painstakingly avoided him after the first week. If Luffy wanted to cause trouble, then that was Luffy's fault. He was a temporary guest – someone else's problem. Lamie didn't know how to deal with him, and she hoped that didn't affect her future endeavors.

She quietly ate at the counter, staring out the window. It was beautiful outside – not as beautiful as Sanji's yards, but enough to captivate her into mindlessly eating a row without realizing what she was doing. Once she caught herself, she closed the package up and put it away. She grabbed her backpack then looked cautiously at the basement door. It was slightly opened, and she swallowed hard with apprehension.

Pushing the door open, she looked down into the basement. The windows illuminated the area enough for her to see that her brother's room was empty of him. His bed was thrashed, there was garbage everywhere, and the television was still on…it filled her with horrified incredulity that her once neat and very pristine older brother could just live like this. The area around his bed was so trashed and cluttered that it was impossible to imagine how he moved about without tripping or hurting himself. The sight of fast food wrappers, forgotten Big Gulps of soda left in various places and random trash told Lamie that he at least left the house. But _how_? she wondered. Where was the money coming from?

She could smell weed in the air and she winced at that, quietly closing the door. Cautiously, she listened for any noises that suggested Law was venturing about. He usually used the bathroom on this level for his rare showers.

Lamie headed to her room and shut and locked the door. Then she changed into casual clothes and attached her phone to its charger. She realized her boyfriend was trying to reach her, so she excitedly texted him back. He wanted to meet her at the park – he was aware that her home was a battleground and gave her much needed relief from the tension by taking her to parent approved places.

Giving her phone some time to charge, she sent a text to her parents with an update, and checked her makeup and hair. Seeing that the red bar had given way to a green one, she shoved her phone in her back pocket and hurriedly left the house. She paused in the driveway to listen for anything different, looking from Sanji's house to Kidd's. It was rare to see the redhead's porch empty of him. Because she wasn't around so much to notice enough of everyone's schedule, so she figured Kidd was at work. She glanced back at Sanji's again, narrowing her eyes as she glanced at the curtains. One of them was fluttering in place – could her older brother be there?

Lamie didn't feel comfortable with the thought of Law turning his sexuality around. It was fine for others – but for him to suddenly change teams after all this time because one woman hurt him? It felt like a weak and stupid decision. Not that she had a problem with that community, but it felt like her brother had reached out to the wrong people to find comfort in. Sanji was Sanji but Lamie didn't like the thought of them being any closer than what they were. It still made her feel uneasy.

She wasn't sure exactly _why_.

She decided to confront the issue because she was tired of living in these conditions. She headed over to Sanji's, knocking on the door briskly. He answered, giving her a wide smile of greeting.

"Hi, Sanji," she said, fiddling with her ponytail nervously. "Have you seen my brother around?"

"I have," Sanji confirmed, giving her a worried look.

Lamie waited for him to expand on that, and gave him a puzzled wave of her hand to indicate that he do so.

"I mean, he was here earlier," Sanji confirmed.

"Then, where is he now?"

"If I should see him, what should I tell him?"

Lamie considered this for a few moments, then narrowed her eyes with suspicion. "Why are you talking like you know exactly where he is and don't want to tell me?"

Sanji chuckled, reddening a little. He shut the door behind him as he stepped outside, and Lamie's face fell heavily with confirmed irritation.

"So he _is_ here."

"He is, but…it's my understanding that…well, I'm hoping to soften the blows, a little."

"_Why_? He's a grown man, he shouldn't need somebody to speak for him."

"You're so aggressive, dear," Sanji said nervously.

Huffing, Lamie placed her hands on her hips and said, "I just don't want him aggravating anyone, and if he chooses to move his bullshit over here, I have a right to know. As his little sister, whom he's _terrorized_ for quite some time, I need to know where my enemy is at all times. I want to live freely without thinking that he's going to bother me."

Sanji exhaled, crossing his arms over his chest and giving her a worried look. He understood her agitation, but he felt sympathy for the two. It was unfortunate that Law's little sister felt so hurt by Law's words – he couldn't blame her, he knew how Law was. But to push away her only sibling because of this – it felt like a waste. The situation was comparable to his own siblings, but _they_ were different.

They were fairies with attitudes and guns and the desire to feast on younger human beings, so Sanji was absolutely sure Law and Lamie's relationship could be saved.

He didn't have any memory of brother and sister getting along. He was only limited to _now_.

"'Enemy', huh?" he repeated.

"You'll probably have more sympathy for him because he's your…_lover_, or whatever," she stressed as he choked on his own spit.

"No, no, no, it's not what you think - !"

"I saw what I saw and I heard what I heard!"

For a moment Sanji looked panicked, trying to remember this situation and once again feeling fitful that perhaps the memory cover-up did more than let them forget other circumstances. But he couldn't really say this to Lamie without giving it all away. Seeing her expression made his thoughts fumble a bit.

"Maybe what you thought you heard and what you thought you saw wasn't exactly what it was," he said carefully.

Lamie stared at him for several moments, then shook her head in disgust. "I'm aware you're calling me an idiot right to my face, and for one, I expect you to apologize for how stupid you think I am, and for another, if you're on his side, then I can't trust you to be a good person yourself."

"_Lamie_ \- !"

"How can I trust _your_ opinion anyway? Are you going to treat him the same way you treated that guy I saw you making out with in your driveway?"

Sanji gave her a startled look. "I didn't…I've never brought anyone…home."

"I saw you! You were in his car! Looked like an old man, too. It was in August, it was summer, late at night and – well, anyway, that was some years ago – "

"_Oh_!" Sanji remembered that moment exactly, lighting up with relief in that he did – but he couldn't exactly tell her the truth. He knew what she was talking about – one of his clients had followed him home. Katakuri had intervened and cleaned up the mess, which then led to the nightly transportation issues; the half-fairy and half banshee made his presence known to discourage other clients from making the same mistake. It was all Sanji could do to thank whatever god was available in that Lamie hadn't seen the truth. He gave her a frozen look, hands clasped together. "Right, well…um…your brother…is in good hands. No worries. "

"I'll _bet_," she said dryly, rolling her eyes. "Look, I don't care of the situation, because it means he won't be home to bother us, but don't let him blame it all on you if it doesn't work out. I think you're stupid if you feel you can fix him. Or are you taking advantage of his current state?"

"…Not exactly…" Sanji answered with a wince.

"JUST - ! He makes his own decisions, Sanji," Lamie insisted forcefully. "If he wants to make bad decisions, it's on _his_ hands. Not yours. It's not up to you to save him, it's _his own responsibility_!"

Sanji didn't know what to say, but he gave her an understanding nod. She flicked her hair behind one ear, giving a tired sigh.

"I think everything will be okay," Sanji then reassured her gently.

She rolled her eyes again. "You get to deal with it, now. I guess you don't mind that sort of thing, but it was…extremely hurtful to the rest of us. Just…please don't let him be stupid to you, too."

"I will."

Lamie glanced at the closed door, shook her head and then left his house. Sanji watched her leave with a wince, cringing at the implications that were left behind. The door opened behind him, and Law gave him a bewildered look.

"How could you _lie_ to her like that?" he hissed at the fairy.

"Whatever she knows, I don't have any memory of!" Sanji hissed back, then gave him a fretful look. "What if it were true?"

"I mean…at this point, I am capable of stranger things. Where is she going?" Law then asked suspiciously, both of them hearing the moped fire up.

"Not far. This is your moment, Law," Sanji then stated with some excitement. "Are you ready for this?"

Law exhaled heavily, looking uncertain. The sun was shining brilliantly, the neighborhood was alive with activity – dogs barking, voices ringing out, traffic moving. He felt reluctant to show his face anywhere. To go any further than the neighborhood itself, knowing that people would see him. He touched his bearded face with nervous hands, then thought about how life would change once he had his horn back.

Hearing the scorn in Lamie's tone just talking about him – well, it was motivating enough to consider that this first step was the hardest; but it would get easier. He'd get his family back.

He nodded, and Sanji clapped his hands with excitement. He reached out to ruffle Law's beard, causing the older man to stumble with an agitated yell. "I'm so proud of you, baby bear! Let's go! We'll use the trail outback to sneak up to the park – hide in the bushes. It'll be fun, c'mon!"

"Stop _touching_ me!"

: :

It was a quick ride to the park on her moped as Lamie left her neighborhood behind. Just the thought of seeing her boyfriend was enough to shove aside the feelings she had about her brother and his…considerably flamboyant boyfriend. She would deal with that later. She hoped Law heard her speak. It'd be easier for her if she knew he'd heard her emotions poured out this way than directly – all it took was a few words from him to upset her thoughts.

She was determined to feel better.

Once there, she saw that the skate park nearby was busy, the basketball court in use, and some smaller children playing on the massive set nearby with parents more involved with their phones than their kids. She still glanced about cautiously – unsure why she had to feel careful about her actions. If Law was occupied with being gay, then she shouldn't have to worry; but her chest felt weighty with suspicion and caution and she had a feeling that she should stay on alert regardless of her earlier determination.

She just did not want to be embarrassed by him.

Her boyfriend waved at her from a nearby bench, and Lamie removed her safety helmet, propping it on the handlebars of her moped and hurried over.

Her boyfriend was a year older, and he _did_ have an air of femininity about him. Once he confessed that he wasn't actually gay – giving weight to Law's warning – Lamie wasn't sure whether to continue her relationship with him. After all, the devious act did cause her to think one way about him, so what else was he capable of? Law was right once, but maybe he wasn't right all the time if he chose to kill himself slowly in the basement of their home while thinking he was gay.

"Hi, Jacob!" she called out brightly. "I'm here!"

"Didn't we just see each other at school?" he asked her teasingly, face lighting up with a smile as he adjusted his hat. "I couldn't wait to see you, actually. My parents aren't home yet, homework could wait – I'd much rather hang out with you than any Fortnight date I'd be invited to."

"That's saying a lot," Lamie chuckled.

Lamie stood in front of him, peering up at his teenage face and noting that he had yet to change out of his school uniform. He was here just to see her. It just amazed her how well he took the time for her. Jacob Imp was a guy that blended in with other kids, with no outstanding features. The only thing that truly stood out was his hat.

Law had one just like it, a long time ago. He'd lost it in the car accident, somehow. But this hat had a longer brim, and it was just as stupid as Law's was – white with black spots, like it was taken directly from an animal. Lamie wanted to find the manufacturer of these godawful hats and burn the factory down. But Jacob clung to his hat like it was some sort of security blanket – he'd worn it for as long as Lamie had known him, and took it off only during class. She wondered if he was hiding premature balding…

"My _hat_!" she thought she heard someone cry in the distance. It sounded like Law. She turned around quickly to scan the area, but only saw kids playing and older boys laughing at the skate park nearby. Her eyes darted from the parking lot to the south end of the park, which was a walking trail accessible from their neighborhood. The path was lined with brick sound-proof walls and some towering shrubbery standing behind some desertscaping plants. The voice seemed to echo through her thoughts – it _sounded_ like Law, but she couldn't imagine Law making any effort to walk any trail.

She looked back at Jacob's puzzled smile with one of her own. "Sorry. Must've been hearing things," she said nervously.

"What'd you hear?" Jacob asked her with concern, adjusting his spotted hat with a somewhat nervous gesture.

"I don't…know. Nothing, I guess. So, what brings you here, stranger?"

"Asides the titillating scenery?" Jacob asked, seemingly leering at her chest but laughing awkwardly. Lamie chuckled, blushing a little. "I just couldn't wait to see your cute little face, Lamie. I miss it."

"_Aw_."

"Are your parents home?"

"My mom is," Lamie lied, twirling at her hair before taking a seat on the bench. "She came home a little earlier than expected. Let's hang out here for awhile."

"I'd love to go back to your house, sometime. Maybe when everyone's gone – I'm sure your brother isn't there all the time."

"It's just not a good idea," Lamie said reluctantly. "I just don't want you two running into each other. It's for your own good."

"Well, if not that, I was hoping we could go get a milkshake, or something," Jacob said. He jiggled his keys. "It's just down the street. I could drive."

"No, I'm not really in the mood. I just had some cookies."

"You cannot live off cookies, Lamie," Jacob said with a laugh, sitting aside her. Lamie looked at him, still smiling. "So, what should we talk about?"

"Ah, well, in PE today - !" She stopped once she realized he was tilting his head to attempt to look down her shirt, and she gave a nervous flutter, hand to her chest. "What are you looking at?"

"Oh, just…thought I saw a bug fly in there. Sorry, you were saying…?"

"_That's _my_ fucking hat_!"

Lamie whipped around with a startled expression as the far off voice rang out again, and she _swore_ it was Law's voice. Her eyes snapped to the trail, just in time to see Sanji stumbling from the high brush lining the sides, tripping over some day lilies. So startled to see him, Lamie stood up and watched that direction with rising anxiety. The blond picked himself up, coughing noisily – clothes disheveled as he searched for his cigarette.

Once he found it, he glanced in her direction, freezing noticeably once they made eye contact. He gave a short wave, and Lamie helplessly waved back. He turned and took a deliberate step back down the trail, then looked back to see if she were watching. Once he noticed that she was not looking away, he took another deliberate step.

"Who is that?" Jacob asked Lamie curiously, looking at her. "Lamie? Isn't that Sanji, your neighbor?"

Lamie nodded, looking back to see that the man was missing. But the bushes were moving suspiciously. Birds took hasty flight from them. Horror raced through her. She stood quickly, grabbing Jacob's arm.

"Let's go for that milkshake!" she said shakily. "I could use one!"

"Want me to drive?"

"Sure, sure!"

"Damn, are you that hungry? Or just that eager to put your hands on me?"

Lamie dragged him towards his car, looking back with apprehension. Jacob laughed lightly, digging out his keys from his pockets. He'd parked where she had left her moped, and she checked her pockets for her keys just in case while Jacob fumbled with the key fob. The boy had just enough time to pull on his seatbelt and Lamie to awkwardly adjust her seat when Sanji slammed into the driver's side with both palms on the window.

Jacob lurched in surprise, looking up at him fearfully while Lamie's eyes darted around the park with trepidation. Sanji indicated for Jacob to lower his window, and the rattled teen ended up turning on everything _but_ the window lever. When he finally found the right button at his left hand, Sanji was giving him a disgusted look – lighting up a new cigarette.

"Where ya going, kid?" he asked Jacob tightly. "Lamie. You think it's okay to hit the road with a kid that doesn't know how to lower a simple window?"

"Sanji," Lamie responded nervously, fiddling with her hands. "What are you doing out here? Weren't you just at home?"

"I decided to take a before dinner stroll." Sanji stared down at Jacob, who looked nervously from him to the steering wheel, then back at him. Lamie noticed he looked quite uncomfortable, if not awkward with Sanji's suddenly cold attitude towards him. Lamie started to feel uncomfortable herself – so used to his sunny disposition that she felt awkward herself. "That's a nice hat you got there."

Jacob touched it with both hands, fiddling with the brim then swiping his hands around it. He gave Sanji a flustered smile. "Yeah, it's – it's a, a, uh, one of a kind, unique only made once in a month type of hat. It's, uh, it was a birthday gift."

"You were wearing it when you came by that one day," Sanji pointed out, animated for a brief moment before wearing that flat expression once more. "So, did it help _straighten_ you out?"

Jacob reddened, swallowing tightly while Lamie looked to Sanji with suspicion as the blond stared at Jacob with condemnation. Jacob had worn that hat over to Sanji's house that one day, and every other day her neighbor had seen them – so for the hat to come up mysteriously all of a sudden made her think that this was a trap of some kind.

"Sneaky way of charming your way into a girl's heart," Sanji then said, puffing at his cigarette. "Pretending you were gay to lower her defenses. Tricking _me_. There's a reason why I live alone, kid. I can't seem to trust _nobody_, and you're already teetering on the line -"

"Sanji," Lamie interjected politely, "you're making him nervous. He probably felt he had to be that way because you guys are so protective of me."

"Maybe," Sanji admitted, leaning against the car with one hand, Jacob watching him with clear agitation. "But men are sneaky that way, Lamie. They'd say or do anything to manipulate their way into our soft hearts. Even use a sob story or two to get the right amount of attention."

"I swear I was," Jacob whispered before speaking clearly. "I _swear_. I mean, I was…confused. I was _confused_, I wasn't sure – I might – I might be _bi, I don't know_."

"You either get excited at the thought of dick, or you don't," Sanji told him smoothly. He reached in and took the car keys from the ignition, tossing them lightly within one hand. "You're making me nervous, kid. Here I am, having amicable conversation with you, and you're ready to stomp on the gas."

"I – I'm _not_ \- !"

"Sanji, what do you want? We're going for a milkshake."

"I told your mother I'd keep an eye on you," Sanji told Lamie lightly, giving her a completely different expression than the one he was giving Jacob. "And I find this situation unacceptable. He's very nervous. That sort of attitude isn't good for the road. I feel like I have to step in, intervene before I see something horrible on tv tonight."

"I'm not nervous!" Jacob exclaimed, wiping his hands on his trousers before holding them up. "See? I'm not nervous!"

"I really wanted to talk about that hat," Sanji continued, exhaling smoke down into Jacob's face as he leaned against the car. Jacob coughed. "It's hideous. Where did you get it? I might like to find one for myself."

"At…it's…this, it's – I mean, I got it from a thrift store."

Lamie glanced at him. "You just told us you got it for your birthday…"

"I did! I mean, but considering it, it might've been picked up from a thrift store!"

"So, you don't know where you got it?" Sanji asked. "Did you actually steal it?"

"NO!"

"Sanji…!" Lamie exclaimed helplessly, looking at him with confusion. "Why are you - ?"

"I'm just curious," Sanji answered lightly, enjoying Jacob's obviousness nervousness. "Hey Lamie…didn't your brother have one just like that?"

Lamie felt her brow furrow as Jacob watched Sanji with a grimace. "Yeah, but…the brim was different. It was one of those fisherman hats, those ugly ones. This one is pretty ugly, but it's different."

"Hmm…" Sanji exhaled smoke to the side and leaned in on the window with both elbows, causing Jacob to pull back. He then snatched the hat from Jacob's head, causing the teen to give a surprised shout. Looking inside, Sanji twisted the hat from side to side. "Just looking for the manufacturer tag. I feel like burning down the factory that makes these things. I'm a vegan and all…always for the animals. Oh? Look at this…"

Sanji turned the hat over and showed Lamie the badly faded remains of 'Trafalgar D Water Law' written just above the inner band. Lamie had to pause, because she saw for herself the branding of her brother's name in the hat, and slowly looked to Jacob for an explanation. She was startled to see her companion dripping with sweat so prominent that it was as if he'd dipped himself under water. Sanji dropped the hat atop of one finger and spun it casually as he looked at Jacob with piercing reproach.

"You stole his hat, so how and when did that happen?" Sanji asked Jacob tightly. He flicked ashes against the door of the car. "_And don't lie_. I don't think my mood will improve if you continue to fucking lie to me, scumbag."

"_Sanji_!" Lamie exclaimed breathlessly.

"I found it!" Jacob cried. "I found it – my dad's a tow truck driver, he found it, it was in one of – there was a car accident a long time ago, and _he_ found it, _he_ fixed it, he gave it to me! It's just a stupid hat – I don't want it anymore! You can have it, I don't care!"

Lamie pushed out from the car, looking at Jacob furiously. Before he could say anything, the air bag popped off with a loud bang. Sanji jumped away from the car as Jacob's face and shoulders were left with a white powder.

A minute passed with the three of them looking at the freak accident with a sense of shock. Sanji looked at the spotted hat in hand, and cradled it to his chest with an expression of stunned recognizance. Lamie wasn't sure what to say, but the words that had left Jacob just now – they were _lies_. They were unforgivable lies, and she was positive they weren't the only lies he'd fed her.

To know that her brother had been right – it felt weighty on her chest.

After Jacob's hands dropped to his lap, the teen stunned by what just occurred, Sanji bent forward ever so slightly to say low, "Enough of your problems, _Imp_. You come back around here again, and I will kick your ass. It won't even be a light ass kicking. It'll be something that'll turn your sexuality around so fast that you won't even question yourself anymore. Is this understood?"

Jacob nodded, lips pressed in tight.

"Lamie deserves better than a liar," Sanji told him, patting the car's roof before moving away. He looked to the girl, who wore a shell-shocked expression. "Lamie. Hon, you need some help home?"

Lamie jerked her sight from Jacob to him, his words barely registering. She looked in at Jacob, feeling terrible for trusting her own decision to take his word for any value. He looked at her, and at that moment, Lamie could not understand what she saw in him. She straightened up to give Sanji a shake of her head. With a sluggish action, she turned away and walked unsteadily to her moped.

Sanji gave Jacob his keys back, and allowed him space to start up the car. Once Jacob realized the steering wheel wasn't moving properly, he shut it off once again.

"_I wasn't lying_," he then protested, wiping his face. "I'd only lied about that thing because - !"

"You knew what you were doing, kid," Sanji snapped at him. "You knew who she was. You had this hat in your possession, you're not dumb."

Jacob shook his head furiously, clutching the steering wheel with both hands. "_No_! No, I just…I never thought about it! I never even – I never even thought of the names, I _didn't_ \- !"

"You knew _exactly_ what was in your possession, didn't you? Life turned around for you in that brief moment. I hope you enjoyed it, shithead," Sanji told Jacob. "Because it's back to your roots with you."

Jacob looked at him with a start, freezing for a few moments. But in that instant, his face shifted ever so slightly to reveal the features of an imp before he caught himself. Victoriously, Sanji straightened up and pushed away from the car while Jacob stared after him furiously. His eyes glowed neon yellow before he caught himself, and he hit the steering wheel with one fist.

Sanji walked away with a triumphant expression, twirling the hat around his one finger. He returned to the trail, finding Law standing aside one of the bushes. Before Sanji could say anything, Law swiped his hat away. Law fiddled with his hat with an exclaiming sound of wonder.

"I'd lost this thing in the car accident," Law told Sanji wondrously. "I thought I'd never find it! I loved this hat – look what he did to it, that little shit. I should disembowel his ass somehow for all the pain and torture he's caused me."

Sanji looked at the hat incredulously, then made a revolted expression. "You actually had the nerve to comment on my crocs? This thing looks like a taxidermy project gone wrong."

Law then tried to fit his hat atop of his bushy head. "Smells like Axe and teenage desperation," he said with a pout.

Sanji's expression then changed to utter awe.

There, right in the middle of the older man's forehead, was a spotted horn. It disappeared from his sight the moment Law re-fitted the hat back onto his head with a heavy sigh.

"You've…got your horn back," Sanji stated slowly.

Law looked at him with doubt, then reached up to touch his forehead. The keloid scar was gone, replaced by a horn that felt like stone under his fingertips, protruding at least a foot away from his forehead. He froze, not feeling the weight or understanding how a human being could carry these things on their damned foreheads like it were a stalagmite.

"Do I look _stupid_?" he whispered with horror, Sanji giving a one shouldered shrug.

"Well, I mean, if you shaved…"

"I _feel_ stupid…"

"Join the crew." Sanji slipped his hands into his pants pockets, staring at the man with doubt. He remembered that Boa had mentioned that Law would know it when he saw it – but to think that all this time, his lost horn was a damned ugly _hat_…

Law then pulled his hat off, looking at it with doubt. "This thing…was my _horn_? _Fuck_. How anti-climatic…"

"How do you feel?"

"I don't feel any different," Law confessed. He looked around them, noting the beauty in the trail's edges, the symmetrical proportions of the desertscaping. He stood out amongst the beauty like an eyesore – but the world looked so much brighter now that he was outside. Kids playing in the park, the well maintained grass, the quiet setting of the surrounding neighborhood – he took a deep breath and it was the cleanest air he'd ever breathed in. The sun was less irritating in his vision now that the brim blocked it out.

He was aware that no one was even looking in their direction. No one was looking at him any differently. He had the vague thought in that he'd worried too much over things that didn't feel as big as they did when he was in hiding. Still self-conscious of himself, he didn't feel all that bad.

Sanji watched him with a somewhat sad expression. "I guess that ugly hat fits you…You gonna go home and talk to Lamie?" he then asked. "She's hurt."

"What am _I_ supposed to say to her? I wasn't there to listen to whatever was happening."

"Just…maybe it's time to start fixing your relationship with her."

Law regarded him with suspicion. "Now that I have my horn back, you're going to leave me?"

Sanji lit up another cigarette. After an impatient exhale, he said, "It's the other way around, pardner. Now that you're healed…you don't need me for anything. The world is yours. However you want it, however you see fit."

Law gave an mopey shake of his head. He turned and began walking back down the trail towards their neighborhood, Sanji following after him with heavy steps.

"Nothing is that dramatic, Sanji," Law then said crossly, looking back at him. "It doesn't just change in an instant."

"But your horn also tends to fight and ward away negativity, and now that you have it back, you'll return to the way you were. Not noticing me in the slightest," Sanji said with a heavy sigh. "I'll go back to whatever it was I was doing, and you'll just…continue where you left off."

"My attitude doesn't feel any different."

"It's funny how you're reassuring me when _before_ you'd tell me to go choke and die."

Law paused, furrowing his brow. He looked at Sanji once again. "Go choke and die if you want to be so negative."

Sanji gave a sad sigh, walking along with his hands in his pockets and looking dejected. "You got soft." He snapped his fingers. "Just like that."

Law rolled his eyes, removing his hat to hold at his side as he continued on. As he dragged his feet, he felt a bit of hope in him start to bloom. Maybe now he could fix the rift with his family and get them all on good terms again. Maybe he could lose this weight and the scruff and eventually build up his self-confidence. Maybe he could have a conversation with his ex – contact her after all these years (still completely unaware that he already had). Maybe he could find a way out of the basement. All good things, but yet – he felt like this was a fake sort of happiness.

He was only supposed to be happy because he had his damn horn back. His eyes were only opened to this world because he'd lost it. What if his eyes closed to it once again, without allowing him to see the others as they were now?

Now that he was invested in it, it felt like a disappointment all in the same hand. Because he hadn't earned it. It felt like a cheap reward.

Sanji looked back at him, pausing in mid step. "You don't look all that happy," he admitted.

"I just…wanted to stop hurting my family," Law said low.

Law felt that Sanji wore an envious look, but the fairy was now looking away from him. In that moment, the fairy himself seemed to change attitude. Since the loss of their memory, he seemed closed off to Law in such a way that felt bitterly painful. Law didn't understand why – he couldn't imagine wanting the affection and closeness of some invasive fairy. But a part of that made him feel like he was missing something important. He then furrowed his brow.

"Why don't we automatically remember anything? Isn't that what my horn was supposed to do?"

Sanji gave him a puzzled look then reached up to scratch his own head. "Well, I guess like you said earlier, these things aren't just…changes that happen dramatically. Maybe it'll happen as we go."

It made sense, so Law continued to shuffle forward. Sanji walked alongside him, both of them wearing somewhat mopey expressions as they were lost in their own thoughts. At the sound of an approaching engine, both of them looked up and behind them to see Lamie bearing down on them with her moped. She hunched forward, gripping the handlebars with determination, face reddening.

For a few moments, they watched her approach. Their expressions then turned to alarm.

"She's going to ram us," Law determined grimly. "This is how we die. By moped. I'm _ready_."

Sanji looked amused then pushed him out of the way, turning away from Lamie's path quickly. Lamie veered past them, then turned in a wide circle to face them. Parking, Lamie then killed the ignition, stepping away from the motor vehicle. She focused on her older brother with a furious expression while removing her helmet.

"Was this attempted murder to obtain first in line for our parents' pensions?" Law demanded of her. Sanji winced, giving him a look of impatience.

"What are you doing out here?" Lamie bellowed at him. "Why are you harassing me? _Both_ of you!"

"Lamie – " Sanji tried to interject before she snarled at him, crouching to grab pebbles from the path. She flung it at both of them, causing them to dance lightly away from the torrent.

"Both of you have humiliated me!" she cried at her older brother, who was doing his best to avoid being hit. "You've absolutely _humiliated_ me in front of my stupid boyfriend!"

"He wasn't a good person!" Sanji protested. "Lamie, he just admitted he'd lied to you. Who knows what else he was doing behind your back?"

"It wasn't that, it wasn't – that's a whole other conversation. That was _my_ thing to find out, that was my experience to _experience_!" Lamie snapped at him. "And go away! I'm mad at you, too!"

Without giving Sanji a chance to answer, she then turned to her older brother and snapped, "You knew I didn't want you around just so you could be proved right!"

"What was I right about?" Law asked cautiously, hunched over with an arm to his face just in case he needed to cover up again. "The fact that he'd _stolen_ my hat?"

Lamie's face purpled with rage, her fists balling up at her sides. "I know you just want to laugh at me. I know you wanted to be right so bad that you followed me here and – and saw for yourself that you were right. That's all this was. You wanted to be right so you can gloat about it, and be a fucking asshole after – that's _all_ you wanted! Don't say it was anything else!"

Law paused, thinking about his words before saying carefully. But he reached up to adjust his hat. "Actually, it _was_ for something else…"

"_LIAR_! You've been a piece of shit for a long time! Did it make you happy? Did it make you feel _so_ happy that I feel so miserable right now?"

Law stared at her in silence, letting her rage. He touched his forehead, a little startled at the sensation of something being there instead of the keloid scar he was used to. He realized he had nothing to say, and Lamie's eyes reddened and watered violently because he wasn't saying anything in response; seemingly confirming her suspicions. She pushed past him, grabbing hold of her helmet and jumped onto her moped. She then sped off as Law looked after her with a tired exhale.

Sanji walked over to him, hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be a tough road, but you can do it," he encouraged Law quietly. "This is something you've wanted for quite some time. Chase it."

"She really hates me, huh?"

"Now that you have your horn back, this will be nothing," Sanji assured him, gently encouraging him to move along. He slung an arm around his shoulders. "But let's work on your words. Everything you say makes the situation worse, so what can we say to make it better?"

Law briefly considered the weight of Sanji's arm around his shoulders. It wasn't any trouble, but he fiddled with his hands anyway. "Are we still a we?"

"Nothing is changing dramatically. So it looks as if we're still stuck together."

"As long as I'm still the little spoon…" Law grumbled, causing Sanji's face to twist with amusement.

Law then noticed Sanji twitch, hand flicking to wave away an annoying bug before his face changed dramatically, twisting around to look behind them. Before either of them could say anything, the ground broke apart underneath their feet and swallowed them up, vines curling around their bodies like snakes. The path resettled back into place without any indication of a disturbance.

Moments later, three individuals appeared within a flash of glitter and the metallic clacking of guns. Looking around himself with visible frustration, Ichiji stamped his foot impatiently. All of them were dressed in crisp, expensive suits, with visible weaponry secured around their persons. Every part of them screamed money and riches – from the top of their stylish hair, to the bottoms of their expensive shoes.

"_Damn_ it," he cursed, shaking his red head and causing glitter to flutter around him. "We were _that close_ to the fucking unicorn!"

Niji cried out with fury while Yonji looked amazed. "They were _that_ close!"

"There's a pixie nearby," Ichiji hissed, his red, glittering face shimmering brilliantly underneath the shining sun. "I didn't get a chance to see the fucking unicorn's face! All I saw was a fat, hairy blob wearing an ugly hat!"

"I'm thinking you're _lying_ about this damn unicorn business," Niji snapped at him, his face shimmering blue. "You're making us break dad's rules and getting us into trouble!"

"Did you see Sanji's shoes?" Yonji asked curiously, handling his shotgun carefully. He looked down at his shiny leather shoes, wiggling his toes. "They looked way more comfortable than these."

"They do wear funny clothes, don't they? No sign of a suit – how does his hide his wings all the time?" Niji murmured thoughtfully, rubbing his blue chin with blue fingers. "That must require intense concentration…"

"I hear _children_," Yonji then said with excitement, face lighting up as he whirled around to look behind him. Drool sputtered to his lips as his green eyes sparkled with cheer. Niji hugged him from the side with similar excitement.

"_Fresh_ children!" he gasped.

Ichiji grabbed his little brother's green wing, causing him to wince and yelp. Niji dashed away to avoid similar treatment. "Do not let them see you. If anyone _sees_ us - ! Well, father would punish us all! That pixie can't be hiding that far away if he's able to reach them – we'll find him, free the bastard, and finally see the fucking unicorn for ourselves!"

"We going to his house then, yah?" Niji asked with excitement, wings fluttering about as he took to the air, pulling his twin 9mm from their holsters at the small of his back. "Let's _fuck a pixie up_!"

Ichiji snatched him by his wings, causing a yelp of pain from him. Yonji rubbed at the foundation of his wings with pain, then gave Niji a look of sympathy as Niji squealed. "I can't take either of you anywhere! Let's go before someone sees us! Katakuri won't be distracted for very long!"

The three of them disappeared in a spray of glitter and multi-colored clouds of dust, leaving behind splatters of vibrant color on the path that could have been explained away as the remnants of children's chalk.

: :

Meanwhile, Kidd chuckled darkly as he pulled up the tangle of vines that emerged from the inside of his garage, two men looking at him with combined expressions of horror and surprise. His pixie form fully revealed, he gleefully noted that Law's horn was back in place. Sanji kicked wildly with rising fury once he realized what was happening. Law hung there in shock, silently gaping at the massive vines that held both of them in place. The placement of vines took shape of a thick pillar that gently unfurled up against the ceiling of the garage and sprouted from the dirt underneath the garage's foundation.

Then he looked around the garage, mouth opened ever so slightly at the sight of various shelves and tables for tool placements as Kidd stood there in his natural form. Once Law looked at Kidd, he recognized the outfit and the wild red hair, then scrunched his face up with revulsion. He already felt familiar to the creature standing in front of him, but it was the sight of its outfit combined with the clearly inhuman form that didn't make any sense. The muscle tee was merely strings around Kidd's neck, his red hair pulled up into a punkish fluff held in place by a vibrantly tie-dyed hair scarf and ratty cargo shorts that hung too close to his ankles, like high water pants.

"You take the time to look like a hideous creature, but not take any consideration to the outfit you're wearing? That offends me," Law commented with disgust.

"Enough of your stupidity," Kidd warned him, shaking a finger in his direction. Tapping at one ear, he said, "I overheard everything. _All_ of it. Pretty stupid – you guys are so freaking clueless – _you_…"

He turned his attention to Sanji, who looked at him sullenly. "…are a huge dumbass of a fairy. You don't know shit! You practically gave him up to me, man!"

"I practically _gave_ myself away!" Kidd exclaimed, abnormally long arms throwing upward in an impatient wave. "I gave away everything to you guys, and yet you were _both_ focused on yourselves. _Real_ selfish, guys. Real selfish…"

Kidd walked up to Law, reaching upward to tap on the spotted horn that emerged from the man's forehead. Law winced at the new sensation of feeling that came from it – like the redhead was knocking on a bare bone. He shivered.

"Please don't. I almost popped a boner..."

Kidd glowered at him, then stepped back to examine his work. "I gotta say, my patience _finally_ paid off. I waited _years_ for this to happen – I'm gonna get my money's worth. I mean, really, I've been planning my vacation since I got here. I wouldn't have been able to identify the thing myself – how'd you get it back from Lamie?"

"Never mind," he decided without giving them a chance to speak. He turned to his tool shelves, rummaging through all of them until he found a hacksaw that still had store stickers and a safety cap on it. "I'm going to take your horn and get off this damn rock. Head back home. You don't even know how much free time I'm going to have after this. I got you guys to thank."

Law sighed noisily, jerking uselessly at his arms. He looked over at Sanji, who wore an upset look as his expressions shifted from concentrative to frustration in a myriad show of effort. It looked like he was attempting something from the power of his mind because he wasn't using any of his limbs to escape.

"What are you doing?" Law whispered low as Kidd continued to gloat, the pair of them tuning out his voice.

Sanji gave a growl, shaking in the vines' grasp. "I guess it don't matter. Not if I can't escape from this!"

"Call the plant goblins."

"We do that, and Kidd will have control over them as well. Pixie? Plants? From his villain speech, he knew exactly what we were up to," Sanji said with frustration. "Maybe he overheard everything we were saying through them."

Law lit up. "Ah, like wiretapping through phones. In that case…"

He cleared his throat and looked to Kidd. "Listen, Eustace – if you have a connection to plants, then how is it you're able to eat them? Mow them?"

"A guy's gotta eat," Kidd answered skeptically, removing stickers and cover. "It's no big deal, much like how a carnivore has to hunt or pick up a bag of packaged meat from Walmart."

"My horn was broken off through an accident," Law said stiffly. "I must've banged my head off the steering wheel or the window. That hacksaw won't work under your puny hands. Crossfitters are supposed to be strong, right? Yet their range of motion is only limited to whatever injuries allow them to operate. They alone fuel the medical surgical industry with repair to rotator cuffs. How is your rotator cuff, Kidd?"

Kidd frowned at him, then bent an elbow to rotate his arm. His face twinged ever so slightly the higher he lifted his arm, then gave Law a furious look. Law looked victorious.

Sanji rolled his eyes. "_Lame_. So, you're going to insult your way out of this?"

"My rotator cuff has _nothing_ to do with this hacksaw!" Kidd snapped at Law furiously, sawing the air with his tool. Then winced. After a moment he threw the hacksaw aside and began rummaging through his tool space once again.

"Try that chainsaw over there," Law suggested, Sanji looking at him with horror then at Law again as Kidd lit up.

"I need gas for this," Kidd mumbled thoughtfully, opening up the gas cap and looking around his garage. "My special mixture. _Shit_. I ran out of half and half when I mowed the lawn last weekend…"

"Sanji has some in his garage. I know because I was sniffing it."

Kidd tossed down his chainsaw atop of the wooden work table, giving Law a sour look. Sanji snarled at Kidd, "Stay outta my house! You shit!"

"Well, it ain't like you guys are going anywhere. And _his_ house is always open. I know because I raid the fresh veggie supply you got going on in that pantry."

Law remembered the set of keys sitting on the counter that day. He froze a little as he considered the image then looked at Kidd with surprise. "_You_ were the one writing the notes. You have surprisingly girly handwriting."

"_YOU_ WERE THE ONE TELLING ME TO FEED HIM?" Sanji asked with dismay, looking so revolted that his face was a whole new expression.

Kidd gave them both looks of consideration, the shrugged. "Yeah, I _guess_. Look, I'm a pixie with some limited knowledge, here. _You_ weren't getting anywhere with locating his horn without me dropping hints – you're so fucking useless! A fairy raised as human being knows absolutely _nothing_ –and _you_ chose _him_, too, you stupid unicorn. _Both_ of you are fitting as a team, you losers. I can't wait anymore, guys. I got a vacation to hit."

Law and Sanji glanced at each other, wearing similar expressions of exasperation.

"Hey, hang right there, I'll be right back," Kidd then said, wiping his hands on his pants and reverting back to human form. He slammed his door on the way out, leaving them in silence. They could hear him call out to the neighbors with cheer, their answering greetings coming back just as cheerful.

Law snickered, wiggling his head from side to side. "What a _dope_. Now. Fairy. Do something cool."

"How about YOU do something? Saw that thing through the vines!"

Law paused in mid movement then winced. "How stupid would that look if I used my mythical horn as a saw itself? Okay. I'll try. Don't look at me."

"Well, well, well…"

Both of them snapped their heads up, Sanji releasing a horrified expletive as someone banged against the door and launched into impatient curses. The door to the garage then jiggled under immense banging, voices chiming out impatiently to each other as the doorknob was worked. Once it was realized that it was locked, banging commenced violently.

"Sanji! Let us in!"

"Who is that?" Law asked on a low whisper.

"My brothers," Sanji answered in a similar tone, looking worried. "They want your head. For boasting rights."

"Oh? Is that why you were going to sell me out?"

"_NO_! I never intended to! But they're trouble, too," Sanji admitted reluctantly.

"Hey, why can't we get in?"

"Let us in!"

"We're gonna blow this door down if ya don't!"

"A simple door shouldn't be able to stop them," Sanji then mused, trying to look in that direction. "So I'm assuming Kidd was prepared for this sort of thing. Fairies and Pixies don't mix well…assuming that this dumbass uses these…roots and vines to get his information, I'd say this whole house is filled with his pixie magic shit. Every space reinforced with it to prevent us from getting anywhere. Huh. _Scandalous_."

"And yet, you don't have any power?"

"Law, _I don't have any power_. Not…magical sparkles and shit. I'm just a flowery person…"

"Can't you make flowers sprout anywhere?"

"_I JUST SAID_ \- !"

"Okay, calm down. Yelling at me is only going to get you my cold shoulder."

Law considered his options while three different voices called out with frustration, heavy banging on the door causing him to assume that physical violence was needed to get to them. He looked down at the floor, which was carefully reinforced to allow this spectacular grouping of vines in and out of the house without detection from the outside. He then looked up, feeling weightless while entrapped within the coils. Sensing the rising tension from his fairy companion, who argued with his brothers about his inability to help them, Law closed his eyes.

He envisioned himself as the last unicorn from the old movie. He wondered if whinnying would help, and refused to allow himself the urge to try. That unicorn had opened locks with a touch.

So he tilted his head to the side in an attempt to spear his way out of the vines. Despite the situation, he wanted to laugh hysterically, sure he looked ridiculous.

But the coils loosened and allowed him to fall neatly to the floor, Sanji gaping at him incredulously. Wiping himself off, Law then looked up at the fairy.

"Don't look at me while I do this, I feel stupid enough," he muttered with a cringe. With an impatient look, Sanji closed his eyes and Law tilted his head forward to touch the coils with his horn. They opened up to let the fairy loose, but those vines blackened and shriveled up, recoiling away from them like live snakes.

Both of them stared as the vine pillar began to crumble and fall, shrinking in various places to retreat from the roof. Hands on his hips, Law stared with disbelief while Sanji wore a sullen expression. He reverted to his fairy form, the glow from his aura lighting up the garage. He looked at his hands with doubt, wondering why he wasn't dripping in glitter like his brothers. He then reached for Law's horn, the man wearing a puzzled expression.

After getting a feel of the shape, Sanji then grinned wickedly at Law as his hands moved in a twisting, suggestive motion. "You like that?" he asked as Yonji banged on the door and Ichiji shouted out his aggressive commands. "Or should I wet my hands, first?"

"You are one _sick_ puppy," Law muttered, ripping his head away from Sanji's grasp as Sanji snickered. "Okay, be serious – how are we going to get out of this situation?"

"Just walk outside. _Those_ guys need to stay out of human sight, and _that_ guy has some rules to follow as well," Sanji said with a shrug, hands in his pockets. "The moment we become visible to humans is the moment the mystical gods will take notice. Obviously, all of us have to avoid that from happening. It's just a natural rule."

"Okay, so…what happens after that?"

"Just…_horn_ them."

Law stared at him with irritation while Sanji struggled not to erupt into giggles. He covered his mouth with both hands, eyes watering as he looked at Law. He used his own forehead to head butt him, as if he were using an imaginary horn himself. This was accompanied by horse noises that _nearly_ tickled Law's funny bone, but the situation was too insane to start laughing now. Law pushed him away with a curse as Sanji laughed noisily.

"TAKE THIS SHIT SERIOUSLY! Schmendrick, this is a situation that could turn to the worst. You fairies eat people! There is some concern in that!"

"Listen, Haggard over there is a treasure hunter – he knows his stuff. If I alert Katakuri…" Sanji paused, then ventured over to the door, leaning against it as his brothers switched turns in trying to break in. He knocked on it to get their attention, Law watching him impatiently. "Ichiji! Niji! Yonji! You hear me?"

"Just let us in to see the damn unicorn, you vile filth!" Niji answered, mouth pressed up against the door.

"_That fucking unicorn_ \- !" Ichiji snarled in tandem.

"I have Katakuri on speed dial, and he's on his way over. Anything I should know about just in case he asks?" Sanji asked lightly.

The silence behind the door was unnaturally speedy – after several moments, Sanji unlocked and cautiously pushed the door open to reveal an empty hallway. Only glitter and colored dust remained behind. He looked back at Law, indicating that he follow.

"It's _that_ easy?" Law asked cautiously as he ventured over to the doorway.

"Yep. We'll go around back and escape from there." Sanji then studied Law for several moments. He reached out and smoothed Law's messy hair from his face, curling strands behind Law's ears. Then looked at his fingers with a wince before wiping them on his pants while Law frowned down at him. "Lady Amalthea. I am _still_ your hero."

"You're going to be shish-kebobbed if _you don't knock it off_. Enough with the Last Unicorn jokes!"

Laughing wildly, Sanji hugged him around the neck, twirling him around with unexpected strength. It was all Law could do to steady himself, garbled words leaving him as Sanji left the garage, dancing them into the hallway.

"This is so _fun_! Now all we need is the Red Bull for you to face off to regain your confidence back!"

Kidd came back moments later, holding onto one of Sanji's gas cans. Once he saw that the area was empty, the vine pillar broken and ruined, he dropped the can with horror and dismay. He reverted back to his natural form, blasting with red anger, eyes glowing yellow. Furious, he dismantled the pillar and strode into his house, searching for clues of their leave. He saw the glitter, identifying it as belonging to Sanji's brothers then discovered the unlocked back door from his kitchen.

Gritting his teeth, he muttered, "It won't be that easy, unicorn. Your true end is near…"


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Naghi-Tan: Oh, they have something alright. But both of them are a little confused. Hopefully that can be straightened out! All this confused flirting has my head spinning lol

Mazout: LMAO! The hat mystery of "Mine" has been solved! And what brilliance it is that it even surprised myself XD Just like Ex-GF, Imp is not that important but is just a catalyst – too much going on to get into that. Kidd is a clever man, and he should be recognized as such – there's a reason why he's a Supernova :D As for Snooj's fairy powers – he's so ignorant to them that he uses them unintentionally. They'll emerge again, but more than likely these two are just that unaware to the powers of good ole fashioned affection and adoration (true story and I'm sticking to it) Lamie is the torn younger sister that's been hurt by her older brother, and her angst is pure – now she'll have other events to deal with, and hopefully, she'll start to heal and _believe_. LMAO I extend all the Europeans my sympathy for climate change – keep cool over there! Your reviews crack me up

VisitorNo.18: Hat is back, and lady Amalthea is back in business – as much as "she" can be lol Imp is a mischievous thieving spirit causing trouble – exactly what he did.

**Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

Due to his position with his family, Law didn't immediately return home. For a few weeks, he continued to mope over the situation with his family while housing with Sanji, his thoughts more focused on that than the unbelievable – now that these things _were_ believable, it was hard to think otherwise of this fantasy world. He accepted he was a "unicorn" only because he had a _damn horn in the middle of his forehead_. There was no denying the incredible beings around him so he no longer wasted any time thinking about how absurd these situations were.

He let his fairy guardian take control – he thought it was convenient to do so since Sanji seemed so mopey now that Law was put back together. Giving the fairy something to do allowed Law to think that his life was in capable hands, anyway. Sanji hid him away from Katakuri by shoving him into the basement every time the half fairy came by, and Law only came out when it was clear. Sanji was consuming the juice as directed by Katakuri, and Law regained his memory, little by little, to understand what it was they were to forget. Now it made sense why Lamie thought the way she did of them; it made him cringe but it also made him think that it truly wasn't hurting anybody else.

Law had to "remind" Sanji of the memories that were missed – it was easy to do. His damn _horn_ did all the work for him. All he had to do was tap the fairy atop of the head and Sanji continued assaulting him merrily because, with his memory back in pieces, all that seemed to stand out for Sanji was how much "love" Law required to continue bettering himself.

Law felt pleasantly smothered in a way that confused him so he tried _not_ to delve into that aspect until he could sort the others out.

_It's only a duty, it's only a duty_, he had to remind himself bitterly. Even as Sanji seemed happy with Law's presence around to keep him busy, Law couldn't tell what Sanji was thinking. It was difficult catching any sort of truthfulness from the fairy because Sanji seemed so outrageously happy bossing him around; much like, Law imagined, how he put his heart and soul into his nighttime job. That confusion was something Law didn't like thinking about because it meant delving more into himself and he didn't feel like it. This _confusion_ was new and different and slightly scary – and Law had other discomforts occupying his thoughts, things he'd rather put his energy into.

The plant goblins understood that Kidd was using them for information, and they, one by one, cut off the grinning mouths atop of their heads in some solemn ceremony that looked rather brutal to Law's eyes. At the end, they were splattered with blood and plant guts with bits of teeth on their persons; though Nami seemed to weep with the loss of her vanity, she used flowers instead to decorate herself with. They vigilantly stood guard against Kidd, watching him nearly every minute as the pixie paced the front of his house, muttering to himself while he watched their houses.

None of them could be captured by the human eye, so this clandestine "battle" continued with utmost secrecy. Katakuri seemed clueless, Kidd now reluctant to charge full speed ahead, Lamie lost and angry as she put all her efforts into ignoring Sanji – the fairy brothers always seemed to arrive at a time where they just _missed_ Law as Law clumsily made his way through the house, trying to distract himself and allowing the plant goblins to do what they could to hide him. It was surprising how many hollows this massive house had – as if the old man that had purchased it had made the additions throughout the years expecting this to happen.

He didn't dare go outside.

He felt a little stir-crazy at this point.

But life seemed to perk a little. He lost some weight, managed a haircut, shaved off the hair on his face – save for his chin because he still had a bit of a double chin he was self-conscious of – and worked out with Sanji when he came home. It felt like such a turnaround from the black hole he'd lived in for these past few years that Law felt it was more incredulous than the world he was introduced to. While he still felt some anxieties, he felt something more uplifting than he had before – positivity.

One late morning, he huffed and puffed his way through sit-ups, working up a light sweat. Nami and Ussop were doing them on either side of him, completely soundless in action. Sanji managed a couple before extending his long legs out, wiggling his feet with a bored sigh. Both of them were in near matching work out clothes – the ones Law was wearing were "borrowed" from somewhere, thanks to Nami. Black tank tops and blue shorts, but Sanji's were a little more shorter and revealing than the ones Law allowed himself to wear.

Law finished his set with a heave, flattening out on the kitchen floor as he wondered why he was doing this in the first place.

"I do, too," Sanji exclaimed, sitting up with a start and looking at him with intense sorrow. His tank top was just slivers of material, and if his shorts rode up any further he might as well as have been wearing briefs. "There was nothing wrong with the dad bod you had, and now you're…_shrunken_."

"I can breathe easier," Law pointed out, looking in the other direction because he felt like he was addressing some male bikini babe, and his sexuality was having issues. That _confusion_ again. "And those stairs aren't so killer anymore."

"But you were so much softer and _fluffier_," Sanji whined flopping his head and shoulders onto Law's midsection and causing the older man to heave with surprise. The fairy's hands made invasive searches for the heft Law was slowly starting to shrink. "Ugh, now instead of rolling off from a mountain of overgrown dad bod, I…_sink_. I _sink_ and I'm in _misery_ because where am I supposed to lay my head now?"

"Not on me," Law grunted, pushing him away and rising slowly to his feet.

"I'm falling out of love with you," Sanji threatened, swiping his hair from his face. "_I'm_ the one on a strict diet and allowed to be the twink, so it makes sense you were my opposite."

"This was based on physicality? How shallow. That's not how love works. You're in love with a personality, not appearance. I'm not a piece of meat for you to…invade. Leave my beaches alone."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "Says the guy that drools over his ex's picture every time she posts."

Law sighed noisily. "To be fair, now I can now see how absurdly…obsessed I was with someone that didn't even put as much effort into me as I did with her. Sort of like this relationship. I feel used. I want to cheat."

"_Geh_! I'll yank that other fairy's hair straight from his skull if you do!"

Taking the protein drink Zoro made for him, Law sipped at it. He had an unwelcome vision of seeing Sanji yanking that little meek teenager's hair in a savage show of force. He then spat the drink back into the sink, much to the horror of the plant goblin as Law examined the contents. He shook the shaker at it while Sanji frowned sullenly on the floor, Nami crouching with a snickering position in front of him.

"I cannot _literally_ consume grass! Grass isn't for humans!" Law snapped at Zoro before setting the shaker aside. He looked down at himself – he'd lost at least fifteen pounds since the Katakuri Memory Eraser Incident, and couldn't believe how easy it was to lose so much now that he wasn't stuck in that horrid cycle he was in. His clothes were much looser, his chest lighter, and his extremities weren't so swollen. His face even felt lighter, with revealing angles to them. He wasn't near the shape he was before the car accident, but he looked much healthier. He wondered what his parents would think if they saw him.

He sometimes watched them leave and come home – having to admit to himself that they looked much happier than they did while he was there. It hurt, but that was the result of his own seemingly uncontrollable actions, and they were actions he had to remedy himself. He wasn't quite certain what to do to get there when he couldn't quite trust his tongue just yet.

"Don't you have a date?" he then asked, Sanji leaping to his feet with a light gasp.

"I do! This charming older gentleman invited me to a walk downtown before dinner at this lavish restaurant I'd always wanted to try, before we do the absolute dirty," Sanji answered cheerfully, snatching at his cellphone to examine the messages. "I already had the approval for a night off."

Law gave him a skeptic look. For as long as he had been living here, Sanji worked every night without a day off, and the fairy didn't think it was weird at all. Figures it wouldn't, considering the guy never _slept_.

"Define to me in virgin terms what 'absolute dirty' is?"

"Why are you so _crude_?"

"Is this one of your regulars?"

"No, actually. I met him at work. He slipped me his number after dessert while his wife wasn't looking."

Law frowned at him, Zoro plopping down a grassless protein shake in front of him with seemingly a huffy air. "If it's a restaurant catering to mystical people, do you even know _what_ these people are?"

Ignoring the question, Sanji set his phone down and looked at him. "Why don't you come out?"

"A third wheel to observe this disgusting display of a – he has a _wife_."

"I don't care about details. It's their own lives they ruin, not mine."

"You are soulless."

"And I consume their blood, so what's the difference?"

"So if you're picking out these dates, then maybe the blood you're consuming isn't human after all."

Sanji had to admit this unicorn had him there. He gave a bewildered look while Law frowned impatiently at him. "Do these people know who you are? Doesn't someone even tell you - ?"

"_Enough_!" Sanji complained noisily over Law's persistent questions. "I don't know anything, I just go because I make extra money on the side."

"Do you really need that money?"

"Why are you so invasive all of a sudden?"

Law realized he couldn't – _didn't_ – want to answer a question he himself wasn't sure of. He wasn't sure if he wanted answers, he wasn't sure where he was going with this in the first place. That _confusion_ clouded his thoughts before he forcefully exhaled in a show of dropping the investigation. "This is a venture required of a vehicle. I don't do vehicles."

"Still? Why don't we go sit in my car as a way of working through the issue?"

"NO."

Sanji grabbed him by the wrists, yanking on him with a brilliant smile, causing Law to wince and cringe. "Just _sit_ with the doors wide open! It shouldn't be that big of a deal. Come. Let's do this. You must be getting tired of sitting in this house, doing nothing but hiding from the world."

The thought of sitting in any vehicle seat caused a rise of dim anxiety to rise in Law's chest, but he ended up telling himself that this car wouldn't be moving in any direction. They'd be sitting in the driveway, in the presence of danger – he couldn't imagine anything extreme occurring; other than Kidd turning into his natural form and blasting plant vines from the ground, or whichever.

The plant goblins were involved in the conversation, and they gave Law encouraging actions and pats on the back. He looked down at himself reluctantly, then glanced at the time. Lamie would be in school and his parents at work. He was going great in a direction he hadn't seen himself venture to in such a long time…surely it wouldn't be as bad as his anxiety convinced him it was going to be.

"Fine."

: :

The Cadillac chirped as Sanji unlocked it, the pair of them exposed to the warm sunlight and the wide open space of the cheery neighborhood. Kidd was smoking on the porch, and he shot to his feet with excitement once he saw them.

"So, you both decided to face your enemy head on?" he called out, hands on his hips as he glared at them from across the street. Then he covered his eyes. "_Ugh_, fairy, put on some damn clothes! You're blinding me!"

Sanji waved his hands at himself then gave flouncy pose that had Kidd reeling back with horror. "Bitch, I'm _fabulous_!"

"Don't even start with me today! I'm TIRED! I want my fucking _vacation_!"

Law exhaled heavily as he faced the car, ignoring the pair yelling at each other across the street. Ms Helena was watering her flowers, her face alarmed as her cat groomed itself on the sidewalk. Mrs Welch was watching the confrontation with a merry expression, while another neighbor paused in clipping at their shrubs with a set of gardening shears.

Heart thumping noisily against his ribs, Law's eyes flitted from the silvery body of the car to the exposed driver's seat. Everything about this vehicle screamed OLD MAN! but it felt like a shark's cage. His mouth went dry and he could vividly recall that conversation he'd overheard that day of the accident. The sound of the collusion interrupted that conversation, and he felt the age old wounds of being slammed about as his vehicle rolled. As hard as it was to experience all over again…those memories felt dimmer. Less heated.

He took a step towards the passenger side, leaning to look in at the pristine condition of these seats. He could not recall Sanji ever driving – Katakuri took control over that. It smelled like cigarettes.

He straightened up with a slow inhale, resting his hands on the door and roof of the car. Kidd and Sanji were still shouting at each other, a dog barking in the distance.

Law stretched out a leg and tentatively touched the edge of the seat with his shoe. He retreated with a shaky exhale, reaching up to feel for the reassuring weight and presence of his hat.

"Trafalgar, what are you doing?" Kidd then asked with exasperation. "Hey, are you doing drugs? It's been awhile, but there's something _different_ about you…"

Sanji glomped Law from the side, giving the pixie a smug smile while Law struggled to be released. "He's taking up _new_ and _exciting_ activities, Kiddo. Some that burn as much as 1500 calories in one session!"

"SHUT UP, _VIRGIN_!"

Once he managed to escape, Law straightened his clothes and held his hands together in prayer form. He murmured something to himself that had Sanji looking at him skeptically as he lit a cigarette and Kidd muttered from the sidewalk facing them.

"Did you just ask for Phoebe to watch over you? Who is that?"

Law ignored Sanji's question and ventured to the passenger seat. Very slowly and carefully, he lowered himself to sit on the edge. His skin crawled with intense aversion and his hairs stood straight up – the world felt muffled just from sitting in the car, and Law found himself sweating without any effort. He quickly straightened out and away from the car, trying to catch his breath. Fanning himself, he ignored Kidd's continued shouts and Sanji's concerned questions as the world seemed to spin all around him.

The voices of his ex, that high school kid and his own spun around in circles through his thoughts. The sound of sirens and a dually truck roared in the background.

But in the midst of this chaos, Law heard his own voice telling himself he wasn't that man, anymore.

He'd seen some shit.

Some…very _weird_ shit that was bigger than this accident.

Those noises ever so slowly started to fade away. He swallowed tightly, looking at Sanji, then at Kidd. It felt like the whole world was watching him, waiting for his reaction. Even Ms Helena was watching Law while her hose hung limply from her wrist, her cat walking over with lazy strides to investigate the situation for itself.

Law slowly lowered himself back onto the passenger seat and swung his legs inside, then closed the door. The sensation of being in a small space caused his skin to ripple with unease, but then the sounds of the neighborhood once again came to a dull roar around him, rather than the sounds of that fateful day. He was sweating like he was standing underneath that garden hose, and his chest felt tight but…he was fine.

Sanji leaned in to look at him with a bright smile that made Law wince, covering his face with one hand. "_You did it_! Good for you! Look at you, so brave, sitting in that seat all by yourself!"

With one hand shielding his face, Law examined the details of the dash then glanced at the driver's seat. As big of a step he was taking, he couldn't imagine driving once again. He exhaled slowly, lowering that hand as he folding them in his lap. He nodded in response to Sanji's words as he clapped with no sarcasm or mocking in tone or mood.

"Yeah. Wow. Crazy," Law managed to say, the cat catching his eye as he glanced at it. Even it looked proud of him, sitting primly at Sanji's feet with its bushy tail curled around it. "I did it."

"Small steps! But significant ones! Now, just sit there and reflect," Sanji guided him, maneuvering away from the door and fiddling with his key fob. With surprisingly fast reflexes, Law snatched that out of his hand before he could start it. He wasn't ready to be inside of a running car just yet. He fiddled with the fob while Sanji twirled away from him and greeted Ms Helena cheerfully, snapping her out of her quiet observation. Kidd was pacing the outside of his yard, fuming – Law noticed from the rear view mirror – and the cat was gently sniffing at the interior of the car with curious action.

The day was beautiful. The sun was just bright enough to illuminate the yards and the colors of the houses around them, the temperature was just right to be outside in shorts and tanks, and butterflies, hummingbirds and birds alike moved happily throughout the various flowerboxes in Sanji's yard. It felt alluringly peaceful and quiet, and centered Law's mood. He had just about relaxed in the seat when Sanji suddenly reached in, shoved the seat down and back, then slammed the door shut. Law scrambled to escape as the cat took off with a start, but once Law caught sight of Katakuri marching up the driveway – sending Ms Helena scurrying for her own house with alarm – Law lowered himself immediately back down to the seat with a catch of breath.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Sanji snapped at the taller creature. "Coffins don't usually open until later!"

Katakuri frowned down at him, crossing his arms over his chest. He looked around the area with a somewhat suspicious air, eyes lingering on the flowers and moving animals that frolicked around them. He then glanced up at the moving trees, the green lawns, and watched Kidd hastily take to his own house, slamming the door behind him. A car drove by slowly, the driver noting all the numbers to various houses while holding onto a piece of paper. Sanji puffed at his cigarette, watching him with rigid determination.

Katakuri then glanced down at him, veins popping lightly at his forehead. "It's suspiciously…_chirpy_ around here," he then said low. "Everything is brightly animated."

"And you bring this complaint to me…_why_?" Sanji asked, waving his cigarette around. Katakuri seemed to wince behind his scarf, so Sanji adjusted his tank top impatiently – not that it did anything.

"Happy fairies are _suspicious_ fairies," Katakuri then answered. Sanji rolled his eyes, cigarette to his mouth once again. "And this…entire neighborhood is so brilliant that it draws attention."

"So…I can't be happy? I can't…just feel like expressing it to the world that I'm in a good mood?"

"It's been this way for some time, now. Off and on – depending on when you drink your juice."

Sanji puffed at his cigarette, furrowing his brow. "But it's always like this. There's nothing different."

Katakuri glanced next door, to the Traflagars' with consideration. His eyes danced from their maintained yards and state of the house before looking back at Sanji. "Are you still visiting with the man that lives in that basement?" he then asked.

"My house is open to him. He forages for food nightly. Why's he so special? He's too young for me to prey upon," Sanji said with a sigh. "By the way, I'm booked for a date tonight. I'd like no interference from you."

"I've already submitted your request to your father. Since it appears this one is within an appropriate age range, he has his workers alert to your date's true intentions. Keeping your true self secret from humans is always the top order."

"This is not something I blast from the rooftops, calm down."

"I'm more curious at the state of the neighborhood than your date," Katakuri then said, heading for the house. Sanji glanced at the car, and once he had Law's attention, indicated for him to sneak over to his house. Law looked alarmed, but before he could do anything, Sanji was recapturing Katakuri's direct attention by complaining noisily as he followed after him.

The plant goblins were already scurrying next door, on high alert. Once the door slammed behind them, Law left the car and hurried to his house. Nami had picked the lock on the basement door, and Law was inside moments later.

The basement was clean, sparkling with order and the scent of plug-in scent sprays. His bed was put away, blankets gone, trash removed –the dvd player and television was gone, his poster missing, his other things stacked away in labeled tubs that were shoved neatly underneath the laundry shelves. Standing there while the plant goblins scurried about in a panic, Law felt the pain of here again. The atmosphere felt intensely different from the one he'd left behind, and it caused him to hang his head with shame. Was it easier for them now?

Easier for them to breathe, to carry on peacefully upstairs, to not have to steady themselves before emerging through that kitchen door. Looking down at himself, he had to remind himself that he was doing much better, now. He wandered around the area, lost in his thoughts until he found his laptop filed away on one of the shelves near the empty night stand. He was about to retrieve it when Franky grabbed his arm and yanked at him, Ussop grabbing his other arm and both of them lifting him from the floor. Startled, Law was about to protest when the door behind him banged open on their way up to the kitchen. Once arriving, Nami and Zoro closed that door gently, a sense of tension amongst the goblins rising as Law figured Katakuri was just checking out his surroundings.

But he noticed that the atmosphere was different here, too. Law felt like a ghost, he reflected as the plant goblins set him down. Everything felt so different. Almost like he didn't exist.

_But he did_, he knew as he ventured up to the living room to see his childhood pictures framed on the walls. He did but he was no longer that person, anymore. With some pain, he examined times of himself as a baby and up to a high school graduate set for college. In some of those photos, Lamie was hugging him, bright and shining with a brilliant smile. His parents looked so young, not stressed by the things Law said and did to them. Uncomfortably, he gripped his hands and looked about the area to see if it had changed any further.

_They were happier without him_, he decided. It was his own fault.

The plant goblins were scrambling in panic now, Zoro tossing him on his shoulder and running – silently – away from the opening kitchen door. Katakuri's head was turned in the other direction, but Law wondered why the man was so determined to make sure he was no longer there. Shouldn't the basement be indicative enough of his absence? He figured he'd have to reset Sanji's memory again once the coast was clear.

Zoro stuffed him into the hall closet, and Law had to steady himself carefully amidst his family's jackets and outdoors things. His mom's umbrella, Lamie's extra helmet and abandoned softball gear, his father's rain boots. He could hear Katakuri's heavy weight clomping around the kitchen, moving through room to room. Law found it bothersome, waiting silently in the closet and wondering why he was still doing this.

What was the man going to do to him, anyway? Law remembered how taken back Katakuri was when he realized that Law was a unicorn in the first place. He curled his hands into fists, wondering if he should just show himself and announced to the world he wasn't under any damn fairy control.

Before he could do that, he heard Sanji said from the kitchen, "Obviously he's no longer living here. Get out of this place before someone sees you and gets the wrong idea."

"And I say yet again, this neighborhood is much too bright," Katakuri retorted. "And though I witness you obeying my order, the formula might be too weak against a unicorn's revitalizing powers. The fact that he seems to be missing is _suspicious_."

Sanji gave a sarcastic laugh before opening up cabinet doors to snoop around. "You're suspiciously fixated over a fabled creature."

"I know it is him, Sanji. The pixie has been stalking these houses because there is something here he wants – "

"Obviously _me_."

Katakuri sighed noisily, Law pressing a fist against his mouth to keep from giving himself away.

"Besides, what does it matter if it the neighborhood is too bright?" Sanji asked curiously, sitting on one of the counters. He crossed his legs primly, Katakuri turning to frown at him. "It's in good shape, people are friendly and happy, no fabled creature crime…it's a good place."

"It attracts _attention_," Katakuri stressed.

"Of what? Potential homebuyers? Good for the economy."

"_Bad_ for those that know what they're looking at. And your house is the flashiest of all here."

"That's what _you're_ here for, to eliminate unnecessary attraction, eh? If there's a unicorn present, then what does it matter? They're their own matter."

"You're ignorant to our world, and that falls on Zeff's head. A unicorn in peril brings beings together – beings that should _not_ be brought together, for the threat of being exposed to the human world threatens us as a civilization," Katakuri said impatiently, and Law swore he'd heard this spiel before. Seconds later, he remembered that exact moment when that incident happened – right down to the juice that mysteriously showed up at his bedside.

"So, what does that have to do with the neighborhood?"

"If a fairy is happy, it shows."

Sanji unleashed a severe frown. "So if I'm _happy_, it's all _my_ fault the world is on fire?"

"Happy fairies are dangerous fairies, because dangerous fairies do dumb shit, like reveal themselves to people they shouldn't and causing unnecessary chaos because they want everyone else to be happy alongside with them," Katakuri murmured, moving towards the basement entrance. Sanji thought about it then shrugged unapologetically. "Let us away. I will have to investigate for myself what happened to the unicorn living here."

"Maybe he went back to his girlfriend, the succubus. Such a shame, I loved that man," Sanji said with a sigh while Law filed that comment away for later use.

"Don't confuse your whimsical emotions for something _humans_ tend to abuse," Katakuri retorted. "You're only mixing up your mind for a useless sentiment you yearn for because you're lonely and isolated. Remember that."

"Fuck, you're _mean_…"

"I'm right, and you know it. It is only fair to be truthful."

Once the house was empty, Law slowly emerged from the closet. He paused halfway out and looked back into it with a furrowed brow before looking mystified. "There's a joke here, but I'm too scared to complete it," he said to himself, shutting the door behind him.

Ussop waved his arms frantically with panic clear in his motions before the basement door slammed open once again, Katakuri emerging furiously with one hand bolding covering Sanji's whole face to keep him from making any noise. Law startled at the sight of him with a low gasp, frozen under that half fairy's sight.

"I _knew_ it," Katakuri rumbled, face turning dark with an ominous expression. He tossed Sanji down onto the kitchen floor like a discarded toy. "You're complete, unicorn. You are the real deal."

"_Hold up_," Law said hastily, hands out in front of him as the large man fiddled with the scarf around his mouth. "Hold up one second – let's understand each other, here."

"What's there to understand? Obviously, I've been fooled," Katakuri snarled, shooting Sanji a dirty look as Sanji looked at Law with grimace. "Both of you – he was shielding you all this damn time. All these things make sense, now."

"Once again resuming the conversation from that one day where you revealed your evil plot to me," Law said grimly, keeping distance between them, "you said that it'd be wrong if humans learned firsthand of us – but that's not _our_ fault. The one at fault, the one that threatens to expose us all for himself is Kidd the pixie. He's a known treasure hunter, _I'm_ the one in danger here. All I want is my family back."

"That's not how these things work," Katakuri snapped. "It's true, that pixie knows too much but he's not in my scope of work." He pointed at Sanji. "_He_ is, therefore, _you_ are. You're attached now, and even if I removed either of you from each other, you'll still find a way back. That's how fairies and unicorns work. It would be inconvenient for all of us if Big Mom has to involve herself in this matter, and she will find it prudent to do so."

"Calling mommy for help? Is that something a man at your age does now? _Feh_. This generation is _weak_," Law muttered bitterly.

Katakuri grew red in the face and Law stiffened. Sanji hastily climbed to his feet and inserted himself between them, looking flustered. "Hold on. Before anything happens, we're in the wrong house for a confrontation."

"I will not let either of you out of my sight," Katakuri threatened, fists balling up as his skin started to shimmer with a magenta glow. He started to sparkle from his extremities in a way that Sanji didn't, his wings emerging from his back like demonic shapes rather than any traditional fairy wing Law had seen. His eyes started to glow, and his scarf began to slip to reveal a somewhat abnormally shaped mouth. "You have already deceived me once, I cannot allow it to happen again."

"I'm going to _horn_ you," Law threatened him, gesturing at his forehead. "I won't even stop myself from doing it, either, Maleficent."

Katakuri looked menacing at this, and Law positioned himself into a posture that he felt seemed threatening. Sanji caught sight of this, his face reddening and cheeks billowing into caught laughter. He slapped his hands over his mouth to keep from completing the action.

"I will scramble your guts up from the inside with my horn alone."

"_Okay_, that is…a ridiculous image, and I can't take your threats seriously," Katakuri decided, straightening up as he gave Law a severe frown. Sanji burst out laughing, the sound filling up the living room. "Please stop that. Just…_stop_."

Law tried to warm up his limbs. He'd never fought anyone before, but he was newly confident as a unicorn. Sure that he could handle his own against a weirdly demonic-fairy.

"_Enough_ from you," Katakuri snarled. "It appears I'll have to remove you myself. I tried to do this the easy way, in a way that would allow you both life but…it comes to this."

"Oh, what, you're going to _kill_ me?" Law asked with a bored tone as Sanji slowly rose back to his feet, looking dejected. But he settled at Law's side with a frown, hand on his shoulder. In moments he took on his natural form, wings fluttering grandly behind him.

"People will notice us missing," Sanji stated flatly. "Frankly, like you said – even if you separated the pair of us, we'll find each other. _He_ chose _me_."

"Losers stick together," Law agreed.

Katakuri fully revealed his mouth, a grotesque disfiguration of sharp teeth and a dislocating jaw – Law gaped at it while Sanji flinched, hands rising to his ears. "That's it. I'm done. I know _exactly_ how to kill a unicorn."

"_STOP IT_!"

All of them jolted in surprise at the nasal sound of Lamie's voice, whirling around to see her standing at the foot of the stairs. Judging from her sickly features, she had been home all this time. Her nose was stuffed with tissue and her eyes were swollen, and she was still in her pajamas – a baggy t-shirt and faded shorts, slippers on her bare feet. But she regarded the entire scene with a bewildered look, clutching the banister with limp hands. The trio reacted as if they'd seen a ghost, at an utter stand-still.

She gaped up at Katakuri, then looked at Law and then Sanji with eyes that widened with apprehension. Katakuri looked so horrified that he'd been caught that his face drained of color and he reverted back to human in a snap. He recovered his mouth with his scarf. She then looked to her brother the longest, visibly noticing the differences. Hand to her mouth, Lamie didn't know what to say.

Sanji reverted back to human form, hands clapped together as Law drew a blank; he self-consciously tried in vain to hide the sight of his horn, looking incredibly embarrassed. But Lamie stared up at him with fascination, unsure of what she was seeing.

"What is happening here?" she whispered in awe, barely blinking. "All of you…why…why do you all look so funny…? _Law_…?"

All of them wore awkward looks, as if they were caught doing something they didn't want anybody to see them doing. Lamie dropped her eyes to the floor and noticed the combination of glitter and dust on the floor, something that Katakuri attempted to sweep underneath his boots. Law kept his horn covered, but it was quite obvious what he was covering. Sanji crossed his arms over his chest, as if suddenly self-conscious of his outfit. Lamie did not know where to start.

So she looked to Law instead. "Law…? What's that protruding from your…head?"

Law swallowed tightly. Katakuri pressed a fist to his mouth while Sanji chewed on his thumbnail, waiting for Law to answer.

After several moments, Law whispered, "Keloid scar."

Lamie gave him an impatient look, adjusting the tissue she'd stuffed up her right nostril. "That's _not_ a scar, it's a damn _horn_, Law. And…you look different. How…? Are you doing drugs?"

"Lamie," Sanji interjected gently as Law made to answer. Slapping a hand over his mouth, Sanji spoke for him, "it's been weeks of proper diet and exercise, but your brother is doing well."

"…In _that_ outfit?" Lamie asked him skeptically, causing Sanji a self-conscious fluster. She looked to Katakuri, who was studying the ceiling. "And…_you_, you…were a demon, or something. Right? That…you had wings. And…glitter. There was…glitter. It's still on the floor…"

"Now you've done it," Law whispered to the man.

Furiously, Katakuri straightened up. "Fairies eat children, and you're still a…"

He set back on his heels with a sullen frown, taking her in with visible irritation. "You're not exactly a child, you're…expired."

"I'm _eighteen_," Lamie snapped at him, looking outraged. "Technically, I am a legal minor, still considered a child."

"Yes, but…not…pure…"

Law's eyes snapped to his little sister while Sanji released a horrified gasp, outraged at this while Lamie looked alarmed – then guilty.

"_LAMIE_!" Law protested, horrified at the result while Katakuri once again looked awkward.

"BEFORE _ME_?" Sanji cried, reddening from the neck up while Lamie gave flustered action to her awkward hands, looking just as mortified.

Indignantly, she snapped, "I make my own choices, and I just chose to…!"

"Not with _that_ guy? That guy that stole my _horn_ – _hat_!"

"No," Lamie answered hastily, avoiding any eye contact, "not exactly. You don't know him."

Law and Sanji looked at each other with horror while Katakuri looked impatient, crossing his arms over his chest with stubborn action.

"This explains why you were so mean to her," Sanji whispered while Law wore an expression of building dread. "Boa was right."

"Who's 'Boa'?" Lamie asked.

"My own _sister_ – you're _younger_ than I was when I - ?" Law sputtered, unsure of where to go with this.

"Don't act like it's a terrible thing, all human beings do it at some point in time," Lamie snapped at him.

"I was _right_!"

"WRONG!"

"Look, could you put off killing us until I get this straightened out?" Law then asked Katakuri. "Something incredibly important came up, so…"

"I can't just ignore the fact that a human saw us in our true forms," Katakuri murmured. "It goes against my policy. This day is fucked. This was not my intention, and my day is _fucked_. Think about _my_ discomforts, here."

"Like you're some damn innocent in this bitch," Sanji snapped up at him. "You're so eager to do away with other things!"

"Not…well, if I _have_ to, I have to, but I usually have a plan for this. I didn't see human interference when I arrived – her moped is gone."

Lamie cleared her throat noisily. "It's in the _garage_, dad put it there before he left this morning. All of you idiots…I don't know what this…I don't know what's going on, but I don't think doing this in our house is the right thing to do. I heard all this noise and I didn't expect…I _knew_ my brother was nutty, but to know that you're _all_ mental – this is some Stranger Things bullshit, and I don't know whether it's the cold medicine I took or…"

"I have something that can cure that illness of yours – " Katakuri mentioned before Law and Sanji hastily interjected, noisily inserting themselves between him and a startled Lamie. At their actions, he grew furious. "You're going to make me do this. You're going to push a button that doesn't want to be pushed."

"You're unexpectedly soft," Sanji murmured, wide eyed as Law turned to Lamie with an incredulous look.

"Forget you saw this," he advised while Lamie went cross-eyed as she stared up at his horn. "Forget you saw and heard anything – "

"That's impossible. You have a fucking _horn_ growing out of your head," she stated, reaching up to touch it.

"Don't touch his horn, he's _sensitive_," Sanji advised her, gently lowering her hand.

Whirling away from them, Lamie exclaimed, "How is this possible? Is this what all that shit was about, Law? Did _she_ know about this?"

"Well, no," Law said nervously. "I didn't either. I was…that was me, being an asshole all these years. I'm trying to get myself back together and…it's been difficult."

Lamie stared up at him with skeptical action then crossed her arms over her chest. "I honestly don't know what to think right now. All I know is that you all are something that's…not human."

"_You_ make sense," she then said to Sanji. "I'm not that surprised."

"Don't insult my fairy, Lamie. Frankly…" Law trailed off, struggling not to say anything that was harmful or insulting. He had to swallow hard to do so as Lamie watched him cautiously, waiting for him to eviscerate her in some way. "Anyway, the point is…things are…the way they are…without any of us being alerted that they are."

"…What?"

"I mean…this is a season of learning what we truly are, and it's been a difficult road. By the way, I'm the only unicorn of the family, so don't get any ideas."

"…I don't want to be a unicorn. I'm positive I'm straight."

Law sighed impatiently while Sanji smiled, thinking that the siblings were similar enough with their fast retorts.

Lamie yanked the tissue from her nose, balling it up within one fist before sniffling noisily. She said, "Did you always have that horn?"

"I will – " Katakuri began before Law shushed him with a hiss and a wave of his hand, something that caused the larger man to radiate impatience and irritation. Not wanting to hear more of this, Katakuri reverted back to his form that cast glitter and dust throughout the area, Law shoving Lamie to the side as Sanji stood at his back.

The plant goblins arose from the walls to surround her, causing Lamie a surprised shriek.

"_All_ of you are in for it, now," Katakuri snarled, glistening hands lifting into fists.

In moments, the group realized sharply that the house had faded away, leaving them in a room with high, cement walls and no sign of a ceiling. The silence was immense as they gaped around themselves, unsure of their location. Lamie's mouth fell open as her eyes took up most of her face, the plant goblins twisting and turning their heads with visible shock. Worried, Sanji crossed his arms over his chest while Law stood stock still, unsure of what to say or even what just happened.

Looking around himself, Sanji stepped away from the group, reaching out to touch the walls that allowed no sound or sight out of the room. He looked back at Law with a miserable look, shaking his head.

"They use these rooms to punish those that aren't following the rules. The material is formulated by magic a fairy can't penetrate, and, regrettably, I know nothing about fairy shit. I used to stay in these rooms until Zeff broke me out."

Law frowned at him, uncomfortable with the fairy's foreign mood as Sanji glumly rested up against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest. Then Law noticed Lamie staring at him, so Law turned his attention to her.

"You look so _stupid_," she said with a shake of her head, eyes locked on his horn. "Out of all the stuff I saw right now, just seeing you with a horn out of your forehead…"

"That's not _even_ important. Focus." Law noticed the plant goblins moving about, touching the walls and floor with mystified action. A touch of anxiety hit him, but he wasn't sure what to say or think of the circumstances. He swallowed tightly, looking upward towards a ceiling that was only pitch black nothingness. He couldn't even be assured that there was a ceiling. The air was stale and warm, and he wondered if there was enough to sustain all of them.

He noticed that the plant goblins themselves seemed unnerved – almost vibrating visibly, their limb movements stunted. Nami's flower hair seemed to be wilting and shriveling up, and Zoro's sword seemed to be weakening in his own grasp, causing the goblin immense concern. Ussop was clawing at the walls while Franky's hands were to his head.

Reaching out to the wall, Law felt cold cement that seemed to vibrate under his palm. Like electricity worming its way to the surface. He looked back at the others, then indicated that Lamie turn away from him.

"Don't look at me," he instructed, much to her puzzled expression.

"_Why_?" she asked, sniffling noisily as she used the back of her hand to wipe her irritated nostrils.

"Because…what I'm about to do looks…incredibly stupid."

"Like…more than the horn?" she asked skeptically.

"Your magic might not work here, Law," Sanji cautioned him. "Places like these were created with specific creatures in mind."

"I'm the last unicorn, remember? There's been some weird shit I was able to overcome with this horn."

"But even Amalthea was locked up – "

"By her own lack of will!"

Lamie looked from one to the other with a bewildered look. "Are you guys talking about a cartoon? Are you really arguing with each other about _a cartoon_?"

"Lamie, big brother really needs you to stop interfering right now. He's under a lot of stress," Law said tightly, turning to the wall. "Don't look at me."

Lamie crossed her arms stubbornly over her chest. The plant goblins surrounded her, causing her alarm as they indicated silently for her to look away. Bewildered by their frightening appearance and their lack of voice, she wheeled away from them, seeking a spot away from the group that kept their arms raised and bodies in place so that she couldn't see what Law was doing. Sanji snorted at the sight of their actions then watched as Law faced the wall, tipping his head forward against it. But having his horn touch the surface did nothing – Law tapped his head forward a few times, causing a slight scratching sound before he pushed away, startled at a lack of action. He had been spoiled by how easy it was to do other activities, and therefore, this lack of nothing felt startling.

He turned to Sanji with a sigh. "Okay. We're _fucked_."

Lamie heard their conversation, then pushed through the plant goblins that were now starting to visibly shake. "Don't either of you have your cellphones?"

Sanji indicated his clothes and Law indicated that he didn't have one. Giving them an impatient look, she withdrew hers from her sports bra, waving it around.

"Good thing you're flat chested," Law told her with relief. "Otherwise, I bet it would have been confiscated."

Sanji hit him upside the head while Lamie snarled at him, looking at the screen. "I have…six percent battery life. I was watching Hulu," she admitted sheepishly. "But I have service! Who do I call? Mom? Dad?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" the men shouted out before Law said hastily, "Neither of them would know what to do. _We_ don't even know where we are."

"Then _who_ do I call?"

Both unicorn and fairy looked at each other, wearing expressions of doubt. Giving them an impatient look, Lamie switched her phone onto airplane mode to conserve battery life, then looked around herself with uneasy action.

"I have no friends," Law murmured incredulously while Sanji wiped at his own face.

"I don't either. _Wait_," Sanji then said, brightening up and causing Law to recoil from him while Lamie winced. Sanji gave her a number, which she tapped out on her phone, removing the airplane mode shortly after. "Text him to contact Kidd, tell him that we're at the compound."

"Who?"

"Luffy."

"What's that kid going to do?" Law asked with exasperation while Lamie gave them an uncertain look, pausing in mid-action. "And why tell Kidd?"

"Because Kidd wants his treasure, and Luffy is willing to bypass any common sense in the matter. Even if these goblins removed their hair to prevent Kidd from overhearing our conversations, as Goblin King, he has the power to contact them despite the adverse effects this room has on them," Sanji stated, waving at them. "Their power surpasses fairy power equally. Luffy would goad and hype Kidd up into making a proper decision – alpha male egos can be counted upon to make hasty choices based on might. Both of their powers are based on plant life, we can use them together to get us out of here."

"What are you guys talking about?" Lamie started to ask with a puzzled expression.

Skeptic, Law stared at Sanji. "We are locked underground at a damn _fairy cult_ compound, located fuck knows where, and we're expecting Eddie Van Halen and hyperactive boy to save us? Why not just slowly strangle us to death right now? Because those are high expectations."

"Months ago, you weren't even aware that these things were surrounding you," Sanji pointed out. "Now look at you. With a horn in your head and a fairy madly in love with you."

"You were in love with my fat and helplessness, not the new and improved me now. Lamie," Law said to his starkly staring sister while Sanji snickered, "text that number and inform Luffy to just use his king powers to get Boa out here."

"No, she won't do it," Sanji negated, Lamie shutting her phone down with frustration. "She's not allowed to interfere with other creatures. Just do as I said, it'll _work_."

"Don't you have an old man on speed dial? Someone strong and manly?"

"They're humans."

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT." Law then perked up. "What about your brothers? They want my head, right?"

Sanji looked startled, tapping his fingers together in a show of nervousness. "Well…true…"

"We can outwit them."

"If we're at the compound, father won't let them near us. Breaking rules and all that…"

"Then _why_ are we here?" Law asked with frustration. "To remove us from existence? Isn't that breaking some rules as well?"

Sanji gave a grim shrug. "I'm not exactly sure. That's Katakuri's job, yes, but to include other beings? I'm sure there are rules for that as well. He probably put himself into a bad spot by abducting a human that will be missed."

"Just _one_ human," Law said bitterly, Lamie wearing an expression of awkward worry while Sanji wore his own awkward grimace. He added, "Katakuri was seen. That neighborhood had all sorts of neighbors outside. Of course he'll be the main suspect for Lamie's abduction. Attention will be wrought towards him in the days after when our parents notice she's gone."

"Counting on this scenario to happen, you'll be suspect as well," Sanji said slowly, "because you were already the cause of discord and you'd disappeared."

Law sighed noisily as Lamie looked bitter, staring down at her feet while sniffling and wiping at her nose with one hand. After some hesitation, Law awkwardly leaned down and tapped the top of her head with his horn, causing Lamie to jump away from him. She wore a bewildered look, visibly clearing up.

Straightening up, Law then said, "The point is, he was sighted and she will be considered missing. Once he's investigated, it should make the compound nervous."

"Law, we've existed for _thousands_ of years. I doubt this one slip up, calculated or not, will do anything like that. They probably already have a plan for this sort of scenario."

After intense consideration, Law crossed his arms stubbornly and glared off to an unoccupied corner of the mystery room. "Lamie. Text Luffy and tell him what Sanji said earlier. What a _stupid_ idea."

"It's all we have," Sanji assured him, patting his shoulder while giving Lamie a nod of encouragement.

"I guess as little spoon, I'll just have to trust the strength of the bigger spoon's judgement."

Because she had no other choice, Lamie turned on her phone and sent the text.


End file.
